Mr W,

I will most certainly do that. I will order it this weekend.

To the rest of you,

I will continue to post here because this has become a source of great wisdom. I did check out that Loveshack board that place is too hostile of an environment for anyone to post. I read a lot of postings over there and most of them seem kind of mediocre at best and by a lot of disgruntled people. It was sad.

My wife is doing good though she isn't feeling too well but thats to be expected since our daughter is home ill with the flu and gave it to my wife. We have spent the entire day in church counseling just about and she has opened up to me and the pastor. We were in counseling before because of marital issues. Everything is going particularly well.

I have asked her what piqued her interest in the first place and she replied that I work too much and didn't hear her enough or spend enough time with her. Which is true, but she did take full responsibility for her expressing interest in this guy. She said that he expressed interest in her and that he gave her the emotional side that I didn't. I see that. So now it's time to work on it. I think it'll be a long road and a hard process, but it's time to work on it none the less. I have advised my wife to come here and post and not post on Loveshack anymore. I do not feel that attacking one's actions and character is good for the road to recovery.

Man was I happy to read DCF's update.

Careful now DCF. Heavy lifting ahead.

GC

DCF - Do make sure you have a look at the Affair FAQ's "Coping with Infidelity" You will find the offer enormous help to you and your wife in explaining what you are feeling and why. It was seriously a lifeline for us and I really wish I found this site after my wife came home to me. Instead we went through misery for almost a month wondeing why.

Hi DC,

While I am hopeful for you both just be aware that this is quite a fast turn around.It rarely happens that way but,it also may just be true.Still expect lots of emotion and withdrawal on the part of your WW depending on how much she became emotionally "connected" to him.

A NC letter is still in order and that needs to be done if only to get this OM off your backs and so he can go prey on someone else(heaven help them).

While admitting too that this OM heard her,expressed interest in her,and made her feel good,she has to realize that she did allow this to happen(choice) and she needs to work on,among other things,how to *protect herself and family from this happening again.There will always be opportunists out there and we all get bored,lonely and depressed at times.The key is finding ways to handle all that appropriately.

If your WW does come here to post worry not,we will welcome her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We are all rooting for you DC.Hang in there~Good Luck and keep us posted.

O

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Exellent News!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad things look to be working out now.

Be forewarned that things could be up and down during the next few months until the EA is fully mourned and broken. Remember to be the duck.

Now that your "Marriage Routine" has been shaken up a bit, it would now be a very good time to introduce a new marriage healthy routine / habit / activity. Come up with something you can both enjoy. The only requirement is that you need to do it together.

Just my .02 worth.

Good luck and don't forget to post and let us know how its going!

Well, I'm not sure if you're interested in my advice or not, but I haven't seen anyone spell this out for you, so I felt that I should do so.

Be cautious. One of two things are going on here, and at this point it's going to be very hard to tell which is the case.

First possibility: This WAS a wake up call for her as well as you. It showed the danger your M was in, and she's woken up to that as well. If this is the case, then you need to use this opportunity to fix the problems in your marriage. MC should be something that both of you seek, so that you can get to the root of the reason she allowed this to go on, as well as understanding why she reacted so horribly to you. It's time to 'affair-proof' your marriage...read HNHN, and also start taking measures to hold each other accountable to the other. She should give up her passwords to her cell, end contact of any kind with OM, etc...and you should be willing to do the exact same for her. She's seriously bruised your trust...and she needs to help that to be repaired.

The other possibility is that this is more than what it seemed, and she's simply taken her R with OM to a deeper level where you won't see what's going on. I have a concern that this might be the case, given the HUGE turn around in a very short time that you've seen after her extreme behavior when she was caught. Realize that she had the start of an affair at the least...and if she shows no signs of withdrawl from it, I would continue to be concerned.

Regardless, you need to be very careful right now. Honestly, even given the turn around that seems to have taken place, this doesn't mean your marriage is out of danger yet. Trust me...my wife had STARTED on online EA with someone almost a year before she truly had one...and I became complacent that she'd learned her lesson. But, she continued the same behavior, and a year later was all set to leave me to live with someone she'd never met. Now is the time for her to rebuild that trust...and for the two of you to repair the damage done to your marriage as well as figure out what to do to prevent it again.

Last note...I do post on LS as well, under the exact same moniker as here. I started out on LS before I came to MB. I agree that peeps there can be pretty harsh. If you have any issues with my posts, here or on LS, or would prefer that I simply stay out of this and leave the advice to others, just say so.