Thanks Walkingthefield. I have counterfiled for D. I am also attempting physical custody with joint child custody. My WW did send me a text about a 2yr old who was abused and she was at the hospital Investigating the case. We sent a couple of text back and fourth about this and she asked me how DD was, so I know she does have some empathy and compassion in her. I Told WW that DD is ok. WW then told me to have DD call her later. The reason she wants DD to call her b/c she is afraid Im watching her b/c she asked me if DD was with me.

How do I handle her anger and she doesn't even want to talk to me. I said I know your angry and she told me to F***off and Die. WW then sent me a text about 10 mins later saying " We will never even be friends now " I did not reply to this text, b/c I have know idea on what to say.

I need some advice on attemting to meet her EN b/c she is cold as ice. I will continue to tell her im committed to this M and she has told me several times its over thats why she field for D. I tell her Im still committed and I don't do D. How is she going to handle the fact that I counterfiled b/c I had to so I can get physical custody for DD and the put in the paperwork i am concerned about her bringing OM around DD.

I have to stay strong and act strong. WW just called me to ask if I was picking DD up in the morning and I said yes I then asked her How she is doing and she paused and said fine in a very cold tone the whole conversation was this way. What to do. I don't want to buckle.

I need some advice.

I exposed my WW last saturday and she is very angry if you vets could take a look at my above post would be great.

I picked up DD this morning and I brought WW a coffee and I told her to stay warm and be careful, WW replied don't be nice to me and I replied im a nice guy. When she pulled off she through the coffee out her car window. I did not react or say anything. I have put boundaries in place by not reacting to her actions like this or when she says things to me.

I get the feeling WW wants me to pay the consequences for her actions. She has told me several times she can do whatever she wants and that our M is over with and she has filed for D. I did get served and I obtained a lawyer who has counter filed for D. I am asking for physical custody with joint. WW filing is the same. How or can I reach her.

Since I have exposed this third A she has attemted to shift all the blame onto me by telling me the usuall Im crazy physco a stalker etc... She even denied doing anything with OM. if you read above post you will see what im saying. I know I have to go into a plan B very soon.

I would like the vets thoughts on this.

Also my WW has told me that i cannot be with her and DD for xmas morning to watch DD open her gifts from Santa. This is going to kill me if zi cant be a part of.

bumping it up.

WW has told me several times she hates me and wishes me Dead.

Ok now listen to me. I did not expose to OWH and my M is shot. Just because she is pregnant 7 months is no excuse. This will be the ground breaker. I can't tell you this more strongly. Pregnant woman have a right to know. Alot of men step out of M when wife is pregnant. Your W may not be the only one. She may need to be ck'd for std's. The baby could be expsoed -she needs to know. Your W will continue to say bad things for a long time. It is standard.

I was thinking my WW had her first A which was EA possible PA. the second one was a one night stand and from there unkown. This third one is with a mrried man and also might just be SF, which im sure of. Prior to getting married she did tell me she has dated three prior married men and when i asked her why married men she said there was no attachment. I also was married when she met. I wonder if she is thrill seeking and enjoys taking a man from his wife.

This is a direct quote for the WS handbook. They ALL say the same things. Give her statement all the consideration that it is due: NONE.



She is not looking to you to fill her EN's, That's what the OM is for. All you can do is try to be loving from afar. She will not look to you for EN's until WW & OM begin LB'ing. You have to wait it out.



She is still clinging to the fantasy that this is all your fault and that she is your victim! FOG BABBLE! She is still trying to justify the unjustifiable: the A's She filed for D because she is trying to avoid the true consequences of her actions. Coming clean to YOU!



You know why you had to do this. You can not control how she interpets this. But we both know that she will think it is hypocritical. Nothing can be done about this unless she allows you to talk to her.



She's angry that you're making this more difficult for her. She wants you to be angry with her and sign the documents to get it done. She's trying to pick fights with you. Don't give in.



Excellent! Anticipate / Don't React. I sure that they taught you this in the Police Acadamy.



Of course she does! She certanily doesn't want to pay them. After all (in WW's mind) it's your fault.



Another quote from the WS handbook. Remind her that until the D if finalized that she is still your wife and should act accordingly.



You can't right now. She is still too angry over the Exposure. Give her a little time. You will be able to tell when you can talk to her again.



Of course she is. This is another quote from the WS handbook. They all do this. They do this to try to justtify the unjustifyable. They are trying to fool themselves. They know deep down that what they are doing is wrong.



Unless you are truly almost out of love with WW I would NOT reccomend this. I don't think that you've given enough time to plan A to set a safe environment for WW to come home to. Another point of Plan B is that you can not have any contact with WW until A is over. Have you set up pick up / drop off points for DD where you will be assured that you will not have to interract with WW? A poorly executed Plan B is ineffective at best and detrimental at worst. You can always to into B at a later time but make sure you have laid the proper groundwork for it to be effective first.



WW is punishing you for the exposure. Next time you speak to her ask her in what way is it beneficial for your DD for you to not be there on XMAS.



Have you kept up your journal. I will become an invaluable resource if you wind up fighting for custody.

Remember this: The M is not over until the Final divorce decree is signed. Up until that point you CAN save your M.

Don't give up hope!

Stay Strong!

thanks again. I get a better understanding. I really don't know what i feel for WW anymore some days I love her and some days I want nothing to do with her.

She just call to find out what time I was going to bring DD over her mothers house. I slipped in hows work and she said fine in a stern voice. I said ok i have to go and we both said bye.

I will ask her what is the benefit for DD if I can't be there watching her open her gifts on Xmas.

I do hang onto hope alot of friends look at me like im crazy and even ask why just get it over with and move on.

I truly believe my WW is going to bit in A$$ in the long run what goes around comes around. I just wished she could escape this fantasy. maybe this just who she really is.

Thanks again

I was sitting here thinking that I have realized she has been a great stress in my life for about the last 1 1/2 years. As I sit and think I can see the clarity that I don't need her in my life especially like this. The one thing that keeps me hanging on is I feel as if I can save her from this and the fact that she is my wife and I told god for better or for worse death due us part.

I know deep inside her heart she is trapped in all this chaos. Even if we have to D she might come back around.
The problem is will I take her back or I might of even moved on.

WW told me a couple of days ago that when and if I start dating that I can't bring DD around other women unless Im engaged. Now is this jealosy that an OW would be playing her role or is this her controlling behavior she is so good at wanting to control everything.

I remember WW mother telling me that she doesn't understand why she is so mean to me and WW has always blamed everyone else when things go wrong.

My old partner who currently works with my WW has told me he notices her blaming others for things. WW made an arrest on a person who disobeyed a restraining order and she did not make the proper notifications and when brought to her attention she said oh I thought my partner did. He has also noticed her lack of insecurity in the job itself attempting to act she knows more than she really does. I do remember her always coming to me for police advice when she worked the street. about a month ago she called me and asked me about writing a certain ticket and did tell her how. I never criticized her or anyone for there lack of knowledge. I never really study while in the academy it all came natural to me and I was even given an award through the state. I also have never second guessed myself at work but when it came to my marriage I do so often and I believe it was b/c WW was so controlling and manuplative. Im not blaming her I blame myself for not setting boundaries.

I recall many times when I asked WW lets put are thoughts and what we need to do for one another on paper and she had told me, thats a stupid idea I was always coming up with solutions to problems but she never wanted to participate, she even told me it should just be natural. How wrong she was. I do know I did some wrong things by telling her stuff like why would you do that instead of encourging her. How I wish I could go back in time. I have told myself that a million times whats done is done and its the past.

WW has told me several times that I will only bring up her first A to throw it in her face and when ever I tried to get answers thats how she responded you just can't let it go. She was right I couldn't b/c I never had any answers b/c she never wanted to discuss it. I did tell her that I would and believe I can forgive her but I guess she feels she has caused to much pain. Now look its her third A and this might only be some sort of thrill but she is my wife and she should act like it until the D.

Sorry for rambling on just venting my thoughts.

I will take anyones advice or input on what is the best course of action in this stage of the game.

It's normal to feel this way FG, All BS go through this.



Why? Because you still love your wife. She's still someware inside that WW, just buried deep at the moment. Your holding out hope that W will somhow emerge again from WW. Don't give up hope!



You know that there is goodness in your WW. Your holding out hope that she will discover it again. You take your vows seriously.



Typical WS double standard babble. Give it all the considerations it is due.



That right. Shes still trying to avoiding the consequences of the A's. She know's that what she did wasn't right. She knows that to make this right she has to come clean to YOU. WS's will do almost anything to avoid this!



This site is designed for people to ramble / vent. And more importantly, to get hope.

Stay Strong!

Walkingthefield thanks for following my sitch.

I have a update, Im nervous and don't know what to think.

I get a call from WW who tells me be honest and tell me that I have been a good Mom b/c she got her D papers in the mail. My attorney asked me alot of questions about her. He put in the papers that Im concerne with Other men coming around my DD and that her angry outburst may cause WW to have a dicipline issue towards DD. WW was very angry I told her I don't do divorce and im only about Marriage.
WW still continued to talk and tell me she has the best attorney and was telling me that she told her attorney all he is concerned with is her with OM and obssesed over her. When WW tells me Im obsessed I simply tell her its my commitment to our M.

I droped the call b/c I was at work and I called her back WW again went inot what was written on the D papers and told me I was being vindictive, I told her I don't want a D she said why are you making up lies I said I did not lie attorneys can twist your words I did tell her I told my attorney that she has angry outburst and their has been pyhsical abuse on her part. I also asked her how does DD benfit opening xmas presents with me not being there, WW replies I don't want you in my apt thats how. WW hangs up and then calls me back and she again tells me about the D I told her you are my wife and until we are D why dont you act accordingly. WW replied no im not. WW said to me that I can not have DD tomorrow and that DD is going to mothers and I can get her on xmas after she opens her gifts. I told her I dont do divorce and I only will talk about marriage I had to hang up on her.

I was busy at work I got a text from her saying " your 2nd marriage look in the mirror. and Im going to tell them about your homosexuality tendancies. I called her back and said what are you talking about she replies remember when DD was 7 months old and you left porn on the computer it was a web site that has all sorts of stuff on it shootings porn even funny stuff. I never watched porn infront of my DD and I told her it wasn't anything to do with homosexuality and she says it doesnt matter.

I get another text from her saying call me ASAP. I call her back and she doesn't sound good. WW tells me I can come over at 7:30 am on xmas day to watch DD open presents and says promise me you wont talk about marriage or Divorce I said ok, I promise. I asked if she is ok she says no and begans to cry and says her mother and father came over to her apt to pick DD up and her father would not look at her and left the room. I told her why dont you talk to me I know we have made some mistakes and if you could open yourself up to me we can get through this it will be hard but it can be done. She did listen and then went on to say why did you get my parents involved they have nothing to do with our relationship and you did it to brake up my family and I need to apologize to them. I said I am not braking up your family they are family I told them so I can save our marriage, I also said I would not apologize to them for her actions and she got angry and said your obsessed with me i again said Im committed to my Marriage. WW then hung up.

I sent her a text a few hours later and said is she going to your mothers in the morning or am I picking her up. WW replied pick her up.

WW says one thing and then a totally diffrent thing.

Im a little nervous about Xmas is she sofenting or is she have some sort of motive?

I do believe she thought I was not going to get an attorney and she was going to have her way and i would just sign. is this starting to hit her.

I don't like seeing her like this I would like some advice I would like to tell her that there have been alot worst marriages than ours that have surveyed.

I don't know what to think of this.

WW just called me a few minutes ago and asked me how DD is,I told her fine. She then ask me why do you have to go their with her not being a good Mom and You can say whatever you want about me as a wife, and you want to play hardball with lawyers. I told her i don't want any of this D and I said I don't want to talk about it and our M is salvagable. I told her I had to go. I ended the phone call. They really like to play with your emotions all the time. I have to stand tall to get through this mess.

You ared oing great do you see what reveilinmg the A to family ect has done. She is begining to crack. Now cal the OMW!!!!!!Sit back and wath the A end all the pieces will be broken now and the trouble will start in the A and the LB's wil start between them.

bumping it up
thanks realtor.. im working on that.

FG,

realtor* is giving you good advise. I'd listen to her. She's telling you exactly what will happen if you do this.

Stay Strong!

I know the advice im getting is great and Im working on that. Did you read above about last night when she called and text me several times walkingthefield.

She also told me today this could of been easy and Im making it difficult. Did she want it to be easy so she did not have to face the consequences and I was suppose to just agree with what ever she wanted. This the problem that I have finally realized has happened to my M. I never stood up for myself and i allowed her to control me. I told her before I hung as sshe was telling me the relationship is done I said ok fine. Then she sent me a text about one of our co-workers kids said a bad word as if we nothing happened. I replied to it and said Oh boy and that happens, DD is in the tub.

What is going on in her mind????

bumping it up...

Remember your Mantra. You are about the M. The lawyers are about the D. You don't know exactly what the Lawyer is going to do. You leave that up to his / her expertise.


You are not being vindictive. You told your side of the story to your lawyer and he did his job.



Now who's being vindictive? Hmmm...



We all know the truth. She just wants to deny it. Typical WS FOG BABBLE. Give it at the consideration it is worth.



She is still being vindictive. She will use DD as a pawn to exert control over you! Does this sound like the actions of a good mother?



She's just spewing more venom again and trying to control you with implied threats. She knows that this woun't hold up in court.



Look! Did you see that? That was your W speaking. She's still in there. We just need to coax her out more often.



You've just picked up some very powerful allies in the fight to save your M. Horray for FIL & MIL! Be sure to thank them for their support.



That's right! Excellent! Show her the way home! Remind her that it IS there.



You said exactly the right thing and she knows it to be the truth (even if she's not yet ready to admit it to herself).



Typical WS stuff, Pay attention to their actions. Not so much to their words. Remember what I said about lieing?



I'm sure that it is both. Things in fantasy land may not be going as well as she wants. The exposeure is putting strain on the OM. He will have to spend a great deal of time with his W to insulate her for the truth of what is going on. Her motive? It may be nothing more that to put on an act that she is a good mother. Watch her actions rather than listen to her words.



Yes, it is starting to hit her. She was fantasizing that you were just going to cave in and make this easy for her. This little peek at reality is really disturbing to her.



No one wants to see the ones we love go through this. The problem is that HER choices have brought her to this position. We have to wait for her to realize that it was her poor choices that brought her to this position. Sometimes it's a long wait. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />



Yes they do and they are quite skilled at it. And Yes you do have to stand tall to get through this.



Yes, she is correct. You could have made it easy (for her, not you or DD). And you are making more difficult (for her). Notice that her central concern is for herself. NOT you or DD. This is a very typical thought process for the WS. We like to refer to it as the me!me!me! mode.



YES, Of Course! Remember that this is HER fantasy. No reality need apply. Remember that she will do almost anything to avoid facing the consequences of her choices.



Boy, If I could truthfully answer that one! But here is my guess: She wants you to be "around" to drop of DD whenever she needs to meet up with the current OM. She wants your financal support to pay for it, and she wants you available to spew her venom at when she's upset. She wants to be able to do this and retain the title of "Super Mom"

Sorry for being so blunt about the last comment. Your WW needs a real reality check and I'm afraid that it is coming due soon. She needs to break out of this me! mentality before she can work on the M.


BTW: I'm really glad that you posted last night & this morning. Did you see the news wire from Boston? The first reports sounded scarily familar. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Stay Strong!

Hi FM,

I have been gone for a couple of days but I see that Realtor and Walking have been giving you some good advice. I just want to re-emphasize two points they have been making.

(1) Expose to OMW ASAP (if you want to give your M a chance), and

(2) Do not discuss the D with your WW. Tell her you only do marriage and your lawyer does divorce. If she has any questions on the D, she can have her lawyer contact yours. You have to be like a broken record and be very adamant about this.

You have been doing great.

Thanks again walkingthefield you always give me streangth.
Thanks Uva abd realtor. I seem to be in another place with myself right now. itsl like what she tells me is falling on deaf ears.

I did hear that about the Boston Police officers and its just so crazy. There has been several situations within my Dept. that have occured with shots fired and fights. I learned one thing from my father and that is stand tall and walk right through. I never had any thought of hurting anyone.

Update.
I talked to MIL and I told her that im committed to the M and I want to save it. Mil did have an affair herself when WW was about 6 or 8. I told her that Im not obssesed with WW but committed and I had to expose the truth and wouldn't you know it MIL says I dont think she is doing anything with anyone I said yes she is with a married man who has a child and one on the way, MIl tells me I don't really want to know b/c it upsets me to see your M the way it is and I love you both. Mil then tells me WW is working has a GF and is just having fun. Fun at my expense of pain and hurt. I truly think MIL is enabling her and allowing her Daughter to walk all over her. Mil tells me its not all you I know WW is a very difficult person to live with and I want to make sure I can see DD. See Mil is only concerned with see DD so she doesn't want to piss off WW. FIL on the other hand knows the pain and hurt im talking about so I know he doesn't like what WW has done and is doing.

A while back when the first A was exposed FIL was on my side until my WW found out he told me to document everything and he clamed up but he has again showed WW how he feels by his actions.

I think I rammbled im tired some more advice would be great.


My WW called me while I was at work and she asked me the usuall whats up I said nothing, hows work she said busy I said what is going on she said she had a report to do. WW also said she was going to go and gett DD a xmas dress tonight. She sounded a bit sad, i told her I had to go and she said ok.

I called her and left a voice message that I would bring the fake pony we bought DD over on sunday morning and I would put a ribbon on it. She did call me back and we discussed the pony and how we would sneak it in and I suggested we leave it outside her apt door and have DD open the door to get it she liked the idea. MY wife has spoken again.

My WW called me again and left me a voice mail I did not retreive it. WW then called me on my work cell and I did not see it was her and I answered,if I would of known it was her I would of not answered the phone. Anyways she tells me she left me a message about paying for half of her xmas presents and earlier she told me when I asked about half of the money she replied oh i gave you cash your not getting anything from me. I simply said ok its for DD I have no problem paying for them. Vindictive. anyway she goes on to say how she will give me my half and I owe half of the babysitting and my electric bill again went to her apt. The point Im making is she vindictively told me she was going to say she gave me cash for the gifts but has not given me anything. She then gets into the D and i told her I don't do D and we are not going to talk about D or M, she continues to talk about D and how I have attacked her mother hood abilities I told her thats for the attorneys to work out and she says honestly tell me if thats what you believe I told her I don't do D and im about M she then goes and says your law firm is a joke and all they are doing is taking your money and I have the best lawyer in the county. I can tell she is trying very hard to keep her compsure and i think she is trying to make good on everything so she doesn't look like a A$$ and she then says then you cant come over sunday I ignored it and then hung up. I left her a message and said I just want to tell you this I don't do D im about M commitment and family.