JB,
Here''s what Dr. H says about NC letter. Perhaps this will be of help:
My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent.
Since your WW is being agreeable to ending R, don't let her stall on this. Your resentment and anger will begin to rise and you will end up LBing all over the place. This would be exremely harmful to your Plan A.
I know from experience, you can't Plan A if you let your harmful emotions get the best of you. That is why Plan A is so very hard for the BS. It often just doesn't feel right. What husband do you know, if asked what he would do if he found his wife cheating, wouldn't replie " I'd be outta here in a New York minuste?" But look at all the people on this forum who discovered in 80-90% of the case, that's just not true.
If there is a deep underlying love, then we endeavor to salvage our broken M and restore it. Hate to be contrite, but LOVE really can conquer all, INCLUDING THIS!
All Blessings,
Jerry
