I dropped DD off this morning at are usual spot. WW is on vacation and she was there when I pulled up at 8:10am.

WW got out of the car and handed me a coffee. She has not done that in a long time. I told her thanks for the coffee she replied I felt like I had to do it. I bring her coffees almost every time we do the exchange. I told her I was going to bring her one and she said its ok and I know its a little more difficult with DD.

I gave WW a hug and kissed her on the forehead just before I got DD out of her car seat.

WW put DD into her car and I told her I have always liked the pants she had on. WW stood there for a second and I asked how her evening was and she replied I want to a martini bar with best friend. I replied did you have a good time and she said yes I said good. I then huggeg her for about a minute and she said I have to go. WW then drove off.

I did send her a text saying " Thank you for the Coffee XOXOXO" She replied " OK "

WW is allowing me to touch her again. I felt good this morning b/c of her action. I am a bit guarded,Im unsure and feel like she has somthing up her sleeve. Is this normal to feel this way.

some advice would be good.

You are right to be guarded and suspicious. Nonetheless, it is good that she is being nice and cordial to you. Maybe, the fog is lifting, but maybe not. Who knows? What is important is that you keep on being nice and meeting her ENs when given the chance. You seem to be doing great in that regard.

As a note, do not try to dissect her every move, they may or may not mean something. Your focus should be to see if there is any trend in her behavior. Lately, the trend seems to be on the right side of your cause, although I am leery of her going to bars with her friend. That does not bode well. But you can only do what you can do. And you are doing that.

WW called and told me her and DD just got up from a nap at 4:30pm. She asked are you coming to get her I said yes and asked if they where hungry b/c I could pick somthing up she said no. I said ok.

WW then said I can bring her over when she's ready I said ok. WW then said why don't she just stay here b/c your not going to be with her for very long and its a waste of time for me to only be with her for 3-4 hours and she will then go to bed. I replied I want to be with her all the time even if it is for a few hours. WW seemed pissy and said I will bring her when im ready. I said ok.

WW came over about 5:50pm and came into the house and started going through my mail asking if sshe had anything I told her no she has nothing here. WW then asked to look through the christmas cards that were sent to us.

WW then went and wanted to take movies I said those have to stay here, WW replied I bought some of them. I just didn't answer. WW then went through DD toys and took some puzzle pieces.

WW while in DD room was sitting there kind of staring off and then read DD a story. I left the room for a liitle while. I came back into the room and sarted to rub her leg and she asked me to stop I said does it tickle and she replied yes. WW then stared off again. What is this staring off in a daze. She does take AD but I don't know if she still is.

I offered WW if she would like to stay for dinner and she said no and said she was going to work out. I said if you like you are more than welcome to come back she replied no its to far. WW then said good bye to DD and gave her a kiss good bye.

I walked WW out and attemted to give her a hug good bye she said no and I told her she is my priorty. The reason I tell her this is b/c she has said I never made her my priorty. I also told her that she can get the feelings back for me with some work. WW said I know you have told me this before. I hope she didn't feel preasured. WW then left.

WW called me at 7:15pm and asked if DD ate and how she was. I told her yes and she is fine. WW then said she was going to the gym at her apt and she wasn't going to have her phone with me if I try to call later. I told her she should be careful, have a good work out and we will be thinking of her. We then said good bye.

I get so guarded and suspicious but I feel like I have no control so whatever she does is on her.

Advice is great and would like some more.

WW called to talk to DD and I asked her if i had DD Monday and she said what are you doing writing it down b/c your lawyer told you to. I told her im not talking D and she asked to talk to DD.

WW talked to DD and DD gave me the phone back.

I told WW I am here for her and she replied I don't need you I have family and friends. I told her Im here for her. WW replied I know what your up to your just being nice to me to back door me. I told her Im trying to save our M. She said no your not its just making me hate you more and look at what your doing to me. I asked what am I doing and she replied what your doing is not saving a M. I asked her to tell me what am I doing that is not saving the M and she could not answer me. Fog babble. WW then said I will talk to you tomorrow and ended the call.

She did notice me being nice to her and she has noticed so that is good but she thinks what im doing is not saving a M. Is it b/c I reveiled the A and she still is angry b/c of it. Plus is it b/c im not giving her way on this D, im protecting myself???

I hope she wakes up and realizes what im doing.

Im puzzled she thinks what Im doing is not saving a M.

I need some advice. I did find it humors she could not answer me.

FM,

I think you are pressuring her too much. Stop the relationship talks. Be nice to her and meet her needs when you can. You should not, however, keep reminding of how you are and will always be there for her and so on. Let your actions do the talking, not your words. If I were you, I would change my tact in this regard.

UVA your saying let my actions do the talking. Like meeting her needs such as listening to her and giving her the hug etc... Do you have any ideas that I could use.

I think the A is still going, why do you ask b/c I noticed the day after christmas she was out eating and the meal cost almost thirty dollars, sounds like she was eating with someone. I don't know if it was before me and DD came over or after we left. remember she was a bit defensive when I called her to let her know we where out getting batteries and she was out running errons. I suspect somthing and I have to investigate.

WW is now calling the house phone to talk to DD instead of my cell. I have to get a friend on this.

Thanks for the advice. any ideas would be great.

Investigate for your court case and so you know what is going on. If the A is still going on, you need to do some exposure again. She will not be willing to work on a relationship with you as long as she is in an A.

I mean to just keep being nice to her and helpful whenever you get the chance. Just don't talk about your relationship with her everytime you see her. Nothing good will come of it.

Do I ask WW if she is still seeing OM? Im not sure on what to do. Im getting tired of all this. I have been battling this for a while.

I would like some advice. I will continue plan A and do some more snooping. I want to all end I would love to see her come home someday and work on this M.

WW has this belief since we seperated and she filed for D that she can just do whatever she wants.

I can't understand how a person wants to be a part time parent. I cant stand being a part time parent, I cant stand not seeing my DD everyday and having to share her back and forth. What is going on in her brain. How does she drop her off and then go running around having a good time.

I need some advice.

WW sent me a text to tell me she is taking DD to her GF house to exchange xmas presents at 6:00pm.

I called her back and said Hi and good morning. WW said hi back. I asked her what she did last night and she said nothing I said nothing and she then got pissy and mad. WW then said she was coming to get her at 5:30pm. I told her I would like to bring her earlier and again she replies look at you, you cant even keep your DD. I said I had her the last 2 nights and she gets pissy and says just bring her over when you want and says I don't want to talk to you and hangs up.


I tried to call her back about 10mins later to find out what time and guess what she doesn't answer.

I get a text about five mins later " bring her over when you want I will be hear"

What is this anger and bad attitude. WW is always trying to shift blame on me and guilt. I did not respond to the text she is so selfish and it pissess me off.

Should I ask her if she is seein OM?

some advice please.

bump it up

I was wondering why does WW say im only being nice to her so I can backdoor her?? is she refering to the D. Im not trying to back door her but trying to save a M.

I read the carrot and the stick
it says put emphasis on what worked on the M.

How and what does this mean. by letting you WW remember the good in the M and by saying things like I always enjoyed working out with you etc..

How about some clarity please.

Did you expose this affair?

I wonder if being overly nice to her when she is being cruel isn't causing her to lose respect for you? Women do not respect men they can run over, and they don't men they can't respect. Does she feel she can run over you?

I just dropped DD off and she seemed annoyed. I told her DD fell when she was getting dressed and hurt herself. Of course WW asked is she ok did she black out I said no and she is fine.

WW then told me to leave and she was getting ready to cry and I told her to have a good day and she replied I will once you leave. I left.

WW called me 3 mins later and told me do you know what you have done to me, I said tell me and she said Im not going to talk about it. I said ok and WW replied don't call me for the rest of the day. Did I ruin some plans with OM Dropping DD off early or she in some fog babble.

I called WW back to ask if she is ok and she said yes im fine. I told if she would open up to me we can get through this and she replied ther is no we and I don't love you and why do you force yourself on me. I said we are a family and WW said no we are not, I said im sorry you feel that way and she finished my sentence. WW said if someone else falls in love with you they will see and leave. I told her if she could just stop seeing OM we could work on this. WW replied ther is no one else im focusing on me and DD. WW then said this I only do D not M so there. I said ok and she hung up.

WW has been manipulating and running over me for sometime.

How do I get her to respect me again any ideas. Im going to re expose very soon.

some advice please.

FM,

Why don't you back off on the relationship talks? Like I said before, they will get you nowhere. You are just irritating your WW by continuing to pressure her with those talks. You have to stop this.

Second, how come you have stopped snooping? Wondering about "What-ifs" will not get you anywhere. You need to start taking some actions here.

Third, once you confirm the A is still going on, you need to expose to OMW ASAP. You need to start taking some actions, FM. Although it is good to vent, you need to act if you are to move forward in your sitch!

So UVA what your telling me is to stop the we, us family talk. What am I going to talk to her about when she brings up look at what you have done to me etc...

I have been snooping and the resturant sitch was while she was at work so no OM at that time. I will continue to do it but it gets hard with DD. Im sure she is doing things with while I have her.

Yes I will expose it again when I have some more proof.

I get a bit confused and I really try not to talk about the R. I seem to be walking on eggshells. I have to hold back and validate her feelings.

During todays conversation with WW she did say i was making it difficult. Is this a good thing?? Did she think I was going to roll over and play dead??

thanks for the advice I do appreciate it and welcome more.

What I am saying is to stop bringing up your relationship with your WW every time you speak to her. It gets to be tiresome.

Be nice and talk about simple stuff, whatever may come up. Do not try to force the conversation. Let the moment dictates what you guys discussed. If and when she is ready, you guys will get to talk about you two.

Women do not like guys groveling for their attention. That never works, that will never work. Unfortunately, by continuing to bring up your R, she may think that you are groveling to her. It is a matter of perception.

Be nice but no R talk, unless she brings it up.

FG,

I don't have much sage advice for you at the moment, But I have a couple of questions for you to think about.

1.) What attracted you to her in the beginning?

2.) What attracted her to you in the beginning?


Let us know. Maybe we can give her a peek at the Old / new you.

Stay Strong!

I get what your laying down UVA. Let the moment dictate the conversation. She is pretty withdrawn from me if I don't start the conversation. I will continue to be nice and I will apologize for my faults of this relationship when she talks about it.

Its hard not to talk about the R and we do have contact so i will let it flow naturally. When she does bring up the relationship thats when I apologize for my part in notting meeting her needs. I also will have to validate her feelings, what if I disagree? and what about the A's?

Thanks for the advice. I am learning all of this. it is overwhelming.

FM,

I'll check on you later. I have to go now.