AMM

I know Jabba 'married' the OW in a bizarre fake ceremony, without benefit of getting divorced from you. I also know you express disinterest in whether the divorce ever happens or not. I must admit that some thoughts have drifted through my mind...first, whether he was divorced from previous wives and legally free to marry you? And second, is there no advantage to you in pursuing a divorce yourself?

I'm praying you get a good opportunity to escape from this nightmare when your DD finishes school.

TA

Thanks, TA. Yes, I'm sure he divorced previous wives. And once I had a legal separation agreement, the D is only important should I wish to remarry, which I don't. I just haven't had time, or even interest really, to see if the D went through. I bugged my lawyer, but he ignored my note. Since I'm still paying him off, I'm not sure how much more I want to bug him at several hundred dollars an hour.

This is a prince-of-darkness thing -- and what's that old saying about he who sups with the devil should have a long spoon? Mine, I hope, will be several hundred miles long by this fall.

I feel bad for him -- but this little sucker is going nowhere till he starts feeling bad for himself.

Actually, I'm feeling much more chipper today. DO YOU HEAR THAT ALL YOU PLAN B-ERS? It's taken me 48 hours to unwind from this small inadvertant contact. Mind you, I wasn't going nuts or ranting and raving -- but for the past 48 hours, all the thoughts and feelings about this mess came back to me. These thoughts and feelings do me no good in facing my future. He seems to be locked into some strange scenario where I have a bit part, or maybe a bigger part (who cares?)-- enough to follow me about a room -- but it's not part of my plan for the future.

The thing is...one wants closure, and sometimes closure just isn't in the script.

Touche my girlfriend! if you want to, we can talk privately...can you pm me here? I have never tried but since I am staying in (soon off to grocery), would love to have a meeting of the female jedi knights from here!

If we can PM we can exchange cell numbers!

I so get what you're saying. The elecrified corpse? Wow. literally the walking dead. It is so sad. My xh is same way...so many different avenues he's chasing down that the law can't figure out which one is the illegal one. And he is pretending again to be a good family man, cfo of a company, and happily married (as of this week).

Does your XH still portray himself as legally married to the OW? That's freaky. But nothing that a WS does is less than freaky imho. I call it the BC/AD syndrome.

Coined by me ...btw!

Bc=BEFORE CHEATING
AD=AFTER DIVORCE.

My my there are such changes that take place inbetween the limits of bc and ad!

I am having a huuuuuuge pity party. I actually dumped my bf about 2 hours ago. We were getting along again...and whammo! He pulled same stuff. And then tried to make things up, but I had gotten too upset at that point. Actually was crying and sent a text to him...said "can't go on hurting like this...you lost me ok?" That's how I did it. I am very very sad. Thought he was really the one. But now, knowing what I know and living thru what I lived, when a guy cancels out on you b/c he says he "strained his back playing tennis" for the second time in two months, that's too much. Ironically it happened again on a saturday..right before a nice date we were to have again. It's like he'd go so long being great...and then he'd flip out. Since I dealt with flipped out guys for last 4 years, I am saying NO to it again. Even something as benign as a broken promise to me will send me out the door these days. I want somebody with the guts to simply follow thru with a relationship. If they say the love you, then prove it with actions. Not say it and do something counter. Not at all.

I am also all bummed out b/c I bought a nano ipod for bf...and got it engraved on back..now I can't send it back. Bleech! I am going to just forward the package to his work..let him deal with it when it comes.

Why can't some people just do what they say they're gonna do.

???????

Soorry AMM...End of my teary tirade and am off to grocery store...starbucks is inside of the grocery btw.

And yes, incidentally the drive by's, the Jabba surveillance, it is how they keep that part of you "theirs"...that is why the wierdo xh's we have do it. It's like we always remain a part of them. Can't give it up. Can't let it go. So they just keep that little one percent.

Keep up NC. It's good. Good for ya. It's hard to let the whole "would've could've should've " go. We had a family. You had a family. And it was stupidly gambled away by two very stupid men. For literally nothing.

And now I am a teary (but with great hair...)woman staying at home on a saturday night going out grocery shopping with a starbucks. Bleech!

You can email me at [email]annamariamartin@yahoo.com.[/email]

I don't do cell phones.

Having dinner with kids and stepkids tonight, even as we speak, must be brief.

aam,

'Jabba' is lurking because he can. But 'Jabba' is not your H.

Sorry this contact has been hard for you. It does bring back all those awful feelings. What is up with him 'sniffing around' because you were there? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

((((hugs aam))))

Hope the kitties feel better soon and that they figure out what to do with mr rat.

I don't not know what you think about the rat being there for a reason, but I can tell you that throught history, rats have brought petstilence, disease, etc to humankind, and you best get a cat that can handle those rats.

Yes, there is a reason for their existence, they have a purpose, but wisdom shows they are NOT for the house.

Hon, I know you love H, but not wh, and I will be happy when you get away, and move on.

You need to shed those rats in your life.

You need some closure.

Perhaps you might look at divorcing after you leave the area, because you are allowed after all, and I think it needs to be because you need that closure, and NOT after someone else comes into your life that would make you seek a D to be with someone else. Yikes, I know how that sounded. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

One can only pray.

May God grant you peace this Christmas. You are such a great lady. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And a great mom. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Oh don't worry about the rat, Miss M. If worst comes to worst, we'll trap it and let it loose somewhere. I've actually become fond of the little critter, but our 16-pound black cat has taken a slight interest in it, and if the ultrasound and electronic pulsing device doesn't drive it out... We're vegetarians here, and killing animals gets to us. I don't want dead animals in the house, and I don't want poison around all our pets.

Sorry to hear about your breakup, Peachy. But you know, our mothers used to warn us... This is the old "rules" thing. We used to think it was huffy to drop a guy because he was unreliable like this -- now we know it's an early warning signal. One of the Proverbs quotes that gets said here a lot is, "Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." We have so many people to give to, we can't let one person constantly syphon off 90 percent of our energy.

Stepkids just left. We all went out to "Narnia" (great flick!), then came back for chili, quesadillas, spinach salad, panetone, eggnog. With a fire in the fireplace. Now THAT's a wonderful way to spend Saturday night.

I wish it were drivebys, Peachy. I wish it was something that unsubtle. Better yet, I wish he would just come out and say what he wants. He wanted a divorce; he got a divorce (I suppose). So he got what he wanted. What more could he want? So what is he trying to say? What does he want now? If he asked, I could answer. But it's this weird, subliminal, I'm-not-sure-if-I-really-saw-that stuff. I know him: he'll never come out and say something, because he wouldn't make one ounce of himself emotionally vulnerable that way. So these little things happen, and they pull at me, part of me responds... but there's nothing to respond to. Nothing ever gets extended on his side. And there's nothing I want from him; I wish I could just push the remote and have him disappear, but I can't, so I'll push the remote and I'LL disappear.