I believe my wife is beautiful because of all the things I have shared with her. She is my best friend, the mother of my children, my caretaker, my heart. So, when I look at her, I don't look at her as some slab of meat that only has one purpose (sex). I look at her and I see a "glow" if you will, around her from her heart.


Dammit, w3hen will men realise this is not enough????????

Some men act like this is more than just physiacl, it is seperate different,. by telling us this you are saying.......Sure your bodies not as good as hers but I love you for other reasons......


I dont want to hear this I want to hear a man just on, say 'Oh no porns stars body can possibly be as good as my wifes. Look at her she doesnt even show any signs of having lived a life, no laugh lines, no aging, noscars.


WHAST THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THESE MEN??????ARE THEY SO WEAK THAT THEY ALL BIG BROTHER TO DICTATE WHAT TURNS THEM ON??????

Stilllovingher, Im sorry but Im fuming. I cant believe after your post that you even question why your wife feels this way. You view porn. Porn that probably doesnt look like her. its really very simple.

she wants to be your 'purely physical, visual,sexually gratifying experience, just for release, eye candy, sex only' (whatever you want to call it) NUMBER 1! PREFERENCE

AS WELL AS ALL THE OTHER THINGS YOU TALK ABOUT


Why does it have to be one or the other . Why do men tell us their attraction to us is deeper and comes from more things than looks.

Mny women want both. We want a deep connected comited relationship and we want to be the ultimate physiacl ideal and fantasy for our parteners. When we know we are not we switch off


After all I know that for otehr men I could be the physiacl ideal so why not for h??????Boredom?????Is it just that the grass is always greener for men. They always want something more???? What is it. If this is true then why marry.


We want to be what you conisder ideal phyically, not 'flawed but we love you anyway'

If this is unrealsitic to you men, just tell us and we'll turn out the lights....

O.K.. I think I see what your saying now. If our wives bodies are good enough for us then why aren't porn-stars showed with the same "flaws"?

For that, I really don't have a reason. Maybe it is the way society has placed the "ideal" female form. I don't know.

What i do know though is, its not the same. Its not even of the same plane. I would use my wife as a "visual" everytime if she would let me. If she would just see that I do love her and she is beautiful to me and she does turn me on the same way, then I wouldn't ever look at porn.

Also, when I look at those porn-stars they don't have the backround, the same connection as I do with my wife. And if I look at a 40 year-old woman with "flaws" its not the same as looking at the porn stars.

If i saw a woman that looked the same as my wife walking down the street, would I look twice at her like I do with a perky 19 year-old? Probably not. If I had to choose one to look at because they were both walking down the street, I think you know which one I would win.

But, the difference is, I don't "see" the flaws on my wife like I might see on another woman who looks the same. And I don't see it because of the connection that is between us. When I look at her, I see a perky 19 year-old, not a strech marked, sagging chest 36 year-old. Thats why I want to look at her first, and not the porn stars.

You see, its not the actual "flaws" on my wife and the lack of "flaws" on the porn star that make the difference. Its the history and the love and the "glow" of my wife that puts her closer and more appealing to me. I have no connection with the porn-star. Its purely for release. I would look at similar woman to my wife and feel just as aroused, if I had the same connection with that woman as I do my wife.

I hope I am making sense. Please don't feel that I am defending porn. I think it can be damaging to a marriage depending on how often and to what gegree its used. I am just talking about the once-in-a-while user now.

The bottom line is this, I would never use porn if my wife allowed me to use her for those times I mentioned earlier. When she isn't in the mood and I need to de-stress. Heck, give me a few picutes of her and I don't need anything else. Its when she tells me no, makes feel ashamed because I want to "release" and then prohibits me from using any kind if visual help at all (including her)in order to accomplish this, that I get upset.

Its almost like some woman are ashamed that a man that they married to should never ever do that. That somehow the "act" is dirty, or gross. Please. Its not like woman don't do it.

And to pretend they don't or gasp when I ask about it after years of marriage and children together is beyond me.

I hate to say this but, I have seen my wife's body millions of times. I have seen every part. I have seen every flaw, every scar, every mark and every tatoo. Every part of her body has been touched by me, looked at by me and well.... you get the point. I still think she is as beautiful as she was 15 years ago. She still drives me just as wild and she still is very attractive to me.

If she would just step in and try to see it from my side. Not treat it as some threat but see how WE CAN BOTH GET WHAT WE WANT out of this, then things might change for the better of both of us.

Instead, I get shame, discust and rejection. Yeah, that makes for a great companion ........

At the end of the day the question is


Do you find your wifes body morew attractive than the typical porn stars???

If you answer yes then I guess I would be right in assuming that you deliberately seek out porn where the women have bodies similar to hers , attributes and all (notice I use the word attribute not flaw) and that you are sorely disappointed by the porn women if they dont have cellulite, scars, breast sag, stomach sag (or whatever) because their physiacl beauty is so much less than your wives. Heck, if you answer yes why would you even use porn

If you answer No then Im guessing your wife is aware of this and that friend is why your lights are off.


My husband made me aware that my body was physically less than ideal to him by using porn (he did make horrible comments but even just his porn use made me feel this way) So first the lights went out and now Im considering divorce..
Heck, why waste my life with a man who feels porn women have a better body than me?????


Whether you believe it or not, not ALL men think this way and there are men out there who would consider your wifes body the epitome of beauty, far beautiful than any 20yr old hard bod porno woman. And guess what they wouldnt even have to say its about their deep love for her, the way sdhe raises kids, cooks, is intimate etc. They may justy have to look at her naked and no porn woman would ever be worth their time again...DOESNT SHE DESERVE THIS. If your not that man maybe you should step aside and give her a chance to feel desirable again

Sorry, got this post after I replied to the previous post ..

Let me say, my intention is not to upset you or get you angry. I am also not defending all men with porn. I am just trying to get you to see it in a different way.

I think what I haven't made clear is, MY WIFE IS MY IDEAL PHYSICAL ATTRACTION. I would "look" at my wife everytime if she let me. But she won't. Not because she can't. Not because she its a regilious thing to her.

She won't because she is ashamed and embarresed by it. So what am I to do? She has a problem with the way she looks, not me, and now I have to feel the reprocussions of it ? Maybe thats harsh, but, I have told her time and time again, I WOULD RATHER LOOK AT YOU! But, it goes in one ear and out the other. Nope, she won't even try.

So what happens is, I need to take care of it. My only choice is porn. So, I go to the computer, pop up a few pics and take care of it. Done and over 15 minutes.

The next day, she looks in the computer and sees where I have been and suddenly its all about her. Then, we go in this big circle of her rejecting me and me looking at porn because neither one of us will give a little to get alot.

She is mad because I look at it. I am mad because she won't let me look at her instead. So, we go around in this circle of resentment that never ends when the solution is right around the corner..

I will "use" my wife everytime in these situations if she would just open up a bit and have some fun with me. Accept what happens as what it is. A physical release. And as a wife, be interested in helping me with it. Not make me feel like some pervert because I want to look at her that way once a month! For 15 minutes!

I am not a monster, nor do I have any desire to leave my wife for some 19 year-old porn star. I only lookas a last resort. Its not the first thing I see in the am and the last thing I see at night. I am very happy with my wife and the way she looks.

What I am not happy about is the way my wife views herself. I want her to feel good about herself. I want her to feel attractive ans sexy just like a 19 year-old pornstar. And when she doesn't, I want to help her fix it. But, not everytime I look at someone else, or talk to a pretty girl, does it mean that I am unhappy with her. If anything, the frustration alone of trying to prove it does more damage than the looking does to the relationship.

I want her to wear what ever she wants to wear. I want her to look in the mirror and she how beautiful she is. I want her to feel good about her body. I want her to feel sexy. And if I look at a 19 year-old porn star once a month for a "release" it has nothing to do with how I feel about her and how I feel about the relationship. I still love her, I still desire her and I still only want to be with her.

It is not a rejection of her anymore then her telling me every once in a while she doesn't wasnt sex because she isn't in the mood.

OK, I understand, you don't want to. I know she still loves me. I know its not personal. I don't think, "hmmm..what is wrong with me that I just asked for sex and she turned me down. Is it my chest, am I gaining weight?" No, she just isn't in the mood and I respect that. But, I am, so, I am going to turn on the computer and take care of this. Over and done asleep in 20 minutes..

I don't even think about the girls I saw until the next month and need to do it again...

So you deliberately seek out porn stars with bodies just like hers???
Do you feel disappointed when they dont show signs of ever having been pregnant or aging?

Do you feel their bodies are less physically attractive than your wifes?

My wifes body is the epitome of beauty to me. I love it in every way, shape and form. I do look at her naked and could care less about any porn-star. I DO NOT lay in bed with my wife and think about porn-star when my wife and I are intimate.

She has asked me and I have told her this countless times. To imply that she only gets her feeling of desireablity from the way I act is silly. If she can't feel desirable because I look at porn once a month, well, I don't know what to say.

My desire for my wife doesn't have anthing to do with weather or not I look at porn once a month. Nor should my wife get all of her desirablity and feelings of worth from me.

I have known lots of people that aren't that attractive but are very confident. And thats what others find desirable. I can't make my wife feel one way or another. But, one single act, once a month, for 20 minutes, does not mean that the other 30 days, 23 hours, and 40 minutes left over, my wife is any less desirable, any less sttractive or any less of a woman.

She is still the one I love. I won't ever leave her for a porn-star. She still is my number one of importance and I still love looking at her.

On a side note, have you sat down with your H and asked him what you need to do to get him to stop looking at it? I mean, have you asked him if anything is missing or if you can do anything different to help him come back to your bed?

Does he want more? Does he want more adventure?

I am not trying to flame you. You feel very strong about this and I respect your feelings. I don't know youe situation at home so please don't think I am passing judgement on you.

I just think divorce sucks. And if I can help anyone solve a problem and bring a couple just a little closer to staying together, I will.

Please do not take offence to my replys and please don't feel I am judging you...

You know, funny as it is, I do find myelf searching for women who are built the same.

My wife has a few pounds on her. She has a little sag here and there.

So yea, I do seek out women similar to her. As I have aged, I have found women of this type to be very attractive.

19 year-olds are just to "giddy" for me. They would just open their mouths and talk about something stupid and kill it for me !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Stilllovingher, Please dont think I would be offended by your posts. I have found you to be nothing but respectful and thoughtful in your responses.

yes I did have that talk with my h. What he needed was me not to have any breast sag or stertch marks after 4 kids. Thats all.
Sex was 5-7 times a week for us and Im pretty adventurous , he reckons no issues there at all. Only that using porn made him want me to look like that.

I know you think your wife shouldnt feel that way about you looking at porn and that you feel her self esteem shouldnt come from you.
Although I understand what you are trying to say. when women give themselves sexually to a man it feels like a total rejection for them to then get all horny over some young porn chicky.
You may not understand this but believe me its true. We start to close down.
I know you said that she is the epitome of beauty but does she see that you consider these women less physically beautiful than her????Do you tell her. If so thens shes wondering why you look at them
If you want deep intimacy with your wife I would really suggest you ditch it.
Most women want to feel that their partner only has eyes for them. You wife is obviously one of them

You didnt answer my question....When you look at the porn stars do their bodies pale in comparison to your wifes????

et me ask you this, if your husband looked at porn with woman who had the same attributes as you, would you then have been ok with his viewing porn? Is it because he looks at 19 year-olds and not someone similar to you that get you upset?

No not at all


Has he said this to you? If he has, then I can't blame you for feeling the way you do. I don't say mean things to my wife and I don't ever imply that these porn stars are better than her. I tell her the truth. Just like I have told you, its a release. Ain't nothing about you, darling. It makes what I need happen faster and thats it ....


Yes many times, and even if you have never said it, your use of porn says it for you in your wifes eyes Remember actions speak louder than words.
The very fact you described your wifes body as a 36 yr old stertch marked, sagging chest etc shows that although you say you dont see her that way you must....


May I ask you why you consider a woman in her 30s with sag stertch marks, cellulite, sag in their breasts less attractive than a 20yr old porn star???????


Why would I know the answer to this???????I think my body which has all these attributes is far more beautiful than any porn star ..So why dont men???

This is what hurts me and probably your wife too.


It doesnt seem right that we have your babies our bodies change and suddenly society and some men tell us either with words or porn that we are no longer as attractive to them.

I do think its sweet that you clearly love her so much and that you have such a lovely demeanor believe me if my h felt the way about me that you do hed be getting it whenever he wanted lol

My teenagers friends tell them their mums hot, I still get wolf whistles and a considerable amount of male attention.

Im petite and have a DD bust but did this satisfy him???????NO He complained that they dont sit under my neck and that my tummy shows signs of having his kids. For him to look at other women who dont have this is a kick in the teeth to me.
Im sure you understand my hurt.

Incidently he no longer uses porn (which is why Im still here for the moment) he is telling me daily how much he loves me and is attracted to me. He is trying but now Im receieving attention from another man I think he's just sweating and to be honest I dont ever think I will feel comfortable having my clothes off in front of him again .
this is ironic coming from a woman who loved to dress up and play lol.
The only difference now is that I felt he thought I 'had it' so I flaunted it'. Now I could never do that all I could think is he's comparing me to some 20yr old porn star and laughing at me. I would feel like a fool and have become inhibited with him

Honestly? Maybe because you don't.. As a man, I love a confident woman. Not a aloof, or "to good for you" type. A real woman, who looks good and knows it. How does she show it? Its in her walk, the way she carries herself. The way she make herself known. Ask any man, if a confident 50 year-old walks down street, she will get almost the same amount of looks from mature (over 25) men as the 19 year old does. A 35-something year old woman walking down the street in buissness attire with her hair down and her head high does wonders for me visually. Its all about the confidence !!

I think he's kicking himself now because last night he said his deepest wish is that I could just be comfortable like I was with him sexually in the past. He had tears in his eyes and told me he has not appreciated me....and you know what....as aweful as this is to say...all I thought was.........go back to your porn women you deserve them...

Thank you again for the reply. Yes, I do love her and I am hoping to put my marriage back together. But...thats another story for another time.

I guess some men just don't understand what they have until it is gone. I am the victim of this myself..

I will tell you this, if you think you can reach down inside you and pull out some of the worth you are, I would urge you to try. And please, talk to your husband about the idea of him laughing at you. You might be suprised at his answer and what he is thinking. I have never compared my wife to any porn-star. She has always been above.

And the way you have decribed yourself, you do sound pretty hot. Don't let one man take you feeling about yourself away. You sound like a attractive woman and certinaly get the attention of one. Just becuase one hard-headed man can't see it doesnt mean the rest of the world (or other men) view you that way. And how you are viewed by your H doesn't make you who you are...

Anger has such a funny way of showing itself.. I can't say I blame you either !!!!

Thanks stilllovingher. I realise that I need to get myself together in terms of my self esteem It did take a battering. I walk a few kms each day for me . I eat healthily for me. I have my hair and nails done often for me and just recently (last week brought myself a stack of new lingerie all for me....
As strange as it sounds I cringe at the thought of him ever seeing it on me but love the idea of wearing it for myself. Sort of an indulgance to feel that soft material on my skin. So I really am focussing on realising my own worth. Actually I am a pretty confident person despite this.
I tld hm the other day that I am now placing my own ideals above his. I realise I can never live up to what he finds ideal physically and that really it doesnt mind because I believe I have a much better idea of what true beauty is after all my mind hasnt been polluted by porn.
He got really quite but I just have to be honest about how Im feeling.

Yes, you do ---

Hopefully, with alot of hard work on his side and time on your side, he will come to see the error of his ways.

Just don't let him drag you down again!!

Now that we have thoughly hi-jacked this thread... I will tell you that I am going to give deep thought into what you have said. You are the first person to convice me that I may have been doing this all wrong ....

I'll let you know what I come up with ...

Keep me posted about you....thanks for the insight !!!

OOOps, yeah I guess we did kinda hyjack....sorry


Thanks for your time and insight too. I will keep you posted and likewise I really hope that it all works out best for you