SM and Hope,

I, once again, thank both of you. I dove into Plan B and went completely dark on WW for over a week...I know....not a long time....but I believe she was just a whisker away from getting to where she is now via Plan A only. So just a taste of "No George" tipped her over the edge. Now, to just keep her off the damn fence!!!!!

And now may be the roughest part for her. Peeling away all the layers of lies, and getting down to her interconflict.

MWIL

Reminder: Not your job to peel away anything. You help and support with love, care and empathy as she proceeds through the realization and restoration of self and marriage process herself. You work on your issues and try to get her to support you as well. Perhaps your first issue should be your desire to fix it NOW. lol. (Not that anything you said made me think you believe this merely the fact that you are a man allows me this insight). You may even build up her self-esteem by making her feel as a valuable partner to you and your growth as an individual, father and husband.

Concentrate on enjoying the summer TOGETHER. The joys and misery of recovery will proceed with time and patience.

Mr. Wondering

By George I hope she's got it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mr. W,

WAY too much insight!!! Scary!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You are exactly right...our date just ended and I had to "settle the horses" quite a bit!! We ended up not going out...we both have sore throats (Maybe from our camping trip...where we shared a few passionate kisses. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ) But she came over, we ordered chinese food and played with the kids and then put them to bed....in the same fashion as when she was here.

We then watched a movie, we were laying on the bed...she was looking at me....and I was looking at the movie...I then leaned over and gave her the "nicest" kiss I may have ever given her. We then held hands for about 20 minutes and then she put her head on my chest. I told her that throughout all this, I have become the man that I'VE WANTED TO BE!! She said "I know" and then said, "The wall I've build between us is coming down...slowly...but I feel it." "Just give me a bit of time to let that come down....you're doing fine" I said "And please realize that I'm new to this....I'll make mistakes....just give me time...you're doing fine"

She smiled, looked at me, and then proceeded to give me a nice kiss. We then watched the rest of the movie, and I just backed off a little bit on the physical part, but was joyful and happy. We didn't talk about any R stuff after the words above were spoken. It ended with her almost falling asleep near the end of the movie...but she said "I need to get my cat in."

I walked her out to her car, nice long hug and a few pecks on the lips. She said she'd call in the morning.

All in all, nice....again however....patience, and ....well patience!!!

I don't know how much our interactions are me drawing her back, or her realization of what she was about to go to. I still wonder, if recovery will be too hard for her and she just goes on her own.....but I will continue to demonstrate strength and create a safe place for her to land...."THE LIGHTHOUSE!!"

Being still....being still......being s t i l l.

If you folks are praying for us.......it's working.....thank-you!!!

I won't get down when the bumpy parts of recovery take place....for I will already know that they WILL take place and I can be prepared for it......it's just another part of the PLAN!!!

As always, thank all of you fine folks: Hope, SMOMW, Mr. and Mrs. W, bitbucket, Cha Cha, believer, Mortarman, and all others that have posted to me over these last 9 months.

Of any discussion boards I've dealt with....you folks have touched me in the most loving of ways....annonymously giving of yourselves.....thank-you....no matter what happens, you have aided me in learning the tools for a successful ME!!!!!
God Bless,
MWIL

OMG, that, my friend, is a little over the top.

I did not need to know THAT.

It's a chat board for pete's sake. I TOUCHED NOTHING.

W

p.s.-you're welcome

p.p.s. (not P.S.S. shaddup Patriot) - good job tonight...you could have tried to press and you'd have accomplished NOTHING. Instead you had a pleasant evening with your wife. BTW, when is she moving HOME???????

MWIL,

Very, very good news. I am very happy for you.

Mr. W,


I'm not going there!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Other than to say, I appreciate the insight you all give.....thus passing the torch of knowledge, in which, hopefully I can serve as a MB coach throughout the years ahead.

About her moving home.....I know that would provide "the best opportunity" to recover....and maybe at a faster pace...but we haven't gone there yet....and it is one of my own boundaries that I have....I do not want to confuse the children....nor does FWW. It's still very early....and the "time away" from each other, IMO, if handled correctly, can create that "anticipation" of seeing one another....not too dissimilar from when we first started dating.

Her ACTIONS seem to show me, at this point, she is making the effort to reconnect with me.....without too much pressure. I'd like to see a bit more in the way of her "filling more of my EN's", before I would put that kind of pressure on myself, or her.....having her back home.

UVA, OMG....I forgot to include you in the list of "people" who have helped me so much!!! You are another one that has given me advice and tools to improve myself. Thank-you, my friend!!

I'm going to enjoy this beautiful day with my children, outside in our pool.

Everyone.....enjoy the weekend!!

MWIL

Update:

This last week, FWW and I have been spending LOADS of time together...with FWW becoming more and more affectionate to me is many different ways!! Last night went over for dinner and spent the majority of the night with her. (Until 10:00pm. Lots of touching, hugging, kissing!! Here is today's email exchange...just to give everyone a pulse of what is going on:

Me:

"Hey, hope your morning has been good. I had a very nice time last night....becoming interested in ALL of what interests you, is fun again!! It's been way too long to have gone without that feeling........WAY TOO LONG!!

Make sure you DVR the next episode of "Entourage"!!

I'm not sure when you were thinking about our "encore" Old Forge trip....soon, or later in the summer...or wait until autum when the leaves change, again? Just let me know...I'll set it ALL up!

Well, I lost about ½ of the water out of the pool again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Too much rain, I guess...along with the slow leak in the ring started the flow...and once it gets going....it doesn't stop until half the water is gone!!! Oh well. It'll just take a couple hours of filling. I need to get some more patching "stuff".

Enjoy the weather this afternoon.....looks to get "yucky" around here starting on Thursday (hot/humid)."

WW:

" Its fun for me that you appreciate learning some of the things that I enjoy. And I really get the feeling that you do. I will certainly DVR the next entourage!!

I think we will just have to wait till our babysitting options clear up a bit before we go away. I am sure that we could use my mom and sister again, but I need to give my sister a chance to get settled in (New home). It was just such a nice trip last time and we did fun things. I want to do that again with a different "turn" in our relationship and enjoy it more. And enjoy some of the wonderful changes that I see our relationship taking.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate that you hung in here with me George. I am looking forward to things just getting better until THAT is our NORM.

Me:

"Honestly.....I want the NORM to be that our relationship ALWAYS grows, if that's where this leads....there is still so much to learn and appreciate about one another that we PUT ON HOLD for the last few years.

With you taking the initiative to go to counciling, letting him go, and reconnecting slowly with me, I too appreciate your hard internal self discoveries and efforts. It goes a long way in me becoming attracted to you again in a way that allows me to move forward. And your difficult work with in yourself, is not going unnoticed by me. Hopefully as time moves on, I can become more of a source of strength that you can tap into, through this journey."

WW:

"I know that. And some of the changes YOU have made for yourself and what you have given of yourself througout this whole thing have made it so much easier for me to see MY path - since I have been blessed with the opportunity. Don't ever think I don't know that things could have gone very differently. I will probably spend the rest of my life thanking you."


Comments??

I still have a hard time looking back and seeing where I/we were just 9 months ago.

MWIL

Just got back from FWW's house, FROM ANOTHER DINNER INVITE!! More kissing, hugging...and she just out and said one time while hugging me..."I miss you" I left on my own time, but sensed that FWW wanted me to stay a bit...she said "Just because I said I'm getting tired, doesn't mean you have to go yet" and I just said "You go and get some sleep, I need to get some good sleep too" Then I kissed her, and gave her a two minute "hug massage" As I got in my car, she said: "George....thank-you....sweet dreams"

Of course I'm giddy.....but STILL....patience....and calmness.
MWIL

Beautiful, my brother! Sounds very good.

George, you seem to have mastered this so all we can do at this point is read and learn.

I get the sense you are close to SF. Are you anxious? How will you proeed? Are you worried about STD's?

Good luck my friend!

HTW

Well done! Seems you've knocked her off the fence...hopefully for good this time.

Sorry I haven't posted to you in a while...I got a promotion at work and have been busier than a one-armed paper hanger!

The rennaissance festival could be fun! My wife and I used to go all the time before we had our son.

Thanks, Hope and Bit!!

Our Anniversary is July 25. Anxious????? Hope, not really. I have become so versed in PATIENCE that I will let that happen in due course. As for STD's? We have both given blood over the last 2 months. She just had her annual "women's" Dr.'s visit....I have heard nothing from her....I used protection with her prior, anyways....I was planning (pre-A) to have a vesectomy....FWW and OM have not been intimate (according to FWW) since mid-April.)

We have drawn closer to one another, slowly, ever since she moved out. She has felt the pain of her choices....something VERY KEY that needs to happen to a WS. Exposure, in hindsight, was the most important weapon in dissolving the fantasy. It "snapped" her out of living in the moment....to.....looking at her future....with the help of a "needy", pathetic OM....she fell fast!!!!

Her comments about him continue to be more negative...as she clears the fog!!!!

Out of the blue, I sent her a flower/Yankee candle arrangement to her work yesterday....timing was PERFECT!! She said "all the girls cried" in the office...including her!!!!

She invited me to do something "fun" with the kids on Friday night. We may go to a "Drive in movie"...something my DD6 asked about...she wanted to know what "one" was. There are a couple fairly close by....playing some Disney movies....I suggested it and FWW enthusiastically approved!!

She is making plans for her and I to do things together at a "feverish" pitch.....it is filling one of my EN's!!!!!! (Companionship) Her and I are becoming more and more serious about a possible move...still within the area....but a "new begining"...with a new house!!!

I have a "few" secret ways (I won't get into) to be assured that NC is happening!!! It's been at least 3 weeks now......NC holds!!! And I think FWW, though maybe a bit foggy at times still, has her eyes firmly fixed on the "lighthouse", showing her the way through the fog.

I have been blessed with this board, the Harley's material, and God....whom all have worked together in bettering me!!! Nothing else other than bettering me!!!!!

What a journey thus far!!!! And more of a journey to come....right SMOMW????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Godspeed to all!
MWIL

{{{MWIL}}} much better signiture now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> i hope your anniversary is wonderful.

MWIL....I wonder when you get angry? It may be when you begin to have regular SF...I'm not sure but I worry you will hit a wall...you have handled this SOOOO very differently to this point....

I wonder where your resentment is....because that is normal to feel that way....

I wish you luck....and you know how to reach me...keep it up G....

I see the resentment in my Mother....and all it does is make people miserable. With the help of MB pricipals, I truly think of WW and FWW as two different people....Hel1, through in the old W and there is 3 different people!!!

I can't hold resentment for one person against another....and my FWW IS another person!! It's the way I think of it.....truly. And, along with my thoughts on forgiveness, (being a choice) the resentment is now gone....or at least any last bit has been shoved away.

I know what you are saying.....that resentment can rear it's ugly head...maybe when we least expect it!!! And when/if that feeling comes about....I'll be at this board....asking for good advice....and receiving good advice!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I had ALOT of resentment and anger that I let out early on....even before finding this board. Did I get it all out??? Not sure....but practicing Plan A for quite awhile has changed me and my outlook on EVERYTHING!!

MWIL

Update: FWW, the kids and I are going to our first "Drive in movie" tonight!!! Well, I've been to one, and so has FWW, but the kids haven't been.....FWW said "I'm so excited!!" Weather looks to be perfect! FWW has asked if she can bring kids over to go swimming tomorrow....and then said: "Maybe tomorrow afternoon and night you can come over and enjoy some of my air conditioning that YOU installed for me....we can watch a movie OR SOMETHING when the kids go to bed."

We've had a little R talk....but only for a few minutes....then I say "shhhhhh" and she laughs and says "OK". And it has been really productive talk. Her foggy spells are diminishing slowly but surely. My W has essentially re taken over...for the most part.

She got flowers at work from me 2 days in a row! I felt it was the "right time", plus I'd never done that before....I WANTED to do it!! FWW was floored.....as was all her coworkers. One of them I guess got pretty jealous!! FWW show the most sincerest of appreciation. And just dropped by the house to give me a nice kiss.....then she went home!!

This initial part of recovery is, frankly, going pretty smooth....kind of a snowball effect...

UVA....the "technique" you emailed me about a month ago...WORKS!! (The Awareness Radius theory) Very nice "turbo" boost to the process.

MWIL

MWIL,

Good for you! I'm happy things are going well for you, you deserve it. Enjoy the movie tonight. I love driveins but haven't been to one in about 20 years. They seem to have torn most of them down.

S.

I am glad that AR works for you. I think it is a very good weapon to have in one's arsenal.

I am also glad that things are going great b/t you and your wife. (Yes, I said "wife" and not WW).

I would slow down on the flowers if I were you. Contrary to popular beliefs and contrary to what many women will tell you, overdoing romantic gestures do not make a woman (more) attracted to a man. Romantic actions have their roles, but they should not be predictable, nor overabundant.

I have in mind the concept of Push-and-Pull in seduction, somewhat similar to the idea of AR. In short, don’t be too eager to please. (Of course you are always to be loving to her, but don’t be too easy; remember doing the 180 got you here). Ask yourself why.

I am rambling on because I am very tired, but I hope that I somewhat made sense to you.

God Bless.

P.s. I am not saying that giving flowers is bad. Just don't make it a regular habit.

UVA.....Yes the flowers....It was part of the push and pull. Giving when I WANT TO GIVE...and then pulling back a bit after....usually, because I want to!! I have learned so much that it is natural to me....and frankly...before I got married it was natural....IT WAS EXACTLY HOW I ATTRACTED MY WIFE BACK 11 YEARS AGO!! So it makes sense, that maybe the path again!! All I know is, that it's working!!

Last night, at the Drive in, kids fell asleep in the car...FWW and I laid on a blanket, and she instigated many passionate kisses during the movie....just like before our M. She actually was rubbing my chest....and upper thigh....firsts since all of this!!!!! I made no big deal about it at all, except to give her a bit of a loving smile!! When I dropped her and the kids off at her house, we kissed and I was about to leave....she started crying...and said: "I just want to tell you how sorry I am for all of this.....You never deserved ANY of this, and it was all about me....How could I have been so selfish" I said only: "I understand how this happens....it could have happened to anyone who is unaware how precious a marriage is." "I know you didn't mean to hurt me intentioally (she really started crying to me, while hugging me) I made it through.....I was MUCH stronger than I thought....and I'm a better man now!" We hugged, shared a nice long kiss. And then I left.

Nice night.....progress is moving along.

MWIL