WW called me but I was in the shower so I call her back and she asked me if I got a hold of my sister so she can watch DD, I told her no and i told her I was busy and she gets angry b/c I told her I have to let her go and she tells me shes not going tonight and I was already in the process of hanging up. I called her back and said your not going xmas shopping tonight and she said no so i told ok no problem and then she goes off again and says I have an attitude today. See Im being polite short and sweet and she says I have an attitude maybe b/c im not getting mad or begging her to go. Then she sends me a text that says DD is staying with her tonight. Nice and convient b/c she cant see OM. I have to get his address so I can expose this to his wife. I just don't think I should before Xmas.

On the contrary, I think the timing would be perfect for the most damaging effect on the A.

Remember the A is your enemy. You must DESTROY it before you can work to recover your M. A's thrive in the shadows, shine some light on it and EXPOSE it. When you expose do it all at once. Do not warn that you are going to do this! That will only give them time to "spin" it and lessen it's effects.

and as UVA said:

Words to the wise from the wise. Take heed of them.

Stay Strong!

thanks walkingthefield. A few of my friends all think I should just get rid of her. I don't know if she is capable of recovering ever. I have three photos of his truck from last night in WW parking lot. I would like to get some photos of him going into her building etc.. I don't know if the once I have is enough for OM wife. I would like some insight on this and her being pregnant. This makes me nervous.

FG,

OMW will NOT like hearing the news but I doubt that it will come as a complete surprize.

Most BS's know that something is going on but have not been able to convince themselves what it is yet. Your news (as bad as it is) may be a relief in that what they are afraid of was real, that they are not "going crazy".

Remember that her WS has likly been "spinning" (translation: Lying) where he has been and why. OMW is probably already suspecious.

OMW's first reaction may be hostile / Shocked / Denial. Be prepared for this! Make sure that you leave your contact information with her in case she wants to talk to you later.

If OMW decides to work with you, the both of you will be able to destroy the A much quicker. Both of you will have pieces of the puzzle and will quickly fill in the "big" picture.

I know that "getting rid of her" would be the easiest thing to do. It would NOT be the best thing to do. Your DD deserves two parents who work together. OP's children deserve this also. Work toward reconsilliation. It will be better for everyone if you can do so.

Stay Strong!

Everyone is capable of recovery. The beauty of a good Plan A is that it will help to create an environment where recovery is possible.

Stay Strong!

When I expose the A to WW I know I have to be confident and secure with myself. What do I say to her that I know she is having an affair with OM and Do I let her know I exposed it to everyone? Or just let the calls come in. I feel sick to my stomach.

I just talked to WW who now wants to go Xmas shopping with me for DD presents. I asked how she was feeling she told me nausies when she eats I said to her you use to get that way when you where pregnant with DD and her reply was oh yea Im pregnant through emaculient consemtion I dont think I spelled that right. I almost laughed. How they lie right to your face.

I am getting ready to pick WW up from her apt to go xmas shopping with her for DD. I have a really sick feeling in me. I don't know if im going to handle it. How can she be able to look into my eyes. This pain really sucks and you think I would be able to handle this since this is he 3rd A in the last 7 months. My poor child, how is she going to go through life like this. I have prayed and prayed so many times until I fall asleep. My mind continues to work overtime. I have always been an over anaylizer. I just want my mind to stop shut down. I want to wake up from this nightmare. I feel like I want to crawl under a rock and never return. I feel like all im doing is torturing myself to see my WW slip from my hands has been such awful pain. Is there light at the end of the tunnel. God be with me.

Yes you do.



That she's still your wife and that this affair must end.


BTW: Yes, WS are VERY good at lying. Even to themselves.



When you Expose you won't need to tell her, She'll come looking for YOU! And she will be really, really, PI$$#D! Be prepared for that! She will start to spew venom like shes never spewed it before.

That will likely be the beginning of the end for the A.

Your new Mantra should become: I will talk marriage rebuilding only, Leave the divorce talk to the lawyers.

The OM will now be so busy doing damage control on his M that he won't be as "available" to your WW.

Have you considered going to a Dr and seeing about AD's? They may help you to get through this. The next few months are likely to be very rough no matter what the ultimate outcome.

I cant take this anymore she is so gone that no matter what I say or do she looks at me like Im crazy and tells me i am. I have to admit I sure do suck at this stuff. I never let her know what I have on her with Om though. Even if I expose this affair she will deny it. I know her. We where talking about the child support and I told her that what she is asking is unreasonable and she replies she had nothing to do with it and it will be settled in the settlement. She then says it will only be for child care and I said I have a sitter lined up and infront of my DD she used every swear word to man and even said she would put a bullet in me if anything ever happen to DD and told her to stop saying this infront of DD. She then went on to say I was threatening her by using DD as a pawn to get a reaction which is not true. I have such a problem talking about us I cant get over this hump the pain and Im sure it has alot to do with my findings last night. I cant take it anymore I have to try and go into plan B to save my sanity.
She also said she going to get it in writing that she has to interview any person I have watch DD. She wants to control everything but sure doesn't want to be responsible for her own actions. She has no regards for anything or anyones feelings. I feel like I have been to ****** and back.

FM,

If you can, do not discuss child support, custody or divorce with WW. When these subjects come up, tell her that you don't do divorce, you only do marriages. Tell her if she really wants to talk about them she can contact your lawyer. You have to be a broken record on this. Nothing good will come out of such discussions.

Yes, all WSs look their BSs in the eyes and lie to them. They all do this. Your WW is no different from all the rest.

Do you have support from your family?

Have you thought about seeing a doctor? 3 affairs in 7 months is a lot. If she is a serial cheater she will need a lot of help to have a healthy relationship. This does not bode well.

Have you thought of going to IC for yourself?

Lastly, the sooner you expose the better it will be.

I exposed WW today and boy did she get angry and denied everything. She told me to die infront of DD what a evil person. She lied and about Om DD being over her place with him and then said yes she did call him to see what he was doing and he did come over with Mickey D's and his DD while his W was at work. She then tried to compare this to with my old partner saying hes married and has been over and he doesn't have any kids. See he's not having an A with her like OM. WW said she is getting a restraining order against me, I don't know on what grounds. She said alot of mean things even said she can do whatever she wants b/c she filed for D. She also said to me are you getting off on this. She even had the nerve to say I talked to his wife the other day, a ploy to act like shes doing nothing wrong. I highley doubt she talked to her. I asked her does his W know they are spending time together and she said I don't know and I said she does now. I told her I did this b/c im standing up for my family and she replied there is no family and you lost your family along time ago. She even told me I should just eat my gun. I never yeld at her or even got angry I just told her Im fighting for my family I took DD home and she called me twice and then sent me a message asking to talk to DD. When she called again I handed the phone to DD and she told DD to come home b/c she missed her. DD then said goodbye and I told WW she was done and hung up. I wonder whats going to happen now. I almost feel as if this doesn't work that i know I gave it my all and will getting rid of a problem.. The only thing that bothered me is how she says this type of mean stuff infront of DD.

Who did you expose to and what were their reactions?

Could you answer the questions I asked you in my last post?

You did good, BTW.

I did expose it to WW OM and her family I have not exposed it to OM wife, I have to be very careful with this b/c I have a code of conduct manual at work that i have to keep my private life un sulley. MY WW told me today that OM will go to my unit and internal Affaires if I mess with his family. See this is a big mess. My WW told me to get over it and just let her go and stop being obsessing over her. I told her I am standing up for my family and Im committed to my M, her reply was we are not M. She then went on to say how sorry she feels for me b/c I can't let go and how I must have alot of pain. My then went on to say how I was not there for her when she needed attention and affection and had to go outside the M b/c anyone would of having to live with me. I told her I understand and I know what I failed at. I did tell her that going outside the M is not the answer. When I told her that she has been with OM the other night she denied it and he was there but her lie was not very convincing and thats all I can focus on is who she has been with and its not my problem and I can't control her I simply told her your right I can't they are your decisions. WW also went on to say how she no longer wants me talking to her parents about our relationship and they don't like me anyways. I know her father and if he did not want me talking to him he would of said so. I told him Im not telling him this for him to dis own his Daughter but to let him know the truth of what is going on. I know blood is thicker than water. WW also said her parents are the ones who pushed her for divorce and then recanted and said they didn't push but suggested so who knows what has been said.

My concern is my DD being pulled through this mess. She is involved with this married OM and keeps trying to compare if other married men where to be around DD, she is trying to compare apples to orngaes.

I have gone to IC and Im not depressed Im hurt and angry that a person who loved you so much can be so mean and just try to take you down. WW said Im trying to deystroy her happinesss. Whatever.

You need to tell OMW ASAP. That is the best way to bust up the A. If OMW knows she will make it harder for OM to cake eat on his M. You also need to tell your mutual friends. They can be of great help.

Don't worry about internal affairs. There is nothing illegal about telling the truth. You are not harassing anyone but only telling the truth to relevant parties as you deem necessary. If OM thinks that telling his wife is interfering with his M, you have to ask him, how is having sex with your WW not interfering with your M. If the situation was not so tragic it would be funny. I think internal affairs can see the real culprit here. So I would not worry about it. Remember, your WW will do and tell you anything to keep you from exposing their A. You just have to do what you have to do.

FG,

I strongly echo eveything that UVA is telling you. Tell OMW ASAP.

The only thing that I would add is that you might want to ask your MIL & FIL if they would help you to fix your M.

Remember that until you spoke with them the only info that they got about this is what WW told them.

We all know that WS's lie. They lie when they look us in the eye, they lie when they are not looking at us, they lie to themselves, they lie when we aren't around. They lie to try to rasanalize the unrasanalizable.

Stay strong.

I do understand your advice, however OMW is 7 months pregnant and I would hate for anything to do with an early delivery or complication of her baby.

I did not take any of WW calls yesterday and boy was she pissed. WW left a message saying I was being uncooperative and irresponsible, b/c it was about DD all she had to do was leave me a message and I would of text her back. When I finally did answer the phone she told me that I could not have DD all week and I was not aloud to be with them on Xmas so I wont get to watch her open presents that I bought b/c WW has them all. WW went on saying why did you drop her off early to the sitters last week and what was I doing. I told her I did not know I had to answer to you. One of her favorite lines she tells me all the time. I told her I had some business to take care of and she replied what did you have to do I said I had to take care of some stuff she then said Oh I will find out. See if I have DD and as a father I have the right to do whatever I want my own sitter etc.. My WW even told me when I start dating that I cant bring DD around any OW until Im engaged, what a double stander. I then told he I have to go.

I am at a diffrent level now its like I don't even care anymore what WW does. The only thing that bothers me is how she can have an A with a married man and bring my daughter around him and hes bringing his DD around her.

WW called me several times today but I did not answer and when i finally did she went into all this drama why I wont answer the phone, I told her I was busy and had to let her go. I really think this WW is out of control and losing her mind. She has attacked everything about me and my family. She has to be hurting inside. (maybe not) She has said some of the manest things to me. But sure denies the A. The A she was at her apt with him lights off and both cars in the lot but denies it. Lies about om DD being at her apt and then admits it.

I did call her to tell her im taking DD tue and wed and fri she said ok, before she said I couldn't have her all week. What is going on in her head. I also asked her how she is doing and she told me to screw off and if I wanted to talk to anyone talk to my DAD. One minute she forbids me to talk to her parents and then tells me to go ahead.

I truly believe this women wants to control me even outside of this M she did while in the M and still wants to do it now. I truly believe she is feeling like she is losing control. I feel so much better now. WW called me tonight and left me a voice mail saying " first do you know what its like being a women 2nd a single mom with a toddler and who has to worry about some freak taking pictures of her and looking into her windows at night I am now caring my gun and you ruined my life I wish you would die die die" all this was said infront of my DD who I could here in the background. I would of normally reacted to such a message not anymore. First why worry about someone taking your pictures it happens to stars all the time, 2nd no one is looking in her windows. She started to cry at the end of her statement. and their is no one watching her it was a luck of the draw that day.

I wonder if her A with OM is falling apart and they have to be worried about me telling OMW.

I am not going to respond to her voice message.

I do notice she sure doesnt like when i dont answer the phone. I don't know what to think about her anymore I don't even want to think about it.

I do know she told my sister that she would like to come over a little more often with DD, this was said after the A was exposed. I believe she has a motive. I was calm and cool during every conversation while she was angry and trying to control the entire conversation.

some advice.

My WW is cold as ice towards me. Now what do I do? How do I meet her EN when she wont even talk to me and when she does, its all anger. We don't live together and I am starting to think we never will again this situation does seem hopless. I have to say my WW is very diffrent than most on this board. I do believe she is a narcassist. I myself have hit a new level of just not caring anymore its like I know I will be happy regardless of what happens.

I sure would like some advice on what to do now. My WW seems to be gone in her fantasy. I do believe she will just find someone else to go after. This seems to keep going on and on. It is going to be hard to continue with the plan A. I do know she doesn't like when I don't answer the phone when she calls, however she has not called yet.

Need some advice....

How do you respond to this statement from WW She tells me the day after exposure that she feels sorry for me because I must be hurting and the fact that I cant see her with another man she said this to me in a none caring tone almost as if im pathedic. How do you respond, All I did was listened I never said a thing. I do believe she was trying to push my buttons she is so evil right now.

It might very well be and of course OM will be terrified that the news will get back to his BS. This will make it much more difficult to carry on the affair.



The situation is only hopeless when YOU give up hope. Don't give in to the temptation. There is still a chance to save this M.



That's exactly right. She is still entertaining the fantasy that she will have both of you around to fill her EN's and her rep as a "good" woman.



She was. She is trying to push you away so you will give in and sign the divorce decree. She's not ready to believe that any changes for the better you have made are real. She's testing your commitment. Don't make this easy!

Have you kept up your journaling? That bit about I hope you will die / eat your gun may be usefull to you in court. It shows a certain lack of stability. Remember WW & OM are DESTROYING two families.

Remember the mantra.

I can't force you to do it but it is still a good idea to let the OMW know what is going on. The longer you wait the longer they have to prepare their answers to minimize the impact of the exposure.

Stay Strong!