Well, let it occur now, and from henceforth, forevermore. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Who knew you had another?


That wasn't soul-baring. Soul-baring would have involved details, which, I assure you, are not forthcoming. At least Believer ought to feel better now, finally having some first-hand proof that there are some things even WE won't talk about in "public." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> Hold that thought, girlie! I may not get to visit you for a couple of days yet, and I want to see this before it goes away!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

t&l

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Just a teeny interesting thought that occurred to AJ the other day.

We were discussing an MB friend, whose sitch has become a nice, safe way to talk about A-related things. At the moment we were laughing at her spying ineptitude(sorry MB Friend, but it's true), which made him think of the mobile surveillance that someone did on him while he was in the A.

For some months post-A, all my heartfelt protestations to the contrary, and even with direct quotes from my very honest mother, he was SURE she was the one who had had him followed.

Now it has occurred to him that probably Gargamel had him followed, or just followed him herself in an unfamiliar vehicle, then when he called to complain to her she made sure he thought it had to be me. Very clever, very devious, and right up her alley. He was never followed when she was with him, oddly enough, so he's likely right.

And I apologized to him for one of the few lies I told him during the A, and just hadn't thought of till he brought it up. At the time, I told him I believed him about someone following him, and as the stories got wilder, really I didn't. I believe him now, because the times someone followed him are one of the few things he still remembers clearly, and the stories have never changed.

I am an unhappy camper, having to do the W-2's for the corp, but am brave enough to tally up hers without actually breaking anything. Neaksis or Mom will fill hers in for me, as the corp does not have a typewriter and can't afford to buy one lol, and that way she doesn't even get the satisfaction of a government-mandated response from me.

AJ is improving, but still gets very out of breath every time he has to get up to spank one of the children. Surely he won't be going back to work after tomorrow. I figure if he's not better enough to break up two fighting kids, he's not better enough to break up two fighting men. JM(ns)HO!

I dreamed about her last night again, but this time I was much more in control of things.

She made the cover of our local church magazine, the one that covers CA, HI, AZ, and maybe a couple of others. She had joined the church, been baptized, and the whole feature article was about her "conversion". There were lots of pictures of her, her sister (she actually does not have a sister), and her Mom, up front at different churches, singing and talking.

In one part of the article she spoke of her lost love, and even mentioned AJ by his first name. Even in my sleep that got me all het up.

So I immediately called the staff, told them the true situation, and offered to send them proof that it had really been an affair. They were so nice and apologetic, and were going to print a retraction in the next article. Then everyone would know the truth.

So I guess that ended up scoring 1 for the Neakster.

Speaking of the Recorder, Mom, I am going to look up the link and send to you, so check your email later when you get up.

I was also awakened briefly just after 4am, by the blaring sounds of The Magic School Bus. I sent the Dervish back to bed, and not very nicely, either. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Neak (temporarily) jumps on the bandwagonville.


Bwaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa NCWalkerville!!!!!!



<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Cheeky.

Sheesh! I'm not even going to ATTEMPT interpreting THAT dream! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Cheek is my middle name. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

They call me Neakcheek for short.

One of life's little ironies was that, after all our effort in going the long way around to the doctor, when we stopped by Taco Bell on the way out her car was at the other end of the little shopping center, in front of Mailboxes, Etc.

For whatever reason, it didn't bother me as much as going past her at her house. It was just to the level of patting my hackles back down before I told AJ. Well, we do what we can, and if that's not enough to keep from bumping into her, we move to Montana.

AJ update: he is scheduled for another chest x-ray tomorrow for comparison, another follow-up visit with the doctor on Wednesday, and hopefully will be declared mostly sound by then. Sound of body, if not mind. (No one who lives with the kids & me can strictly be classified 'sound of mind'.)

I sure am chipper today. God can use any of us, sometimes in ways we least expect. It is always fun when He does. And it was so nice riding around with my family. What a good day, overall. Now if the Dervish will only sleep all night...

Whew! The pressure was really getting to me, the comparisons, the competition...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

It's good to be back.

I took great pleasure in rolling the Dervish out of bed just after 7, since he snuck & watched TV till 11.

I mentioned somewhere that Grandpa came over to our side to watch TV too, and I put on Inn of the 6th Happiness. At 2am, at the movie's end, he woke me to find out whether he was just on the other side of the house, or in China, because of all the oriental things around.

It seemed very logical at the time, but now I'm a little concerned. He often forgets little things, like what day of the week it is, or whether he saw someone yesterday, a week ago, or at all, but he normally knows where he is at all times. Even in the car, if he doesn't remember the name of the road I'm driving on, he will ask just so he knows where he is at every second.

Mom, how worried should I be?

China? Must've been a very convincing movie. AJ said he was confused by the Chinese writing on the walls (has the Dervish been scribbling again? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />), and the picture of the peacock behind the TV. Peacocks are very popular in Oriental art. Whether he knows this consciously, I can't tell you. After all those years in Hawaii, he certainly knows it instinctively.

I'll worry if he still thinks he's in China this morning when he wakes up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

t&l

More later, but a Gargamelious email made it through today, which is very bothersome but easy to fix. She made it across one barrier, but was at least caught and redirected by a different filter.

The bad part is I'm actually going to have to do something about it. Of all the stupid checks to have bounce!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

It has been almost 2 months since I wrote that one check for $100, & it was on an account that I don't usually write checks on. Well, at some point I failed to realize that it had never been cashed, & pulled out the money, thinking it was just part of AJ's paycheck.

That made me check on the last payment, which had been written on my account, and it has not been cashed, either, but at least the money is still there & I haven't made any mistakes with it. She must be saving that check for something special, prob'ly hoping it will bounce, too, and she'll have another excuse to write. Not happening!

What I am going to do is send a cashier's check for $120, with a typewritten note saying that if that is not enough to cover the bank fees, please write c/o box.....(Mom's). I already know from the email that her bank fees were $5, but that way she won't know that she (temporarily) made it around the blockades.

I am not as upset now, having had a long day finishing that book submission and running errands in town with the trolls, I mean dear children.

Well, Mom just got here with the asparagus, so must run.

I just had such a nice chat with one of the county ladies. She sits at the front desk at the county building, and also apparently was in on AJ's job interviews when he was trying to get the A-starting job.

She asked why he was no longer working there, and I told her about the A. She was very shocked, and asked if we were still together. I told her oh yes, that it had been hard but he was a good man before and twice as good now. I told her that we loved each other very much, and valued each other more than ever.

The nice lady was suitably impressed, though perhaps she wishes she hadn't asked, lol.

She asked if I was aware that Gargamel no longer worked there, and I told her I knew, but that she still had friends there and had access to AJ's schedule as a result, and had come there while he was working.

What a nice, nice lady.

Neak-

You know how wonderful and special I think you are. Reading your thread, seeing your quiet dignity and strength in the face of such pain and evil, only makes me admire you more. Words cannot do justice to the pain I feel for the loss of Dillon. You are an amazing woman and I feel so fortunate to call you my friend.

{{{{{Improving}}}}}} You are very kind. God's grace has filled me and supported me throughout this whole ordeal. Without Him, I know where I would be: cell #33. The only question would be what kind of cell, prison or asylum...

**Neak does the happy dance to see you here**

No matter what happens, I am a better person for it. I have "found" myself and am working very hard on changing the things that I need to. It is so wonderful and feels so good. I am so much happier than I was before. I feel free.

For the first time in my life, I feel such a strong sense of peace. I would love for my M to make it, but I know I will be fine no matter what happens.

I have learned that I have more strength than I ever thought possible.

I know what I want and deserve and what I will not accept.

Which takes some people a lifetime to find out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

....if they ever get it at all....


Somehow, I find myself thinking of Lemonaman right now.

Yes, I feel so fortunate to be learning it now. Ironically, some of the more recent growth was due to WH saying I had not changed/did not know what I needed to change. Even though I knew I had made changes I was quite proud of, I realized he was right...I had neglected myself in many ways. Thankfully, that is not the case anymore. I have shed so much of what was weighing me down. I have my [color:"purple"]Purple Cape of Power[/color] on and it looks and feels fantastic. I feel invincible. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />