I think it will go as if no time has passed in between.

K

We'll be watching for an update!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Nah, but I predict sparks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Must of been lots of sparks...he hasn't posted

Umm, yup... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Can't wait to see her on Sunday <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

MEN!! what kind of juicy scoop is that?? LOL

I'm so glad it went well! Enjoy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Well, it was late and I had to get to bed (ALONE, I should add) before posting...sorry <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. Actually, there is not too much juicy scoop to share - we basically picked up exactly where we left off before she left, which is not a bad place to pick up from - great conversation, still discovering lots of similarities in our needs, outlooks, and values, and pretty great affection.

Our compatibility appears to be better and better as I get to know her, and the fact that we seem to be totally on the same page is very encouraging and comforting. Makes me feel safe to become emotionally vulnerable to her.


Thanks Faith <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. It still feels almost surreal sometimes, but I am getting more and more comfortable that it is in fact for real.

AGG

Hey AGG,

Remember the Rocket Scientist I dated briefly...of course you do..Well, he's getting married...I was honored to be a part of a group at a dinner party when he asked his fiance to marry him. He seemed very hurt when I stopped seeing him but now I think he is on cloud nine. I am happy for him and smile when I think of his happiness...although I do have to admit that I did have a brief moment of "Why couldn't I have felt the feelings to fall for him?", he's such a great catch, what a lucky woman!

Anyway, just thought you might be interested in hearing about his happy ending...

Anna

Sooooo, AGG, are you gonna tell us anything about her, or just keep 'er to yourself? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

What are you guys doing Sun? Dish my man! I'm living vicariously here, ya know?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

BTW, I'm enjoying reading thru that link you posted to LL on Co-dendence/counterdepence and relationships etc. I think I need to brush off my copy of Co-dependent No More and refresh!

DW

Ah, yes, how could I forget the rocket scientist <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. But, I don't think you should beat yourself up over not having "those" feelings for him, even if he were an otherwise great catch. I have met a number of women who were great catches in other ways, but for whom I did not develop "those" feelings (hate to use the "chemistry" word for fear of being called shallow). But, I'll tell you, now that I have met G, who is a wonderful "catch" from the "practical" standpoint, and for whom I have "those" feelings going through the roof (and vice versa), I am all the more convinced that the number one mantra in dating should continue to hold - do not settle!.

I see so many posts here from people who appear to simply be killing time with dates that are not exciting or promising but are "better than nothing" (and I admit that 90% of my dating was very much like that too). But I have to say that when the "right" one comes along, it blows everything else out of the water. Just before I met G, I had a couple of such "floaters" in the picture as well - no one I was really interested in, but "better than nothing". Somehow, from the very beginning of my communication with G, I sensed that she was in a different league, and so I basically cut off those other entanglements, so that I could fully focus on G. And I have not regretted it for a second. Anyway, I still say that if "it" is not there, there is no sense trying to force it, it's much better to keep looking for someone who is "it". Speaking of which, you never told us if you are still seeing J?


Well, I sure am going to keep her all to myself, my parents didn't raise no fools <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. I always maintained that I'd know a Keeper when I found one, and this one comes with a big "K" practically emblazoned on her forehead...

What can I say about her that I haven't already? She is about 4 years younger than me, tall, thin, beautiful eyes, beautiful smile, very smart, never married, no kids (but loves kids), similar personality to me, comes from a good functional family, stable, and just a joy to be with. But most importantly, we just click. She is not playing any of the common LA games (which makes sense as she is from back East, as am I - we actually grew up across the Delaware River from each other), she looks at us as not "dating" but "building a relationship" (which is exactly how I like to do this too), she wants to meet my friends, family, and kids, and she just seems as real and genuine as can be. And, surprisingly, I think she is quite crazy about me too...


I'm glad, there is lots of great stuff there. Although, I have to admit that I am a bit confused about it now that I met G. I have gotten used to not be too "exicted" about my dates, so I was usually happy with a once-a-day e-mail, and maybe 1-2 dates a week. And yet here I am with G, totally head over heels, and I just can't seem to get enough of her, to the point of 3-4 e-mails a day, and of us both saying that we would like to see each other as often as possible. So, does that make me codependent?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. I hope not - at least I am choosing to ascribe it to Infatuation, which, as the wise lady said, should be enjoyed fully, realizing that it is just a phase.

Tomorrow we are off to a museum and maybe a movie, although we did agree that we are both looking forward to more, uh, affection practice <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />.

Now, I know I am going to take a huge 2x4 for this, but here you go - she will probably meet my kids in the next week or so <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />. I know, I know, I can hear you all already, but it's a "risk" I am planning to take. My kids are very curious about her, and in general they have a healthy attitude towards meeting my new "prospects" (they only met 2 or 3 in the past five years). And, while I know that I have no way to predict the future with G, she appears to be someone who will be a part of my life for the nearterm at least, and if I never let the kids meet her, well, I'd hardly get to see her at all myself. So, here you have it, now feel free to let me have it.

AGG

Hi Guy - glad to see things are still "progressing." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Just wanted to share my experiences with introducing potential partners to children.

Can't remember the ages of your kids or even how many you have. I have one son whom I kept informed of my dating activities - because he wanted to know. He was anxious for me to find someone - particularly after the aliens got married. He was 13 during this time.

After I determined that a woman was a good prospect, and sooner rather than later, I made it a point to invite her over for dinner at my home with my son. He relished these dates as a participant, of sorts, and helped more than usual with dinner preparations. I was always anxious that these occasions were potential make or break tests, but it seemed that of the three participants, I was the most anxious - and maybe unnecessarily so. He was a gentleman and my dates adored him. Each of these occasions were resounding successes and no deal breakers were identified. Women that didn't pan out in the end did so for wholly other reasons.

For my now SO, I followed the same approach and soon thereafter began arranging more joint activities. She came to watch my son's baseball games (I was coach) and even helped keep score. I believe that as a result of all this involvement fairly early on, my son and my SO now have a healthy relationship.

I totally endorse the concept of involving children in the process at age appropriate levels. Good luck.

WAT

Hi AGG, I'm happy for you & G. How fun & exciting this all is!

I've not yet dealt with the questions you having involving your kids. My thought was I wouldn't introduce my kids until I "know" there is serious potential with someone. However, I do think there are benefits to kids meeting the people in your life.

It sounds like you've been free to date for a while & this is no secret to your kids. If you like someone enough to date them for the foreseeable future, whether or not they look like marriage material, kids can benefit from having nice, caring people in their lives. Not a parade, of course, but good people to do fun things with on occassion can help expand their view of the world.

Ex introduced his gf to my boys MUCH sooner than I would have liked. My guess is this was due to the fact it didn't seem soon to ex because they'd had something going for a while. The boys did have a down turn at the time. My 10 year old asked if I thought "dad was seeing T before you told us you were going to D because it seems so soon for him to have a gf". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Too soon in my view, not in my control.

But, this same child just told me he "hopes dad proposes to T soon because I really like her". Well, personal feelings aside concerning ex & t's relationship, she is nice to my boys & they care for her. Do I think their relationship has been built on a good foundation? No. But, she is a big part of ex's life & they all do a lot together & enjoy each others company.

If things fall apart between them I will feel for my boys. They will have learned somethings though whether or not I think the time is right for those kinds of lessons.

Somewhere between ex's approach & not introducing the kids until you're about to walk down the isle seems the healthiest approach. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Good luck & enjoy!

AGG, she sounds lovely and you sound positively smitten, which is a good thing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Nah, I would not say co-dependant at all! You are being yourself, open, and honest, no? Sounds like good ole infatuation to me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> and yes ENJOY......

BUUUUTTTTT.......

{soft 2x4}meeting your kids?? Already? How old are they? Hmmmm, this is an area where I'm QUITE militant. I did not introduce my exBF, whom I dated for 10 mos, to my daughter until we'd been dating about 6 mos. That wasn't some set number, it was when I felt it was right, that I felt he and I had real potential and the infatuation had settled a bit. I know everyone is different, children are different, all relationships are different. My daughter is 10, very smart and mature for her age, and tries very much to be all up in my business <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />, but is also very emotional and empathetic and protective (as much as I tell her her job is to be a kid and leave the grown up worrying and stuff to her dad and I)and I knew once she meets someone and if she likes them, will quickly grow attached and she did. She really liked my exBF AND his kids, and when he broke up w/ me, my DD was very upset and VERY upset for me, and that's why I will ALWAYS err on the side of extreme caution....I do not want her meeting these guys early on, get fairly attached, and then if it doesn't work out, only after a few months or something, then her getting hurt also. But, like I said, all kids are different, situations are different, you know your children best, you've been out there longer that I have, but it still is IMVHO, WAY too soon.....remember, you guys are flying high in the infatuation stage....I would give it some more time AGG....get to know her even better, ya know?Please don't let this be the motivator on when to introduce her.....I'm just worried that your judgement may be a bit clouded by all your googly infatuation feelings <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Enjoy your day today with her!

DW

Hi AGG,

I don't want to still your thread with my own update so I'll put it on a new thread. Also, read my thread "The great wife hunt." ;-)

Anna

I appreciate everyone's thoughts (and even the soft 2x4's) regarding introducing the kids to G already. There is no question that everyone is different, everyone's kids are different, and every situation is different, so I like seeing all the points of view.

My take on it is this - I have been divorced for 5 years, so the kids (9 and 10) are well over the trauma of that breakup. In fact, their mom has remarried two years ago, so they do not view my new prospects as impediments to a possible reconciliation.

I have introduced them to about 2 or 3 previous women, and their attitudes appear to be very healthy. They are playful and chatty with my GFs, but do not become clingy or act out in any way. It gives everyone a great opportunity to see how life with this new person would be if we were to end up together, and I find that invaluable. When the breakups happened, the kids actually took it much better than I expected - I calmly explained to them why I did not want to continue seeing these women, and, in a way, I think it taught them some useful lessons about how one should choose a lifelong partner.

Another thing is this - I never put my kids second to my "dating" - i.e. you won't find me sticking them in front of the TV while I make out on the couch with my GF (something they bitterly complained about my ex doing when she started seeing her BF). On the contrary, when it is my time with the kids and the GF, we tend to focus mostly on the kids - after their bedtime, it's a different story. So, my kids do not ever feel that the appearance of a new person is going to affect them negatively; rather, as others said, it gives them the benefit of another caring person in their lives.

I have trouble understanding the idea of waiting until the couple is ready to commit. What if there are some huge issues that arise between the kids and the new person? What if I hate how she interacts with the kids? Is that a better time to break up? My kids are a huge part of my life, and will be part of the package for the next 9 years (and even after that, too), so why would I not want my GF to see that part of my life? If there are any issues, I'd rather know now than after 6 months of dating. I once met a woman's son, and I saw so many issues in those interactions (between her and her son), that that alone was enough for me to call it quits. I know it sounds extreme, but trust me, if you had seen it, you would have done the same.

Frankly, the reason I typically hold off on introducing kids to my GFs is that in most cases, I have some reservations about the GF, so I figure why introduce the kids until I have a better feeling about the relationship. As you can probably tell, with G, I have no such reservations. Again, I am not saying that she is "it", but the prospects are better than I ever remember them being... She knows how much I protect my kids from "flakes", and she made it very clear that she appreciates that confidence in her, and that barring any surprises, she is not going anywhere any time soon.

As far as using the logic of "if I never let the kids meet her, I'd hardly see her at all myself", that may be a somewhat poor excuse, I agree. However, I would rather do that than do what many other single parents do, i.e. get babysitters while they go on dates. IMO, that is more likely to build resentment in the kids than including them into some of the interactions with the new person.

Thanks again for the thoughts, I appreciate them.

AGG

You know, you've brought up a very good point here and have given me some food for thought. My biggest fear was having her meet too many men, being exposed to too many people, but it's not like she'd ever meet people I'm just casually dating, not that I'm a big dater anyway! I met exBF children fairly early on, like 2 months into the relationship cuz things were going so well (like you and your new gal) and he, like you, felt like he needed to see me interact w/ his kids, and frankly, it gave ME the perfect opportunity to assess him as a father early on. So meeting them earlier really was an advantage. I admit, waiting 6 mos was difficult, but we saw each other on the days my DD was w/ her dad and on the weekends she was with him.

Anyhoo, thanks for your perspective also....it's definitely got my wheels turning.

Happy romance AGG! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Understood, and that was a fear of mine as well. But looking back at it, my kids only met 3 women over 5 years, I doubt that qualifies me for the "male hussy" title <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />.... I definitely feel that the benefits outweigh the concerns, provided the kids do not become neglected due to the new romantic partner, and have healed from the divorce.

Anyhoo, we'll do something with her this Wednesday, I am looking forward to it (as is she and my kids <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />).

AGG

AGG,

I’m reading this topic with interest as I will soon be divorced and will be throwing myself into the dating scene shortly afterwards. I too am concerned about the effect any new partner would have on my children.

The STBXWW has had the OM around the kids for over a year. I’ve had to inform my children that he is more than “just a friend”….but I digress. Not exposing the kids to just any romantic interest is a no brainer. It’s the serious relationship material that I am concerned about. I understand your rationale, but I’m thinking more along the line that the children’s compatibility will be one of the last tests in a relationship. I’ve had a friend that included his daughter very early in a relationship with a love interest that didn’t turn out. His daughter seemed to have an additional sense of loss after the break-up. (his wife died of breast cancer) If things between a prospective partner and the children didn’t work out, I and my GF would only have to bear the pain of the break-up rather than my children. So I think I’m going to hold off………or so Binder says now.

It might be different if I had my children full time….I do have them 50% of the time and every weekend as it is, but they are young. I can go out when I don’t have the children or after a sitter arrives at their bedtime and not miss much time with them.

I do find your perspective valuable as we seem to be in somewhat similar situations/demographics and you obviously have given this some thought. Your children are older than mine I gather, and as you don’t have a bio….I’m guessing we’re not too far off in age.

Ha - I go offline for the holidays and what do I get back to? AGG being utterly infatuated and already having done the "kissing in a parking structure" thing - great. Tsk.

Congrats! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

AGG, I agree with a lot of what you´re saying in your posts.
I loved the one where you talked about your thinker checking for any red flags and not finding any. Isn´t that almost suspicious in itself? I guess we´re so used to finding SOME red flags when meeting someone that it´s quite hard to believe that there actually aren´t any. And we look even harder...
From what I read in your posts, though, you need not worry. It all sounds very healthy and G seems to be a real gem. Yep, I know about Infatuation Stage - I´m so there myself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> - but I think having our unique experiences in our previous Ms and knowing about MB do provide a certain protection against over-infatuating. And being a thinker might help, too. Although it´s hard to believe that there is actually someone who easily meets your top ENs and with whom it just clicks (did I mention I was infatuated, too? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />)

And as for the meeting the kids: I do understand those people who wait until they feel somewhat sure about the R before introducing. They do have a point.
But. It so happened that Mr. Conversation - maybe I should call him BF now - met my kids on our second date. Otherwise, we wouldn´t have been able to meet, and that would have been a real loss for us. (We met like you guys through an internet site, were e-mailing intensely and found tons of similarities etc.) His way of interacting with my kids was crucial information for me in deciding if I really wanted this to become anything like a relationship. And boy, did he score some major points, and still does.
I don´t think that your kids casually meeting a date or prospect partner will harm them. Still, my kids are preschoolers, so they don´t "suspect" so much behind such a meeting. I admit it´s harder to do that with older kids.
But it worked for me. Had BF´s interaction with my kids raised some serious doubts about the dating going any further, then it wouldn´t have happened.

Over the past couple of years, I´ve been reading a lot of your posts, AGG, and found myself agreeing with a lot of what you say - even though wet blankets aren´t exactly fun <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />. But that precisely is the reason why I feel you´re doing great here. You know what you want and even though you´re infatuated - by rights, I might add - you don´t seem to get carried away. (And after all, some getting carried away by the right one feels just so good - and right!)

And now: Enjoy!

Nora