Lashelle, You should never be discouraged by your lawyer.
Did you already pay him?

And not being able to get temporary spousal support doesn't sound right.

He may be right about the joint custody. But your WH would have to get a larger apt to take them overnight.... Ugh!!!
I wonder if he would ever do that.

You need more legal advice I believe, but I don't know much about that....sorry.

Hopefully someone will come and help you put it all into perspective.

I know Lashelle....none of it is easy. Huggs

Lady

That's me point Lady, he can only have them minimum time with NO overnights, so why give him joint custody.

I WANT him to have them overnight at least every other weekend but he can't have them overnight b/c of the 1 bedroom apt.

I have been up all night trying to figure out what to do. I think I will just go ahead and go for sole custody anyways, at least I'll have room to negotiate with WH.

I just can't believe a judge would give him joint custody after he abandoned the kids, said that I would not let him see them which I can prove otherwise, doesn't even want to see them often which I'm sure he is happy about them not having to stay overnight. This really sucks.

lashell - the father of my boys who are grown men now. We had joint custody but he never saw the children when it was his chance to . I kept a calender and wrote down everytime he did not show , when he was late , then called again cancelled ect. It was always a game to him. It hurt the kids but I was able to use it in court when he took me years later saying I never let him see his kids. The judge took a look at the 3 years of calenders and denied his request. I also kept the envelopes with a photo of his child support cks. He dated his cks the day he was supposed to send them but the envelopes showed different wks later. I would photocopy each ck and envelope together and when they were a month late I had them notorized. I killed him in court. Joint custoday is fine as it sounds like he is not going to be seeing the kids anyway. He may from time to time. Mine would show up if he felt sad or had a moment but that was a bout it. He was always drinking and partying on wkends. So it was just as well. Good luck in court. He will have to pay thro the nose. God love your children.

Thanks realtor,

I have been keeping a calender of his visitation etc. I just don't know what to do.

Everyone take a look at this: It sounds like I CAN get Temporary Spousal Support while the proceeding is going on (while we are separated). Does it look that way to you guys? Why would the lawyer tell me that I could not?

Missouri: Spousal Support:

Keep these following facts in mind when reading this section:

Today spousal support is somewhat of a rare thing. Many people believe it is assumed, but nearly one out of six divorce cases even consider it as an option.

In the past the wife was almost always the recipient, but the courts no longer view gender as a consideration. In most states marital conduct is also not a consideration. It is purly a decision made due to the economic consequences of each spouse. If an agreement between spouses is reached out of court, the court will give it significant consideration.

Temporary spousal support is more common and occurs at time of separation. It is either agreed upon or an order is issued. The temporary support is generally intended to try to preserve the standard of living of the family. Of course it is rather difficult for a family's income to suddenly be maintaining two households, so the standard of living most often tends to decline.

Here are some of the general factors considered for permanent support:


The ability and time for each spouse to gain employment.

The employability of each spouse.

The future earning capabilities of each spouse.

Who will have custody of the child (will the custodial parent be required to work).

The length of marriage.

The ability for one spouse to pay the other.

The tax consequences of each spouse.

The age of each spouse.

The length of time support will be needed.


There are basic requirements for support to qualify as alimony under the Tax Reform Act of 1986. Support that is considered alimony is recognised as income therefore must be taken into account when filing federal income tax. Typically, the spouse who pays support may deduct the payments as an expense.

Federal legislation now requires most companies that provide employer-sponsored group health plans to give divorced spouses the same group rate for up to three years.

Missouri Spousal Support Informational Sections:

Spousal Support Modification: A step-by-step explanation and information on altering support arrangments.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): A consistently updated section of typical questions family law attorneys tend to be asked. Your answers may be here!

MISSOURI SPOUSAL SUPPORT: Either spouse may be awarded maintenance if that spouse can show: (1) an inability to support his or herself; and (2) a lack of sufficient property (including his or her share of any marital property) to provide for his or her own needs; or (3) that the spouse seeking support is the custodian of a child whose condition or circumstances make it appropriate for that spouse not to seek outside employment. The following factors are considered: (1) the time necessary to acquire sufficient education and training to enable the spouse to find appropriate employment, and that spouse's future earning capacity; (2) the standard of living established during the marriage; (3) the duration of the marriage; (4) the ability of the spouse from whom support is sought to meet his or her needs while meeting those of the spouse seeking support; (5) the financial resources of the spouse seeking maintenance, including marital property apportioned to such spouse and such spouse's ability to meet his or her needs independently; (6) the age of the spouses; (7) the physical and emotional conditions of the spouses; (8) the obligations, assets, and separate property of the spouses; (9) the comparative earning capacities of each spouse; and (10) the conduct of the spouses during the marriage. The court may order the payments to be made through the circuit clerk. [Annotated Missouri Statutes; Title 30, Sections 452.335 and 452.345].

Hi Lashelle,

Lashelle, it's beyond me why your lawyer is telling you no spousal support exists until divorced. That is really bothersome. Why is he telling you that????

I would definitely call the lawyer and tell him that you know that Temporary Spousal Support is lawful in Missouri.
You need him to fight for you for that. If they say no,
tell them you want your money back and you will find another lawyer because you need the spousal support, and you need a lawyer who will fight for everything including sole custody and spousal support. Your lawyer is saying no to both. Wow....do you have a competent lawyer, Lashelle?

What does sole custody mean?


Lady

Hey Lady,

I have a call in to my attorney about the temporary spousal support.

After talking with several people, I am OK with the joint custody (since these days sole custody is unheard of except for in extreme situations as I mentioned before). I will still be the custodial parent and this will be their home. Also, it will not affect child support in any way.

Okay Lashelle, I hope the lawyer will fight for all you and the children need and more.

How are you doing? How are the children doing?

Lady

OK things are starting to get weird.

WH is trying to buy another car, I know this b/c he is getting these letters again from auto places denying him credit again and they are dated starting the beginning of Dec, so I know it is not from his current new car he has now. Wonder if it is for me? I then thought maybe it was for OW but that would be stupid of him while we are going through a D, b/c eventually it will be mine's. Every time I had asked him was he going to help me either get the van fixed or get me a new one, he would never answer.

Then another strange thing is that happening is he is starting to get phone calls, from creditors, at the house on my phone-that is registered in my name only instead of his cell phone like it has been since he left.

Another thing is that MIL is starting to call alot and be friendly and do lots of small talk.

What is going on?

Well, there is a full moon this week. And we all know WS are as influenced by the stars and planets as by reality.

You being in plan B (or even pre-D), I recommend you not concern yourself with the comings and goings of WH. You just eat at yourself unnecessarily.

Not until he meets your Plan B letter conditions should you pay any attention to him and his actions at all. Noticing stuff this way is not being in a Dark Plan B and it is letting your LBank still leak slowly away.

It makes no difference what he does or doesn't do. He is lost in the fog. He isn't making any headway in any particular direction. He’s like an ant on a hot skittle or a mote of dust in turbulent air.

Find something else to watch. Something more interesting, like congress in session on C-Span…

With prayers,

Thanks Aphelion,

I hear what you are saying but it is kinda hard when I get his mail and phone calls. Maybe I just won't open the mail anymore.

him not seeing the kids or having them overnight WILL affect child support. you should get more if he isnt having them for overnights. you are supporting them more. the time the non custodial parent spends or doesnt spend with them is definately taken into consideration. if he has them for overnights it may lesson slightly what you get. check this out.

Thanks Nikko, well as it stands right now I will be getting the max since I have no income until Jan. I was just worried that when I did start getting income that his CS amount would change but they said that it will not.

OH GREAT!

Just got a letter today from the mortgage co, if we do not bring our loan current by 12/30 that they were going to turn it over to an attorney to start foreclosure.

Put another call in to my attorney to see if there is something that can be done to make WH pay it. I have not even started getting CS yet and don't know when we are going to court for emergency hearing. Attorney said that I was improperly served (DS5 found it on the front door after school and brought it to me) so he is also checking into that.

I hope there is something that can be done so the kids and I are not homeless next month. I guess we can always go live with WH in his one bedroom apt. or I can send the kids anyway. What am I going to do?

Talk to the mortgage company and tell them the situation. Sometimes they will be willing to tack the past due amount onto the end of the payment period. The worst thing you can do is NOT communicate with them.

Thanks Believer,

I will call them Monday and tell them the sitch and see what they can do.

WH is avoiding the kids and I.

He failed to show up again this weekend. He was suppose take the kids to get them something for Christmas. Glad I did not tell the kids he was coming or that he was getting them something for Christmas.

I am really starting to lose all respect for him and in turn all the love I have left for him. I am afraid that pretty soon I will have no love left.

Well, that is probably what will happen. You will stop respecting him and lose your love. It happened to me, although it took almost 2 years.

Glad you didn't tell your kids.

Hey Believer,

Yes, I thought it would take a long while for me to start losing love for him but I guess the way he is treating the kids and now with the possibility of losing the house, how can I respect him. He is being totally selfish. I want nothing to do with him right now.

I think I figured out why I had to go through this, I just had 2 people call me in the past couple of days who found out their husbands were cheating and wanted to talk to me b/c they knew what I am going through. One my cousin and then my sister's friend. They said I made them feel much better and I told them about this website, hopefully they will visit and join the family. I'm glad that I can be there for others going through the same thing. Maybe I found God's plan for my life.

Well most WS's come back to their family - so your chances are very good.

But it won't hurt to reach out to other people. You will be surprised how many people turn to you. After D-day, I was absolutely broken. Everyone knew about the affair but me - people where my husband and I worked, our family, our friend, neighbors.

But I held my head up and took the higher road. Now I am sort of the affair expert. I've talked to lots of people about what to do. Several are now recovered.