I concur with realtor.

Have you had any success with your friends on the force to confirm your suspicions?

Make absolutly certain that he IS the OM.

In exposing DO NOT give any indication that you are going to do this. That will give the WW & OM time to come with a story to "spin" the exposure and dramatically lessen its effects.

Do expose to everyone all at once. Again if you expose to small group and then another small group it will give time to WW & OM to come up with a cover story and dramatically lessen its effects.

When they are shocked and reeling that are more likely to let a little "truth" slip out.

Your marriage can survive your WW's temporary anger. It CAN NOT survive an ongoing A.

Stay strong.

I have to gather mor proof. I have only what DD has told me and she is 3. What she has told me is she had Dinner with Mommy OM and DD. MY DD also has named some other people who have been over and I asked one of them and they said yes. So I do know she is smart and telling the truth.

My WS is going out tomorrow night and I suspect maybe with om She claims she is going out with another female co-worker and an old boss they use to work with. I happen to talk to this women and asked Have you herd from old Boss and she looked a bit like what are you talking about and who are you talking about and then she says oh I herd he is going to putting his papers in. But no mention about tomorrow. Now this women is very bi-polar so I dont know if that has a play in it.

I did talk to Jennifer yesterday and she suggest a letter her explaining my desire to work on this M and a follow up letter with a care package stating WS might be wondering about the plan I suggest in first letter. Along with the book HNHN. Im not very good at that type of stuff and Jennifer wants me to send her a copy before I send them.

Ok it is a start. Now you have soemthing to start on. Let us know what happens.If you need help post your letter here and we can check it out and avise you. Try not to sound needy.

I just got served the D papers they came certified mail. I have to get this letter out to WS ASAP. I still have a glimmer of hope. Im going to act as if. I don't have the money for an attorney and now I have to find it. Merry XMAS to me. I really need to get some input today. I have my DD today. I pretty scared right now but I will hang tuff. She has asked for 162.00 a week in child support 640. dollars a month on my 2400.00 take home per month with a house and car etc.. she also wants have the equity in the house. which is about 13000.00 I dont think i will make it. I will continue with my plan A. Thats all I have left.

This really hurts............

bump ^^^^

Do I tell her I have been served or do I continue with my plan A. I have to getan attorney. She has asked for physical custody with me having joint. I need some help with some advice.

Dear WS,
I am writting you this letter to let you know that both of us want a life our hearts desire. What I would first like to say is I know I did not give you the affection and attention your heart desired as a husband. I have regrets, I would like to apologize for this and all I can ask is if you can forgive me from your heart. I have put myself in your shoes and now I understand from inside my heart what has happened and why it has taken place. A light bulb has gone off over my head and I have knowledge myself and learned during these last seven months. I do know of a great plan that can turn this around and if you would have a willingness to take a look at these great possibilities to make things right for DD you and me in a loving ,caring thoughtful way the reward would be endless. All things I so desire to you seem hopeless and a change is a factor of motivation. We will start getting on this path, but you wont be in love with me, it will take time. What Im asking is for an oppurtunity to open the door for what our hearts desire.

This is a start if you would like to add somthing let me know. I dont know how much more can be said or how little.

Do I need to add more??

Some advice would be great.
This was some of the things I wrote down when I spoke with Jennifer.

I don't think I would put our hearts desire. As she does not have those thought in her right now. But to offer to try and work things out is great. Tell her you know you failed to meet her needs and are trying to move ahead and make great progress in that department. Tell her you have been learning and now know where you believe you failed. Ask her to hold off on the D and give yourselves 6 months. I know this is hard but feel you are in the right place to get ahead. Now listen een if you get D you can still get back together. You may want to get an attorney now to help you with this. I would tell him you would like to repair your M and not get D. He may offer some advise that would work with the judge. Judges do not like to see people get D without some C.

thanks realtor for your advice I will ommit and add some stuff.

I have to get an attorney fast.

The sentence I know this is hard but feel you are in the right place to get a head. is her or me??

Question being that we are seperated and she has file for divorce and she is seein OM is it an Affair.

Dear WS,
What I would first like to say is I know I failed to meet your emotional needs you desired as a husband. I am trying to move ahead and make great progress in that department. I have regrets, I would like to apologize for this and all I can ask is if you can forgive me from your heart. I have put myself in your shoes and now I understand from inside my heart what has happened and why it has taken place. A light bulb has gone off over my head and I have knowledge myself and learned during these last seven months and I believe I know where I have failed. I do know of a great plan that can turn this around and if you would have a willingness to take a look at these great possibilities to make things right for DD you and me in a loving ,caring thoughtful way, the reward would be endless. All things I so desire to you seem hopeless and a change is a factor of motivation. We will start getting on this path, but you wont be in love with me, it will take time. What I'm asking is for an opportunity to open the door to work things out and asking you to hold off on the divorce to give myself six months. I know this is hard but I feel you are in the right place to get ahead.

iM NOT SURE OF THE LAST SENTENCE.
THIS IS THE REVISED LETTER

Bumping it up read the last couple of entries and need some input.

Yesterday WS called me as she was getting off work. Our District is having a Xmas party tonight that she cordinated and gets all stressed out ove. The call goes like this Hi hows DD b/c her ear has been bothering her so I asked her earlier in the day if she noticied anything. so anyways she asked me how her ear was and I said just dry chaffed on the outside she is 3 so the cold weather could be the cause. She thens says b/c I scared her by letting her know her ear is bothering her and I do that all the time. I did this once before when DD had a fever and was complaining and asking to talk to her mommy while she was out who knows what and would not answer her phone. So she then ask me did I get a ticket for the party and who did I buy it from. I tell her yes and she then ask me who are you taking I replied no one Im a committed Married man. She then says I dont know if you might come with a partner meenin patrol partner who is now her partner at work I said no. I then said my wife is going to be there she replies oh Im going to be leaving early with her GF to go out and were not meeting eachother meaning her and I. I remained very calm. I then said it would be nice to sit and talk to you someday. WS replies probably not and then i say you know I have alot of time during this seperation and I have really learned alot and knowledged myself in growing and I know where I failed by not meeting her emotional needs and she even said i was selfish wwhen it came to money etcc.. I told her that is what I have learned, she says your weird I simply said Im sorry you feel that way about me. Is change to them weird? WS seemed to open the door for a little talk. She says so we can have another night like the hockey game I replied no I have regrets and a night like that will never happen again. WS then said or like two weeks later you email a girl on yahoo and I again apologized for that and said that will also never happen again. See my WS still has somthing for me I don't know what maybe jealousy or she doesn't really want me to be with anyone else even though she doesn't say it I sense it. WS had this conversation in a very calm manner and then when she had enough she said I dont want to talk anymore and i said ok have a good day shopping for the work xmas gifts and be careful driving b/c it snowed here.

Any advice would be great.

Are you still married?

Yes?

Then it is an AFFAIR. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

As far and the D papers being in play: It isn't over until the judges final decree. She can withdrawl it at any point.

We just need to find a way to win her back.

1st point of order. Destroy the A. EXPOSE, do whatever you need to do but destroy the A. As long as she in active in the A, it will not matter what we do, she will not come back.

Your WW will be furious <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> when you expose, Doesn't matter. Your M can survive your WW temporary anger. It CANNOT survive an ongoing A.

What first attracted her to you / you to her? Try to recover that and assure her that you will not allow yourself to "drift away" again.

A very good starting point.

Stay strong.

I cant figure it out. I suspect this om she works with but I don't have the proof. I will continue my investigation.

Today she called and asked how DD was and I said ok, I told her we went to my sisters. I asked if she got the xmas gifts for the work party finished and she said yes that they went to the mall. I told her I was at the mall buying DD boots. I then could tell a change in her tone. She said she had to go. I said ok. WS called back about 3 mins later and then tells me I cant believe you have her for a night and you get a sitter. I was there for an hour. Anyways she gets mad and says when DD gets older Im going to tell her how you didn't want to be with her. What is she talking about has she gone mad. She is mad also b/c I was sick for 4 days with strep and walking neumonia and DD should of been with me during this time???

WS called me again and asked why am I going to the work party I said b/c I use to work at that district for the last 9 yrs and she then says your going to bother me all night I actually started to laugh and told her I have to go.

About 3mins later she calls me again and I did not answer she called me 2 more times and I did not answer, she left me a voice mail about picking up raffle tickets from the house tha I forgot to leave in the mail box and she goes on about the last couple of times we were out and how I acted while drinking and if I understood why she didn't want me there. I do know the last couple of times we did go out we both did drink and things did go wrong. I wonder if she is upset also OM is going to be there. Anyways I called her back an hour later and told her I understand her concerne and thats somthng that is diffrent about me she also asked if she could go into the house, I simply told her why would you ask its always been your home and she said ok in a very calm voice. She did get the tickets and I left my copy of the D papers on the counter. I wonder how that made her feel seeing that I have been served? She didn't call me about them being out on the counter. I just wish some reality will set in her.

Any comments are welcomed.

I have to find out more about this OM

bump it up

I'm sure that I mentioned it before but I'll say it again.

Make certain you've got the right OM or exposure will backfire on you BIGTIME.

Have you any confidants on the force to help you confirm whom the OM is? Just a thought.

She is angry over you getting a babysitter. She is jealous that is all it is all b.s.I would not change my schedule to suit her and take DD on a schedule weekly or bi-wkly. I would not be to quick to jump in a babysit so she has a free night out with OM. It makes it harder for her to see Om when she has DD at home...She will be angry. Sure but it may cause problems for her with her A.

FM,

You are doing this whole thing wrong. Before I jump in this fray, I want to know how serious are you in doing what it takes to save your M or at least to protect your DD?

I notice that you were given some good advice by MM and Orchid on p. 2 which you have chosen to ignore. Let me suggest that may be the reason why you have not gotten more feedback on your thread. You keep going on and on, but you seem to never take the time to really listen or do what is being suggested to you. Again, I ask, how willing are you to listen and do what is necessary? I need to know that I am not about to waste my time if I am to get involved here.

BTW, I think you need to change your approach urgently.

Best