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i read most of your column and am amazed at what not giving up can do i just hope i got the same wisdom to do that in my situation
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JM,
It is wisdom from this board, Dr. Harley's books and a belief that he IS the expert....he KNOWS what he is talking about. It takes time and the dedication to the marital vows. "In good times and in bad".....Yes, these are bad times...
Quick update:
FWW is becoming more affectionate every passing day. She came over last night, unannounced, to go swimming with the kids....(I'd offered for her to come over earlier in the day....she did call but I was napping....and didn't hear the answering machine.
I was pleasantly surprised and made some coffee, popcorn for the kids and gave them a popsicle. Then, FWW, came over to me....completely unexpected...and started making out with me...in a very passionate way. I kind of pulled away, and said: "Hey!! What's up???" She just laughed and said: "I'm reconnecting with you!!! I love you!"
She and the kids hung out for a couple hours. Then they left.
My FWW's actions are demonstrating to me that our M has a very good chance of recovering!!! We are talking about either building a new house, or buying a new one. She says shes "excited" about all of "our" future!
Seems like years since I uttered the words on this board that "My WW is treating me like the cat"!!!!! Thank God for this site and the good Dr.s!!! And just plain thank God!!!
MWIL
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you got an amazing story.. i feel with peope who talk to my wife telling me she is done forever with me,makes me feel i should give up but hearing your story is amazing to me and gives me hope .thanks and hope all works out for you .your an inspiration to me my friend
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JM,
Use the tools provided here....mostly for YOURSELF!!! It makes you more attractive!!! It takes time, my friend!!! Every sitch. is different.....there are not guarentees....and make no mistake...there are none for me either!!!!! But valuing yourself....ABOVE ALL OTHERS...MAKES YOU VALUED MORE BY ALL OTHERS.......INCLUDING YOUR WW!!!!!!!
GODSPEED!!
MWIL
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MWIL,
WOW, its taken me a week to read your entire thread.. I have a few similarities in my own life and can only hope that I have the strength to last that long.
The more I think about my sitch, I see a few advantages, but carry little hope for a future with WW. That is not to say that I will go down without a fight, just that I am in the early stages.
This is your thread, so thats all I will say here!
Thanks for the thread, it is giving me strength and helps me work on me by learning lessons others have already learned!
27/BS
26/FWW/WW
Together 5.5
Married 2.5
Deployed 22.5 months
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USSoldier,
Thank-you..........for your service to our country!!! May your sitch. improve. Keep these principals in the forefront of your thoughts as you "fight" for your W.
Godspeed.
MWIL
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Ok, so our anniversary is coming up next weekend.....we had some plans with the kids.....but now she sends me this email: FWW: "Good Morning!!! How was your morning???? I slept like a rock - fell asleep at 9:30. Today looks gorgeous!!! You might want to get out and get some color....... you are looking pale. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I was wondering if you would consider a change of plans for next week. I have not gotten the tickets yet for the festival. I HAVE to call today. I was wondering - if Kris was available - if you would want me to get her to babysit that weekend (because she has her kids - otherwise I would not even ask!!) so that we could get away overnight somewhere. Doesn't have to be Old Forge. I kind of like the crowd better there in the fall anyhow..... I did not really have anything in mind but wanted to ask you what you thought before I talked to Kris. And I need to get those tickets if we are going to do that......................" Comments on some possible replies, please. Of course I would want to "get away" with FWW for the weekend, just don't want to seem too "excited"....especially because the "SF" moment is seemingly just around the corner. Not trying to play games, just having a "brain cramp" as to the how to give the most "attractive" response!! Thanks, MWIL
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well you definatly have to go.this is the breakthrough youve beeb waiting for as far as not getting excited you should probably just play it joe cool!!! like youve been.<my opion>
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How about something along these lines:
“One of the things I have realized over the last months is how I should have cherished and appreciated all I took for granted. Things like taking walks with you, listening and being listened to and enjoying each others company. I would really appreciate going with you over the weekend. Anywhere is fine as long as you are there!”
This would show you are looking for what is in her heart and mind rather than her pants.
Good luck and God bless! There have been so many stories of pain and sorrow here lately and very little good news. Your story is an inspiration.
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MWIL, I would accept and keep the email light. Something like... "That sounds like fun, but it doesn't give me much time to work on my tan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> " Keep it light and fun. You know the routine. HTW
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Ren faires are a lot of fun, especially if you've never been to one. I suspect you're in New York somewhere, and there's a big faire in Sterling that is supposed to be one of the best in the country. Dunno if that's the one you're talking about. Could that turn into an overnight trip? Of COURSE she has something in mind <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Your anniversary would be the perfect time for both of you to start your 'new' marriage. I say...invite her to call the shots for the weekend. Let her set up whatever she wants to do, and have it be a surprise for you. You're pleased enough with her company that whatever she sets up will be okay with you, right..? Me, I'd vote for the faire AND an overnight!
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Atlantic City....they need the money
I'd say NYC, but it's tourist season and may be tough to get a room on short notice.
Whatever you do don't toss it all in her lap to plan. Let her handle the babysitter. You may give her 2 choices....one being just reasonable fare (a roadtrip and stay whereever we choose along the route...maybe Niagara Falls, Atlantic City or Upstate NY) and one a little nicer (like a nice Hotel in Atlantic City, NYC, Phily, etc. with reservations at the hotel restaurant)
By George...You're doing great,
Mr. Wondering
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Thanks, all!!! I replied to her....told her that "Sounds very nice," and that "I had a couple ideas in mind, but if you have something in mind that you'd really like to do, let me know, otherwise I will go ahead and suprise her"
She emailed me back:
FWW: "Suprise me!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think I love my wife!!
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Well, now she just invited me over for dinner!!!!! Someone slow her down!!!!
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MWIL, Sounds like lots of FUN! If you are thinking about Atlantic City I would recommend The Borgata on the bayside it has great rooms and GREAT showers for good clean fun! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> It is more quiet over there but it is not on the boardwalk. On the boardwalk I like the Hilton for their rooms its near the southend of the boardwalk. Tons of other casinos in walking distance. I'm not sure who is playing down there but you could check that on the internet. If you are thinking about Philadelphia ....there is a walking tour of old city where they have story tellers along the way and at night a light show...there is even a walking pub tour ... Once Upon a Nation I agree with HTW keep it fun and light...do what the spirit moves you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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MWIL, Yes, keep it light with the talk, although physically you may want to ratchet things up.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> (be safe though). I am happy for you.
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Had a very nice night with kids....then with FWW!! Lots of kissing and hugging and yes, even some relationship talk...but this is different then in the past....we do while holding hands, and rubbing each other....and smiling...even when there are some "painful" topics. Then we just stop....talk about something else...and kiss some more!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
OM tried calling twice in the last 2.5 weeks...FWW has told me both times...immediately....and she doesn't answer the calls. We discussed and tomorrow she is changing her home phone #.
We talked about her moving back in....she brought up the subject.....but we both agreed that it should be just a bit longer....and that soon after, we'd start looking for a new home!!! Something we are "both" excited with!!
Her eyes look different to me now.....not dead...not lost...but love!!! It really is there!!
I wish and pray to God, that everyone on this board who has suffered through the HEL L that we've all suffered, could be in my place right now. I pray for you all!!! And as I recover my M.....I WILL NEVER FORGET WHERE I GOT THE TOOLS, AND YES KICK IN THE [censored]....TO ACHIEVE THE POSITION THAT I'M AT NOW!!!
I have learned from so many....and will be greatful forever!! And I hope to fill the LARGE shoes that you folks have...by helping others!!
MWIL
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MWIL, It certainly sounds as though your FWW and you have reconnected. Since everything is going so well I don't have much more to offer than WELL DONE!
You certainly have mastered this MB stuff and the results are proof that it can work.
You now have your wife back...enjoy her!
HTW
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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CONGRATS MWIL!!!!
You are a true inspiration!
27/BS
26/FWW/WW
Together 5.5
Married 2.5
Deployed 22.5 months
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What did you guys wind up doing for the weekend...? How'd it go?
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