Post deleted by Mywifeilove

Great idea, she'll know that you care. I'm sure OM isn't doing that kind of thing for her. Have a great day; many are thinking of you.

Well, I took the kids to WW work. WW was very happy to see them! (It was a suprise!!) Then WW turns to me and says "Thank you!" But she definitely appeared nervous that I had just showed up. She took me and the kids around the office to see the other girls there. Some I know well and others that were new. There were some definite strange fake smiles on some of there faces. I was just as friendly as can be and happy, just talking about the big sledding event that I and the kids were about to go on! WW always introduced me by my name (no this is my husband) except for one new girl, who didn't display the "fake smile". The new girl, said "boy your husband is a cutie!" WW didn't say anything.

The kids and I left to go sledding and WW said thank-you again and said she'll be home early to do some wrapping. I was awesome, even knowing that my WW is having enormous amounts of SF with om. But I'm getting it!! It's not my W!

But boy, when she moves out and I drop the bomb that I won't sign the LS,....there will be fireworks, and I'll be in a similar situation as dazed. I'm watching his thread closely, as I fear this going ugly quickly.

But I don't fear the fear!! Thanks to many here!! I hope you guys know what you're doing!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> This will be a big step for me!! I have to protect my kids from this dirbag!! I just hope it doesn't cost a chance with W. And my MIL, has flipped completely to WW side, and overheard her say that she is fed up with me! WTF! I did nothing, other than try and save the M!!

Comments please!

As for MIL, that is to be expected. Since blood is thicker than...only in rare circumstances do in-laws not end up being on the side of the WS. Just don't treat her as ally from now on until proven otherwise. Like WSs seeking justifications for their As, MIL must find a reason to side with her DD. There is nothing surprising here.

Hope holiday went well for all!! My mom is doing great! My situation on the other hand, is not. WW, has been so nice, but have overheard more conversations between her and OM. This is so definitely a sexual drive!! The talks are unbelievable!! She continues to pack and buy huge ticket items for her "small" house she is renting. She so thinks that I'm going to just roll over. She plans on being out by the 1st of Jan. and my kids are starting to wonder and withdraw. My DD asked me why Mommy is always on the phone when I'm gone!! Then this morning, my DD says "Mommy, I want you to come to gramma's house to open presents (My Mom). She didn't reply to her request. My WW and mother haven't spoken a word to each other since my exposure to my mother. None of my family has given WW any gifts, and I think that angers/saddens WW, depending on who she is!!

Soon Plan B, with hopefully, my Lawyer's help, custody of my kids, as WW moves out!!

Dazed, if your out there, chime in please! I know you're going through crap, but your experience may help me alot through the custody process!! Although, my WW is no longer on the fence, clearly is in some super endorphine rush!! Her judgements right now are so skewed as to wonder, how can this so happen to someone!!!!! It's quite fascinating to watch, along with the pain!! But the pain, is waning, as I fully expect to never be with my W, but hold onto some hope, as I fight for custody, and Plan B or maybe plan A for awhile, then Plan B. I'm doing my best to save money, and protect myself financially. I'm a bit worried about MIL, because she is a bit unstable herself, and when I drop the custody bomb, I'm not sure what she is capable of, even though 2 short months ago, she was in my camp. Now, she has seemed to do a 180 and HATES me, not openly, but through conversations I've overheard!!

So, here we are, a few short days from major events. I'm feeling stronger every day, knowing I can fight for my kids and their safety, even if WW will take it as punishment for her actions!! I've been doing my best Plan A'ing since this all started, over the last week. WW will probably think that I've been "setting her up".

One other thing, I got my WW a heart-shaped locket for X-mas, with pictures of our kids in there!! She said thanks, but then about an hour later came to me and said "that was the most thoughtful gift you've ever given me!!

Comments always welcome!!

Post deleted by Mywifeilove

Email just received from WW:

Hey. I just wanted to tell you again that I was sorry about this morning. I really feel awful about what this has made us into or rather made us think of each other. I really do try very hard to remember who you are when thoughts like last night enter my mind. But its not really what I think about you that scares me its what you think about me. I know its not a pleasant situation or easy to deal with at all. But I just want us to get along for the sake of the kids and the last 11 years. I think as parents we both have a very strong opinion that our kids need BOTH of us. And I think that we are both adult enough to realize that our actions and behaviors towards one another is going to very strongly affect them. I love my kids to pieces and being a good mom to them is the most important thing in my world. It always has been and will continue to be. I know you feel the same way. I am sorry for what this has turned into. I care so much about what I am leaving behi!
nd and no
matter what you think - this is NOT easy for me. Yes, I have someone to lean on. But that did not stop me from crying all the way home last night because I was freaked out about buying furniture. That situation can not take away from me the last 11 yeras and I don't want you to think that I have forgotten them. I am still ME (my name). I may be changed in some respects, but I am still ME inside. And I know you are still YOU. I hope you are having a good day. I wish I could call the kids. (they are at my mom's)

MANIPULATION at it's best!!!!! 15 hours ago she was ripping me apart to her friends and OM and "Oh how scared she was of me, (in some way)"

Please chime in on my last two posts!!

Sounds like manipulation to me as well. But you can't tell her that or it will be a LB, plus she will deny it was manipulative.

I'll offer an idea. Our MC has recently told us to try to connect heart-to-heart rather than head-to-head or by talking. Heads and voices will always fail and cause resentments, but touching each other on a heart level will succeed. Not unlike Plan A; maybe the heart-to-heart connection is a special part of Plan A. Maybe the most important part.

It's not what you say, or what you do (although those help a lot) but how you touch her emotionally. Is there something you can do today to touch her heart? It should be completely separate from any rational point/discussion/talk etc.

Who knows. She sees everything I do as a "manipulative" act to get her to leave OM. She keeps saying that "this isn't about OM, this is about what she has discovered about herself during this process. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> There really hasn't been any NC since any of this started. Essentially this has now been a 6 mo. affair, and exposure and my decent Plan A, have failed to break it apart. She has made her mind up, and thinks I'm just going to roll along with everything. But the thing that will finally make me "man-up" is my kids. They will not be drawn into their sleazy affair, even though she says "My children mean the most to me in my life" Her actions, certainly don't speak of that. Not by my definition, anyway.

Bump up please!

I don't remember some of the details of your sitch. Could you please bring me up to speed by answering the following questions.

Have you seen a lawyer? Are you guys ready to move (legally) when she moves out?

Have you protected your finances?

Do you have a Plan B letter ready?

Are you ready to implement Plan B?

Do you plan to expose to at least your 6 year-old when WW moves out?

Have you expose to all mutual friends and family?

Have you thought of making an appointment with Dr. Harley?

Yes, I've seen a lawyer. He tells me to let her leave, and when she asks to have the kids overnight at her new place, say no, they stay here. He also said do not sign ANYTHING, unless it includes full custody w/appropriate child support. (WW would never agree, because she'd go broke, big time!)

I have protected my finances as best as I could. All credit cards have been seperated, home equity line frozen, and joint savings and checking accounts have been eliminated.

Plan B letter is ready to go, although modified, due to HER leaving. Kind of along the lines that I can't control the choices she makes, but if there comes a time in the undetermined future that she is willing to work on the marriage, then there will be NC with OM, along with a letter to him, and to agree to MC from a pro marriage councilor. etc....

I believe that I am. My love for my wife is waning. It's there, but after 3+ mos. of living in pergatory, with none of my top EN's being met, and her openly displaying disrespect to me and the children, I have to do a plan B. However, with DS3 and DD6, and pending custody battle, plan B will be extremely difficult to implement fully.

I have already told DD6 that Mommy has another boyfriend, and that she doesn't want to be with Daddy anymore. And that none of this is her fault. DD6 always replies, "Daddy, can we please not talk about it" She has been having trouble falling asleep the last 3 weeks. This hurts the worst!!!

Yes, however, her family, except for her Dad, has turned against me, along with her friends. (All of whom LOVED me, and said that W was so lucky to have me!!!!!!) Oh, how that has changed by the spinmiester aka WW.

I waffled back and forth with a Dr. Harley appointment. Reason: She is in so deep and I know I have to protect my DD and DS, that the only option is to fight for my kids!!! Once that settles down (much like Dazed's sitch) then I may give them a call. If some of you think calling him now would be better, I'd like your opinion!!!!! And the cost and phone #! And how long after making an appointment, does it take to actually talk to them???

Thanks!

It seems like you did what you need to do to protect yourself on the legal front. That is good. Btw, have you been documenting everything?

As for the friends and WW’s family that support her, at least you know where they stand. It is not surprising though. That is usually what happens. But if you two ever reconcile, you will have to keep most of those people away from your M. You do not people like that in your life.

Yes, I would recommend you talk to Dr. Harley now. It always better to speak with him now, when he can help you strategize at this time, than later, when more damages are done.

As for your DD, keep loving her and being there for her. You have to be her rock, since WW can’t be at this point. From what I see, you are doing all the right moves on that front.

Just keep being nice to WW until she moves out. Then you can drop the Plan B bomb on her.

Last, you may want to read Gramm and Mortarman’s old threads to see what Plan B entails. Although hard, if WW moves out, you can definitely do Plan B on her to protect yourself and your children from her chaos.

I got appt with Steve Harley pretty quickly just a couple days. He confirmed what others had already advised me on the board...I felt better knowing I was on the right track.
Knowing MB principals really helps...he cuts right to the chase and can give very concrete ideas about what to try and how to talk to WS. I felt like it was worth every penny and he was not a clock watcher so I didn't feel rushed.

I haven't had a 2nd call yet because things have been pretty stagnant. He advised to continue plan A but I might have to move to plan B to get WH to commit. I will call again before I go to plan B.

Last night, I got really sick (flu). Then WW, comes to me and says that DD6 just told her that my mother told DD6 that WW was "doesn't care about anybody but herself".

I'm really disappointed with my mother. She has alot of anger toward WW, but to start talking to my DD6 is so wrong. WW so angry she could spit nails.

I told WW, that what my mother did was extremely wrong, and that I will ensure nothing like that happens again.

But my mother just had her heart attack, and now I'm left with trying to approach this with kid gloves.

This sucks! I'm home from work with the kids, have a 101 degree fever, feel like crap, WW continues to pack and is still manipulating me, with her kindness, and wants everything to be so civil as she rips our family to shreds.

Comments please.

Personally I think it is fine that your mom said that your wife only thinks of herself. It is a fairly accurate picture.

Children should be left out of this stuff, but sometimes it is difficult when the WS is packing up to leave at Christmas.

I think I would leave your mom alone and talk to your daughter.

bump for more replies

Well, the big weekend is here. WW is moving out! Without any LS, or any legal means to take the kids. I have paid as many bills as possible out of our joint account, which I will be off from at midnight tonight. When she sees the payment history online, she will blow a gasket!! She agreed to pay bills through Dec. but now almost all are paid ahead through Jan. Then when I tell her the kids stay in this home, the one they've always known, until someone legally tells me otherwise! I will wait to see what she does concerning any LS. Then I will tell her I won't agree to anything! She then will have to file for D (I'm not sure what grounds she thinks she can file in NY!!) or go to Family court for custody, which I believe her case would be laughed at, since she moved out, and she had the affair (and still is). This will put WW is a situation where she chooses to abandon all of us, and just visit kids, or start trumping up charges. I'm fighting with all my might and will not love bust, as best as I can. This will be the biggest challenge of my life. Think and pray for me and the kids, and yes the WW. 2006 better be better than this f'd up past year!!! Happy new year, my friends!!

Are you changing the locks?

I will keep you guys in my prayers.