thanks DW -- its nice to know I'm not being whiny. His actions are wonderful. He is by far the most considerate man I've ever dated. I so much appreciate every little thing he does. Whats really nice about the whole thing is every nice thing he does, inspires me to do more for him.

I just feel myself wanting to change how I deal with this - the withdrawal. And if I do that, how will it change our dynamic? I don't want that to happen, so I'm trying to hold onto my patience (not one of my strong suits....)

AGG -- I'm glad you're expressive -- keep that trait! I throw those "ILY's" out every now and then hoping I'll get something other than "thanks". But I think I'm reaching the end of my fishing days.

So then what? What do you predict will happen?

I don't mind the threadjack, Lex. I'll come back to you in a sec, but as for Mr. Slow. Nope. Haven't heard from him AT ALL. Oh well. No biggee. I'm prepared for what to say if/when I hear from him, and you're right, no big speeches... but there's no need to continue this... he's proven that he's not that into me.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Lex, have you referred to the 5 Love Languages lately? You are making me want to check there for some advice. Since he is so good at "doing things" for you... that is a love language, and therefore, I think he truly loves you. But, since "verbal affirmation" is so important to you, I'm not sure how to negotiate that... or how long to wait....

Have you introduced him to MB principles at all? The love bank, etc, and how it withdraws from your love bank when he says "thanks"... I mean... you don't want to force him... but if it's something you need....

But... as I said.... if he's showing you that he loves you... perhaps you should be content for a little while longer.

Maybe.... you could compare it to a guy who is wanting sex, but the girl is not ready yet. He must be patient until she is ready. If he really loves her, he'll be patient. Can you be patient until he's ready to say it? I don't have a number for you..... 6 months???

Have you spoke all of this to him?? Have you asked him flat out??

Faith --
That is a book I have always wanted to read but never have! I'll have to get that one. It would probably really fit this situation!

Its definitely not something you can force or pressure someone into. And that would not be my style. I'm more likely to just withdraw. I'm trying to keep myself hanging in there.

I guess because I know his strong opinions on this, I'm wondering if it will EVER come. And I'm really not ok with "never."

After he and I had our recent conversations about it, I found myself thinking that I'd just retract. Stop saying it. Put my walls back up. And then I started envisioning the emotional toll that will take on my LB. That I would likely just keep withdrawing further and further. Makes me sad. Thought come here and get some expert opinions instead. I need to change my old habits.

I wouldn't call myself a conflict avoider -- but I guess I don't fight hard enough for getting my needs met. I think it was a big contributor to the problems and deterioration of my marriage. I do the "martyr" thing and just bury my own needs. I might pipe up now and then (like I have with BF) but I won't really stress how much of a deal breaker things are for me. Until I snap. Then I'm gone. I just withdraw....withdraw....withdraw. Convince myself that if they truly loved me I wouldn't have to fight so hard.

Sigh....

This really sucks. The last thing in the world I want to do is make a big deal out of it, and practically force him into it. That would be real meaningful, doncha think?

I need that book tonight!!!

Lex... how's it going? Did ya run up to the bookstore and thumb through? I haven't looked in there for you yet. But yes, we all show love in different ways, and we feel loved in different ways.

I think that I like to do things for others. I probably don't tell people enough how I feel, because I am not very good at expressing myself verbally. I'm shy and awkward, and usually don't know what to say or how to say it, or I'm retarded and don't remember to say it enough. But I am good at doing things for them, and I enjoy doing things (making cookies, bringing snacks to work, doing things, getting things for you, giving back-rubs, etc). But... I feel loved when I am "verbally affirmed" (you're great, I appreciate you, I'm thinking of you, etc). Some people feel more loved when they are touched... some people show their love by touching (touching your arm when they talk to you, giving hugs, etc). Some people enjoy giving (or receiving) gifts. The level at which you feel the MOST love is the most important to you, even though you may enjoy all the love languages.

But... withdrawing... that won't get you what you want, will it? You are showing love the way YOU want... and he is showing love the way HE wants... that's GIVING without expecting in return, right? Then, your TAKER TAKES over... don't let it! He's showing you that he loves you. k? Be patient... for a little longer. I would be more concerned if he wasn't doing those things for you.

And find a way to communicate your needs to him. I'm certainly no expert in this.

Now for MEEEEE.... believe it or not... Mr. Slow called me tonight. I couldn't believe it when I saw the caller ID. It's been 8 days. He said he tried once or twice, and my line was busy, and he was sick for a couple of days. hmmmm... still not good enough really.... if he's not "into me" enough to try harder than THAT during 8 days???? He's going out of town, to the Cotton Bowl, so when he's back, he'll call me. hmph. We'll see. I made small chit-chat, and said OK. We'll have to see how it goes when he calls me in a week. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />