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See?! Good for you! I really need to get over my problem with that. Everyone knows it's a huge issue for me. I know the source-why I'm that way, but don't know how to get over it.
"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same"- Nelson Mandella
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Faith, thank you for allowing us to live vicariously through you. Dating is hard. Enjoy it.
It was a marriage that never really started. H: Conflict Avoider, NPD No communication skills (Confirmed by MC) Me: Enabler Sep'd 12/01, D'd 08/03. My joys and the light of my life: DD 11, DD 9 *Approach life and situations from the point of love - not from fear.*
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P He is 38, still lives at home with mom and dad. Seems strange to me. Red Alert!! Danger! This is a much bigger warning sign that what somebody said about how he acted in HS. 38 and still living at home?!?! If he is caring for parents who can't care for themselves that is a good thing, though you have to wonder what life would be like married to a man with such a burden. But, if his parents are capable of living on their own and he is still living at home at 38?!?! One wonders what went wrong.
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Let me say, He never told me that he still lived at home, but I have been told this by at 3 people who know him, and I don't believe they are making it up.
Based on what he had told me about his parents, I would say they are very healthy. His father refs games and hunts, and his mother attends the games that this fellow coaches.
It's just one of those strange dating situations.
Karona
Divorced 12/17/2003
Formerly KEB1205 Reg 9/02
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Sooo.... I haven't heard from him yet! OK.... I think I'll call him tomorrow and let him have it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> LOL just kiddin.... but I do think I'll call. Wonder what's up with him? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
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OK, so he finally called last night. Wednesday night. Remember - he said he was going to call Sunday night. Yes, I'm online, SOMETIMES, but not ALL the time. I know it's frustrating to try to call someone and not be able to reach them, and then get busy doing something else, or, perhaps, get tied up on the phone, or whatever. BUT... he also has my cell phone and work numbers. He was on the road last night, and seemed in a hurry, so he said he would call me again today at work, so that we would have more time, and I could give him directions to my house. He also said he was looking forward to Friday night.
Now... part of me is trying to take all this as a lesson in patience, and taking things slow, because I need to learn these things. In my limited number of relationships, things have always been more intense, more quickly, and I LOVE attention.
But... part of me is wondering what is strange about him that I can't identify yet. Or... part of me is not even interested in going out Friday because he hasn't shown me why he's interested in me. I guess it should be enough that he asked me out, and he follows through with the date, and I should see how the date goes. That proves he's interested. I'm just used to more phone calls... MORE interest.... so this feels like he's not interested in getting to know me. S-L-O-W
I'm sortof wondering if I should say any of this to him. Probably not, huh? Or ask any questions, like if he's just been busy, or ... I dunno. But in the very early stages like this, there's not a lot to go on to determine someone's character, so NOT calling when you say demonstrates a LOT about your character.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
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oh! I know! Drink margaritas and let him drive! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
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Did you ask him why he didn't call Sunday like he said he would...or even say Sorry I missed your call Sunday...I was online longer than I thought I would be...something to that effect...lead him into answering without sounding like you are badgering him. Ya know?
Me, 43 DS18, DD12 Divorce final May 10, 2007
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Did you ask him why he didn't call Sunday like he said he would...or even say Sorry I missed your call Sunday...I was online longer than I thought I would be...something to that effect...lead him into answering without sounding like you are badgering him. Ya know? No. I couldn't think of what to say without sounding like I was whining/nagging/complaining/etc. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Those are good ideas! I wish I had an MB Angel committee sitting on my shoulder 24/7!
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You and me both sista!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
We need a phone a friend list!!! LOL
Me, 43 DS18, DD12 Divorce final May 10, 2007
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hee hee! Yes, the margaritas aside... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
You know, Faith, I wish we lived closer. I don't know where you live, but you and I sound so much alike that I'd LOVE to meet you!
Here's my thought, and you know I'm suffering a little from this myself from mr no kissie-face (before you ask, no!).
He's off and he's on. I feel the same way when he is off. I think you are on the right track, just wait and see, as hard as it is. My problem, as I've said before, is I just want to KNOW... BUT!!! Let's remember our books! When HE's off, I feel like it's something to do with me...WRONG!!!
I guess what I'm looking at here is that this is unlike anything before. I think that's what I need right now! Not what I WANT, but what I need!! One day I'm thinking...ah, just forget it, the next, I'm thinking, boy, sure like this guy!
And again, I think there are mixed signals in my situation. I just keep myself busy, work him in when I can, and not worry about it (for the most part!).
IF him not calling when he says he will (like I told you REALLY bothers me), then I would just ask him to not to say when he is going to call... because I get a little "anticipated" about an expected incoming call and want him to call if he says he's going to.
I think he is interested, just not what you are used to. So...you have to ask yourself...TODAY is it okay? Worry about tomorrow when it comes!
"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same"- Nelson Mandella
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Faith~~
As iritating as it is, I think I would let it go at this point.
If dates progress in frequency, and the call thing happens then, I think it would be safe to ask. It's so early in your dating, that it may come across pushy.
Just my opinion. But, also remember I'm not real experienced in this dating either.
Still reading and living thru ya! Karona
Divorced 12/17/2003
Formerly KEB1205 Reg 9/02
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Faith -- I say GO BOLD. Just say whats on your mind!
Wait until after your date, if he's still Mr. Slow then say something. Why not?
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aaargghhh... OK... it's 4:10. He hasn't called. He said he would call today.... I have to say something now. Whenever he calls I'm going to say I'm not sure if I still want to see him tomorrow night. ... that I'm not pushy or demanding, but he's not proving himself to be very good at keeping his word... and I'm not sure that's someone I want to date.
He will either understand my feelings, apologize and explain himself, and want to go still go out with me anyway, or, he will think I'm overreacting, or otherwise say "fine, have a nice life" and let me go.
I'm OK either way, but I have to say something, and see which way he chooses to go. He either needs to do better beginning now, or else we don't even need to get started, or I don't want this.
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Good girl!!! I'm with you on this!!! As the boundry book states...Nip it in the Bud! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Me, 43 DS18, DD12 Divorce final May 10, 2007
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I think you do need to address it. Otherwise its an extremely annoying habit that will doom your relationship anyways.
I can't stand when people don't do what they say they're gonna do. Simple as that.
I have a good friend that I was going to go out with Saturday nite. Talked to him at 3pm....told him the whole plan. We were supposed to meet some other friends for dinner at 6:30. I call him at 6, he won't answer. Try for the next hour to get ahold of him. Call the other friends and tell them I'll meet them (alone) at the next destination.
I try the rest of the evening every so often (cuz I'm worried...) I try the next day. Still not calling me back or answering my messages (and this is someone who LIVES with his cell phone glued to his hand!)
Finally on Monday I hear from him. After determining that no major crisis or emergency had happened, I asked why exactly he stood me up and didn't take my calls.
Bottom line: he got caught up in stuff at home, thought I would be "mad" so just avoided and ignored me until he thought I would have "calmed down."
Well, big critical mistake on his part. Because I am an understanding person if something comes up and you need to cancel plans. I am NOT understanding about being ignored, disrespected, and being treated inconsiderately. So he is OFF the friend list. Now I won't return his calls. Oh well.
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I say we skip the guys, and us girls go out for Margarita's!
Anyone interested??
Karona!
Divorced 12/17/2003
Formerly KEB1205 Reg 9/02
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Count me in!
looooove Margaritas!
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Alright... I got home and he left a message at 5. He sincerely apologized for not calling today - had a hectic day - blah blah. He said we would call tonight or tomorrow, because he still needs directions. I'm glad he apologized. I guess that's the main thing. If he had acted like it was no big deal, I'd be really ticked. He said we'd go see Narnia. Yay! I want to see that, and I'm glad he picked something, because I was kindof nervous that he was still wanting me to pick what I wanted to do. (I am very happy when they plan the dates.)
Sooo... I know this still needs to be addressed somehow, if we continue to date... if anything, from the angle Drita suggested that he not make promises he may not be able to keep: i.e. when he will call. For now, since he apologized, and sounded like he had a rough day, I will enjoy being treated tomorrow night. This is an "annoying habit", not necessarily a deal-breaker, in the whole scheme of things, ya know? I am not trying to excuse him. I am not trying to settle. But it is OK if I learn some patience. I will just have to watch for patterns.
I'm kindof liking Karona's idea, though. Girls nite out!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
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It would be great! Can you imagine the fun we could have??
I say let it go for now Faith. Only for now. If this continues to be a pattern, then I say address it!
I like attention too, and do not enjoy feeling un-thought about. I still say though, that he wanted your time a week ago when he made the date. The lack of phone calls seems a bit off, but, maybe he is trying not to be pushy.
I'm very glad he apologized!
Divorced 12/17/2003
Formerly KEB1205 Reg 9/02
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