WH called tonight and we talked for a while and he told me that he has an appt with our doctor to do something about his depression...maybe some of the fog is lifting. He is going to move out of ow's house and finally into his apt.
Now when I feel like I have had enough and no hope, he's finally getting it?

I told him to call and let me know what the dr says. I just don't trust much of what he says anymore but at least he is doing some thinking.

I asked him if ow told him what she said to me on the phone and and he said yes. Wouldn't you know it wasn't what she said to me {my son was listening so I have a witness}
She said that she f's him morning, noon and night and that I would never f him again. Vulgar, huh? What kind of psycho is he with?

WH just stopped by after is DR appt. I asked him how it went, he had to get some paperwork signed and was going to talk to the DR about "if he's depressed". The doctor said he was fine and he would have some depression since his mother passed away and her birthday is this month and this is the first Christmas without her.

I asked him if he told the DR about him having an affair and all the things we are going through? He said no. So what good will it do if you don't tell the whole truth...
the drinking, cheating, lying deserting your family, losing weight, not having interest in anything you used to do, letting your bills go.

He said "I didn't say I wasn't going to get IC" I said lets make an appt right now since you are here and you won't forget.

I made one for him. Did I do this right? I feel like I'm in limbo. Some days are good and some aren't. I want the A over and us to work on the marriage. I can't be the only one trying.

Hi WOTL,
From the comments made by the OW, I wonder if she is feeling
changes and getting desperate ? If she feels your WH is
pulling away, she may start to get clingy, demanding,
and paranoid... all good things, as she will LB !

Maybe WH is feeling you pulling away some since you are
getting tired of the situation, and that is clearing a bit
of his fog.

I think it's great he was going to the Dr and wants to
address depression. Mine has been on numerous Ad's for
years after being diagnosed with depression , but got
frustrated with it and is now on no meds, which isn't good.
He also keeps saying he's going to get a counselor but
hasn't done it yet- !

Hope things keep changing for the better !
Slammed

Thanks Slammed

I also found out that WH is growing tired of ow. WH told my son today. He said she's to controlling and crazy.
Wh also said that he wants to fix himself before working on us.
I have backed way off and no more kisses and hugs unless he initiates them and I act a more confident when he comes over. I want this to work so badly as all of you.
I prayed and asked God to let me know if this is going to work, maybe this is a sign...

If the OW has to tell you she is F'ng anybody, she needs to get a life. The very fact that she has the time to tell anyone means she isn't that busy.

I recall the OW in our case she called (around our anniversary) to inform me that 'she was married to the WS not me'. LOL!!! I asked her to produce her marriage license. I had ours. Another time she accused the WS of commiting 'emotional adultery' on her when he choose to return to his family. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Don't lose your cool.

As for your Ws, he needs to do his own stuff. Don't cater to him by making his appointments. Remember he needs to woo you back. Stop spoiling him.

L.

Thanks Orchid for the advice.
I made the appt because he didn't know the C I was seeing.
I know I should have had him make it himself. I don't do anything for him at all. He even made his own dr appt. He wanted to go to the same association as I do because they are MC too.

I kind of like being detached when he comes over. I like seeing his reactions. He is noticing. He talks to me and I answer in a little words as possible and seem disinterested. Like I am moving on.

As for the ow, I consider the source. She is a looney tune and now he is seeing that.

At least he is taking the first step in seeking C. He knows that the only way back to us is C and NC with the ow and I see that coming soon.

I pray for this anyway.

Wh called tonight to see if I called him. I didn't. We were talking for awhile and I asked him when he was moving into his apt and he said all his stuff is there. I said that he wasn't out of ow's house yet. I wonder what the next excuse will be. The first one was no electric, then water and now he said he didn't have any money for food.

I asked him did he love her? He didn't answer me. I guess he does. Where does this leave me? This is breaking my heart. I know that they aren't getting along, so what is it going to take for things to change?

I hope IC helps him. I just hope that he tells the C the truth about what has been going on. I guess today I feel like I am fighting a losing battle.

I want to go to plan b, but it really scares me. I feel like that would just throw him farther into ow's arms.

I don't know what to think anymore.

Any suggestions?

Plan B is implemented to help you (the BS). He already has gone into the OW's arms and a few other places. YUCK!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> So your fears have already materialized and u r still here. In plan A no less.

Think about it, how much longer can you allow yourself to enable the A before you give up on your M? The BS goes to plan B to save what love is left. Staying too long in plan A c/b a death warrant to the M.

JMHO,
L.

Orchid
Should I wait till he has his first IC to go into plan b? That appt is on the 19th. I am feeling so lost right now. My DD birthday is Christmas. What to do?

Another thing I forgot, I asked him if what she said was true, that he wanted her and not me. He didn't answer.

I told him that changes need to happen for us and that is when he desided to go to IC. Is there any hope left?

He is coming over today to help with the Christmas tree and outside decorations. I DIDN't ask him to do that, he wants to do it.

Orchid: [color:"blue"]Plan B is implemented to help you (the BS). He already has gone into the OW's arms and a few other places. YUCK!!! So your fears have already materialized and u r still here. In plan A no less. [/color]

U have to learn to treat things t/d with your children and responsibilities like financial, etc....different than your plan A. His being a parent while he s/b attached to being a H is not right now. He is not an H, he is a WS but he is still a parent, just not a good parent.

Now, plan B is when your mind and heart are in sync and u r ready to take action (not personal improvements - that's plan A) to move forward and protect the love left for your H (not the WS). It isn't about teaching the WS a lesson because WS' are not teachable....they are selfish creatures.


Orchid: If he doesn't answer, take it as paritially true. Of course he does 'want' her. That's the WS u r asking. How silly.

Here's a tip, when u go to plan B, plan B all (WS/H), then plan B the WS and plan A your H.


Orchid: Not as long as u r talking to a WS. Learn to tell the difference. You can usually tell by his eyes.



Orchid: Yea.....but you don't have t/b around when he does. Think about how he would feel if he comes over and no one is around to 'admire' or 'ooo/awwwh' over his accomplishments. Bad blow for the WS. Your H will feel sad but right now that's part of what he needs to feel. You want the WS to feel bad and your H to feel sad.


JMHO,
L.

Okay Orchid
So I'm a slow learner. LOL
I am going to start my plan b letter and the next time he comes over I will give it to him. Even if it is before Christmas.

He did come over and put the outside lights up. Me and my daughter put up the tree and decorations while he was outside. He was disappointed we did it without him. Oh well we are disappointed in him for what he has done to the family because of the A!!!

My son said the apt WH rented, the owner is going to change the locks because he hasn't paid any rent. The owner used to be our neighbor and was giving WH a good deal. It really doesn't matter to me anymore where he lives. He is going to do what he wants anyway.

I think it is all getting to him because we aren't tolerating none of his crap anymore. We can do it without him. Just looking at him today I didn't see my loving H but a stranger.

I guess this is a good time to go into plan b...

Plan B time..WH didn't come over today and it's daughters BD and Christmas. This is the first Christmas in 24 years we aren't together. It just breaks my heart. I have been doing alot of thinking and soul searching and this cannot go like it has been. I've got to move on and give myself some peace of mind. We only see him on Sundays (sometimes) and I don't call him.

Maybe he is trying to plan B me. LOL I am at the point that I am really tired and the holidays haven't helped at all. The sadness is overwhealming at times.

I love him so much and I want my marriage back!!!! I wish someone would give him a swift kick and wake him up!!!!

I have my letter ready and when and if I see him I will give it to him.

Just get ready to listen to me vent please because I really will need you all.

Thanks for being there in advance. I really appreciate all the help.

The C said that he is severely depressed and hasn't worked through the feelings of losing his mother so suddenly in May. He has alot of work ahead of him. He has isolated the whole family and is self centered and selfish.

This is not my H. My H was a loving, caring, warm, conpassionate man. This man is selfish, self destructing, hurtful, liar, cheat and adulterer.

I hope he can find himself again.....

Worldofthelost,

I am with you on all of this. Your feelings are the same as mine. First time in 24 yrs. we have been apart on Christmas. Its been a rough couple of days.

I just want to let you know you are not alone, and we can come here for support and hope. It's not the same as having the men we love but it helps. In your post you said exacttly how I feel as well.

Things will get better we just have to keep the faith and pray. My thoughts and prayers are with you.....


Hurting

Hurting
I have been following your posts, and yes our WH are so much alike. I will never give up hope, but the time has come for tough love.

I really admire how well you are doing and I hope that I can hang in there as you have. I know it will be hard but this has to be done for my own sanity.

Thanks for the support. I know I will need more in the future. A future that I don't want to be without my H not the WH.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Okay, did anyone feel depressed, sad when they decided to go into plan b? I didn't sleep last night and have been weepy today. I just hope I am doing the right thing. I know it needs to be done so why am I questioning myself?

He is so wrapped up in the ow. He doesn't care about anything else. He is supposed to come over today and I am prepared. I guess I feel like my marriage will be over once he gets the letter and he will think that what he is doing is alright.

I am just so tired of it all...

Wh came over yesterday. I didn't give him the PBL because he was in a mood. I want him to get it when he has a good taste in his mouth before plan b is implimented. It was really rough to bite my tongue yesterday.

He was bringing up stuff that happened 3 months ago. I wrote ow parents a letter. He said he wasn't going to say anything to me because I would hold it against him. What the he$$ is this supposed to mean? Why bring up the letter when it happened so long ago?

I am looking for the number for low income housing to report that he is living with ow in low income housing and is not on the lease and also using her food stamps for food. He is not giving her any money because he has no extra to give.

Can anyone tell me what is happening with him?

Along with no extra money to give....I just found out from a reliable source WH and ow were seen taking a bunch of things from her apt to the pawn shop. Does it seem like the money is running out?

I just remembered something my C said last week. She said that WH has already hit bottom, leaving his family and nice home and moving into the BP ow's low income apt, struggling for money. She told me don't give up hope. She said just sit back and watch the crash. Interesting.....

I am feeling so upset right now. I just want to cry!!!!!
I just found out that my WH and the OW want to move into a bigger unit in the low income housing complex. I talked to my friend who is my WH's old boss and she said they have been bugging the crap out of them and even called the main section 6 housing office to complain. What I don't understand is WH isn't even on the lease and they would not qualify for section 8 housing with his income.

Okay just got a call from my friend from what I understand OW is going to get evicted because he is not on the lease and has been living there for 4 months. She wouldn't tell me when it is going to happen.

I feel like he will never come home and his head is so up her A$$ that he can't see the light of day. I don't want my marriage to end but now i feel like I have no hope what so ever.

I guess my last shot is plan b and believe me he will get the letter whenever he comes over the next time.

What should I DO? I love him and this is killing me and now I don't see the A ending anytime soon.

PLEASE HELP WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS