need some help bumping it up
I picked DD up this morning Dec 3 2005. I brought WW a coffee she said thank you. I also told he to have a good day at work. WW called me and she asked how late I was working so we could go Xmas shopping for DD. I replied until six b/c she wants to go to the store. She said thats to late and I know you don't want to do it online. No fun shopping for toys online thats my opinion and she wanted to do it this way and did it last year online. I explained to her I would rather do it at a store and she then changed her mind and wants to shop at a store. I guess thats good or is it guilt. I just don't know but I know I will have fun shopping for her. when I let her know that I really care about her she just doesn't want to hear it she tells me its over so get over it and move on. She tells me im obsessed with her I simply tell her Im committed to our marriage. I have know idea on what to do I feel hopless.

I need some ideas please.

Keep your chin up -you ar doing well. Go shopping have some laughs and enjoy yourself. Make yourself the H she always dreamed of. Be light up beat and happy. If you feel like crying cry later. Offer to wrap the gifts yourself. Talk about DD and keep it light -no R talk whatso ever.

Oh yeah it might help if you think of this as a date. Like you are trying to get her to go out with you!!!

Thanks realtor. I will follow your advice no matter how hard it will be for me. I have always been amn emotional person that was somthing she loved about me. I cant do it anymore.

One thing that I get troubled by is when I tell her I care about her she clams up and tells me to take my wedding ring off b/c its over and she does this in an angry crying outburst. What is it that she feeling. We have never tried to fix any of this.

I am feeling pretty down today. I feel like no matter what I do just isnt going to work. I would like some more advice from all the experts on here.

Thanks.

Also what do I do about this OM I suspect. It just tears me up when I find stuff out.

Until you have absolute proff who this is and it is really happening stay quite. She is in the FOG and will say it is over between us. Do not take off your ring. Until the papers are done with you are still M. It take alot of patience going through this. It is a rollercoaster ride. I will tell you my story one day. My Wh took 3 yrs. It is the worst experience I have ever gone throu. It almost killed me. Just take it one day at a time and do not pay any attention to the words that come form her mouth now. Wkends are slow here. But vent here is you must. How about going to the dr and getting some anti-depressents ? They have helped alot of people here. But be careful they had the reverse effect on me.

Couple of things, what if she is not seeing anyone, however she is withdrawn from me. What if she has just closed the door on me.

I picked DD up this morning and I gave WSW her coffee and money for her phone bill. I did say i would so I have to follow through. She asked whats this I said money and coffee, she replied OH thank you. We had a little small talk which I asked your running late and she replied alarm did not go off. I told her to drive safe and be careful at work. We have a couple of inches of snow. DD is great I love seeing her.

What I don't understand is how my WS has mentioned before that this is good for DD. How when I have to go into work a little later but she has to get up earlier so I can pick her up, when she could be sleeping in plus it would be easier on WS and I if we where both in the same house I can't understand this.

Thank realtor for your support. I do feel good i was in an upbeat mood this morning. I just want to meet her needs so much, but how dod you do it living in diffrent homes. I did call her yesterday and left her a voice mail saying I hope your having a good day at work. I also talk to her later after work when she called me and asked if anything exciting happened at work. She just replied same as usuall. We are botj Police Officers.

I do get scared that she has shut the door and I have to become a single Father and another man is going to enter DD life. I came from a divorced family with a step Dad and Step Mother it confused me and I still don't understand it. I have always fanasized my parents would be toghether some day even to this day even though I know it is so.

I dread this for my DD. She has already shown signes of this situation and MY WS just says I don't see it. I do she is always saying daddy,mommy and DD all togehter. She even says things like stop it daddy leave me alone just like her Mother does to me. Its pretty sad. DD started out of the blue just peeing on the floor, once with me and 3 times for WS. I have to read up on co-parenting.

I sometimes lose reality myself like this is just a bad dream.

WS has never admitted to any EA or PA tells me im crazy and I focus on is what she is doing and with who. I had emails that she asked first other man to go bra shopping with him. He also told her he missed her and this could be dangerous talking to her at this time. Answer we are just friends and he wanted to know if I knew they where talking. The second one was when a guy went into her apt at 3:40 am and left at 6:00am and WS called me at 6:15 am all concerned about DD who was at my sisters. I asked what is really wrong she said she could not sleep. I asked again and she said if you know somthing say it I said I know nothing. I revealed it that night when they came over for dinner. I was so scared and nervous she denied anything happened and she looked so sad. She even told me she would never do it again and at one point she laughed at me for being nervous. I have know idea how many more.

She has told me in the heat of battle during the hockey night fight she had slept with a couple of people and even said explict details and then she denied it saying I said it to piss you off. Nice of her to play around with me emotions in such a troubled time.

WS just the other day told me I made her move out and justified everything she has done. WTF. I never asked her to move out or do anything her resonsibility.

some advice please.

Today i talked to WS who was asking if I could change my hours for DD so she did not have to get up early so my WS could go to her shift Draw at 6am on tuesday. Then my WS asked me if I had her followed the other night when she went to the theater with her girlfriend because her girlfriend asked her if I had her followed and what was that going to do. I have never followed her. WS then tells me b/c she tinks im psyco etc.. I told her Im sorry you feel that way and simply tell her the pain that im feeling form not meeting her needs and the fact that she seeked them outside are marriage EA unkown if PA and she totally denies (However I found 54 calls to other man and she refused to let me see cell bill that was joint and made me take my name off the account and an email asking him to go bra shopping and one from him stating he missed her and this could be dangerous) I also told her how much pain it was to see another co-worker go to her apt at 3:40am in the morning and leave at 6:00am) WS reply oh my god b/c i invited another man over for a beer you need to get over this. I never confronted these men b/c she became angry when i told her I was going to and I backed down then. I do suspect somthing and I have an idea with who but I need proof. I asked her why are you paranoide and she says im not. She became angry when I discussed this pain i felt and also I discussed she has some pain and she then end the conversation by saying I have to go. so I said ok.

My WS has told me a few times to move on which is a good indicator she is doing somthing. I cant believe she will not admitt to this after 7 months total and 4 months since she moved out. She has changed all her passwords.

I have to continue plan A and Im going to call the harleys tomorrow.

Some advice would be great. She has asked me if I put a gps on her car b/c she use to hear a beeping noise. Never done that either.

I don't know what to do.

bump it up

Would an email to my WS be a good idea such as letting her know I understand her feelings validating her so to speak at what went wrong. I should say a statment.

Please do not talk about your pain ect. She is not ready to hear this. Talk to the Harley's they are great. If she thinks it would be a good idea to live together for DD that would help so much. Agree to that and plan seperate bedrooms is sure would help with working on plan A. Just say if it would help DD that you are up for it.

why am I so afraid to talk to her? I feel like I cant express anything to her. I would like some infromation on this plan A. I did read what is posted on this site but how do you do it when these incounters are so brief like picking up DD or dropping her off. I know I have to be upbeat light conversation etc.. What about email?? Any advice on what to right etc... Im sick today with strep throat and when I told my WS she was a bit angry and accused me of doing this on purpose b/c she had to go out shopping etc.. so I could not take DD today. I aslo told her 2 days ago I felt like I was getting sick and she replies go to the doctors. I would if they wher opened on the weekend and im not going to the ER. I have an appointment today at 1:00pm. WS was only concerned with herself and what she has to do today and tomorrow. I remember when she would take care of me. Boy this sucks no concerne. She even got mad and had to go so I called her back and all she said was I don't have time for your Bull** My BS selfish. Some advice would be great and im going to buy those books.

I am so sorry you are sick. It is so hard when we are alone and feel miserable. Right now she is selfish all WS are. It is all about the. However this will also make her realize how important you are. You were not there for her. Oh my. Now she is getting a feeling for being a single Mom to bad for her. She does need a taste of single motherhood. She needs to get a babysitter and the one who does it for free is unavailable. This is actually good. You have always made things easy for her. Now comes the tough part for her and she is mad at you. Oh well. It is part of life. Deep breath -relax fo see Dr. and get well. It is time to take care of you. Don't forget and you do forget this she is an alien..

Sorry to hear you're not feeling well.

Those brief encounters are good ways to plan A her.

You need to find out if there is an A going on. Nothing you do will help as long as the A is active. Enlist some of your friends on the force. They should be able to help you to find out.

Keep working on yourself, watch out for LB's, anticipate: don't react to the "babble".

Don't give up hope. We're just starting now. Hug that DD, she will give you hope and strength.

I got a xmas card from WS in the mail today. I twas signed LOVE WS and DD. Now when I oened it and read it, it made me feel a bit angry and sad b/c I took as a message meaning she is moving on and Im sure she sent out others the same WAY. I aslo took it as at least she sent me one, but the weird thing is how she signed it using the word LOVE I have not herd her say that in about 7 months. Just before the Hockey game incident she had asked me acouple times if I loved her via text I simply said yes. I asked her if she loved me and she said she didn't know. prior to the hockey game incident.

I went to the doctors and got some antibiotics for this strep. WS has not even called to see how im doing.

If i were to send emails to her what should I say?? any ideas would be great.

You could send her and e-mail stating you are on antibiodics and she may want to keep and eye on DD. I would keep it impersonal right now. But say something like just in case either one of you feels ill I want you to know. Take care Love H.

Well she called me at 5:15 pm and asked what did the Doctor say and I told her I have strep and they gave me antibiotics they also drew blood and when she asked me about the blood i just told her to check for stuff and she was like what kind of stuff and i said the usuall. WS then said in a jokingly manner for VD and I went along with her joke She also asked if I had to you know what in a cup not pee so I said no I did that on my own lol. There were othe silly things she asked,we laughed and I bilieve she was testing my humor b/c I get a little up tight about that stuff. I just threw out there why don't you and DD come home and she said BS no I said ok and she then discussed about going out to get DD some new boots and asked if I would split the cost. See I cant deny DD anything but if she needs boots then I should just get them. This goes back to her always having to ask me and I don't like it. So I went out and bought her 4 outfits on my own.

The conversation was nice I even thanked her for the Xmas card she sent me that was singed love WS DD.

Anyadvice.

One thing you do not want to sound to needy.There is a thing called the 180 that seems to work sometimes. From what I gather it is to make your WS think that you are seeing soemone else. It makes them see you as someone they still want and are about to loose. I am sure it comes with risks. I have read about others here who have done it. What they do is leave the phone book out with travel agents showing and brochures around the table. Get dressed up like they are going out on a date ect. Things of this nature. Maybe the phone book left with resteraunts and ect. Places you used to take her when you were dating ect. Dress like you are going out. Even if you have to go to a movie alone - just ot be out of the house and be unavailable to her. Go visit a friend ect. just do not be so available to her. Like if she calls to ask if you could babysit one Sat night say gee I already have plans ect. Then get your self dressed up and get out of the house for 3 or so hrs. She will start thinking your seeing someone new and get her to thinking. Of course you could also think that this may make you loose her which could happen. From what I have read alot of WS do end up coming back. But not all.

Realtor I did do that several months back and she seemed to be curious but also got angry. I aslo was doing this for a few weeks before the hockey game and thats how we ended up going. She is really withdrawn from me right now. WS did call me today a bit after 9:00am and I was very short with her b/c I was at work and on a mission. She called to tell me that her shift draw results and she said she on days and I told her I was pretty busy and told her I would call her back and she said I was just letting you know kind of with an attitude. I do know the OM has today off and my WS does also and she dropped my DD off at the sitters b/c she had some running around to do. I did call her a couple of times and she has not called back.

Im starting to believe my WS could be a Narcisit she never shows any empathy and always puts the blame on me and her parents have said she has been putting the blame on them when she was a child.

I once mentioned this to WS about her being a narcissit and she laughed at me and said oh somebody knows a big word.

I have been really been looking back in my memory bank and she was great loving and even said sorry a few times not often though. So Im wondering.

I think since she is with this OM things are going to be a little more difficult and if this is the guy my DD named I know he is married with a toddler and one on the way. This just discusses me.

Some words of advice please

If you are sure he is the one then you need to expose to his W. ASAP. When you throw a wrench in the mix of the A it causes things to go wrong. Gather your proff and present it to his wife. Then sit back and watch as things fall apart for them. It is quite a show.