I have always found it strange how some WS's have no trouble covering their responsibilities while hiding their affairs, but as soon as they are exposed and 'put out', they are suddenly crying poor.

One of the few things I can be happy about was that I had an eagle eye on our finances and we were so broke anyway that my FWH literally had nothing to spend on his 'interests.' That man literally could not spend ten dollers without me knowing about it.

I am sooo madddd right now.

I dropped off kids at FIL/MIL house this morning on the way to church, called STBXWH and told him that they were there (left him a message anyway b/c of course he did not answer the phone). He leaves me a message from a private number (I'm positive he was with OW that's why he did not answer phone) saying that he cannot get them today and that it will have to be Monday. He also said tell the kids to call him later.

Well I call him right back (of course he did not answer) and leave him this message "I'm tired of your crap, you said that the kids come first well how is this putting them first. They are going to wake up with nothing under the tree. How dissappointed do you think they will be when you told them that you would get them something. Why do you keep doing this to them and making their lives h*ll. I bet you are not making OW wait to get her gifts, I'm sure she will wake up to her gifts on Christmas. Now how is that putting them first. It's a shame that when we go to court that a judge is going to have to make you take care of your responsibities."

I forgot to mention when I had dropped off the kids over FIL/MIL. MIL said that STBXWH called and he said that he wanted to wish them a Merry Christmas. He said that he is spending Christmas & the weekend with the kids <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />whose kids I would like to know.

It makes me so mad when he does this to the kids and when he lies to everyone about the time he spends with them. Trying to make himself out to be Super Dad when he is actually Super DUD.

Sorry just venting, He is such a selfish, sorry ***. I never thought that I would come to despise him so much-I know I'm talking about the WH.

Anyways, everyone have a Merry Christmas.

Praying for you and your children, lashelle! May God bless you all.

Praying too.

I am so sorry Lashelle.

I had to take my now xh to court several times b/c as a ploy BY WS ATTORNEY...seems that attny said to force me financially into a corner where I would get desperate that way I would sign my name to anything to get a little money for me and ds.

yes, it's despicable, but many do it.

And yes, I brought up counter charges against my xh. Counterfiled everyting! And brought his sin into the light of day in the courtroom!

My xh blew 30k in about 3 days in vegas with the OW...but"suddenly" he was broke and could not pay CS or alimony. I was a displaced sahm in a strange city with no family and just a few friends then. I also got served 2 eviction notices and he ruined my credit.

it is a shameless tactic the WS play...basically it is THE ONLY CARD THEY CAN PLAY...if they plan and play to win. They know if they make the money, that if they break the law, the only way to win is to keep the money from you. And they will make you desperate enough...just desperate enough to keep themselves outta jail and you willing to barter with them.

Remember this please! print this off and give it to your attorney! I used to live in TN and now live in gA. Laws are pretty similar I would guess.

I am guessing this is your WH's legal angle.

And he is dam#ed if he does that! Hold the man's feet to the flames my dear. And pray. Pray for conviction to WS. Pray he feels shame for what he is doing.

If you can borrow...borrow money and get a forensic accountant and have WS's income/bank accounts forensically checked...i bet you you can find some money there! He is NOT broke..he is a WS!

Thanks for the prayers SM05 and JP.

I will continue to pray for my WH to feel shame for what he is doing.

Pray for that honey...but please print what I wrote off and give it to your attorney. It is most likely his plan of legal action...as he has no alternative.

I will print it off and give it to my attorney.
Thanks JP

Loved the song from your post sounds just about right <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
It was a good laugh for tonight. Thanks again

Thanks JP for the prayers, I really need them now. I am done talking with him right now, I am so angry I don't know what to do. I am not going to talk to him at all right now, I have turned my cell phone off. If he needs to communicate with me about seeing the kids or anything else, he has to do it through email.

I need a break from him b/c I am really starting to HATE him. I was praying at church yesterday & all last night that God removes the hate I have for him in my heart b/c I know that is not God's will. I have never had so much hated towards anyone in my life as I do now.

I'll be glad when we go to court that way he will have a set visitation schedule (even though, I'm sure he won't stick to it).

I will not drop the kids off over FIL/MIL house anymore right now either b/c kids told me that MIL was cursing at them Sat. b/c they were being too loud and arguing while she was trying to sleep. It took everything within me not to call and give her a piece of my mind. But when I cool down a little, I will call her and let her know not to curse at them anymore.

Even though he did not get the kids anything and stood them up we had a wonderful Christmas anyways.

On Christmas Eve, the church that had gave us the gift certificate for Thanksgiving had bought all kinds of toys, games, clothes and boots/shoes, already wrapped, for the kids and brought them over late Sat. night, they even had food for us and gave me gift certificates to grocery stores, Kohl's and Wal-Mart. God is Good(Santa really did show up) just to see the kids face when they woke up Christmas morning with all kinds of presents under the tree. I even had gifts as well on top of the gift certificates.

Then after church on Christmas day we went over my older sister's for dinner, all of my family was there. My sister brought the kids and I gifts. The kids said it was the best Christmas they ever had.

Lashelle:

This is from the same husband who makes 100,000 K a year?

WELL, if you get on state/federal aid, you can count me in on hunting down your WH. I pay a $hit load of taxes for deadbeats like him, and I expect my tax Dollars to go to people who cannot provide...not people who do NOT want to provide.

Sigh..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Glad your kiddies had a good X-mas.

Lem

Lashell,

I am so sorry for what your WH did to your children. It is disgusting that he did that. As hard as is it just remember what goes around comes around and he will eventually pay the price for it.

I am so happy for you that the church an your family came through for you and th children and they will be rewarded for it..... I am glad the kids had a wonderful christmas... In the end te children will know who loved them and did the right thing..... Keep your chin up and be proud....

I am keeping you and the children in my prayers.... God Bless Lashell and her family ......

Yes, LM it is from the same STBXWH who makes over 100k a year.

BTW you can start hunting him down b/c I am on state aid until I start getting paid, either from work or CS/spousal support.

I hope you find him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Hurting,

Yeah it is unbelievable that he did that. Thanks for keeping us in your prayers, I am praying for you also. You are right what goes around does come around they will get their due pay.

BTW, Happy Belated Birthday,
LaShell

OK, now I have no idea what to do. STBXWH called and left me a voicemail asking were the kids available today. Did not mention anything about standing them up or not getting them anything for Christmas.

I am not going to call him back.

I just want to remove myself from his drama but I don't want to keep the kids from him either (he already doesn't see or talk to them enough).

Should I wait till we go to court, email him on my intentions on not talking to him at all right now, or just let him get the picture, send him a real PBL (the first one I gave him, I realized wasn't a real PBL according to the Dr. Harley) but then again, I really hate him so that PBL isn't a good idea b/c I don't want him back like he is.

I'm lost on what to do, please help me!

That's a hard decision Lashelle.

But knowing your WH, he would probably tell the court if you were to refuse visitation. I would only say to him "what time?" And thats it. Don't say anything else.

Then when court comes, he will have a set schedule for visitation.

Lady

I agree with Lady. If you don't allow him ot se the kids he will use that against you.

Just be very matter of fact with him and only talk of the children and when he wants to see them. Nothing else needs to be said. No talking about him missing xmas or no presents. That would do nothing but cause an argument and that you don't need.

Your time will come when all of these things can be said and now is not the time LaShell. Take the high road and don't let him get to you....

Thanks Lady and Hurting,

Yeah I thought about that too, like I said I do not want to keep the kids from him even though he doesn't see them enough.

Next time I will just email him and ask what time, nothing else and when he comes to get them let DD9 bring baby out and in and stay away so I don't even have to see him.

That way I can have written proof that I am not keeping the kids from him. And I don't have to worry about talking to him either.

What a JERK.

Yeah Lashelle, using email sounds best. You are on the right track in not seeing him. Don't even give him the satisfaction of an argument it's not worth the waste of your energy or breath. Do like Eave does, brief emails.

Have you made the request to him that all correspondence concerning the childrens visitation be done by email?

If not you should do that first thing tonight.

What time did he call today?

Lady

No I have not done that yet. I will get on it. He called around 2pm. Which he had to go teach class at 5 so what was his point?

Yeah, what was his point... cruelty again? That's why it's important to have all correspondence done by email. It's all in writing. He can't play games and get away with it that way. If he writes and says he wants to see them at such and such a time. You will have them ready. If he doesn't show. Then it is at least documented for court.

I would just keep the request short such as.

Dear WH,
I am requesting that you correspond via email (not phone), concerning any and all visitations with the children.

Please let me know when is the next day and time that you would like to spend time with the children.

Sincerely,
Lashelle


(something like that)

This is a letter that I was going to send him about a month ago before I began to start feeling pure hatred towards him. Don't know if I should still send it b/c right now I don't want him back.

My dearest STBXWH,

First, I just wanted to say sorry about the part I played in our failing marriage. This is a very difficult letter for me to write one that has been weighing on my heart and mind for some time. Sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me and begin to lash out because I am hurting so bad. I needed your emotional support and I wasn’t getting it. I needed validation that you loved me more than anyone and everything but you couldn’t give me that either. I knew things were headed back down the same path that made you cheat to begin with, you were gone more than you were home, and there have become a great distance between us; you were starting to lead this separate life again that did not involve me whatsoever. You never had time to really be with me and love me the way you once had. I’d prefer that this marriage to work. You need to think. I can’t control you or your actions. This decision is entirely up to you. You have hurt me emotionally so that I feel it is necessary to create specific boundaries to protect myself from further pain. So from now on our only correspondence will be through email. Please do not call me unless it is an emergency. You can call the kids anytime. You obviously do not realize how much pain you have inflicted upon the kids and I. I will be polite in front of our children, will never say anything bad about or against you to them, but otherwise please do not fake it with me as I am in protection mode. I am looking after myself and the kids, something you have no interest in doing right now. If YOU decide that our marriage and family is important enough, we can discuss the steps later that will be necessary to begin to rebuild trust. You know I love you and adore you with my heart, my mind, and my body. When we married I thought it would be forever and have never considered that we would be apart one day. The thought that we may not grow old together truly pains me. We have had great times and we had bad times, but we had each other and for over 10 wonderful years it was enough. I cannot change the past, but I have learnt from my mistakes and I sincerely apologize to you for not being everything that you needed. You know I have changed, you said you have noticed the changes in me. I am making them permanent and improving myself and my life. I am a better person. I make mistakes every day, but everyday I strive to be the best person I can be. I have thought a lot about our marriage, our pending divorce and about where we are going. You know my thoughts and feelings. I love you, I want to be with you and work on making our marriage the best ever. I cannot guarantee it will last 50 years or 5 years, but I know that when we try together we do well. I am ready, not to live together but to work wholeheartedly on our marriage. I am committed to you and our marriage until the divorce is final. We need help, we need counseling but it takes two of us, I cannot do it alone. You have told me before that you needed time. I feel so much for you as I know this is very difficult. You are at a crossroads in your life, I understand that. I believe that you are making a terrible mistake in wanting to end our marriage. Some decisions are tough and scary, but no one said life would be breezy. The hard times makes the easy times even more delightful. I respect that you have taken time to think about your life. However, at the moment you have chosen to not be with me. You are the only person who can make choices for you and I will respect your decision if it is truly what you want. I hope that you will be happy in whatever you chose and that you find peace. I only want true happiness for you and do not wish any harm or ill towards you, and I will still pray for you. If you choose to come back and work on our marriage, I want to know that you have done it because you love me, not because you have felt pressured into doing it. I hope with all my heart and soul that you will come back to me one day. You will always be very special to me. I look back through our life and I chose now to only remember the good times and learn from the bad. I forgive whatever pain you have caused me and hope that in time you will forgive me too.
I hope we will be together again one day. The past few months have been the most difficult time of my life. The pain and emptiness that I experience on a daily basis has sometimes almost been too much to bear. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes my anger and bitterness causes the same types of emotions. The past eight months have been a difficult passage of time for me, the most emotionally traumatic in my life. We seemed to start recovery in the beginning, only to slip and fail again. We have somehow misplaced our foundation of trust and respect. But lately God has given me a strength that I never knew I possessed. I have grown and matured more as a Christian than I have in my entire lifetime. Whereas in the past I endured the hurt and pain, I now see that it is soon to drain my love for you. I want you to know that no matter how bad the past was, no matter how ugly, we can get past it. With God's help, our true healing can begin. Look inside yourself and find the strength you need to do this. We will always be a part of each other’s lives. I want you to know also that if/when the divorce goes through that I cannot be your friend, the only tie that we will have is as co-parents. I don't need for you to love me. I will be happy whether you do or you don't. I will be happy whether we are married or we are not. I refuse to spend one more minute of my life pining away for you or begging you to notice me, or punishing myself for your sins. This is the only life I get, and if you never look my way again, I will still be happy. This is the only life you get too. The children & I (your family) we love you but we are going to move on. We'd like you to join us, but we won't beg you to. So you decide. Jump into your life or don't, we are not going to wait for you anymore, because we are going to be busy having a good time.

Love Always & still your wife,
BS