Glad you're back True. And no, this is NOT an forumn! 2 has had too much to drink again and gotten herself a little frazzled. Somebody get her some water and a pill. Maybe after tomorrow's game she'll be feeling better and more able to handle reality.

Is there any other thread as fun as ours?

2,
Depends on your definition of live!

Still in archaic times, as Rocked called it, with stupid dial-up. What do you expect in the middle of nowhere.

Yes, we are fun, huh? I am glad that we can all joke around! You need laughter in your life as much as possible.

Although I have not heard this much trash since I lived in Utah and the Bulls were playing the Jazz. It was classic. I loved walking into school after the summer wearing my Bulls Win AGAIN t-shirts and hung my Michael Jordan posters on my classroom walls...tee hee.

Talk to you guys later.

True

Hey, just had a thought of utter relief come out of nowhere. I just realized that I won't have to go to my H company Christmas party this year and worry about seeing her. OH JOY! Those days are over for me. I'm sure by now I'd be all worked up about what to wear and what to do if I see her. That is done! Thank you LORD that you heard my prayers and answered them. Thank you LORD that you heard the prayers of my dear friends here and answered them. The whole thought of it all being done made me feel so free!

The LORD is a Bruin by the way Rocked. So trojans go down!
2

I doubt that the LORD wears powder blue. Prayer, though, is your only hope today.

2...did I read wrong...you "dont" love your H anymore???

True, glad to see you online again. I am worried about 2 and Rocked and the wager <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. Hopefully, there will be no losers in our posts <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Yes, I too have a photographic memory when it comes to trauma and True, that's what all that was. Post tramatic syndrome may last forever. I am hopeful, we will just be able to pull it less from the mind's rolodex in the next few months.

Hope you all have a great weekend....Hmmm, Trojans or Bruins...tough one, I dated a guy from each school in the day. Trojan guy was stuffy and Bruin guy way crazy...yeeha!

holiday

I had a photgraphic memory growing up....just never developed it.

Ta-dump!

You know you all love me.

Hey 2. It's 31-6 at half time. If you get on your knees and say "pretty please" I'll reduce the payoff to just a drink and not full dinner. Whadayasay?

Those trojans look unpenetratable. Just ribbin' ya!

OK Rocked. What time are you calling me on Monday? I'm ready for you. Do you need my number again?
2

I do not have your number anymore. YOu can call me if you have mine.

I don't. e-mail me at [email]stacieandanthony@sbcglobal.net.[/email] It was uglier than I could have even imagined.

I'm so tired. Entertaining a house full of people will do that. I actually had a sad moment before the party today while watching a Dr. Phil I tivo-ed from yesterday. He was talking to 5 women who had been left by their husbands for OW after 20 + years of marriage. Only 1 of them had been married for 7 years. She was telling Dr. Phil some story about how badly her H had treated her when they were dating and Dr. Phil said "I believe life has a way of giving us clues." That made me so sad. I sat there thinking, "Is my H's A a clue? If I don't get out now, will I end up like these women (and my mother) divorced after so many years? Has he shown his true colors, what he is capable of and that is my clue?" I didn't know what to think of it, because I also know Dr. Phil believes couples can recover after A's. He gives the BS has very little if any responsibilty when A happen. I was sad and confused all at the same time. If my mother would have seen my Dad's 1st A as a clue, she wouldn't have been around for the 4 or 5th one. Obviously she wanted to stay married to put up with that for so long. But I don't want to be married in that kind of a marriage. I know deep in my heart and with all of my being and as God is my witness, if my H ever did this to me again I would leave...I know that like I know my name. And I think I told you guys before that was not my feelings about 1 A. I think I told you that I always told my H 1 time is forgivable, but after that no way. If you aren't remorseful enough the first time to keep from doing it a second time, then you really don't care. That is my feeling.

I sat there watching Dr. Phil thinking, I'm just waiting for the 2nd time. Why? Isn't this a clue? I don't have to wait for the second time. I can get out now and not end up thrown away like these lovely ladies in their 40's and 50's. It made me sad and confused.

Despite that went on with a normal day. Have been kind to H.

2

2, frankly I'm surprised (shocked) that after one year of MC you still have those kinds of thoughts. I don't mean that you have "any" thoughts, but of the nature you share and cloaked in such an apparent "hopelessness"...well. I don't know what to say. I care about you and want the best for you...and your M. All I can do is pray.

Back on a football note...get ready for a thrashing Monday from me. I'm giving thought right now to what kind of FREE dinner I want. Hmmm.

Actually Rocked, MC has helped me get over the grief and horror in that I can now get up everyday and function normally and be happy at times. It hasn't changed my feelings from the hurt, anger and sometimes pure disgust that will arrise at times for my H. It has helped me understand a lot, but there is also a lot I will never understand because it doesn't make sense. So there is that torn feeling I was just describing while watching Dr. Phil. I understand how my H crossed the line, but I don't understand a year of it. How he didn't feel guilty enough to stop after a couple of times, I will never understand...really.

I understood going into MC and staying in this marriage that I would not be over it in a year, or two or probably 10. I understand that I will never look at my H the same or ever even love him the same. I understand that. I wasn't expecting MC to do any of those things. I wanted MC to show the cracks that allowed it to happen in the first place, provide us with concrete steps to rebuild and help me deal with the trauma of it all. It has done that, but it can't provide any guarentees of the future and that is where I still struggle.

Monday I work in the morning. Call me after 1pm my time.

Have a blessed day.
2

2,

I am sorry your team lost. Bummer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I agree with you about seeing why my H stepped over the line(at least most of the time), but not why he continued with it. I think I have said I could have forgiven that ONS scenario much easier than to know this man that I trusted used my trust against me and then had feelings for another woman.

I found a card he gave me before we were married while I was looking for Christmas things and it was entitled "Once in a Lifetime". It went on to say how our love was special and only happened once in a lifetime, and how happy I make him, how I am a miracle that entered his life, at the end he added that I was his world and he could not wait for me to be his wife. I will never understand how a man, who up until the A, continued to tell me those exact things, would ever even consider an A(again, I can see how, logically but my heart doesn't listen) and then push those feelings aside for new feelings of "love" for someone else. It is something that I know I will live with forever, and where I will probably always struggle.

Rocked,

Take it easy on 2. Don't scream too loud over the phone so that her eardrum breaks or anything <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />. HA HA.

Holiday,

Hope your weekend is going well.


TTYL!

True <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I can't guarantee I'll take it easy on her. Do you think she would have taken it easy on me if the trojans would have burst? Now way Jose!! She's gonna get all of me. And 2, the nxt time I'm in SoCal how 'bout Ruth Chris?

True, are you back online for good?

Holiday, you've been laying low lately.

Ruth Chris is fine. Never been. Don't like steak, but I'm sure like most steak houses, they'll have good fish.
2

Guys, 2 things. I have been very sad today...cried when I got home from church.

First though, my H is taking me on a surprise over-night trip Wed. (surprise meaning I don't know where we are going) for our anniversary. Again, he is trying so hard to be wonderful and we are getting along very well. Still my heart isn't into it and I don't know what to do for the anniversary. Any thoughts on a simple, thoughtful anniversary gift? Rocked, you're a dude, help me out here.

Secondly, the sermon today was on love. Our pastor talked about how important it is to love and how real love means loving the unlovable. It was so hard to hear him because I still don't feel like I'm there. Then ironically he finished early so he opened it up for about 5 minutes of
Q & A. Been at this church over 3 years and NEVER has he done this. We'll someone asked him "HOW? It is easy to just say do it, but HOW do we love those who have hurt us? Are there practical steps?" So our pastor gave a long and good answer about how the most lovable thing to do in one case may be nothing and in another case it may be to leave someone. Sometimes, he went on to explain setting boundries is the most loving thing to do.

And that made me so sad. I thought "had I set boundries in our marriage and not let my H have his job as his #1 priority, I may have prevented this whole thing." Of course the loving thing would have been for my H to be faithful to me. So I sat there thinking there is no love in this marriage. It made me sad.

I think the reason I've been down lately is that our MC brought up to me how wrong it was for me to allow my H job to be his #1 priority. She pointed out that God did not structure marriage that way. She too talked about boundries and I have recently realized how I allowed my H to cross so many of them. I've developed this anger at myself like I could have prevented this whole hidious A from happening if I would have had the guts to demand I be #1. But then again, I thought I was being supportive. It is so hard to understand why I even did the things I did let alone why he did what he did.

It has been a really hard day for me. I don't feel like celebrating my anniversary Wed.
2

2, I'm assuming you mean #1 - before his job and after his relationship with God. Right?

I'm not sure I can agree with your pastor w/o hearing more of the context...meaning leaving someone as a form of love.

Did you discuss any of this after church with your H?

No haven't discussed this with H. Don't really have anything to say about it. Yes, #1 after God.

Our pastor meant that sometimes instead of enabling someone like a spouse involved and not willing to end an A, or an alcoholic spouse who can't hit rock bottom if you don't leave them after trying everything else, it can be the best form of love to force someone to stand on their own feet and learn to rely on God. I think he was right on, but I knew it wouldn't sound good with me touching on only 1 part of his point.

Anyway, any suggestions for a gift for H. Talk tomorrow.
2

Gift idea depends on what you want to communicate to H. I don't sense from you that you're really "in love" with him right now so finding a gift that says something other than "I love you" is tough.

2,

gifts...hmmm....that is a hard one. For our anniversary, I bought my H tickets to the white sox, and got a hotel room in downtown Chicago. Since, you don't know where you are going, that is not an option.

Just think about your H. Think about something he would really like, and then get it. Do not think about the A at all when you are getting a gift. If I did that, I would have not gotten the tickets, or hotel, and I certainly would have not have had the good time I did have.

I do not think my H got me anything for our anniversary. He knew about the tickets/hotel, so I guess he thought that was a joint present. Plus, he later told me that he did not say Happy Anniversary or make a big deal about it, b/c he knew that I viewed this day as a failure. That I viewed our marriage as failed. He does not see it that way, but I definitely do. So, I guess there was nothing really to celebrate that day..but I did have fun anyway:D

I am glad your H is pulling out all the stops for you. Appreciate his gifts, and thoughtfulness, and enjoy him. A tough order, but it can be done.

TTYL!

True