Bill,


Okay, slightly misstated. The 2-3 times a day is the number of times we've slept together on some of our weekends. Other times it may have just been once a day, like in the morning when we woke up. As for what he does for himself, I do believe from what he's said that it's pretty much a daily thing at least on the days when I wasn't with him. Not more than once a day. Being a woman and knowing that guys do what guys do, I have no idea if once a day is excessive for someone with a high sex drive. I was married to a man who could go for 9 months without sleeping with me, and that was awful (though he was taking care of things on his own with his porn, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't more than once a week or less.)

As for your first comment:


I know this is how I felt when I thought I'd die when my ex left me for OW. But at least in that case, I didn't feel like I was the guilty party who blew up the relationship. I tried all I could to save it. In this case, I took what had been good and I was the guilty one who blew it up, so I have myself to live with for that in addition to just the hurt from losing him. As for what I miss, I do miss his touch, just being with him, having him hold me, hearing his voice, seeing his smile, and knowing that he desired to be with me.

But yes, I'll admit that I'm grieving the loss of dreams that never really were and I'm scared to death of the unknown...of letting go of him and perhaps spending the next 40-50 years of my life alone if Jesus doesn't come before then.


And like I said, this board has been a lifeline to me over my 2 years since my ex started his affair. The problem is that over the holidays, when I know I'm really going to be having a difficult time, the board is pretty much dead because you all have real lives and better things to do than to keep me company.

Short side note: I do believe God works in mysterious ways. Our front desk receptionist stopped in my office about an hour ago just to say "hi". I don't talk with her much, but she knew I was seeing someone and asked if I was still seeing him. Not a good thing to ask. Anyway, I also know she is a Christian and from the little I'd talked to her, her beliefs are strong. Well, for some reason she sat down and we started talking and I basically fell apart and was sitting in my chair bawling, hoping like heck that no one walked by, and she was crying, and telling me that God would honor me for my decision and that it was the right one, and that I touched her heart because of my wanting to follow God and not being able to rest in my sin. And we talked, and cried, for a good 1/2 hour. Did it heal me? No. Do I still feel scared and lonely? Yes. But it was really good for just a little while to have someone who I truly knew shared my beliefs and who felt for me, and who understands exactly why I did what I did. She said she'll pray for me. And she gave me a hug. She's married with a family of her own, so not someone who would be a friend to hang out with but just someone to occasionally talk to at work. And even then it's not easy because generally she's at the front desk. She actually gave up most of her lunch hour to sit with me. I think God sent her to help me feel better for a little while.

LL

Okay, it's dark here, it's cold (though not nearly as cold as it could be, granted), it's Christmas Eve Eve, I'm still sitting at my desk at work, avoiding going to a lonely house but it's no less lonely here now.

The MB board is pretty much slowed to a halt. I have to do a bit of Christmas shopping tonight and then what?

Okay, I'll maybe try either some journaling or making a list of what I'm thankful for. I know there should be a lot. I'm just not feeling it at all right now.

I so much wish I had just one or two really good friends who I could call. I don't. I wish my pastors' wives would have called. They didn't.

It's been 2 weeks tomorrow since I've seen Mr. Guy and right or wrong for me, I miss him, I miss the companionship, I miss the kisses and the hugs, and I guess like Bill said, I miss that dream I had (the one that really never was).

I'd like to just fall asleep for about the next six months and wake up with it being summer and me feeling all whole again. This really hurts bad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

LL

LL - I read this on the GQ board. It is a synopsis of Dr. Laura's book, 10 Stupid Things Women Do.

So here are some of the major quotes that jumped out at me today while reading the first three chapters:

"Women are so driven by the desire to exist through men..." (ibid 6).

"In order to grow, you've got to face the fact that painless change happens only in fairy tales. .. Decide to become more meaningful to yourself and to others" (7).

"Tragically, when a woman doesn't dare to dream or endeavor to a purpose, a sense of meaning generally comes from excessive emphasis on a relationship with a man and/or producing babies" (13).

"It is your job as a woman, as a person, to become as fully realied as you can by having dreams, forging a purpose, building an identity, having courage, and making commitments to things outside yourself. In so doing, you take a more active role in the quality of your own life so that other people--friends, spouses, children--share in your growth rather than become responsible for it. You'll feel super. And you'll feel really womanly--as opposed to babyish or girlish--perhaps for the first time" (24).

The Female Escape route "is a socially acceptable means of avoiding becoming an individual--through attachment" with men, enamored with love and romance (31).

Expecting a boyfriend [or any male] to provide you with your life is unrealistic and actually unfair, because it's simply not his job. men are here to share our lives, not to be our lives" (32).

Women [are] being driven [by themselves] to attach to men for identity, affirmation, approval, purpose, safety, and security--values that can really only come from within ourselves" (34).

Unfortunately "men are... used by many women as a place to hide from the difficulties and discomforts of becoming an autonomous human being... They are often burdened with the task of being the source of affirmation and approval for the woman's young, uncertain, developing, or even somewhat damaged self-esteem" (36).

"For women to expect men to be the bandage for their hurt is to surrender the opportunity to be co-equal and confident in a relationship" (39).

In summary: most women, and I once upon a time (I hope and pray I've dealt with this part of my life), are so needy for a man, that being in a relationship is an addiction because they find their self-esteem, value, worth, whatever, in being in a relationship.

I haven't read that book, yet all the time been trying to tell LL exactly about these things.

LL, you might take this book and read...



Believer, this is so the same with me.
I'm glad you have reached the same; isnt'it our life (with ourselves first) much nicer? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />