You could advertise him/her as OPie (as in Other Person) the cat detective.

Or simply...Steamer.

Mr. W

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Yeah I know.

H and I discussed this after d-day...what the cats "knew" I told H if he ever had another A he better not bring the OW around....the cats would expose her.

I guess this isn`t really all that surprising, in the wild cats rely on the ability to sniff out rats....they are drawn to anything fishy.

I LOVE my feline rat detectors. And they love me.

Right now I don't want to get rid of my cats. Yes, 4 is a lot. (7 was a zoo!) When I bought this house I added the 2 boys because I had the space.

I'm afraid this is a test, or worse even, a power trip. Maybe it's a red herring to throw me off. I don't know.

I think that MC would be best started sooner rather than later.

Well, it could be a lot of things, including a way to position himself as the one who tried to heal things, "I begged her to take me back, but she chose her cats over me." It's hard to tell at this point, but I'd trust any doubts you have until he gives you reason to trust him instead.

He is the one asking to come home. If it isn't worth it to you to get rid of the cats to have a cheating husband back, I can understand that. You can tell him that you want to start MC and see how that goes before you make a decision about taking him back. His response to that request may give you some clues as to how sincere he is in recognizing that he is the one who messed up. If you haven't already, though, you might want to let him know that you recognize that it was wrong to get the other 3 cats over his objections.

I'm starting to see WH may not be ready...

I haven't talked about how I feel about the 2 cats yet. I guess I'm scared to. Instead I made an appt with my vet to discuss my options. I've made it clear and will make it clearer, that my WH has said "it's me or them" because of Perry (old abused kitty) peeing and Spencer (aggressive kitty) behaviors. I am hoping the vet can help me with some solutions like behavior training for me and Spencer (prolly more for me than him) and really delve into the problem with Perry. We've looked at Perry before but haven't gone that next step due to cost, but now may be the right time given that if I do find him a new home who's to say that they will tolerate his behavior?

I figure after that appt I will present an alternate plan to WH that hopefully we can BOTH accept. POJA right?

Next is the MC thing. WH said he wanted us to start. However he didn't want to start immediately. He wanted to get a few more IC sessions under his belt first. I think it has something to do with the fact he's been "checked out of the M" to the C for some time and now he's not. WH probably wants to take a few sessions to talk about that. In the meantime, I've mentioned that I think MC would be good for me to start because I feel somewhat at a loss as to where to go from here. WH thinks I'm pushing him. That worries me.

Everything else is going along fine. WH has wedding ring back on (at least when he's around me, I don't know about otherwise.) We are talking and dating still. He answers my questions about OW and A without hesitation. He takes responsibiltiy for it all, which still is unsettling since he didn't before, but good now. He's asking about what needs to be done to repair the relationship with my parents (I told him that can wait). I have asked about repairing the relationship b/w me and his sister. Not that I really care if I get along with her, but it's important to him, so I have to at least try. She's a liar and a manipulator and I will probably never trust her again since I don't feel she cares enough to change that image in my eyes.

What do you guys think? What should I be doing here? Not sure if I should be posting on this forum even, but I've talked to you so much....

This is somewhat hopeful. Why don't you go by the MB plan? Ask him to write a no contact letter to the OW. For some strange reason which I haven't figured out yet, the ones who are not serious usually won't agree to do it.

While it is true that he could just write the letter and continue having contact behind your back, it doesn't usually go that way. My WH told me it was pointless to write one, and sure enough, it was. He was still having contact with the OW.

For me, one of the litmus tests for figuring out who is serious about recovery is writing the letter. It is done to let the OW know that he doesn't want contact, but also to protect the feelings of the BS.

If he makes an excuse that the cats have to go first, or he needs more IC first, or has to wait for the first snow, then you will have more of an idea how real this is.

If I were you, I would also start reading some of the stuff on the recovery board, just to get the feel of how others have worked through this kind of stuff.