Gnome, you should really read the book "No More Christian Nice Guy". If you are not a Christian, simply filter out the biblical and religious stuff. Over and over I get the impresson that you need to put yourself first.
I don't care what women say they want. They don't want nice guys who constantly go out of their way to please them. Who constantly subvert their needs to meet the woman's needs. They want men who can meet their own needs. And in doing so, help the woman meet her needs. It's a symbiotic relationship, not a sacrificial one.
They want men who have a sense of self, a sense of who they are, who are whole and complete in themselves. And they will put up many small inconveniences and bothers in order to have such a man. She has to realize that if she pushes to hard against you, she will hit your edge, and will cut herself.
Justin...I've read all the reviews on amazon.com and I see absolutely nothing to induce me to spend any money on that book.
I am not a wimp. It's true that I have a history of passivity in much of my marriage, but I also have the wit to see how well that worked. I have no intention of going there again.
I have a strong sense of self and of who I am, and I am not needy. My inner strength and my masculinity are
not in question amongst those who know me, and that includes my lady friend.
I see no virtue in exposing an edge such that those pushing against me will hurt themselves.
I choose when to yield, when to stand, and when to bring out the blade. It is a fool who offers at every provocation, and the
real show of strength
and wisdom comes from the choice of one's battles and how one acquits himself therein.
There are many figures in history and literature who were looked down upon or taken for granted because they had humility and wisdom. They saw no need to put their strength on display, because they were strong enough in themselves not to need the accolades of others. But when trouble came, they are the ones who stood up and dealt with it.
There are many single women out there of incredible strength and character who never get a first glance from men, because they do not have much superficial beauty. Only a man who takes the time to get to know one of these women is likely to learn to see her full beauty.
I am a gentle man. I may make an inadequate first impression on those whose eyes are drawn to the flashy soldier's uniform and who forget the farmer's strength, but I will not change who I am. Those who take the time to get to know me will learn to see my strength.
The irony here is that I
am putting myself first. I make my choices on the basis of
my values, not according to what others want to see. I don't
need a woman - certainly not at the price of my own sense of self-worth. When I go out of my way to please a woman, I do so not because I hope to get something from her, or because I am allowing myself to be manipulated or used by her, but because
I want to! I get pleasure out of it.
