Well got WH's bank statement out of PO Box today, and low and behold there is a debit card transaction of $900 to an attorney.

Now when I call looking for and attorney, ALL of them said that for a D/LS, the retainer is $1500 or $2500. So I hope this is for a divorce and that he did not just hire an attorney to take care of the Child Support summons that he was served a couple of weeks ago.

I tried to call this attorney so see what his retainer is but I guess his office is closed for the holiday.

What do you guys think?

LaShell

Hi Lashelle,

Being you are in plan B, do you have a "go between person"
that could ask him for you?

The person could tell him you have received a bank statement and know of the payment to a lawyer, and you would like to know what the lawyer is for, and that you need money and your van fixed NOW please.

Lady

Hey Lady,

No "go between person" anymore since MIL is not being "supportive" towards me anymore. Maybe WH told her he did file that is why she is acting that way towards me. Who knows!

He doesn't know that I have access to his PO Box, even though my name is on it DUH!(I think he forgot that I have a key to it), but I make copies of his statements so I can have them for proof then I seal them up and put it back.

PRAISE THE LORD! The Lord is starting to answer my prayers.

I just got a $50 gift certificate to a grocery store from a church that my girls have GS meetings at. It seems that their troop leader made a plea to the church about my sitch and they wanted to make sure that we had a nice Thanksgving dinner.

Also I talked to a friend and she said that her and her H had a car that I can borrow until I can get my van fixed or get a new one. Now I need to see how insurance will work ( does anyone know)

Then the autodealer called and asked if they could get the bank to eliminate the down payment would I still be interested in the new van.

Then a couple of days ago an angel family (I won't mention who) wanted permission to mail ours something for Christmas. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I can't believe this, I am so overwhelmed. I have so much to be Thankful for so I starting early.

WOOHOO!!! THANKYOU GOD!!!

Lashelle I am so happy for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey Lady,

I just can't believe it, just when I thought that God was not listening. It is amazing.

MIL just called and invited the kids "only" to dinner tommorrow. I told her that we had plans, I was cooking and we have alot of family and friends coming over.

I wonder what WH is doing, and if he is going to bring one of his sluts? Maybe they can have a coming out party. Regardless I am going to have the time of my life, like I said I have alot to be thankful for.

Lashelle, I knew God would come through for you and He always will! You do have a lot to be thankful for! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

And thankfully you and the children are not going to MIL for dinner! If I were you I would plan B her too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Blessings <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />,
Lady

Lady,

I am Plan B'ing her too. She made it clear that she was only inviting the kids, not me (that would be up to WH to invite me). Whatever! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I am glad the kids and I have a life outside of them.

Well I figured out why MIL as not been talking to me. Seems as WH has been telling his family that I have been lying about his A (found out he has been seeing MOW again-the one I caught him at his apartment with). He also told them that I have been lying about him supporting the kids and I (well if that’s the case then why am I on gov’t assistance and food stamps-duh). He also told them that he has been attending a different church on Sunday morning-yeah right. He also told them that he has been seeing the kids on a regular basis-what kids I would like to know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Lies, lies, lies, he is trying to not be the bad guy. Trying to make himself look like the good guy. I figure that is why he is not introducing OW to anyone. Trying to make people think that there is no OW. That's it is all in my head.

Well I decided to leave it alone and let MIL figure it out on her own. I know the truth and God knows the truth. SIL did speak to me this morning after church. I believe deep down she knows her brother is lying b/c she has been there (a BGF).

I finally got that CS order in the mail yesterday which WH will be responsible for paying starting the Dec 15. I need to call the case worker first thing in the morning b/c they did not include his business/self employment income. I wonder if he is starting to hide some of his income b/c I remember he told me that he wasn’t teaching boxing anymore but I found out that he is. I think he told the State that he doesn’t have that income anymore.

But I am glad that he will start to suffer the consequences of his actions. Hopefully I will get served those D papers soon, so I can file for spousal support also and put a hold on his assets. He hired an attorney on the 4 of Nov. wonder why I haven’t got served yet? Well if he doesn’t follow through as soon as I get the money, I will go file myself.

WH has 3 bad check notices from Wal-Mart and Cable Company. I wonder why he is still using this address and not his own. I just hope he did not write bad checks to pay the gas and water b/c I don’t want them shut off.

Well since I begin training for work on Tuesday, CS has been ordered & I have transportation again, I am going back to Plan B. Should I give him another letter? Any thoughts?

BUMP ^^^

Lies, lies, lies, he is trying to not be the bad guy. Trying to make himself look like the good guy. I figure that is why he is not introducing OW to anyone. Trying to make people think that there is no OW. That's it is all in my head.

Hi Lashelle,
Yeah that's all WS's are made of lies, lies, and more lies.
It's horrible how a person can change for the worst, going from honest to a liar and responsible to totally irresponsible. Hopefully in time, MIL will come to her senses and be supportive to you and the children. Sad to say, but she is being deceived by him right now, and their is nothing you can do except pray that God shows her, and she won't shut her eyes to it.

But I am glad that he will start to suffer the consequences of his actions. Hopefully I will get served those D papers soon, so I can file for spousal support also and put a hold on his assets. He hired an attorney on the 4 of Nov. wonder why I haven’t got served yet?
Did you find out if it was a divorce lawyer that he obtained? I'm wondering if it was a lawyer for something else. If he is writing bad checks....who knows what else he could be doing?

I really don't know if you should send him another letter.
I think some WS are so delusional, they don't even understand a plan B letter. It looks like you have sent one twice???

Lady

Hey Lady,

Well my son picked up the D papers from the front porch after school. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Why did the server leave them on the porch?

Anyway I'm glad I got them but also sad.

He is trying to go for joint legal and physical custody. How is he going to have joint physical custody w/ a 1 bedroom apt. He also said that I have refused him contact with the kids. LIE, LIE, LIE He hasn't even wanted to see the kids.

Oh Boy Lashelle,

Did DS know they were divorce papers?


Now what do you have to do? Do you have to get a lawyer yourself? Are you going to countersue on adultery?

Now that CS has been established, but needs to be corrected based on his job that he is not reporting to the state. And you will have to file for alimony, right?

Yeah Lashelle, he's gonna lie, lie, lie, right up to judgement day in court...sorry to say. I can tell he is a bold liar!!!

For some the ending is worse than the beginning. You know that the scripture says, it would have been better had he not known the Lord, than to know Him and turn away. He's gonna wish he never looked back. Keep looking forward Lashelle. The Lord will go before you and help you.

Lady

Hey Lady,

Thank God, I don't think DD5 knew what they were.

Like I said, I'm glad b/c of the financial reasons but sad b/c it is going to break the kids heart.

I am going to hire an attorney and I don't know about the countersuing for adultery since I live in a no-fault state but I will check and see.

I am definitely going to get an emergency hearing for CS and spousal support now.

I just talk to WH and told him that I did not want this to get ugly and why was he lying about me keeping him away from the kids-he said that he did not know what was in the papers and I said why did you sign it not knowing what was in the papers he said he gave his attorney Power of Attorney to say/do whatever.

WH then said that it would only get ugly if I let it. That he wanted nothing over here and all we had to do is agree on the finances. He then said that he doesn't hate me or anything but that we cannot talk right now b/c I had done some things that he didn't like and he had done some things that I did not like but hopefully we can begin to communicate in the future.

I told them how will we tell the kids (this is going to break their hearts b/c they think he is coming back home, my Pastor told DD9 yesterday that he knows what she wants for Christmas, to keep praying and keep the faith). Why did he tell her that-this is going to kill her. Anyways at first WH said that he's sure that they already know, I told him that they don't then he said we will figure it out.

I will keep looking forward and trust in the Lord with all my heart.

This is definitely bittersweet.

LaShell

You MUST see a lawyer. I don't care what it takes, you have to borrow from whomever you can, do whatever has to be done, in order to see a lawyer. Your WH will walk all over you otherwise.

Write everything down. Everything.
Wvwn things that don't seem important right now. Everytime he calls, make a note:
"WH called, 11/26/05. Asked if he had paid the the electric bill, he said yes. He did not ask to speak to the kids. Did not ask to see them."
Perhaps you could even write down in a seperate journal, a note every evening:
11/27 no call from WH
11/28 no call from WH
11/30, check to electric company bounced.

Something like that. the purpose is to show how organized you are, how capable you ae. You will look good, he will not.
I am not sure how he could prove his line about trying to see the kids, but you wouldn;t let him. But if you have detailed notes about each day, and each call, the judge will beleive you over him.

The reality is that he doesn't want to see the kids right now. The kids would get in the way of his fun. But if he gets 50% visitation, then his child support will be cut way down. Then, after he gets the paperwork that says he has the 50% custody, and the lower child support, he can refuse to take the kids for his 50% of the time. he will start with "I need you to take the kids this weekend, I have to work" and then it will be "I need you to take the kids while I live in this 1 bedroom apartment. I plan to rent a bigger house some day, and then I will start taking them more...."But the bigger house doesn't happen. so you end up buying all the clothes, and all the food, and paying the higher bills for having so many bodies at home. But he only pays 50% child support.

You really need a laywer to help you get everything written up properly, so you will be cared for in the long term.

As for your MIL. I suppose you are right to take the high road, and just let her figure things out for herself. She will, soon enough. Meanwhile, I think it is a good idea to try to keep the lines of communication open. Perhaps an occasional call to see how she is doing. if the kids have a program at school, make sure you invite her to attend (she will see you there, without him, and figure out that he isn't trying to see the kdis). Make sure she get the kids school pictures. Basically, treat as the kids Grandma, regardless of her status as your MIL.

I have more to share with you later - if you look at some of my posts you will see that I am an MB success story, even though I am now divorced.
I am now married to a new man, a wonderful, mighty man of God. the Lord has blessed me beyond what I could ever have dared to imagine. I wish I was not a divorced woman. I wish my children did not come from a broken home. But now that I have come through the other side, and the Lord has blessed me with a peaceful life, a closer walk with God, a husband who truly knows the Lord, I would not trade my life for anything.

Your WH is going to enjoy his sin, for a season, and that is all. He will not have a rich full life, filled with happiness. He will be wild, and enjoy life like crazy for a short period of time, and that is all. You will walk through this firey furnace, and come out with a better life than you had before. And your new life may include your WH. he may repent, turn from his sin, and become an even better H. Or he may not. H may refuse to repent and turn away from his sin. Woe be to him....


I did have one thing I wanted to ask you the other day. has your church been following the steps in Matthew, that outline how to deal with a beleiver who is walking in sin?
If so, what step are they on?

Womanoffaith is totally correct here Lashelle. You have to be very professional about this now, writing everything down. It will work out much better for you. The notes you take will then be given to your lawyer, gone over, he will copy them and he will go over them again and again. It's better than having to remember everything off of the top of your head when seeing the lawyer, they only have so much time.

Write down every affair you know of he has had, with who, and what dates. This shows his adultery.

Every bill he did not pay, with copies of bad check notices. This shows what an irresponsible father and husband he has been financially.

If you can prove that he is working a job that he is trying to hide income from the state for CS, get that proof as well.

Also, get a few estimates, in writing, of how much it will cost for the van to be fixed or replaced.

Lady

P.S. I was thinking the same thing as Womanoffaith as to church discipline...

I think you mentioned your WH said he is going to another church, of which I don't believe. But I don't understand why he has not been brought before the elders of the church he has attended with you. Have you talked to the leaders/elders about that?

Thanks for your posts WomanofFaith5,

I was crying reading it. I guess this is starting to surface and be real now. I can't believe WH actually filed.

I did start keeping a journal of everything about 6 weeks ago which includes when he sees the kids(only once), when he has called to talk to the kids (NEVER), with the shut off notices and I am going to get a print out of the utilities and house payment to show that they were not being paid, and about the car being broke down and him not helping to fix it or get me other means of transportation. Oh I have also written down that he has never came to any of their programs at school or other events and activities that they have had.

I will go back and add when he has called which has not been but maybe 3 times.

Well since the State already has an CS order against him, I don't know how this is going to play out as far as custody and support but I remember an attorney telling me that he abandoned the kids and I so it's not likely that they will give him 50% custody and plus with the State's CS case against him which proves that he has not even provided for them.

I am getting a list together now of everything I want out of this D. Here is what I got so far, please let me know if there is something more I need to ask for:

Joint legal custody with sole physical custody
Visitation with WH 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend (Fri 6pm-Sun 6pm) and 2 weeks during the summer
WH to pay CS and Alimony
50% of his 401(k) and SS
Me to keep the house and everything in it
Not sure what to do about his business-I guess since it is marital property it will be treated as such and divided

What else am I missing b/c I can't think clearly right now.

As far as MIL/FIL they never come to anything either but I still will invite them.

No we have not been following the steps in Matthew-where is that at so I can study it.

Hey Lady,

I guess we were posting at the same time.

Good idea, I will write down the affair stuff too. And get estimates on the van repairs.

I have copies of his bank statements for the past 5 months so I can prove the hiding of income thing.

Well my Pastor has been trying to call him but of course he will not return the phone calls. WH knows what he is doing is wrong , I guess God is going to have to be the one to convict him (like he did to Saul/Paul on the Demmascus road)I don't understand how he could be so disobedient to God, when he knows what he is doing is not God's will.

You have been given good advice. I write things down on my calendar. Just put down the appointments/events of the day. You can put down teacher conference, baseball game, trip to movies, etc. Be sure to note when your husband attends. That way you can document your days, and how much WH is a part (or not) of them.

I knew the shock would hit you soon enough, but you will get through it Lashelle.

I think that is a good list so far...

The things I listed are your evidence to fight against his having 50% physical custody. I would guess his forcing you to be on financial/food stamp assistance would be evidence enough, that he abandoned you all! And being that he is living in a 1 bdr apt is not sufficient living quarters for 5 children half of the year. And his 3 times of calling in 3 months is just plain neglect and abandonment.

I wonder if you could counterfile for mental cruelty also?

Huggs to you and the children,
Lady