Slash this is what I did and we are still in the early stages (WH ended A) if at all in recovery in the sense of we are still in that unsure state. Can recognize I love him and always will, but I do not need him in my life. I am strong enough now thanks to the experience to know I can stand on my own.
The phrase the sooner you let go . . . leaps to my mind. I was a blind fool and did not know he was in an affair when he ask for a separation, ( if only I would have found MB sooner!!!) I was thinking along the lines of a middle age crisis at the time which yeah sometimes goes hand and hand with–and yeah had suspicions but it was less painful to dwell of those. And we had made a pack he and I, you see that if the other ever wanted out because of another, we would tell before we acted. Of course he did not tell! Left me in a puddle to wonder what was” wrong with us” which quickly turned to what was wrong with me, cause he obviously seemed happy. Well he is paying for his happiness now and I guess I am a weak enough human being to admit that I must be getting a degree of satisfaction from this considering all the pain he put me through. & Oddly enough, he is also dealing with another OW–me! The person I became because I had to be strong enough to stand on my own feet when he walked out on me. He does not know this person either, and there is certainly a possibility that he may never like this person I have become once he gets to know me, but I do! Now I am willing to give for the sake of recovery cause I do want this man, because A aside, he is still the love of my life, but I do not need him and I am never going to give “me” up again. So yeah a bit of a power struggle this way I think, not that U would know it cause he-- as in his true self is laying low, bruised and in enough trouble not to step out of line, beyond asking me were his sweet girl went?! By the bye, "you killed her" was my answer to that one! & no, it is not like I am lording it over him. Okay I am human maybe I did for a bit till I recognized I wasn’t to blame for his A(s) but also intelligent enough to recognize too late that there were problems in our relationship so it was vulnerable to and as such I bear some of the responsibility for this and recovery of.
Anyrate, love this topic, and my hats off to the BS who have decided they do not want WS back! I can say this I wonder in my mind if I was younger–if I had not spent 21 years of my life invested on this relationship, would I have felt different, be less inclined to try to save it? Cause the one thing I learned from our separation is that I could love him from afar and I did not have to put up with all his crap!
