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Should I create more time away from her? And during the times I am with her, just treat her with respect? I think...yes. You could even invite her to go with you occassionally but if she refuses you should go ahead without her. We are supposed to go X-mas shopping Sat. night and go to her family's X-mas party on X-mas eve. Do I go? How do I act? You should go and act like the man you are. Socialize with family make good eye contact and have a firm hand shake, get your own food plate, occassionally fill a glass for your wife, do not sit with your wife, occassionally make eye contact across the room and smile at her, the family will notice even if she doesn't...you have NOTHING to be ashamed of you are a man trying to save your family. I hope that helps you to "man up"...I'm not a guy but I know what I like in a man. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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Thanks confused and HTW. Plan B is going to suck!! 2 childern 3 and 6. And it will be hard if not impossible to have complete NC, esp. knowing the questions will be asked to our kids: "What did you do with Mommy?" or "What did you do with Daddy?" Esentially, that breaks contact via a 3rd party. And any concerts or school activities obviously blows that out of the water.
And with the new revalation, (as of this past Sat.) that contact has been started (or never ended) again, and that her intentions are to be with him once she moves out (yeah, that's not an ongoing A!!, as she claims) I'm having a hard time even looking at her for all the lies that continue to be told. Alien abduction? I'm thinking more like mental illness x 10!!
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I'm going to do a criminal backround check on om. He has so many suspicious things about him!! WW, has told be he gambles, cheated on his wife (of course it was her fault that he cheated!!), has no R with his teen D's and drinks and is supposedly disabled and doesn't work (ya think he's working the worker's comp. and disablity system???) You can't find a thing on this guy in the phone book or on any people search sites.
If I find something serious, do I tell WW?? And how??? Maybe under the context of protecting the kids from any possible interaction with this loser??????
I'll let you all know, what I find out!!!
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IF you find anything, you'll probably be better off finding a way to 'leak' that information to her from a 3rd party so it didn't appear to come from you. Odds are high that she won't believe it if it came from you...after all, you have 'ulterior motives'.
Had similar issues in my case...there were tons of things about OM that should have been red flags for my wife (OM had an ugly D which my wife knew NO details on, drank a lot, smoked, never used his home for anything other than a place to sleep, etc...). My wife refused to hear any of that from me...she couldn't 'trust' me where it came to OM.
You might consider hiring a PI if you can manage it...might be worth getting the dirt on OM regardless. Who knows...if he's playing the worker's comp thing, maybe you can get him busted on that as well.
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I've found out, from a police friend, that the om man has had ALOT of arrests!!!!! What do I do???????????????? He couldn't give me any details of the arrests. I would bet that he hasn't disclosed much of this to my WW!!!! I'm sure it wouldn't make much of a difference anyway, but if it involved anything to do with abuse or children, then it would make my decision to not sign anything alot easier!!!!!
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Can you afford to hire a PI to dig up more of the facts?
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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I was thinking of using one of the online criminal background search sites. Anyone use them before?
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Never used one before, but if you KNOW that he's got a criminal background, it seems to me to be worth the price to use one. I wouldn't bother unless I had a GOOD reason to think that I'd see something come back on it.
I'd also go to your county courthouse and ask what you can find out...most places arrest information is public knowledge...you just have to find out HOW you can get the information.
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The fact that he has ALOT of arrests, would definitely make me want to cough up 50 bucks, just to see!!! Do you think it would speed up the break-up of the A???? Or just push WW to him more? I guess it depends on what he was arrested for!! And hom many morals have vanished from my W, who is now an alien!
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IMWIL...I have followed your story but not posted until now....Probably not...remember WW's can't see through the fog with these predatory men who go after married women. But, it is a good idea to get that information because your lawyer will certainly want it!
You certainly do not want your children around this idiot...
Bad news is there will be nothing that breaks up the affair more than taking away the "secrecy" and excitement of it and time. As I have told Hope this works, please take care of yourself. You CAN do PLAN B....look forward to it, it is where you take control.....
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Well, folks, when it rains, it pours. I'm crying hysterically now, because my mother had a heart attack last night. She's ok for now, but I'm so numb emotionally, with WW moving out, finances, kids and now this!! Merry Christmas to me........
Someone please, please make this go away!
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(((MWIL))) I be praying for a speedy recovery for your mom, and the rest of your family.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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I will do the same. You are in God's hands, he will take care of you.
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{{{{{{{{H}}}}}}}}
You are in my prayers
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What is going on here, first Hurting and now you. I'm so sorry to hear this and will pray for you and your family.
Hang in there my friend. We are here for you!
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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God, I know, works in mysterious ways. What I'm going through now, is something that cannot be explained rationally to me!! 6 mos. ago I commented to my W, how lucky we are to have what we have, and the health of our closest family! We were sitting in the pool, watching the kids play, arm in arm, so happy, so appreciative of life. I want that feeling again.
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To all, you are my outlet, I feel you through the keyboard, I love you all, and feel it back. Our journeys are unique, but at the same time, the pain is similar in so many of us. We travel down the road of life, and never no what the future holds. Without the downs,.....we cannot have the ups..for we would not be able to compare either one to anything, without the other. I know my life will be fullfilling again. Right now I feel blessed for the goodness in my life, for it is what I need to get me to the next day....the next hour....the next minute...the next breath. You all are part of that goodness.
Thank-you.
BTW, WW seemed shocked...gave me a little rub...told me everything will be alright.....then 15 minutes later, told me that she was really happy with her new rented house. She is so lost in space.
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Just found out that Mom will be fine!! No heart muscle damage! Stint was placed late last night. She sounds better!
Someone wants me to stretch my emotional limits. I will grow from all of this, guarenteed!!! Time, a new found appreciation for God, and patience.
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That is great news! You are right you will grow from this and it will make you a better person.
You WW sounds like she is in the fog big time right now so focus on youself and family.
I don't know how long her A can last with a looser like OM. What are people thinking.
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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I guess brain chemicals are powerful influences!!!!
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