I had WW just text me and asked if I can take DD for a few hours so she can go to the gym. Why a few hours? My question is it is her days with DD. I had her wen,thur. WW has her this weekend. Fri thru sun. My gut tells me not to be a doormat but I love being with DD.

Maybe I should just take her for the time she is at the gym.

Some advice is needed. Im in plan A. I dont think I should go running everytime she needs me.

I did not take DD so WW could go to the gym. I cant be there for her every beck and call. She chose this not me.

I called WW and wished her a Happy New Year. She was cooking breakfast for DD. I asked what she was cooking and told her that sounds good (scrammble eggs and bacon).

WW asked me again to take DD for a few hours so she could go to the gym later on in the day. I told her I have somethings to do.

WW sent me a email saying she needs to go to the gym and she has a life and things to do. This is her time with DD.

I did not take DD again and of course she put the guilt trip on me when she called in the evening. WW told me don't you miss her and I replied yes I do miss her I miss you both. WW then says no dot me her. I said yes i do but this is what you have chosen not me. WW tells me I barley have DD and when i do its for a couple of hours and I put her to bed. MY WW sure have a distorted mind. She seemed annoyed and hung up. this gym is at her clubhouse athe the apt.

I called to talk to DD and we talked for a minute that was great she is so loving. I talked to WW and again tring to put guilt onto me. I told her I will talk to you later.

I get a call from DD at about 7:45pm DD tells me she has a cold, Mind you this is a 3yr old who is smart but did WW use her to talk to me. We did talk for a minute and she still seems annoyed. I get a text that says thanks for taking DD for me so I could go to the gym. It was sarcasim.

WW called me again and was upset she tells me what did you mean by there is more to come are you going to hurt me. I said I have never hurt you and why would you even think such a thing. WW says I was talking to a friend and HE said be careful you don't want to be a statistic. Where do they come up with this stuff. I did accidentally tell her there is more to come last week. WW started the relationship talk and I listened she said don't you care about me at work i can hardly work aren't you worried about my safety. She is saying this b/c I told her there is more to come a week ago. She asked what are you talking about. I told not what she even thinks. I told her we can work this out if she opens herself up. WW says I have no emotions and physical attraction for you. I told her that all can come back with work and she replied maybe the emotional but not the physical. What is that if your emotionally attached doesnt it get physical. Boy is she confused.

I did tell her once before and last nigt we can stop this D and give are selves a year. WW replied why so you can throw everything in my face for the rest of our lives. I said no there will be a level of recovery for the both of us and I would be asking questions but not throw it in your face. WW says I would of if you would of done some of the things you have done. I don't know what she is referring to it must be exposure. I told her i am her husband and I care about her and I told tw things a man or women would do in this type of crisis. 1. walk away from the M. 2. Or fight for the M and I told her I chose number 2.

WW also told me if we where to get into an argument I would get angry and act stupid like at the hockey game, when i was irritated and I did act immature. i told her I understand why you would think that and that i have been working on. perfect example is how im always calm now.

WW told me that I cant stand the fact to see her with another man. I said what person would not be hurt by this or allow it. She replied your obssessed I said no Im committed to my M.

During this conversation she was upset holding back her crying some did come out. I wonder if she is cracking.

I have DD for the next 3 nights we will have to see what is going to happen.

WW also again brought up what was in the D papers about her angry outburst. I told her I don't talk D and lawyers do there job.

I just want my WW back I did tell her i don't want to be her teacher or educator just her Husband and we can work this out.

I remained calm. some advice would be great.

FM,

Actually, I think you should take DD whenever wife wants you and document the event. This will help shore up your custody case against WW. It will show that WW prizes her time at the gym and with OM more than she does with DD.

I have to remind you of something you are not doing that is crucial to both your custody case and to your M. You have to snoop again. Regardless of your situation, you have to find a way to this. It is not going to happen on its own. You need it, as your lawyer says, for your court case and to restart busting the A again. Do not keep postponing this while your court day looms by. If you continue to disregard this most important aspect of your sitch, you will not have the evidence needed to bolster your case. You need to get on this, and you need to get on this now! Remember, excuses are just excuses. I am sure you can find a way to do, and therefore you must find a way to do this soon.

Im feeling hopless today and having alot of anxiety. I called WW so DD could say good night and guess what she did not answer. Go figure.

I did however ask her if she would like to go with me and DD to an indoor water park overnight on friday and she said yes. It makes me wonder is she is doing this out of guilt.

I notice when she has DD she calls me but when I have DD no calls. I just want this to end. Im feeling really anxious.

I need some advice.

Ask yourself....why r u pining aftering a WS? Asking a WS to join your family on an outing? If she isn't respectful of your calls, then she shouldn't be allowed t/b treated as if she is respectful. What actions of yours changes when she is respectful vs when she isn't?

L.

FM,

This is a rollercoaster ride. You emotions will go up and down during this process. Do not try to make to much of each individual incident. Things happen and will continue to happen. Do you have any hobbies? Go out with friends once in a while. Do not let WW be the only thing you are concerned about, if you can.

Did you see my previous post?

Uva

I read your previous post and I did some investigating and my hunch was right. WW was not at home and I could not find her. She has probably has gone underground with this A or whatever you want to call it. WW might even have some one else lined up. Im not sure.

Did you see how she is going to the water park with me and DD overnight. Is it guilt or am I meeting a need of hers, Im unsure.

WW did send me a text yesterday saying I see why you cant takje DD for me for a few hours b/c your source doesn't work holidays. I never responded to it.

I know she could be doing anything like being out with a GF OM etc...

Question how do I approach this to see if she lies to me about tonight. Should I ask why she didn't answer her phone when DD was calling to tell her good night or should I simply say we called to say good night but you did not answer and maybe you went to bed early somthing like that.

Some advice would be great.

Don't badger your WW about her whereabouts. You need the facts first and then expose. Remember, you are still in Plan, so don't unnecessarily upset WW.

Take your DD whenever your WW offers and document it. Thus, you can show that WW is putting her A over DD. The court will not like that.

Like UVA recommends, take DD whenever you can and document it.

Like you already suspect, I suspect that she has just gone deeper underground with the A. Gather your facts and expose again. Surely you have some friends that are detectives? Ask for help / tips on gathering your facts.

Speaking of exposure did you ever speak to OMW? If he is (still) the OM this could put enough pressure on the A to break it.

BTW: You can pretty much assume that most of what a WS is telling you is a Lie. You don't need to "set her up" to prove it. Remember watch the actions, don't give much credence to the words.

Stay Strong!

Well today was a very big day. WW and i registered DD yesterday for pre-school. She called me and told me they have classes tues and thurs in her school district.

We took DD to her school today and she was excited and had no problem adjusting. WW seemed a little nervous, before we left DD at school she asked me if she was going to be ok and she was worried. One thing about my WW is she has been involved with DD as much as I have been. We left the school together and went and had breakfast. We had a talked about DD at school and even talked about are last vacation together wich was about 2yrs ago in New Orleans. We talked how we didn't not make our dinner reservations at Emeralds b/c we drank from 9:00am until it was time for dinner and we both where to tired. I guess, her talking about a past memory is good. WW also told me a funny story about some truck driver who was cute and she made sure she said he was cute, that happen at work and we both laughed it was funny. I feel like she is testing me all the time and these exams are wearing me down.

Is this normal, do WS test us??

WW had started to read a book called " Purpose diven life" I asked her what it was about and she replied about taking care of yourself and being with God. I asked her if she believed in God and she said yes. I really felt like asking her then why doesn't she live by his way. I did not ask her that. WW did say to me you should read it. I asked if she finished it and she said no. WW starts a book and seems to never finish it. I will read the book. I told her I enjoy reading and she said you never did before. I found somthing I like to do. WW also asked me when i read do i wear my glasses I said sometimes and she replied well you should isnt that why you have them. Did she seem to care a bit?

WW did tell me after I asked her if she got the voicemail from DD last night, that she went out with her girlfriend.
I cant be for sure she did do this.

We picked DD up from school together and DD was excited to see us both. This was a great feeling sharing this once in a life time experience as a family. WW took DD for the afternoon to nap with her.

Why is it when Im with her I could talk about everything and anything and now I find it hard to talk to her. I feel like Im afraid I might say somthing that will set her off.

Well not to bad for a start of the day. I just would like for her to open up to me.

Walkingthefield did you read my last 5 or six post?

I do appreciate all the advice I get even though it is sometimes hard to follow. Im human and I do make mistakes.

When WW an I picked DD up from school I noticed the empty bowl of spaghetti in the backseat of her car. WW told me she took it to work and was glad she had it b/c she was stuck on a run that did not allow her to have lunch. This is the food I gave her last week and she did not want it. WW even questioned me if I was trying to posion her a few post back. I find this interesting.

We are still on for our water park trip on friday which is an overnight stay.

I called WW last night b/c I was having a problem with a video game for the pc which DD plays and DD was getting very upset. WW was in a bad mood and began yelling at me b/c DD was crying. WW told me to FU and hung up. WW then sent me a text " You shouldn't be with her " I do not get upset when DD is having a tantrum. I understand she is only 3 for whatever reason WW gets upset.

I did some more recon and I observed WW was at her apt. She turned her lights off at about 9:40pm. I did get an email from her at 8:55pm. I do know other man has another vevicle so I have to find out what it is. I think it is a SUV.

WW called me a few minutes ago and the usuall she asked how DD was and what time she went to bed, she also asked if I needed her to take her so I can get some things done. I decliened. WW also talk to me about her court case. I just did active listening. WW also told me she is going out with her GF again tonight. We also discussed how her GF has gone out for 3 days in a row she is married also.

Is she trying to throw my sent off with this GF outing?
another night for investigation.

One more thing she came over yesterday to drop DD off and I was watching home video of DD and boy what a diffrence. WW in the video was a wife and a mother. I noticed WW staring off as the video was on.

I miss that women in the video.
I would really like some more advice especially for the trip.

Most likely. It is a good chance to get some stuff on her, though, through your investigation.

As for the trip on Friday, go and be the best husband and father you can be. Be nice, look good, and try to give your WW reasons why she would want to be with you. It is a great chance to Plan A her.

Please avoid pressuring her with relationship talk.

Best

UVA your in the legal field?
What do you think the reason she started her in pre-school in her school distict. Is it to establish residency and does it matter? I did notice when she filled out the emergency card it had the primary address which says Mother and then it had spots for Father and Mother address and phone but she left them both blank.

WW just called me b/c I got called into work tomorrow and she asked me what time b/c we have to take her to school and pick her up and she wanted us both to do it b/c its exciting. WW also told me she picked up DD a new bathing suit for the trip. I told her I have traveling snacks.

Thanks again for the support. I really would like to end up into recovery.

If WW brings up relationship talk up on our trip should I just be an active listner and only tell her to open up to me so we can get through this???

Your advice is greatly appreciated along with walkingthe field.

Yes, WW's actions with respect to DD in pre-school may have something to do with trying to win custody. One of the factors looked at by the court is stability and continuity. Thus, your wife may be positioning herself to shore up her position on that front.

I think it's great that your wife is trying to involve you with DD. It suggests that deep down inside she knows that no one can replace your relationship as a father to DD. I think that is a good sign.

On the trip, be nice and supportive. If R talk comes up, listen and play it by ear. What you don't want to do is pressure her. Let her feel that she is making the decision to return to you, if she chooses to. It is a fine line to hoe.

You will do well.

Should I ask WW if that is what her motive is to win custody. I do document everything but it is hard when now she is tring to play supermom.

I feel like plan A is setting me up so WW can pull the rug out from under my feet. I feel hopless on all of this like im fighting a losing battle.

I am amazed how WW can sit there and tell me I am the one who is selfish. Does she not look into the mirror, she has caused her family to live in two different locations her DD has to go back and forth for what so she can be a part time Mom and god only knows what she does on the other days she is away from DD. MIL use to call me all the time not anymore remember MIL is in deniel and says WW is just having fun at my expense of health emotions feelings and all i hear MIL say is DD will be fine. Im just so pissed how WW humiliated, disrespected me and treats me like crap by doing what she did with these fellow officers. Exposure will not even work in this police dept b/c so many cops are cheating and it is a bragged about thing.

Im just venting.

I can't take it anymore I have not felt affection, admired or SF by a women in a long time and its starting to take its toll on me.

Well today is our littlr overnight trip to the indoor water park. I will be the best I can be so wish me luck and I will not bring up any relationship talk if she does I will play it by ear.

I will give an update when I get back.

Thanks for the support.

Good plan and good luck.

please let us know how it went. I will be praying -remember no R talk ok?

well we're waiting

Well I just got back from are overnight trip.

What I did prior to the trip was got all the snacks that WW liked all her favorites. I made sure I got her favorite gummy bears swedish fish. these are the things she likes.

We stopped and got coffee prior to our departure we also got DD some Micky D's. We had a little conversation on the way up she was not to talkative. WW did tell me she had a dream that I slept with a co-worker and WW told me she was mad at the co-worker. I left it at that I did not ask to much about the dream at this time.

We made the water park and I checked in. We went to the room and checked it out it was a suite. WW asked why a suite I told her it wasn't much cheaper than a regular room.

We went down stairs to get our luggage and when we came back in to the hotel i was a little ahead of her and she told are you goiung to walk with me. I said yes. Did she want me next to her. I was a perfect gentlemen.

We went back to the room and changed into are swim suits and as she was changing in front of me I did look and she told me don't look at my goods. WW is really self conscious about her body. I did tell her I have seen her naked many times. WW said yes your right. WW is really annoyed at her own body which I just can't understand from she looks great at 5-3 115lbs. WW was looking in the mirror at herself in her swimsuit and making comments about herself I told her she was beautiful and looked great and of course I get it doesn't matter what I think or others its about how she feels. I left it alone.

We went to the water park and played for a long time DD had a blast. I spent the majority of the time in the water with DD. WW did have fun with us and she then went and sat down. i asked her if she would like anything and she said no. WW watched me and DD play in the water. I did look over at WW a few times and she seemed to be in a daze just starring off.

We played in the water for sometime and then went back to the room. We changed and I noticed she did allow me to see her naked but was really quick about it. I don't know what that is all about low self asteem maybe.

We went to dinner and we had a fun time. We had conversation about normal stuff no relationship talk. DD kept us enertained.

We went back to the hotel got a couple of coffee's and then went to the game room and played games with DD and turned the tickets in for a prize.

We went back to the room and hung out with DD. I did shock her when she told me her feet hurt by pulling out some foot massage cream and asked her would she like her feet massaged. WW said yes so I massaged them and when I was done she said thank you.

When it was time for bed we told DD to sleep in her own bed. However she slept with us. I told WW I will put her in the other bed when she falls asleep or we can just switch beds and she said ok. When it came time for that she wasn't real cooperative about it. So we all slept together. WW did have to wake me a few times b/c I was snoring due to the drieness in the room. We got up and put our suits back on and went swimming again.

WW told me if we go to this other water park in the future her mom wants to come. I guess a bit of the future.

I did some touching with WW through out the duration like put my hand on the small of her back when we walked in to the hotel opened and closed the car door for her. We did laugh some. WW just didn't seem to be herself.

On the way back from the trip she really did not talk much and we stopped for lunch. While eating she said her feet hurt so i did rub her foot under the table.

We got back on the road and she again was pretty mute. I talked about the dream she had again and asked her why she was mad at co-worker and she told me I can't remember and it must of been b/c we are going through a D. I told WW yes thats your choice and decision and left it at that. I put my hand on her arm and she allows it for about 20 seconds and then says I don't have to be held.

we get back to the house and I make the suggestion for them to nap here and she tells me why would I do that and I want to sleep in my own bed. She gets her stuff and DD and leaves like tommorrow is never coming. Just before she left I told her she doesn't have to leave so soon and again says why would I stay. Just leaves me puzzled.

I called her and let her know she forgot her left over food from lunch. WW tells me perfect timing I just turned my phone on and then get irritated. What do you want and I simply said sorry I bothered you and said good bye.

I did ask her if she ever thought of having a brother or sister for DD and simply said not a half or step and she said yes.

I really don't know what to make of this. Especially her saying the D. I did no relationship talk and we had a good time. My question is why did she come with us.

I really watched her actions I was really suprised when she made sure I walked with her.

Advice would be nice.

Let me back up to thursday when we took DD to school. We dropped DD off at school and WW asked if I was hungry and i said yes she said she wasn't and then said well I could go and return some pants at target. We went back to her apt and she asked what I was going to do. I said I could come with you if you like and she always does this and says well thats if you want to. So I drove her to Target and we looked together for a bigger pair of pants i was really active with her. We got the pants and then browesed together at diffrent stuff.

WW then said lets get breakfast so while eating breakfast I told her that DD and her should spend the night so we could leave from the house. WW says why we can just come over in the morning. I told WW it is just a suggestion and she says why would I do that. I said why not. WW then goes into the R talk and says first why would you tell my parents about Om and get them stressed before Xmas and im being vindictive you owe them an apologiy. I said I told them b/c Im fighting for our family. WW says how is that fighting for the M thats not how you do it. I did tell her she hurt me and disrespected me by doing what she did and look at the man I am still fighting for our M. WW then says what about the pain you caused me just being there like a roomate. I did tell her I have learned from my mistakes. WW did laugh at me when I explained how she hurt me. I think it was a nervous laugh. WW did then say I don't want to talk about it. I told her its been a year and you haven't wanted to talk about it and when will you. WW says i will one day. I left it at that.

If she plans on talking about it after we are divorced she can forget about it. Thats my take.

We picked DD up from school and I went to work.