Thanks, Hope. Hearing words from you and others about the "best course" gives me a boost of strength.

CC, thank-you for your guidance as well!!!

I know this is essentially as good of a course right now as it gets. If Dr. Harley's principals work...I have given our M the best chance to Recover according to those pricipals.

I will look forward to all comments and suggestions....I will take each decision that I need to make from here on out and post any dilemas I may have.

Unfortunately I have to change my signature line to reflect the newest phase of my plan.
MWIL

Anger towards you....I have said it 1,000 times my FWW's anger terrifies me because anger was used a diversion. My "wrongs" resulted in monster over reactive outbursts from her. In fact I believe her term was "unforgivable"... Regardless, MWIL...understand that when a WW doesn't get there way, whether it is exposure, spying (and lack of privacy), or boundaries they handle it with anger because it is easier....think about it....the blame shifting bull cra p ...it is so much easier....



Don't look at her. She doesn't exist. No smile, no expression nothing at all that gives your feelings away. And the exchange...your children are old enough to be dropped off. When my then XW would play the "exchange game" I would stay in another room that was not at the door. You do not need to go out to get their stuff....in fact they should not be carrying all that much stuff. Stop making it easy....she is on her own....

Good luck with this as it will be a very different approach to what you have done, what you want to do.....Stay strong and DARK!!

Thank-you again SendMe. She will not get to see me or talk to me....until her affair is over!!!! And I understand at this point....my strength and understanding in this manner will prevail!! I'm sure she would lose boatloads of respect for me down the road, if I were to "give in" at all, until the terms of my conditions are met.

I understand that the anger WW will display is her "fog". And that the fact she "came back" a bit to me during my Plan A, means that the "fog" or aspects of it, may have went away....meaning....the fog can be broken.

This is her crisis, and my peace....I know she feels pain...but this NEEDS TO HAPPEN, if I'm to have a full personal recovery, and a chance for our M to recover.

MWIL,

I know it's early, but have there been any attempts from your WW to break you Plan B?

How are you doing?

HTW

AOK my friend!! Yes, she tried to talk to me when I called for the kids last night. She said, "Can we talk?" I said "Are you ready to never talk to him again?" She kinda hemmed and hawwed....I said, "Please don't contact me again until you are FULLY ready!"

I'm doing great! I've been very busy today, and once again, peace has come over me!!

MWIL

I'm glad to hear that!

You should consider bottling and selling whatever you are doing to get yourself into that mental state you are in.

How do you do it, especially after taking a huge hit in the self-esteem department as us BS's do?

I sometimes think of my WW being happy with the OM and it makes me upset and angry. What works for you in getting over these feelings?

At this time Hope???? I think the fact that I have learned that her and the OM are DONE, from a romantic POV. She has told him that they DON'T have a future. He is NEEDY!! I am demonstrating to her that I am not needy!!

My case may be somewhat different in that aspect. OM in my sitch. is a Super Scumbag!! You know him. I am a SUPERIOR man to him....not just from the fact that I DON'T screw married women!! He has a HUGE arrest record, and I have the confidence that he is not the problem now....it is the WW and her conflicts within her self. I look at her as having a disease, that is curable, but with only the right combination of medician from me. The OM is just a symptom, not the disease!! And you can't treat the symptom only, WW is going to just have to blow her nose!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

She emailed me today: she told me she changed her cell # because "OM keeps bothering her". I did not reply. She knows my boundaries now, and they have been elevated. If she comes to doing what I have informed her that I requested, and then fails again....by boundaries would be elevated again. She'll get it!! Or I'll move on!! And the fear is gone now!! I'm strong right now!! And she sees it......and is attractive to her!!!!!!!

Keep plugging along, HOPE. Trust yourself and this fantastic pricipal called MB!!!!

MWIL

Ahhh, young Luke...YOU GET IT!!!

I am very encouraged by this statement my friend....as well as this too:



DARKNESS...there is no more talk just action and you must elevate your spidy senses cause this is HER issue... she needs and requires attention from MEN...and she will lie to get it.....you have a line in the sand (actually a trench, well dug with significant booby traps)... If it is over why the contact and CONFLICT??? Her Butt is FIRMLY planted on the fence....let some other man deal with that load of crap....stay strong....and know you're doing the right thing....

mwil....

quiet is not good.....how goes it???

Sorry, quiet IS GOOD! All the expected anger, justifications, and "forced contact attempts" are occurring. I've been very busy at work....and very busy with kids, father's business, lawn work, laundry.

I just needed to take a few days away from board.

WW, cries, yells, sweet talks, etc. THE ONLY WORDS I'VE SAID TO HER IN THE LAST WEEK IS: "ARE YOU READY TO FULLFILL THE ITEMS NECESSARY FOR "US" TO BEGIN OUR NEW RELATIONSHIP?"

She still hems and haws and says she needs to do this her way..........CLICK!!!!!! (Me hanging up the phone)

She'll get it.

Good...keep up the good work....

Question: (And this is just me planning ahead, so that I can seamlessly move through this)

Not if, but when, WW agrees to terms that I've laid out...(the firmest of boundaries) do I jump right back into Plan A mode....or would I slowly morph back into it over, say, a few days or weeks???

Or is it a "feel it out" period?

It's amazing how much calmness comes just from "MY" strength in myself, and believing in the MB pricipals. She's "choking on it" now!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Kinda like watching my W go through labor (pain) but knowing that without it, there can be no child to provide unknown joys and happiness!!!

G....

You have Plan A'd already....there really is no longer a need to just focus on her needs...it is now a two way street....I do not think you would change anything you're doing. I would think that your expectations of her would now change....there will be a "feeling out period"...

You will however, need to pay attention to her and NC. You do not want to have a false recovery...she is choiking on it and this is where she can really do damage if your spidy senses are weak.....absolute agreement to your Plan B terms or nothing...

THAT INCLUDES LISTENING TO HER WHINE, CRY, ETC....she has NO reason to call you....DARK.....all her current actions do is keep her angry.....DARK.....Do not listen to anything...I wonder if OM is doing that.....??

Hope you had a happy INDEPENDANCE day. How's it going?

I'll give an update a bit later today.....a little busy at work!!!!

Update:

Alot has happened over the last week and a half......last Thursday WW.....AGREED TO ALL CONDITIONS SET FORTH IN MY EMAIL FROM 2 WEEKS AGO! We then proceeded to "get out of town" for 5 days on an impromptu camping trip with the kids. It was a place that W and I had gone to a dozen times or so when we were dating and early in our M.

We had a great time! No R talk. Little bit of kissing (by her) and A LOT OF LONG HUGS! Kids had a wonderful time, and so did we!! Lots of swimming, hiking, fireworks, good camping food, great weather......5 days worth of fun!!

FWW has now: invited me to go to a concert with her, invited me to go to a "renaissance fair", to go out with her and her girlfriend and gf's new boyfriend, go out TONIGHT, and the best.....go to a MC together on the 18th....she already set up the appointment.

She stated that she "couldn't handle not having me in her life" and that "she needs to reconnect with me, but the drive to do that is "very strong" now." OM and her are (according to her) "DONE, DONE, DONE!!!!"

So here we are again, I feel fine and strong. I'm sitting on a "resting pad" right now. Knowing that I'm just a part of the way up the mountain....with more terrain to transgress.

We are agreeing to do most of our R talk in front of the MC at first....

She asked for "help" in dealing with thoughts of OM....

I'll post more later...I think this may be the straw that broke the camel's back......we'll see!!
MWIL

Hip-Hip....Hooray.

Good idea letting the relationship talk slide a bit for now....not much to talk about while she's all fogged out. After a few weeks clarity shall begin to set in and the conversations will flow.

OM really is irrelevant...she'll get that one day. Her affair was about HER issues, not OM.

Recommitment is nice, but intimacy is the goal.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

Thanks as always Mr. W.

How this has all played out is textbook...according to the way the Harley's describe it....from start to finish!! The longer I'm in this the more education and practice and stronger I get....as a man. Lots of work, but I think OUR path is starting to take shape.....but as always...stillness and patience are still sunk deep within my cortex!

MWIL

This is good news. I only caution you to be very wary of renewed contact.....

"She asked for "help" in dealing with thoughts of OM...."


This is why you must be cognizant of that "need" for resolution....finality....it takes a long time my friend....there must be consequences for any continued dishonesty....as Mr. W said....this entire thing was all about her...not OM...not you....you were smart and learned from it anyway!! Good for you......keep up the good work...

Enjoy the fair....and drop me a line...I have interesting story to share as my W and I took our boys there the summer we reconnected....

Have fun....keep us posted....

Great news MWIL!

I'm glad things are slowly turning around for you and your FWW. You could see this coming a long time ago since OM was scum and you did a terrific Plan A.

HTW