Anyone please, or is my sitch just hopeless?

Worldofthelost,

I wish I knew what to say but as you can see my sitch has changed for the worst as well. I am calling housing authority today myself on my WH and his OW for the same thing yours is doing. Hope it works.

I agree my WH'S head is in the same place as yours. But try to rmemeber someday it will become dislodged and when it does he will be one lucky man if you still want him back. Thats what I say for mine to ...

Just try and keep your head held high and move forward. I do believe planb is now the best for you. You need the peace and to be able to lock your love away.... I know easier said than done seeing how i have blown my planb a few times. And on the 11 of Jan its blown again due to court ordered mediation.

Try and calm down and think rationally and prepare yourself for planb and a slow down in the rollercoaster ride.

I know how you feel and I know its hurts like nothing you have ever felt but it will get better. I never thought I would feel better but I do... I still hurt but nothing like before. Time is on your side remember that .....


Hurting

Thanks Hurting
I am greatful for your response. My jaw dropped to the floor when I read your tread yesterday. I think of you alot and pray that things will change for you.

I guess today is just one of those bad days for me. I am so tired of fighting for my marriage by myself and see no changes in him.

He has his first IC appt next Tues I hope it helps him with his depression and he can work on his problems. He's just another WH and isn't conscious of his surroundings right now but I am expecting a bolt of lightning to wake his cheating butt up!!!!

Worldofthelost,

I know what you mean about being tired and the only one trying to work this out. I also am so tired of doing all the right things and he is doing nothing but continuing to live his life like a single man ignoring his family and resposiblities.

there are days I wonder why do I even care anymore. then it hits me this is the man I vowed to love and cherish the rest of my life. I took those vows very seriously 24 yrs ago and I still do.

I know a day may come when I don't care anymore , that will be his lose not mine.

A lightning bolt woould be nice but don' think its gonna happen... Its going to take pain for him and mine to see what they are doing... A lot of pain of losing their homes, family and money and the love of a good woman.... There is no way on earth another woman will ever love them as we do. We had them for so many years and lived the hard times with them no one else will ever be able to do that. The raising of children, the buying of a first home, the grandchildren so many more things .... No one and I mean no one will ever be able to compete with us in that repsect.

Believe me someday all of that will hit them like a ton of bricks and they will realize that no one knows them better than we do and will love them like we have. Lets just hope it happens before we both move on from them... Because then they will be 2 of the lonelyest people in the world.

Hurting

That just made me cry, Hurting. That is exactly the same way I feel. I just can't give up on my H not the WH. I love him so much and like you said my vows are very important to me.

All I can do is pray and go into plan b and hope there is still a conscience in his head.

Thats all any of us can do ..... Pray and not give up on the real H ...... He is in there somewhere hiding but its going to take the WH to weaken through pain and consquences for the real H to be able to break free.

I believe it will happen in time.....

I really hope you are right and I am not fighting a loosing battle.
Thanks

I hope so to ..... But if we didn't fight for our marriages we would never know....

And no matter the outcome you will not loose... You will be become a stronger person and learned so much that will help you in life.

The loosers in all of this will be the WH'S ..... Their lives will be based on lies, it will not be pretty or comfortable for them. How can a life with someone who has lies and cheated right along with you be good....

They can never trust each other thats a fact. The OW in my case already does not trust the WH, he can't make a move without her knowing. He can't see or talk to me per her orders because she knows he has snuck around to see me and have SF(months ago) and he even tried in Dec. after our court date to try and get me to go with him for that. So see they know its wrong and won't ever be comfortable.

So like I said no matter what you are fighting a battle for your marriage ,but hand in hand with that you are fighting for yourself to be come a stronger person with boundries who will not allow someone to walk on you. So you will be a winner no matter what.

The pain will lessen and life will get better and you will have learned and grown so much through all of this. It may not seem like it now but it does get better... I am living proof of that , I never thought I could make it through this... I never thought I would laugh again or even listen to songs on the radio anymore. But just in the last month or so those things have happened. Now to some that may not seem like much but to me it meant I was feeling better. I c ould listen to the radio without crying when certain songs played, I could laugh at a joke again.... It felt so good after so many months of crying....

I still have my down days and yesterday was definatley one of them but today I am back in the saddle and feeling better. I have a plan and following a plan makes me feel in control. Make a plan and follow it , it gives you some control in your own life. Because we know we can't control the WH.

Your in my prayers and I hope your WH gets it soon ....


Hurting

Hurting
I know what you mean. Some days are fine for me and others are pure he##

What gets me is how they can just desert their families without a second glance back.

My daughter who is severely disabled loves her dad so much and I know she is missing him so much. He adopted her 13 years ago, she was from my short first marriage. He is the only dad she has ever known. He loves her so much, she is the apple of his eye. But yet he only sees her maybe once a week. My son who is 21 is pretty much done with his dad and has no respect for him anymore. I wished they would wake up and see it is not only us they are hurting they are destroying the kids too.

It just breaks my heart to watch her looking for her dad to come home....

But instead he leaves a nice home, loving family to move into a low income apt with BP ow and her two kids. Maybe a Lobatomy (sp)is in order or maybe voodoo will do the trick.....

Yeah my WH has done the same thing.... He see's DS maybe once a week on Sat. while DS is bowling...

He goes for weeks not seeing DD at all. She calls him on his cell but thats about it.... Christmas eve was the first time she had seen him since thanksgiving.

when all of this started in July I had my 2 yr old grandson with me. Now this child loves his papa and his papa loves him so much. After WH moved out he only saw this precious child maybe 4 times in the month he was with me ....
This child is named after his papa and when he saw him he would just light up. But his papa was more concerned over the OW and her child than his own. So I know what you mean aobut the kids.

The relationships with the children suffer greatly but the WH does not see this or thinks its our fault they don't see thier children much .... I have told my WH many times he needs to spend more time with the kids. I have told him he can have DS anytime he wants but not overnight. Yet he still blames me for the lack of time he spends. My SIL told him last w eek when he was complaining about it, well whos fault is this you don't see your kids everyday? Surly not BS'S she was not the one who left and his having an affair.

This is just going ot be another lesson learned by the WH and it will take a long time to repair these relationships with the kids if they can even be repaired.

Just bee there for the kids and let them know you love them and will never leave them. Let them know none of this is their fault. My DS tried to blame himself for a long time and he tried every trick known to man to bring his dad home from running away , to refusing to go to school. After a very long talk with him and explaining everything he finally realize it was not his fault and nothing he did would bring dad home, dad has to want to come home.

I'm all for the labotomy if it would work lol .. Voodoo well ya never know lol

I told my Wh that he can take DD anytime he wants but she cannot be around BP ow ever.

OW has had CPS called on her several times because of leaving her kids by themselves and mistreatment. So if he stays with her for good he will never have his DD with him over night. I will make sure of that. My DD can't vocalize anything so if someone hurt her I wouldn't know and I WILL never let that happen.

I guess after 6 months of this A I am getting frustrated with nothing changing and him giving me mixed signals all the time.

Well you have very valid reason for your DD not be around the OW and I am sure any court will see that.

I understand your frustration because I feel the same way... Thier thought and feeling change with the blowing of the wind.One week they want you the next week they are done and filing papers.

IMHO this just goes to show how confused and foggy they are. Now is the time to protect yourself from this insane behavior. You can't keep going like this. Get you ducks in a row and finacial stuff clearly straightened out and give him the planb letter. He needs to see what life will really be like without you in it... PlanB is hard thats for sure. I have messed mine up a few times but all in all its done me a world of good.... Its given me time to become stronger and not as emotional when I do have to interact with WH like in court.

As Orchid says your heart and mind need to be in sync , and I have a feeling you are close....

You are right I am close with my heart and mind being in sinc.
The pbl will be given the next time I see him. I just need peace in my life right now. My financial are fine. His falling apart. The ducks are quacking.LOL

Good deal World ..... then go for it and let his ducks quack all the way to the poor house lol

QUACK QUACK
Thanks so much for helping through this today!!!!
I do feel better.

I'm glad you feel better......

It helps just to have someone to talk to .... There have been many days I had to just keep posting and posting and have people talk to me just to make it through the day ...

If I can help just by being here, its a done deal ...

Hurting

Thank you friend, ditto for me.

I have a question..
Wh called DS today because he needed someone to talk to, he has the ow why doesn't he talk to her?

They go to this restaurant (a dive) and I know one of the people that work there. Wh doesn't know her, and she tells me that they come in there and ow's kids just run around like crazy and ow is very rude. Wh just sits there not paying attention to anything. Like he is detaching from it all.

He tells DS he can't wait to go to C on Tuesday because he is so messed up. Maybe some of the fog is clearing? He says he's tired of not having any money and tired of how things are going.

He might come over tomorrow, should I still give him the PBL? Would it do any good? Maybe it will wake him up. What do you all think? Any advise?

Wow I really don't know what to say.....

Seems like maybe something is getting through to him it could be a temporary look out from the fog, hard to say...

Maybe someone with more knowledge couldhelp you with this one. My gut says to wait until after his IC appointment and see what happens.

I would say follow your own instincts on this World. Like I said maybe someone with more knowledge can give you a better plan....

Good Luck ,

Hurting

I hope so, Hurting. I don't want to be too premature on the letter but then I don't want him doing the same again. I haven't seen any action yet. So I don't know what to do.