I am convinced that when I was dating a few months ago, I lost a shot at a very fine woman because I was to conservative. I think just putting my arm around her in the theater would have made all the difference. LI\ive and learn.

On further relfection, I am wondering if women may judge me compared to other males who have sex on the mind. If she has gone out with guys who pressure her for sex on the first or second date, then maybe a guy who is very conservative on a date may come across as not interested since she expects some type of sexual advance?????

Not at all Justin. The guy I met before BF tried to kiss me and got insulted because I would not let him. He ended the date. I really didn't care because he came across as a jerk by his behavior. Then I met BF a few weeks after that incident, BF never tried anything and it never crossed my mind that he was not attracted to me. I knew he liked me because he treated me like a lady and showed me respect, and he did call me every day, just that alone gave me the indication that he's interested.

It depends on what kind of girl she is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />. If she WANTS some action, or NEEDS that kind of attention on the 1st or 2nd date, you may be right. Not all women are like that. Don't you believe what WE are telling you here??? about what we want??? Some women need that kind of attention early on in order to feel attractive, and in order to feel that instant (false?) chemistry.

Is that the kind of woman you want?

Justin,

I think you might be over-generalizing about women, their experiences, and their expectations. I've NEVER had a man pressure me for sex on the first date. For those that have had that experience, I suspect that each woman draws her own conclusions about the event.

So rather than find the key that will work with all women, I suggest you focus on you. You are currently functioning within your personal comfort zone. Should you try to expand that comfort zone a little bit? Maybe. I think that's for you to determine. From what you write, it does seem that it is your shyness that is driving your "conservative" behavior -- not your values. That's not to say that you don't have dearly held personal values! But you're not considering pressuring a woman for sex. You're considering touching her arm or her hand or her back. And you haven't indicated that you think that would be wrong. If all I've said is correct, then you might consider finding some small way of expanding your comfort zone a little bit.

But I'm only suggesting comfort zone expanding that doesn't contradict your personal values. If you really think it's wrong to kiss (or whatever) on the first date, then don't consider trying it simply because you're hoping it will get women to like you.

curious53, Thanks for that advice. The more I think about it the more sense it makes. You are right. There are so many individual differences that with the exception of extreme behaviors, it's hard to know for sure what a woman wants or expects on a first date. My comfort zone is probably too small, thus my conservative approach. I think I will work on expanding it to allow some light touching in appropriate places. Thanks again.

So, to state the obvious - why don't you just ask her? C'mon - we're all nervous about these first dates, right? Why can't we talk openly about it? If a guy asked me, I promise you I'd feel relief at not having to pretend or play games.

OK maybe I'm weird. And now you all know why I'm not dating!

I really doubt any woman, or man for that matter, would enjoy being "pressured for sex". Justin, my advice for you this this: forget about the touching and physical contact, forget about sex, forget about being overly bold.

Instead, engage her deeply in conversation (with topics that interest her)... admire her... look her in the eyes and tell her she has a beautiful smile... listen closely and empathize with her.

She'll be putty in your hands by the end of the evening.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />