update:

WW invited me over to watch a movie with her and the kids. "Dreamer" with Kurt Russell and Dakota Fanning....nice movie for the family!!

During the movie, WW's phone rings....she let it ring and then after her answering machine picked up....a light bulb went on in her head.....'OM!!'....she hurriedly goes to the answering machine, but OM had began to leave a message....."Where the ****** are you????? You didn't....." then WW, turns the volume down on the machine.

The rest of the night was very nice, laughing and WW cried during the movie. I knew she would....so I had a handkerchief in my pocket before the movie started!!! Gave it to her while she was crying. I think it blew her away!!! I had to leave just after the movie....someone asked to borrow my tent, and I had to get it there before nightfall. WW was curious as to who wanted to borrow it...so I told her...a friend (yes it was a woman, who I've "hung out" with, but have NO emotional connection to, nor does she with me). WW seemed a "bit" sad.

Then on Sun., I went to pick up kids at her house. MIL was there, but before I went there, I saw a lilac tree, nowhere near any houses on a rural road. So I stopped and cut a bunch, and brought them to WW and MIL. WW asked where I got them, and I told her that I had just stopped along the side of the road. Then I said: "These aren't ALL for you!!! Half of for your Mom. They were genuinely impressed....I think.

After getting home with kids...WW calls to thank me again for the flowers.

BTW....MIL spent the night at WW's house last night. WW had kids Fri and Sat night. WW was at my house Wed. night, and Thurs. night WW and I talked for a couple hours on phone while she was at her house!!!! Based on that, WW and OM didn't have any "overnights" for at least 5 nights, and 3 were when she could have. Just an observation....that stuff doesn't bother me anymore. Wife is sick with "WW disease".

Comments welcome..If I'm doing fine, not being "walked on", and WW continues to become more comfortable with me...is this the essence of Plan A???

I'm think the WW is expecting our "dinner date" to be of a serious nature...(It's the way I have been) I think she'll be shocked when I take her to KFC (She loves that place!!! Don't ask why!!) and then we are going kareoking and dancing. Play some darts, have some drinks and then take her home....and telling her how much fun I had and how I would like to do it again sometime...that is the plan!!

Thanks,
MWIL

Oh, BTW, my first girlfriend, some 20 years ago,....will be in town this weekend. We are going to get together....but there is no chance of anything happening between us....she is divorced, but MUST stay in Fla. because of her agreement with her WH.

My WW knows that she is coming into town...she asked if I am going to see her, and I told her yes. WW displayed her first "jealous" look EVER!!! And I left it at that. Not sure if that is good or not....but I'm not going to sit around and NOT do some things that are OK for me, but wouldn't happen if W and I were together. What do you guys think??? Again....nothing can happen between us...and I wouldn't let it...even though my old GF is excited to see me!!

Have fun as long as its not a "date" but be careful. WW is filling some of your EN which is good. But it looks like she is fence sitting. Are you considering plan B in the future?

MWIL,
You are playing with fire with the former girlfriend! And deep down, I think you know it. Please be very, very careful.
--SC

SC....No need to worry....there are no feelings...still only for my wife. I've "gone out" with several girls that I just enjoyed their company. I'm in no position, emotionally to go there......

One of the girls I went out with, was VERY good looking and extremely nice....and wanted to kiss me....I understand the "infatuation" feelings...and could just start to feel them...but my mind is strong....stronger than my need for SF or any R. So I go into this encounter with former GF with the strength of knowledge (thanks to MB) and to the fact that I am not at the point of throwing in all the work that I've put into recovering from the A and aftermath, to lose it all!!! Especially on someone that, esentially is unavailable!!!

But thank-you for the reminder and advice!!! It's good to have MB friends to give an outside perspective!!

"Playing with fire????"....Nah....just enjoying a camp fire!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> No "poking with sticks" involved!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

ChaCha,

Thanks for responding to my thread! Plan B will ALWAYS be an option....not scared to do it at all!!! My energy for this situation is still strong....and is allowing a good TRUE Plan A to work!! It's only been really 3.5 months of a good Plan A. And the A with OM is struggling like a fly in a spider's web....and I have drawn WW back to a point where she is now taking almost 100% of the responsibility!!! If you go through my thread....that is quite a turnaround from 7 months ago!!!

I've been following your thread the whole time. ( I'm confused42 I changed my name because I'm in a different place I'm more like my old self).

Anyway you guys have certainly come along way since she moved out. I was just thinking...Is she getting comfortable with the situation? She can see her kids, see you and still talk to OM when she is in the mood.

You sound strong and confident in your post....very attractive to WW, BTW. And it sounds like she is coming around, still testing the water...is it enough to get her to jump in? Just be prepared if she back slides if she gets spooked.

Sorry C42!!!!! I didn't even see that!

WW and I have a date for the 2nd of June. She thinks it's a "dinner" date...but it won't be what she thinks!!! And I think that'll be good!! Is she getting comfortable???? Not at all!!! She calls ME up to talk about HER mistakes and HER A and the damage IT has done. I'm not pushing her, nor am I EVER emailing her first....she always initiates it. I have gone back to having HER pursue me...just like when we first started dating.

She misses the children terribly when she isn't with them!! I see her tear up everytime I come to pick them up!

Which, I believe is further proof that the A is on it's last legs....because just after she moved out...she NEVER cried or teared up when I took the kids...she only commented on "how well they were adjusting"

She has mentioned over the last month many times, that "she misses her family" and even threw in a "yes, that means you too, BS".

She has stated that she wants to go back to IC....GOOD!!! And she is spending some more time with some of her friends that weren't so "accomodating" of her actions...as opposed to 2 of her other "friends" who "wanted her happy" (PUKE!)

Thanks, again for chiming in!! I'll recognize you now!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I state this from the onset of this post.....I'm going to be EXTREMELY CAUTIOUS from here on out, and will be turning to my friends here at MB for advice a bit more frequently!!!!

This MAY BE the post I've been finally wanting to write...for SO LONG!!! But "I am still."

Here's the cliff notes....then the details:

Cliff notes version: According to WW (maybe soon to be FWW), her and OM are OVER!! WW tells me she thinks she gave up too early on our M. WW tells me how remorseful she is about ripping our family apart. WW asks me, if we are still "on" for our dinner date on June 2nd. WW and I talked for 3 hours on the phone last night....

Details:

Stealing a line from a song we are all familar with: "OOOH, WHAT A NIGHT!"

I put the kids down to bed at 8:30 last night...phone rings...it's WW. We had talked earlier (7:30ish)...about the day, and she wished the kids good night. WW asks if I was busy...told her no, kids just went to bed. I asked her what's up?. She said she had to talk to me about something. Then the 3 hour phone call from God began!!

She proceeded to tell me how sorry she was for "everything", including hurting me enough to create some of my uncharacteristic behaviors/actions, post D-Day. She told me (with a most nervous/wavering voice that I've ever heard from her) that she is sorry she gave up on the marriage TOO EARLY!!....I just listened, no reaction at all!!! I let her talk, and talk and talk.....She told me how "disgusting" OM is....and that they haven't seen each other in over 2 weeks...he calls and most of the time she doesn't answer the phone...because he goes from "understanding" her and her apprehensions toward him, to blaming her for her putting "him" through all this!! WW stated that he takes no responsibility for anything in his life....blames everyone...pity parties galour for him!! (How attractive!!!!!)

I didn't say a word for the first 20 minutes...she wanted to get this off her chest...and I let her.

When there was a break, I did tell her that throughout all this, I've learned so much about myself, relationships and the work that is ALWAYS NEEDED to nurture those relationships, and I've learned about God and what He means to me, and will continue to do so for life.

She said she never gave me a chance to fix the "small" problems we had.....(SMALL PROBLEMS??????????? They were SO BIG, JUST A FEW SHORT MONTHS AGO!!!!!)

I can't remember every word that she spoke, but I do know that EVERYTHING she talked about...was THE WAY she needed to (according to MB pricipals) in order for there to be a chance for us.

I reassured her that it's so ironic that, although her and I had to take seperate paths during this whole thing...in the end...we are both doing the same things....rediscovering ourselves...mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. She SO agreed.

During the 3 hour conversation, we laughed,....she brought up so many good memories at any and every opportunity she could!!! She NEVER ONCE, blamed me for ANYTHING...and when there were some difficult parts of her conversation she was trying to get through....I reassured her that I was SAFE...that if she didn't feel comfortable talking to me...then to stop. She said, "NO, I have to have this conversation with you."

It was an awesome 3 hours!! She ended it with her saying "Are you still planning on taking me to dinner?" I told her of course, and that I just want to have fun with her, like we always did, and always look forward to.

I ended the conversation with "Hey, I need to get some sleep...and so don't you." She broke down a bit and said "<BS>, thank-you so much for LISTENING to me!!!! Not "talking to me"!!!! She noticed!!!

So this journey appears to be taking a turn...or maybe a new challenge...and from what others have stated...the hardest and longest of all the challages that infidelity brings with it.

I will be turning to you folks for MUCH advice...and please...treat me like a newbie...for all knowledge is good knowledge...and it doesn't hurt to "refesh" once in awhile!!

Thank-you all who have responded in the past. This is my cyber family!!

MWIL

This is good MWIL...but as I have said...now comes the hard part...recovery...attonement...accountability....it is harder than you know....we'll help get you through it...

I do see a problem with...

WW and OM are done....right to "not giving marriage a chance"....there are still some pretty fundamental issues there my friend...do not lose site of it!!

best of luck to you!!

I am re-encouraged that there is much hope for recovery on these boards.

What a great conversation.

You deserve so much credit for how you have persevered through all these months.

I am looking at some art above my desk right now. I got it because it spoke to me about my own M recovery. It is four painted flowers growing towards the sun. Each flower has a word above it taken from a Romans 5 verse....Sufferings, Perserverance, Character, and Hope.

You are embodying that verse. Continued success in your recovery efforts.
Blessings,
Glad

Whoah!
I've never responded to you before (I don't think) but I think you have been doing a fantastic job. What a plan A! Well done.
Tread carefully. You must be flying right now, over the moon and far away.
Keep going with the fun dates etc, but now the really hard work starts.
Withdrwal, NC, feelings of insecurity, fear, questioning etc.
Courage mon brave, as they say in France.
Keep up the good work, as we say in England.
Kate xxx

I am very happy and (cautiously) optimistic for you! You've done well and grown a lot...you now have an apparent victory under your belt but don't get overconfident!

That's the only advice I feel safe in giving you - I'll leave the rest for the experts. Again, congratulations!

Send me...thanks as always for sharing your insight...it is most helpful...at each and every turn.

Glad...very kind words...God is guiding me in the most loving of ways.

Bay...I haven't allowed myself, recently, to "fly to high" or "sink too low"...thank-you for the kind words.

WW called me at 5:50 this morning and said: "Hey, it's time to wake up!!" Then we just talked for a half hour about the upcoming day and the kids. We had coffee together, over the phone, and it was just nice to hear her laugh...but her demeanor has changed just slightly to a noticeable "nervousness" when talking to me...one that subtlely indicates an infant emotion of possible reconciliation. I will need much more than that to allow me to even bring up the possibility....she needs to develop more of an interest....and I will help but NOT pushing...at all...just having a great time with her...meeting EVERY STINKING NEED that I can...without displaying neediness....and that part is easy now.....that is the short term plan.....so I would assess the situation as being on the cusp of "waywardness" and "recovery"....so many details....but now is the time for me to prepare plan A,B,C,D,E...etc. for as many possible turns this could take.

May God continue to guide me with his loving arms..

MWIL

WW has just emailed me....setting up the details pertaining to the kids and who is going to watch them for "our date" on June 2nd......

Does anyone have suggestions on what are somethings that can be done now, before the date, that would set it up for her to REALLY be looking forward to it?

MWIL,

As you know I am the skeptic in your sitch. But the latest development sounds good. Sound very good. I will keep you in my prayers.

God Bless.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Why do you have to wait until June 2 for the big KFC date?

Can't you arrange a babysitter during one of your nights of custody and just invite her along say this weekend. Don't make it a big deal, just indicate you found a babysitter and would like to go out the next night with or without her. If she say no, then go out anyway.

Additionally, I've seen these "recoveries" go one of two ways. Either the couple throws themselves into bed and make mad passionate love for several weeks before then hitting a roadblock wherein real mental and emotional marital recovery ends up taking place OR the more common way, the WW has tons of issues of just not being attracted to the BH and having difficulty reconnecting physically. You see they have had months (or years) of rationalizations and justifications built up in their mind disconnecting themselves from you physically. It was part of their "why" the relationship wouldn't ever work with you again. I was fortunate that my wife still choose to have SF as she worked her way through that mental episode but many others endure months of difficulties. I didn't let it bother me too much but a least we were having some. One big problem was I, of course, wanted intimate, meaningful, "reconnecting" sex whereas she wasn't ready for that AT ALL. So our sex was more playfull, wild and often drunk/tipsy sex.

IMO, the WW's that won't have sex and prolong the "won't do it, yet" I imagine are more hurtful and difficult for the BH. I suggest you read up on the threads regarding recovery and sex so you can be ready to handle the issues with her and within yourself as you progress into recovery. Whether she says "no" or "yes", you two will likely have these issues at first.

Mr. Wondering

Thanks, again for the responses.

Mr. W,

The SF issue is something that she will initiate at some point soon into any recovery....I just have this knowledge about my W, but I will be very cautious about this....I don't think it'll be a problem for me, only because I'm treating her like she is a brand new girlfriend....and it is working!! I've been without SF for 8 months.....NO BIG DEAL!!! I'll know the right time to make my moves....I've always had success in courting women into bed (prior to M) and will do the same with W....just with my antenea up a bit. Of course, there is always the chance she will initiate (especially if she has a few drinks) not unlike your situation.

I'm determined to MAKE SURE there are no false recoveries...and with the help of everyone here, I'm sure that there will be a much less chance of that happening!!

As for this weekend....she has plans...and I do as well with old GF....not to worry...I'm not going to throw away all the efforts I've made...and besides...I've already curtailed a number of women's attempts of getting me in the sack!!! My emotions are with W, even more now that things seem to be going according to Dr. Harley's script. And, I don't think that at this point, making W just a bit jealous is such a bad thing!! Not playing games....just looking forward to catching up with an old friend, and this was planned for over a month now...she's coming up from Fla. to visit relatives and friends (like me). Don't get me wrong, if things start turning better for WW and I, then ALL new and old "girlfriends" will have to vanish from my radar.

As for SF, I still cannot understand why people keep suggesting it in reconciliation without also telling the BS to make sure that the WS is not infected with any STDs from his or her A escapade. I think this is a real disservice to the BS.

I am all for SF, but when one's life is in danger, that should take priority. Living in fantasy will not make the reality of STDs go away. Just because we love someone and want to be with them does not mean that they are not infected with STD from their sexual ventures with OP.

So MWIL, I hope you have WW check before you engage in SF with her, however long from now this event occurs. If not for you, do it for your children.