I am not sure what to do next. Aside form the fact that I am differently chnaged because of this - what am I suppose to say or do. I spoke with him this morning very briefly. He told me he was well and having a very pleasant visit. I wanted to choke him!! What about his wife - that I have been so despondent this weekend, hurt, Hurt, HURT!! He's having a very pleasant trip.

Well he did say to go ahead and make the appointment with the counselor - we go this Thursday at 3:00 pm. We'll see if he actually follows through.

He is suppose to call this evening - sometime this evening he said. Am I suppose to wait up for him. I am angry right now - VERY angry. It's 8:00pm the kids are going to bed (no good night call to the kids either GRRR!!). And what am I suppose to say to him tomorrow. Welcome home honey?

how was your sleazy affair with a married woman, dear?

Now, Mel....

Tell her what to say like you told me....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

OINK?

He agreed to go to the counselor so he could spend the weekend rutting like a pig - as Mel says.

I think I would tell him not to bother coming home.

Can you survive financially if he is out of the home?

Well...........********Deleted by Lemonman********* after some reflection. I think I will "bow out" of this one actually. Not much I can do here.

Not much else to say. We'll leave it at that.

Goodluck with your marriage and counseling.

Lem

I am sad about this.

I sit here very happily married to a FWH who is sweet as can be to me and spent every weekend after D-Day with the FOW...

This is sad for me...for you..that you had to hear this...

I feel that you can recover your marriage...

I feel that you can profit from doing PLAN A...

I'm sorry that you were told this information...

This is unfair to you...when you came here for HELP....

LM:

What is this supposed to mean?

I would have been devastated if I had come to this site for help and received this post...

I found MB in the middle of the night one night when I had no one else to turn to...

I am shocked, LM....

Yeah, Mimi...I can understand your "shock", not suprising. We disagree.....gee, go figure...

I am gonna go ahead and delete it (even though every word I wrote is the dead TRUTH), because truly, after some second thoughts and reflection...I agree, this isn't what this poster needs......."Help", I will let you deliver her.

It still doesn't change reality, but truthfully, the "cold hard truth" may be too much to handle here. I realize this after some second thoughts.

To the original poster, let me again apologize for not "helping" you tonight.

Lem

LM:

Do you walk into a room and tell your patients, "Face it , you have cancer, you are going to die..face the reality...

NO MIMI.............I don't do that...BUT I also don't tell them that the Glioblastoma Multiforme that they have growing in their brain can be "cured" by positive thinking and perhaps some experimental chemo protocol.

You know, usually people take it better than you can imagine. They appreciate the truth and can face reality a little easier. Every single time that I have seen someone "sugarcoat" the truth, provide "false" hope to people like this, it NEVER helps them in the end.

Now, truthfully Mimi, I am not gonna get into this with you now. Your response and "outrage" was predictable, and in the end, I did take your "outrage" and "sadness" for the poster into account and I deleted the post.

Lets leave it at that ok.

How can you be so sure what you are saying is THE COLD HARD TRUTH?

Are you denying THE REALITY OF MY LIFE?

This is what I don't understand about you, LM...

Just because you say it and think it does not mean that it is A FACT....

MIMI, this is my last post to you on this thread.

NOT EVERYONE"S WH IS YOUR HUSBAND !!!!!

Here's the thing: you can't Plan A IN-YOUR-FACE disrespect. You just can't. Not and avoid coming across like major doormat.

My husband does this to me; he comes home to his bags on the porch, the locks are changed, and the conditions for reconcilliation left tucked inside his bags. He would have exactly 1 week to demonstrate a mighty change of heart, including NC letter, individual counselor, STD screening panel - one of many to go, and absolute abject remorse.... there's a reason there is more than one recipe to marital recovery - not all WHs are created equal. This man needs a 180 woman to come home to - a woman who respects herself enough to say - nah-ah!

After the first week, there would need to be sustained effort to court me, during which time I could PLAN A my fool head off. But not until I've snapped his head around and gotten his attention!!!

Tell him the truth. Say that you are hurt that he left you to go to another woman, and even more hurt that he told you he was having a pleasant visit while waiting at home imagining what he was doing with this other woman was far from pleasant for you. Say that you aren't even sure what you are supposed to say to him at this point.

When he comes back, you can tell him that you have been thinking a lot about how you are going to respond to his weekend trip (which is true, after all), and that you haven't made any decisions yet (which seems to be true as well). That should serve to remind him that there are consequences to his actions without locking you into an impulsive plan of action.


I think counseling for you will be very helpful even if your H doesn't follow through. A good counselor can help you to talk about your feelings without attacking your H, which you probably feel like doing right now, and to sort out your options.


I hope you didn't wait up for his call.

I guess you've never read the literature about the importance of maintaining HOPE in the face of illness. I think Groopman is the physician who wrote the book THE MEASURE OF HOPE...something like that....

I wouldn't offer her FALSE HOPE...if that 's what you are saying..

Thanks for taking my outrage and sadness in consideration...

I'm not outraged..Did I say that?

I am sad for this poster...

In my life, I am HAPPY because I am reconciled with my H after NOT GIVING UP HOPE..after he spent weekend after weekend after weekend with the OW....

Listen to ELSPETH...

Thanks..ELSPETH...

I got caught up in my history with LM...

LM:

You are fleeing from this discussion.

Why?

I KNOW THAT EVERY WH IS NOT MY H...I AM NO DUMMY..TRY TO COME UP WITH A NEW LINE TO USE WITH ME....

IN FACT, I WORK IN THE MEDICAL FIELD WITH VERY ILL PATIENTS EVERY SINGLE DAY...POSITIVE THINKING HELPS EVEN PATIENTS THAT ARE DYING!!!!....NOW THAT IS A FACT.....

THEY CAN ENJOY EACH MOMENT OF EACH DAY THAT THEY HAVE LEFT WHEN THEY BEGIN TO THINK POSITIVELY!!!!!

What I am doing is advocating the MB approach as I see it from an amateur's POV....I am not saying their every WH is my H...

Let's all try to pull together and give some helpful advice. The affair started 6 years ago. She has gone through this 4 times. The marriage seemed to be doing well in between. Does anyone REALLY think that Plan A is the way to go.

To me, this reeks of entitlement. Her WH is going to do what he wants and could care less how badly it hurts his wife.