he is screaming at me. oh god

Call the Cops Don't wait! A little time in Jail always helps in the long run.

on the phone...what do i do? do i tell him goodbye

If he's on the phone hang up if you don't want to hear what he has to say. If he calls back don't answer. If he comes over don't let him in. It may be a few days before he realizes this is for his own good. Do not let him in until he has calmed waaaaaayyyyy down over a period of days.

hang up and don't answer if he calls back. Unplug the phone if the ringing gets to you. You don't have to put up with this.

Do Not Unplug the phone, if he comes over and breaks in you need to have it available immediately and don't want to have to try an plug it in again. Just do not answer it and maybe turn the ringer off.

LC
Are you there? Are you OK?

First off, you can calm down. If he screams at you, tell him to call you back when he gets control of himself and hang up. Then tell him what I told you to say. It will be ok, Lost.

mine did the same thing lost. as the others said, hang up the phone, you DO NOT have to listen to any of his ranting. Whenever I hung up mine did not call back. Hang up, lock your doors, do not let him in. before you hang up, tell him when he can talk calmly and reasonably he can call you back, then hang up. mlhb

Quote: I got it, but I am frightened. He is so very angry. He has been violent. Usually to things, but once to me badly and a few grabbing and marching me down the hall. The argument we had a year ago to keep him from leaving I basically wrapped my arms and legs around him until he fell and then wouldn't let him go(I know bad idea, never again) until he strangled me. Wow I can't believe I am telling you this. I never told anyone. I am getting my locks changed as we speak. "

This is from another thread she posted on. I just want everyone to understand that this could lead to a violent situation. I hope she posts to let us know she is okay.

He is so very angry. He came over which is why I didn't poost again. He says I pushed him out the door. I am so sad. We finally sat down and talked about our problems...or some for the first time in years. He only sees the bad.

He maintains that it is not an EA because they do not exist. I am crazy, destructive and obsessed with her.....because I called her friends who are not mine and her mother. He said I crossed the line and I am vindictive and I explained why I did it that I was trying to save the marriage. He said the OW was my biggest advocate and was encouraging him to go to counselling and work through. She is enraged now and doesn't want him near me for his protection. He said I made myself look so bad and he is ashamed of me. He said I made many enemies today.

He says they made out once and stopped becauss it wass wrong. He says she is his friend. I tried to explain about EA. Told him that I was told I had to do this to help end this A

I feel like I have made a terrible mistake. I pushed too hard.

Lost, you didn't make a mistake. He would not be so angry if you hadn't hit the target. You are causing his affair great trouble. If his affair is so wonderful, the affairees should have no objections about its exposure. So don't worry. This is just the crazed ranting and raving of an addict whose "fix" has been threatened.

Liken it to taking the crack pipe away frm a crack addict. That is exactly how your H is reacting. So hang tight and don't let his anger concern you. You accomplished exactly what you set out to accomplish: you caused great conflict in their affair.


Your H is lying about the nature of his affair. He is hoping to throw you off his path. This is a physical affair, Lost, and she is not his "friend." If she is only his "friend" then he can bring her home and you can all be friends. But that won't happen because this is nonsense.

How did your exposures go today?

She is screwing your H and she is supposed to be your "biggest advocate?" OH DEAR. What did you say to this cruel little piece of fogbabble?

LC -- You did NOT make a mistake. Don't fall for your WH trying to make you think you did something wrong. You didn't. HE did.

Look at it this way: Would he get roaring mad if you told other people about a normal friendship he might have with a male friend?

Of course not.

He is furious now because he has been COLD BUSTED.

He knows perfectly well that what he is doing is dead wrong -- that married men do not ignore their wives and date other women instead -- but he wants to be able to pretend that nobody knows about this and that he and his girlfriend are so different and special that it's okay for THEM to act like this.

In other words -- his rage is your proof that you were absolutely right.

Don't let him bully you into backing down. Remember what the other posters told you -- he will say the most horrible things and blame the whole mess on you. Sorry -- he's the one who chose to cheat, and he's not going to like the natural consequences. He thought there wouldn't be any, not for anyone as special as him.

Wrong.

You are doing a very brave thing. You are fighting for your marriage and refusing to let the beast known as Infidelity destroy it. Your WH never thought you had it in you and he's screaming angry to find out he was wrong about that, too.

Now - Protect yourself in every way, including calling the cops if you have to, and in the meantime just let him scream. This is 100% HIS doing and HIS problem.

And please keep posting.
Mulan

LC,

Mel & Mulan are right on the money! Mel has helped me immensley, she knows what she is talking about and so does Mulan. You ahve done the right thing, the proof is your WHs rage. My WW didn't think I would want to work the marriage, she fully expected me to blow up and D her ASAP. When she asked me what if she had had an affair I said we would work through it. She was absolutely NOT expecting that response. I dealt with the anger and everything else. You are doing and have done the right thing. You are very courageous. You have done a great job.

Keep posting and protect yourself.

His anger was not because I exposed to our friends. It was because I exposed to one of her friends who is an aquaintance of mine and to her mother. It was the mother that did it.

He thinks I am being vindictive. I just do not feel like I am being vindictive. It wasn't about that and it was so very hard. I was looking for help to save my marriage by putting pressure on him and her to end the EA. I told everyone how sorry I was to be telling them this, but I truly see it as my only option based on the info here. I am trying to save my marriage. I also told the truth as I knew it and that it was more emotional, but had gone further but that he has told me that they are not sleeping together, but I cannot help but wonder. I said he got all of his emotional support from the OW and just withdrew from me and that is not okay and in order for us to work it out she must be gone completely.

He said I had no right to involve her family and friend. He said our problems are not about her and he is absolutely right. Communication, growing apart in every way, physically, sexually, emotionally, but she is an obstacle and we will be unable to work through anything as long as she is here. He says I am obsessed. Yeah, I guess I am.

He said maybe we could work through things if I left her out of it. He wants both of us, but how can he think that is okay? He shut me out over the past year+ while I tried to connect with him and he turned to her for all of his emotional gratification. Granted, I smothered, but I did ask him what he needed and got no input. He said I knew.

He said he had always wanted to do things by himself, but that I would not let him. I asked him why he didn't just say....Hey, I am going fishing tomorrow. He said because I would end up going. I said no that if he had told me he needed some time by himself that that would have been fine. He said I was always planning things and that everything was on my schedule. He couldn't go out of town by himself because I was always planning we go somewhere together. This actually isn't true. We have taken little jaunts 1-2 nights except for camping which we used to love, but work and school for me has really gotten in the way of everything.

He said I ignored him for years and took him for granted and in a lot of ways I did and I am so truly sorry. He said too little too late.

Lost, this is the typical babble that we hear from every WS when his affair is interfered with. Of course your problems are about the OW. She is the greatest source of trouble in your marriage and it is ludicrous to believe that an affair is NOT.

To put it simply, your marriage does not have a chance until this affair is ended. There is no restoration, there is nothing until the affair ends. That is why your exposure was absolutely the right thing. Of course it doesn't make it happy, it wasn't intended to. But what it did do was make the affair very uncomfortable for them.

An affair begins to crumble once exposed, and this is the start of it. Now every one knows and in order for them to carry on, they will have to do so knowing that everyone knows how sleazy they are. So don't think for a minute you didn;t do the right thing. You did.

What was the OW's mother's response?

She said that I would need to talk to them about it that the OW was an adult and she did not interfere in her personal life. So I said I was sorry for calling...again, but I am trying to save my marriage and that by telling people about it what I am seeking is help to end the A. We cannot rebuild our marriage as long as the OW is around.

It was a very horrible and rough call and I still can't help but think I went too far. He thinks I am horrible and I am feeling pretty horrible right now even though I know I wasn't doing it to be mean. The mother is more of a drinker than the OW and WH together and she sounded drunk or very hung over. Hard to understand. I just don't know. I hate this.

She obviously called the OW at work and that caused his anger more than anything.

"He said the OW was my biggest advocate and was encouraging him to go to counselling and work through. She is enraged now and doesn't want him near me for his protection."

Ooops. I see Melody already quoted this one. This is complete and total bullsh*t. The OW is ruining your marriage. Believe that.

Your husband is very angry and is saying the textbook babble. Somewhere I have a list. I'll look for it.

You need to calm down and realize that all of this is expected. If you think that your husband will be violent, you need to leave your home and stay with someone. Also watch out for the OW. They can get real nasty.

Settle down. You did the right thing. It feels very uncomfortable now. That is normal. But you did the thing that has the best chance of helping your marriage.

If this was all so innocent, any normal woman would be calling you apologizing. She is evil, and is after your husband.