Thanks bigger I needed that 2x4.

Its crazy - but he makes me think that I am the crazy one for not excepting this.

Tdr

tdr - again, I've been there. WW would try (and sometimes succeed) to make me feel guilty for anything I did that put a hitch in her plans with OM. If you stay in that long enough (like I did), I honestly think you lose track of what is "normal" and begin to question who is right and who is wrong.

My WW was constantly telling me that I was a jealous husband, would tell me she should have realized that before she married me, etc. Then she would get on the phone with OM for hours at a time.

WS's have a way of messing with your mind.

You really, really have to get back in control. Get a lawyer, don't answer his TM's, VM's....nothing. When I was in counseling with SH, he said to frame everything around "my pain". ie - "It is too painful for me to talk to you while you are having a relationship with OW".

In short, it's all about protecting tdr because, as hard as it is to believe, WH is NOT going to keep your best interests in mind. I know this runs counter to what we are accustomed to with our spouses...but it's unfortunately a universal truth.

IMO...more important than getting IC right now is getting a lawyer. File for LS....at least get that wall put up as quickly as you can. That is a major shot across the bow. It sends a strong message.

Georgia

Whatever you do, don't leave out anything in your decree if you decide to go that way. I made that mistake and have regretted it ever since. Later down the road your divorce decree is what everyone will go by. Make sure it has everything you want in it.

In Texas, you can ask for 90% of the assets of the marriage if you can prove infidelity (this is what I've heard, I have not verified this info.).

Take charge of your life. Do it today.

tdr - I've e-mailed you a link to the Georiga divorce laws.

Georgia

Thank you Georgia -- I will start reading. This is a lot to digest. My parent have been ON ME BIG TIME to get a divorce and now all of you. I know its the right thing. I just don't like him mad at me.

Tdr

A clarification, tdr...

I am urging a Legal Separation to protect you from him, both financially and otherwise.

I personally don't know that it's to the point of a divorce....yet. It doesn't look to me like you've done a real Plan B, mainly because I don't think you've worked yourself up to it emotionally yet.

FYI...my parents have been just itching for me to divorce WW. Parents are just that way...want to protect their "kids" from the evil WW monster.

I would suggest you seek out the Plan B guru's here before you say it's all over and no option other than the Big D.

Georgia

tdr - your comments make me so very sad. "I can't stand having him mad at me" -- but you CAN stand the very worst sort of disrespect and emotional abuse from the man who is supposed to be your husband.

This is not, repeat NOT, normal. You sound like one of those women who has been emotionally abused for so long, and living with the threat if not the actuality of physical abuse for so long, that you honestly begin to think you deserve it.

You don't deserve it and there is nothing remotely normal or healthy about your situation or your reaction to it. You are failing utterly to protect yourself. If you don't, who will? Your WH? NO!

Please get help. You need it very, very much. YOU need to learn to be there for YOU.
Mulan

TDR-
Just a hunch, I could be wrong, but I was wondering-

Is your husband the only man you've been romantically involved with?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Ok Pep -- my first response to the eyeroll -- which I get from my kids often -- is Bite Me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But thankfully I had to read my daughter a story before I could respond. It does sound rather pathetic. Its not just him -- I don't like anyone to not like me. ****** I'm even nice to the ow. So the eyeroll says alot to me. Get some backbone girl.

thanks (but you can still kiss my a-- I don't like eyerolls)

Mojo -- No I but not far from the truth. This is my 2nd marriage the first was when i was 19 it lasted 4 yrs very young. He blindsided me with I don't love you anymore and we were divorce 2 month later. I then started dating my now wh 1 year after my D.

Tdr

Interesting that when someone you don't have a relationship does something you deem disrespectful, you say "Bite me", but when your husband, who you should have a reasonable expectation of love and respect diss's you, your marriage and your children, and deprives you of all reasonable expectations of fidelity, you take it and take it and take it...

I'm sorry - serious serious incongruencies here.

Are you ready to say "Bite me" when it comes to your husband's offer to grace your lives with his "presence" for a few fleeting days, then to go back to the true vampire in yours and his life?

A man will not love or honor a woman who doesn't demand it from him, or invite him to leave and stay away until he can give that without question and without protest..

I am working on it -- but I usually say bite me with a smile and no threat or disrespect intended.


Yes -- and more comments like yours Kayla are giving me the strenghth to know what is normal and what is not.


I like that -- I am going to print that out to remind me that we(kids and I) demand more. This has gone on long enough.

Thank you Kayla

R U in GA? If u r, put a call out to Justpeachy....she's from GA and lived through a D there.

L.

Yes in GA. I met Justpeachy at the Atlanta get together. I will give her a shout. FGG is helping me too.

tdr

Good Morning, tdr -

Have you digested what the MB Plan B philosophy is all about?

BTW - Your tendency to not want anyone mad at you is because you are likely a conflict avoider like I am / was. I would do ANYTHING to keep WW from getting angry with me, and I was nice to OM too. However, WW would tell me that I wasn't "respectful" of him and that he could tell that. She would get so angry that I wasn't kind enough to him.

This conflict avoider thing is something that we have to get over for our own good. These days I think, if given the opportunity to do it over again, I would just slap OM real hard and ask WW if I was "respecting" him enough yet. If she said "no", I'd slap him a little harder (okay, just kidding).

Back to seriousness, I would read the Plan B stuff real carefully and solicit input from Plan B experts.

My advice to you:

1. A real good Plan B (WH can have tdr OR ow, not both).
2. File for Legal Separation.

And.....if you do these things, WH will be furious and try to do everything he can to turn the tables on you. However, you just have to cloak yourself in one of Mimi's goddess togas and make sure he knows that goddesses don't share their H's with other women, end of discussion.

Georgia

P.S. - Jeb says hi.

bwhaaaaaaaaa <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

*kiss*

You don'tt like eyerolls? .... but you don't want me mad at you, right?

silly .... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

You got it Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> -- You better not be mad at me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> or else I will have send flowers and candy to get in your good graces.

tdr

OK, TDR,

We're ALL going to be mad at you if you don't do something to protect yourself.

At this point, it would completely spoil the effect to insert one of those smilies.

Let me put it this way. A few years from now, you are going to be mad at yourself if you don't do something now, and it may even happen that your kids will be mad at you too.

Hmmm.

"You can't please everybody all of the time."

Figure out within yourself what is right - without consideration for who will be mad. Someday you'll meet somebody who will be mad that you've got a car and they don't - and I hope you don't give him yours.

well anyway...

Take care of yourself.

-AD

TDR -

Let us know what your PLAN is!! I could use a Plan B buddy in GA!!

Do this for YOU and your kids too. You are getting awesome advice!!

BTW, I bet OW is cold now with the weather we're getting. Has WH put windows in yet??

Kim