lunamare, thanx so much for the support. Much appreciated. How are you doing?

I've got a call for an interview tomorrow. It's like one of out 180+ resumes!

~A

Hey, Ashley - great news about the interview!

Best of luck.

Alph.

Thanks Alph.. I also had a surprise telephone interview last nite. Most of what he asked was already on my CV! Sometimes I'm not sure what telephone interviews actually accomplish.

If I get a job that pays a sufficient amt, most of the fin'l problems will be resolved or at least at a more manageable state. I've a capacity to be high-earning, but the emp market is tight these days... the same bout of outsourcing that USA faces is happening to us as well and organisations have gotten flatter (esp middle management level).

I'm also bumping this up to look for no_cute_name. He seems to have some advice/ story he wants to tell. And I'm still curious to hear frm him.

~A

WS just text-msged abt coming to collect the last of his belongings on Mon. Finally. I told him I'll let my mom know and that if any changes he shld contact her.
Another sign he's very eager to move on.

I'll be going around collecting more of his odd bits and pieces amd putting them in a plastic bag.

I plan to be out on Mon.

Fact is, I won't be able to look at him and not have the look of disgust on my face.


~A

Very wise. Why put yourself through any more of his [email]cr@p?[/email]

I haven't been around much these past few days, but I'm often thinking of you.

Sometimes you read through people's experiences and you feel that you really get to know them, and what great people they are.

And you think... how could the idiot WS leave such a nice person? That's how I've always thought about you and your sitch, Ashley.

As Pebbles says: 'Stupid aliens...' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

That was very sweet of you. Thanks for your thoughts, Alphin


~A

Ashley,

Your exposure is having a greater effect that u r giving yourself credit for. As for his supposed blase' attitude, rest assured that deep down, the exposure is making his WS soul angry. Should you want that? YEP!!! The BS should want to upset the A cart. You want the WS to leave and your H to come back.

You know once I realized, I was dealing with 2 totatlly different characters (the WS being the alien), that forced me to treat the WS as a separate character. This is called 'reverse babble'. I spoke to him in a 3rd party sort of weir way and found out the OP did sort of the same thing via her e-mails. Except her objective was to keep H as hostage (downplayed his H and fatherly roles) and make the WS feel guilty. The WS even got accused by the OW of 'committing emtotional adultery' on her during one of his recovery attempts. Crazy or what?!?!?! I laughed on that one for weeks when I heard her voicemail. When she tried to tell me she was the one married to my H, I replied without missing a beat:

OW: you know, I am the one married to WS.

BS: Really? I have a marriage certificate and a lot of proof, what do you have?

OW: (Utter silence.....finally <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> )

Priceless. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hi, thanks for your response and support Orchid.

I've read bits and pieces of story abt your ex-OW. That woman is one classic piece of work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I wld feel sorry for her next or current male lover/victim.

~A

I must have really stirred up something in Affair Land.

Today, my lawyer called to say they received a legal letter from WS' lawyer ...saying I’m in breach of trust and that I wrote to his friend’s family with a letter stating baseless allegations. (Baseless?!?!!! Hmmm....) And if I wanted to petition for divorce. If they don’t hear from me by 25 Nov, he’ll petition for divorce.

That’s how low, heartless and evil my WS has become. It’s very disappointing. He really is no longer the person I knew and the lies he can churn out just to protect himself and OW and the affair is really .... beyond words.

I’m seeing my lawyer this week to discuss.

I’m swaying towards asking him to petition for divorce because there are 4 grounds for divorce here: (1) Adultery; (2) Unreasonable behaviour; (3) Desertion; (4) 3 or 4 yr Separation. I wonder which one he will choose.

Maybe he's trying to file so that he’ll escape from his financial obligations too.

He finally collected the rest of his belongings from Mom today. I was deliberately out. I told Mom to ask for the house key back from him which we now have. With him acting so irresponsibly and heartless these days, who knows what he’ll do in the future. I feel safer that he no longer has the key.

I'm having a mixed bag of emotions. I'm feeling a little scared but I know I'll be able to deal with this legal matter in an honourable light. I'm scared more of the practical aspects - protecting whatever finances we have left and ensuring my parents and I will have a roof over our heads.

But I'm also a little angry, very disappointed with this behaviour... and I'm beginning to see that he is the one burning all the bridges now. It's getting more and more difficult for me to be able to take him back if he ever wants to return in the future.

I need some preliminary legal advise here.. from people who might have gone thru the same thing. What I shld look out for.. what i shld discuss with my lawyer, etc so I can prepare myself.

Thanks in advance.

~A

bump..

if anybody cld offer some wise input re: this latest repercussion from my exposure, or give mere support, that wld help. thanks

~A

Ashley, did your attorney say to worry about the letter at all? To me it sounds like his attorney wrote it just to scare you. If all you told was the truth then you don't have to worry about libel. {{Ashley}} If you are concerned do a call out for brits/brat. She has not been posting much lately.

Ashley, my lawyer got a letter from WH after I discovered who the current OW was and called there and continued to emial him. He said he was going to charge me with harrassment. AND even was foggy enough to metnion that his "girlfriend" was upset. DUH! A legal letter from the laawyer admiting to adultery.

My response was to call up Ditchig4 and DOrk and invite them both to file a hrassment Ro thing. ANd asked DOrk it that was what he needed to do to go for it. ANd then said oh btw, when you file that, just let me know how you think you will get access or info on DD13.

Total bluff and scare tactic on his part. Of course, I was prepared to go to court. It would have served me far better than the Dork or the Ditchpig4.

Tkae a breath and let your lawyer handle it. btw, I was not in PLan B at the time.

Sorry, I forgot to ask, what happened with the exposure? What did the parents do or say?

(((Ashley)))

Not in those words.. no.. my attorney's secretary just called to say she's forwarding a copy of the letter and to call her again and arrange for a meeting with my attorney.

However, i'm thinking it may constitute as "interferring with his business/daily affairs" as we are now already legally separated.

Also, what is the truth? We have no proof so the both of them can continue to deny the true nature of their rel'ship. Even though some people around them already now and I've exposed it to them.

Whatever it is, I'm not so afraid of the actual divorce. He's lost to me now. With him being so vengeful, I am thinking -- I really do not/ did not know this man.

I'm now wondering if I shld file, or shld I let him file.

bumping up for more imput/ support

I'm going to meet my lawyer tomorrow afternoon and have emailed him a copy of my short, straight to the point and very non-threatening letter. It was very polite, stated the parties involved and that I had wanted to save my marriage but the rel'ship she was having with WS had made it impossible and to pls encourage her to end the affair.

Fighting - I've no insight as to what happened to the exposure re: OW's parents. No one told me anything. They didn't contact me. The only contact after exposure was the reactions from WS via text messages as described in previous posts of mine on this thread. After which, yesterday I was notified of his lawyer's letter.

There are a few possible outcomes from the exposure: They got the letter and are pressurising her to break contact. Or if they are the enabling sort, they are pressurising WS to honor their rel'ship and get divorced from me asap. Or WS is trying to prove to OW something as she may be wavering. Or OW had intercepted the letter. All are possible.. as I don't know the background of what happened.

~A

Hi Ashley.

I sense you and I are at about the same point now.

I filed mainly for financial reasons, but at the same time, like you, it would take a heck of a lot for me to have STBX back now anyway.

I got to the point when I just knew there was nothing left to save. I'd lost most of my love, and worse, all of my respect, for my H.

Thinking of you,

Alph.

Hi Ashley,

quote:---------------------------------------------------
I'm now wondering if I shld file, or shld I let him file.
---------------------------------------------------------

I think it's when your heart and mind are in sync about the move.

Just like PLAN B, I think you know when you are ready for D. It's a gesture on your part that, if your comfortable doing it, means you are ready to further move on with YOUR life.

Either way, we are here to support your decision.

HUGS.

Thanks for your support, lunamare

But it's not going to be as simple as that now..

anyway, my mom was really upset with WS' last behaviour. But we all have been acting restrained and has not called him names or scolded or yelled at him after D-Day.

When he came to collect his last items, he still acknowledged my mom as "mom".

W/o my knowledge, she decided to call him on his mobile yesterday and calmly/ gently with a motherly like tone ... asked him why he needed to elevate this matter to such an ugly and dramatic tone. She reminded him that we have all treated him with due respect as a human being - even though he had hurt us all and a great deal.

He did respect my mom and listened to her .. and said 'not to worry.. the letter from the lawyer was for record purposes' and he will not want to do anything else.

My mom did ask him if he went back to visit his Mom.. and he admitted he hadn't the heart to see her.

My mom also managed to get info that his biz is failing and they may need to wrap it up early next yr. And becoz of that he's not getting paid for his work (as a owner/ mging dir). Hence, he strongly suggests that the apartment be sold quickly so that the bank will not take ownership of it. However, my mom told him that we still need time for me to get a job else how am I going to get a loan for the new/ next place?

My mom told him that i was not aware that she was calling and talking to him. He said he wld text-msg me. I rec'd a msg late in the afternoon. He said that because I didn't want to "discuss" with him.. he asked his lawyer to issue me a letter (how attention- getting!) and that again, there is NO HOPE for the marriage and no way of us getting back together again. He said, if I wish we can continue with the separation until the apartment matter can be settled.. he mentioned that he doesn't want his financial probs to be a prob to me. And that I was PROMISE not to interfere with his affairs anymore.

His "convos" with me has taken an imperious tone of voice lately. His pride still stands in his way.

I didn't reply. I'm going to see my lawyer in a few hrs' time.

I don't see why he thinks hooking up to a OW wld make his financial issues or our marital issues any better.

The matter of whether I file or he files for divorce is coming crucial due to the apartment. It wld now depend on which option wld prove to be less onerous. I do not want to be burdened by his possible bankruptcy.. as I still have to take care of my parents. Primarily, I wld want my finances to be safeguarded. Even if this means having to file the divorce when I'm not 100% emotionally ready.

As for the "baseless allegations" remark in his legal letter, I'm still VERY annoyed at this. But will ask my lawyer to reply to that as a form of record as well. I will not apologise for the exposure letter however.

I will update again later once I've seen my lawyer.

~A

Alphin, we seem to be going on similar journeys.

I've lost alot of respect for him already.. and it's very quickly coming near to the point where I wonder if it's all worthwhile to just hope for a possibility the marriage can be saved. It's beginning to not worth the energy and time and I rather concentrate on saving myself and my family.

I'm worth so much more than this.

~A

Ashley,

quote:----------------------------------------------------
The matter of whether I file or he files for divorce is coming crucial due to the apartment. It wld now depend on which option wld prove to be less onerous. I do not want to be burdened by his possible bankruptcy.. as I still have to take care of my parents. Primarily, I wld want my finances to be safeguarded. Even if this means having to file the divorce when I'm not 100% emotionally ready.
-----------------------------------------------------------

Given the circumstances, I would agree that 'financial protection' is a must...and like many here, you may not have the luxury to wait for when you are 100% emotionally ready!

I am certainly keeping an eye on WS's spending...as you know from some of the posters here... right behind an A, unfortunately, irresponsible spending often seems to follow...or contribution to family reduced/cut off!

I am sure the lawyer you're consulting will be offering you advice on how to best protect yourself 'financially'.

Good luck.