Hi all. I'm FINALLY almost divorced.

Got this note in a Christmas card from the infidel.

Believer - I'm sorry you didn't come to dinner the other night - everyone was asking about you. If I invite you somewhere, OW wouldn't be there.

I ran into Eddie and Danny (my sons) the other night at my nephew's band's gig. They have turned into fine young men. I know you're proud of them.

I have a hard time talking with you because I am so very sorry for hurting you. You were always a good wife. Please forgive me. I know God hates divorce. Please let me know if we can talk about this. Take care.


Okay guys - I told him I have completely forgiven him and moved on with my life. Should I just throw his note in the trash or should I write something back? I really feel done with him, and that it is a waste of my time to communicate any further.

I vote for waste of breath errr time! Merry Christmas B!

How about just a pithy "Please remove this address from your address book."

No response. He's trying to get rid of his own guilt by trying to make it all better between you two. You;ve already told him forgiveness is granted and that you;ve moved on. Personally, I think he is sniffing around to see of he can keep you in his life when he needs you.

I vote too for letting sleeping dogs lie. It finally hit him what a fine person you are and that he let you go.

What is this? Ashamed of ow? Wishing believer was there?

Thank you for this Christmas gift believer. I'm glad to see when a ws finally starts to "get it" and reap what he's sown.

Howabout a terse response as such: You're right, God hates divorce, but he hates adultery more. One you can stop, one you can't.

FF - Merry Christmas to you and your family too. I am done wasting my breath.

Mojodiva - I think it is his own guilt. He used to be a good man. When one does dishonorable things, it finally catches up.

Longhorn -

"How about just a pithy "Please remove this address from your address book."

I LOVE this idea.

jph - They ALL finally reap what they have sown. Sometimes it just takes awhile.

Don't rush your reply Believer. Maybe even wait until the D is finalised and let him have your final thoughts on all of this. Then it's time to move on up, girl!

TT -

Oh, I gave him my thoughts about a year ago. I had been in Plan B for over a year, and one day just decided there was no need not to LB. So I told him EXACTLY what I thought of him, how my respect for him as a man was gone, and also my love. But since then I told him I forgave him.

I think somehow he wants me to fix this. I was the official family fixer. But there is no way to repair the damage that has been done.

Believer,

You are one strong woman who knows what you want out of life.

You should be so proud how far you have come. To bad your WH didn't get it a long time ago.

As they say the best revenge is a life well lived, and I can see thats what you will do....

Have a wonderful Holiday ... and a Blessed New Year ...

Hurting

Simply respond "You broke my heart - only God can heal that. But you also robbed me financially - that you have the power to restore, so get off your lazy *ss, get a job, and start showing me how truly sorry you are. - Unless I see ACTION, words are cheap cheap cheap - and since you cheapened our relationship - sorry - I've had enough cheap. Until cheap goes away, lose my address!"

Hurting - Really, I am just so glad that all of this is over. I'm happy all the time now, and I think it is not so much that everything is wonderful, but that it is OVER. I know you can relate to the constant stress and disappointment. But you hang in there, I still think your situation is going to turn out just fine.

KaylaAndy - I LOVE your suggestion. I think I may send him a note like that. You are absolutely correct. We are still going through the divorce wrangling, and he wants all of the money. California is a 50/50 state, but 50% is not enough for him.

Believer - The longer I live, I truly, truly believe in - "what goes around, comes around". I see it happen over and over again. The injured party in whatever the circumstances always see the assailant get their's, always.

My sincere advice to you in this regard is to just follow your heart. What do you REALLY want to do or say to him ??? Do not worry what he feels about it, just be true to yourself.

You are such an added blessing of advice and support on these boards. Eveyone knows it, now your stbxwh knows it too. Enjoy the view from the top !! You deserve it and revel in it.

My best regards and Merry Christmas to you Believer.

Carnation

ahhh karma. What a lovely thing. Merry Christmas!

Believer,

I love it. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT!!! "What goes around comes around" is the soundest and truest saying in the English language. I see it happen over and over and over again. The poor baby is feeling regretful. I hate to be displaying such a revengeful attitude but just can't help myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You absolutely can't worry about ws or his feelings or his life. YOU HAVE ONE TO LIVE TOO! You indeed are a strong woman and I am soooo happy that you are doing so fantastic. Now is the time for you to care about you.

Merry Christmas and ditto to "thank you for a wonderful Christmas gift".

Blessings,
Tare

I agree that he is trying to relieve his feelings of guilt. Believer, follow your heart - you have done such a great job thus far!! I think you have said what you need to say to him. No response is my vote.

Merry Christmas!!

Kim

Got this note in a Christmas card from the infidel.

He's sending CHRISTMAS CARDS !!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Believer - I'm sorry you didn't come to dinner the other night - everyone was asking about you. If I invite you somewhere, OW wouldn't be there.

... a nasty reply (use with discretion) "Yes, but YOU would be there."


I have a hard time talking with you because I am so very sorry for hurting you.

He has a hard time talking to you ??? Because he cannot talk truth !! Turkey anyone?

You were always a good wife.

there is your Christmas present Believer .... don't use it up all at once <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Please forgive me.

done already

I know God hates divorce.

too easy .... just putting a big old target bullseye on his butt with this comment .... entirely too easy .....

Please let me know if we can talk about this. Take care.

TALK?

Here's your opening ... tell him the talk will cost him half of the $$$ he squandered ... after he re-pays you the $$$ he took, you will love to talk !!!


Should I just throw his note in the trash or should I write something back?

Write him back ....


This is the amount $$$ I figure you owe me. Since you are feeling so Christmas-y ... please repay this debt. Thanks. Believer



[color:"purple"]OW once called me and asked me what she could do to make it up to me (our families were connected for years) .... I said "Pay back half of what Mr. Pep spent on the affair ... I figure it's around this $$$ much."

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

she sputtered ... then hung up !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> [/color]

Bwahaahaaa !!!!!!

Pep - I think I'll do that. I'll copy and send. Everytime I talk to him we go round and round. I only talk to him once every 3 or 4 months for about a minute. Last time I told him since we can't agree on things, let's just let the court of California decide. That made him FURIOUS.

Some of you may remember me from about two years ago..Believer you were one of the first ones who posted to me...my journey has seen so many ups and down but I never faltered in my boundaries and detachment...my husband was one of the ones who fence sat and even when I filed for Divorce stated in discovery that he still loved me but still had OW in the picture...

in time the OW shot herself in the foot and I sat back bought the popcorn and watched the show...my husband and OW moved in together and from there on in was a down hill slide...you see I firmly believe they have to see reality on their own...OW is now out of his house and he sees her for what she is...they say that if the WS was a good man before this mess started once through the MLC of his life they return...I am here to state today that has occured...one man who I will forever be indebted to reached out to him...a man who had walked a mile in my husband's shoes...my husband and I have been opening up and talking about everything...he has made me dinner every night he visits me...we are taking things slow...he is spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with me and bringing all the fixings for Pizza tonight and he is going to make it and help with dinner tomorrow...something he never did previous to this crisis....one problem in our marriage was the way we communicated with each other and today we treat each other like friends first and that has made all the difference...I don't know where this journey will take us ..we are taking one day at a time...the man I referenced to who reached out to my husband has a website called forty sixty which deals with couples going through Mid Life Crisis...I would highly recommend it to anyone who was in a long term marriage and the bottom fell out...I hope it is ok to post the link....

http://fortysixty.invisionzone.com/index.php?act=idx

I do feel a miracle has happened and just wanted to give hope to those those who feel it is not worth the wait...for me 32 years of marriage was worth it...God Bless (((((NO))))

NewOutlook - Hi! It is so good to hear from you again. Thanks for the link. I will check it out. I hope you will post a thread giving us more details. There are a ton of new folks here who are very discouraged right now. I'm so happy that your situation is turning around.