Thanks for all your input, and I'm sure that all of you are right. I'm starting to trust her again and may be putting myself in for more hurt. Anyway this is it for me, should she get cought up in any more lies or A stuff, I'm done, I'm out.

Tonlght is the night that she returns to her previouse job; two months to the day since D-Day. She assures me that she will not return to him while she is with me, that she would leave me first.

I beleave that she still wants OM to take her away. In fact I know that she has talked with him twice; wanting to find out how he feels. Both times he did not tell her that he wanted her, but that he need to try to work out his own marrage (resents that he did not work out his previous A with former wife).

Any how I made a compromise with WW, instead of turning him in to their employer, I'm giving him two weeks to leave his job. After Christmas, if he is still working there, I or my Attorney will inform their Corporate office. I asked my WW if this was reasonable; she said yes.

You are a nice guy. And she has "sucked" you into her world of reasoning. Mine did the same, but when you talk to someone outside the situation, it doesn't take long by the look on their face to know we sound crazy. Because you love them, they use that against you. As one of the other's said, it is best to get everything out in the open with everybody, that way there is no leverage for anyone...just the truth.
By the way, is anyone concerned she is more worried about losing her job than her husband?

Why in the world would you warn your WW of your impending exposure? Why would you make the compromise mentioned above? It is nonsense. You need to wake up! As Ron53 puts it, you are second best to your WW, and by your actions, regrettably, she may be right.

If you want to save the M, you need to act like someone who deserves respect, and not someone settling for any crumb that may come his way.

When your WW returns to work with OM, I assure you, it won’t be long before he is between her legs again. I guess that is something you can live with. If not, get off your comfort zone and expose this stinking A to her work, her family and mutual friends.

And please do not warn her again of what you might do in this regard. Doing so would only allow her to preempt your actions by telling others to expect to hear from her crazy jealous husband and thereby undermining the potential effects of exposure.

In short, if you don’t mind OM screwing your wife, then by all means continue to enable this nonsense. However, if you want to give your M a chance, expose this sleazy A to high heaven.

P.s. Why in the world would you be trusting your WW right now? It is foolish to trust an untrustworthy person, as Mel is fond of saying. Secondbest, you need to develop some BACKBONE and do what's right.

Exposed A to their employer today. It seemed to go ok as they are taking this matter very seriously; I hoped that they would. I'm hoping for the best, but it will probbly get ugly between us. Thanks for all your support.

Yo buddy! You did well! I am proud of you. Expect some venom from your WW, but you did what you had to do. She will get over it.

Tomorrow, expose to her family and OMW. It is important that you follow through on this. Appeasing your WW has gotten you nowhere so far, so continue to do the things that will give your M a chance. Thus, expose some more in the morning.

Actually I let OMW in on their secret one week after D-day. OM and OMW are working on their marriage, and OM has let my FWW know that he needs to work on his marriage. As for my FWW, she has not physical contact with OM, but is in hard-time widthdrawl as she is still deeply "in Love" with OM.

She still does not know what she wants. Her IC keeps telling her that she needs to decide what she wants to make her happy; she says something like "part of me wants to stay and part wants to go". I tell her that I love her, and care for her often, but this is stuff that I should have told her several years ago.

She seems so cold toward me now, not returning hugs. I hug but her arms just dangle beside her. This is not her as she always likes hugs; affection was one big EN that I neglected with her for so long. I'm big on affection now, and feel very insecure with out a lot of hugging; funny how you see the other side. Anyway I hope that this state of coldness is just temparary.

I do not understand this reaction when she new that I would expose their A to the employer if she transfered back to where he worked. According to her, she transfered back not to be with OM, but to be with and work with other people that she enjoyed working around. Yes I do believe this to be the case as OM and OMW are working on their marriage togather.

As long as the A is alive in her, she will be an enemy of you, your family and the M. What u have to decide is whether you will allow yourself and your family to tolerate or live with such an attitude. Am I referring to plan B? Yes. If you are done executing plan A and her attitude still reeks of the A, then plan B makes you have a safer place to live.

Funny how she knew you would expose if he didn't quit but when you did it, she got mad. Hm.... very interesting and very expected.

L.

Second:

You must get your wife away from her job and the OM. I went thru the same thing and as long as your WW is close to the OM, they continue to feel connected to them. Tell her bosses, personnel or anyone who will listen to disrupt the affair. Do not let her make you agree that she can stay at her job. My FWW did that to me and I allowed her to stay at her job and it almost cost me my marriage. All it did was give her more time to plan her new life with her OM without my interuption.

Fight her on this point or threaten to take the kids away or something.

TooSoon

You did well by exposing to WW's work. You need to continue the exposure on that front. What I don't understand is why you have not exposed to her parents and OMW again. You need to do this exposure ASAP. Waiting for things to magically get better is only living in fantasy. You have to do your part, and maybe things will work out.

These exposures needed to be done yesterday!

OMW does know about them working with one another again, she does not want OM to have any contact. My FWW told me that OMW does not want OM to even work around any females; I cannot blame her as this is his second A. I guess that being in love with someone can affect your perception of that person "Love is Blind"; OMW is the one that caused OM's first marriage to fail.

As for exposing to her family, both of her parents are not alive. They both had cancer at an early age. Her sister new about the A way before I because FWW told her that she was not happy with me and was seeing someone else.

On a brighter note, FWW seems to be warming up a bit already! I think that reality has hit home for her. She thinks that every one she works around will soon know about their secret; she heard of one leak last night.

She transferred back to carry on her affair with the OM, make no mistake about it. And either way, working with the OM should be your deal breaker, SEcond. Your marriage cannot ever recover until she really ends contact. Otherwise you will be dealing with this affair for YEARS. EVery time she sees the OM at work, puts you back to day 1 of recovery, if it ever gets that far.

She is being cold to you because you have interfered with this affair.

I would go ahead and complete your exposures now, especially with the OMW and stay in touch with her. She can be your ally in busting up the affair.

Good job on exposure, Second!

Again, why are you not exposing to OMW again? I just don't get it. Further, you should discuss your situation with WW's sister. You have to give your version of the situation to her.

You seem to be dragging your feet on exposure, and I just can't figure out why. You have to do your part first before God does his part.

I'll have to see what action their employer takes. They know that I do not want them to work togather.

WW sister does not really care for me, so I do not think that I will get any understanding from her. She seems to have the "stand by your family" attitude, even if they are wrong.

Their employer did talk with FWW last week, but simply asked her if she was seeing a member of management. Of course sense they are not physical anymore she told them "NO". They let her know that they had rules reguarding relationships between Mgmt & employees, and that they could not work at the same location if they were involved with one another. Also told her that they had to turn their findings into the corporation in a few days, and if she had something to add she needed to do so before then.

Last Tuesday should have been the day that the Corporation found out the details to the investigation. I have not heard anything further from FWW, and do not want to LB by asking her the status of the investigation. I do not know what OM has told their employer, or even what questions they asked him; don't want to LB over this as well. I'm sure that she knows the answers because the work togather, and do communicate to some extent.

Should I give it some more time before I try to find out what's going on? Should I approach FWW?

2ndBest, I would make sure that HR knows that there is an affair and give them the facts. Apparently, your W has lied to them and that helps no one, especially you. It is up to you to make sure they know the truth. I would suggest picking up the phone and calling them and giving them the facts.

Does the OMW know that they are working together again and that the corp is investigating an affair? She might be able to put in her 2 cents, too. NUKE this affair while you have the chance!

Yes OMW knows that they are working togather again. I'm not sure if she knows of the investigation though; I woul hope that OM told OMW as they are working on getting their marriage back on track. As for FWW she does work with OM but does not spend any private time with OM any longer.

I guess that I'll have to make that call again, and give them the facts.

Second, why are you asking your adulterous wife about the progress of the investigation? Adulterers lie. It's what they do to keep even their last dim hopes of a continued relationship alive. You don't ask her. Call the HR manager where she works and ask for information.

Also, did you make the exposure to them in writing? It's far more difficult to ignore a letter (perhaps with a cc to corporate headquarters?) than it is the odd telephone call.

It may be time to ensure everyone around her knows about the adultery. Have you exposed to her coworkers? Friends? Others? You need lots of allies to break this up, man. Get them while you can.