mimi, I am not sure that I am doing any plan right now. I have been Plan A so to speak since the summer as far as changes to me. Making all the right changes. And I have been trying to be very nice an accomidating these past few weeks to h. Up until that point it was pretty much we had to stay away from eachother lest someone get killed. That much anger at eachother I am sad to say. His, pent of from his childhood he is taking out on me, mine just from all the affairs and this one he is in now has really caused some emotions to flair. Then there were problems after he signed sep agreement with him not seeing kids, and now the childcare thing... so trying to do a little of everything I guess so to speak without being a door mat. I am willing to be flexible but not to be taken advantage of. Too many years of that under my belt. But I also know he is scared and I am trying to accomidate for the stress and fear I am sure he is feeling. I have not engaged in any kind of altercation with him for weeks. That is why I was willing to be flexible with the daycare stuff, so he could remember me as trying to be negtiable instead of sticking straight with the sep agreement and basically being a b*tch. And yet he saw none of that, just got mad he was going to have to possibly pay more childcare.

I am trying I really really am. That is why the kids and I have spent days and days working on a memory album scrapbook for him for christmas that I wrote a beautiful poem for and put in it for him to take to iraq. I am hoping it is something he can reflect on while he is gone.... mlhb

Does he visit?

Do you feel comfortable inviting him over for Xmas..with the kids..his family..including you...

Mimi, he has no family here. He supposedly has to work on Christmas, his schedule says he does anyway. His schedule says he was supposed on thanksgiving too but he lied to us, took it off, and went to ow's families for it. I have invited him over for christmas morning before he goes to work (if he goes to work) to have it with the kids so they can exchange gifts. I will be here but "out of the way" in the background so to speak. But will take pix of them together for him to have. He has not responded as to whether or not he is willing to come over that morning or not. I asked him to please consider the kids, they were denied thanksgiving please do not deny them christmas. If he were off he absolutely would not come over with me family here. I know he feels like to much of a dirt bag for what he is doing he would not face them, no way. And right now my family would probably not welcome him with open arms to a family event. Inviting him christmas morning to share santa time and their gifts was the best I could do. we'll see when he answers..... mlhb

just bumpin

There's a good possibility that he won't show up Xmas morning, knowing a WS...

But why not go ahead and PLAN a great morning for you and the kids..that would include a big breakfast..carols playing..all homey, etc.

Plus, you are also going to look and smell your Xmas best... If your WH comes, WHY STAND IN THE BACKGROUND? This is your FAMILY..This is your HOUSE...

GOOD PLAN A OPPORTUNITY and GREAT FOR YOU, TOO..I see PLAN A as being as much for the BS as the WS...

It was for me...

I changed tremendously and will never be the same..don't want to be that PRE-PLAN A PERSON ever again...

IMO, this is great closure for the family before he goes to Iraq...

That is, if he shows up..

I pray that he does...

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I agree Mimi. I was planning on some of that but you gave me some good ideas. It is hard to tell with wh right now. He feels guilty I believe, for lying to the kids about Thanksgiving, mostly because I told him that they worried all day long about him not having turkey, about him being at work and alone, etc... they were sad for him. And he wasn't even at work, or alone, or without turkey. I think he felt a bit dirtbaggish for it afterwards.... good. So he may come over Christmas morning just to make up for Thanksgiving in his mind (since kids obviously were not told that he lied. as far as they know he was at work that day)

Wh has been acting strangely, back and forth with being easier to get along with, and yet still being a bit combative (the childcare payment issue) but that is the norm for him when he has to part with his money.... and sometimes i think he snaps because he is stressed and scared about Iraq. I bet there is a lot of stuff going on in his mind right now between fear and anxiety, between doing what is right and what feels good, between being an adult for the kids and being stubborn because of me.

I will plan a very nice morning Mimi for sure. I will look nice , house will look great and smell great, coffee on, christmas music.... kids and I will go to church for 11 which is about when he would have to be getting ready for work (if he is going,which I am not asking). I did text him today concerning something else but asked if he was coming over xmas morn...just said it was not a problem at all if he did, that the kids sure would be happy and surprised to share that morning with him. I will pray too, I always do! Thanks for your continued input here Mimi.... someone needs to hold my hand through this! mlhb

Also, I agree about another thing. I have told h, even before he left, I never want to be the person I was before finding MB again. I have learned so much and don't like who I was these past 9 years of marriage. Since MB I have changed so much and contine to learn and change, and I like who I am becoming now! mlhb

well, wh IS going to come over christmas morning for the kids. I cannot believe it. The kids told me this.

But today, as wh is frustrated again about having no where to take the kids when he has them for a whole day, he told me pretty soon he is just going to take them to ow apartment. I told him that was NOT an option as per their counselor. And he said it is getting frustrating having no where to go and that they might as well go because it is going to happen eventually... so am I to take that as "eventually" they are going to be around ow and in her apt anyway so why not now? I told him they are too fragile, have enuff to deal with him going to iraq, and that when he got back we could discuss what he was doing but right now we need to follow the counselors advice. I then asked him what his plans were for after Iraq, as before he said he was getting a 7-3 shift and an apt where kids could go overnight... now he says he does not know. He said he needs to pay some things off first before he can get an apt... grr...

I don't get how as recent as May when he and I talked he said ow was a ho, that the whole sitch with her was b.s., how when he was with her he lost the last ounce of respect he had for himself, how he would use her as long as she was stupid enuff to be used... and yet now it seems she is his everything??? was he just lying to me in may or is he lying now? I don't get how he supposedly had no respect for her and now this? don't get it... mlhb