Good Morning,
One thing I don't think you can do, and believe me in your shoes, I would be wanting to do it.

You can not say that I managed to stop before it got too far, why didn't you? I think that would be a huge mistake because he is probably already feeling like a failure and if you compare that situation it is going to push him away. JMO.


As for passing some blame on to you, you kind of fed him that a couple of days ago when you apologized. He has been riding around for days by himself doing lots of thinking. I am fairly certain that he wants to feel better about himself so he is willing to let you have some of the blame, too.

Now, here is where you need to draw the line. Yes, you were both responsible for the state of the marriage. However he choose to let his emotional needs be met someone else. That is the mistake. That is what has you here right now.

What can be done about it?

When you talk, tell him you want all the details. It will hurt, but just listen to him. Ask questions that can not be answered with yes or no. Don't say did you have sex? ask how many times did you have sex?

Tell him that it seems like both of you had needs that were unmet. Talk about what you both need and make a plan to learn how to meet those needs.

I'm sorry, I can't remember, but are you going to see a counselor?

I hope when you get to talk face to face, you are going to be able to read his body language and see if he is telling the truth.

You can do this. Are you reading the books?

Oh man, you guys are great..thank you thank you for helpign me through this..

K, I woke up last night to him standing outside the bedroom door..wiping his eyes...this man NEVER cries. He came in and sat next to me on the bed and said 'I'm sorry' I wish I could take it back, but I can't" I said I know you can't...we chatted a little about his trip while he said hi to the dogs, who were jumping all over for his attention, I said...'I missed daddy too guys'...we hugged a little, he finished the beer he was drinking and then he went out to get in the shower. He came back to bed and held me,,,well, there wasn't a whole lot of relationship talk after that, but there was a lot of 'non verbal' love shown if you know what I mean...he kissed me a lot and pushed back my hair to look at me a lot, and we made love. It was good...
afterwards he said, 'there will never be a better fit than this' I think we can get through this,,,I said I know we can...we talked a little about me quittign my second job and he said that I shouldn't because we need the money, I said..we don't need money that bad if it's going to hurt our marriage. He said your job wasn't the reason this happened, yes, it gave me more free time, but it wasn't the cause...i did say that no matter what caused us to get where we are, it was his choice to do this, he agreed.
I think we are going to run into a problem with him getting runs out to this city though, I said I'd rather you get another job than have to know you are out there. He said, I rarely go there and if I do I go and turn around and come home. I said you were just out there on Friday before all this happened, he said it was for an hour and I came right back (to his home terminal) I know this is true because I remember he was home early that day. I didn't push the issue, but I think that will be a big topic of our 'talk' tomorrow evening.

{{Vent here, take a drive and scream in the car, but try, try to not bombard your WH in his brief time home. He needs to associate you with good stuff. If your phone calls are always A related (and it doesn't sound like they have been so far) and every time he does come home, you want to dissect what happened, he may start to associate wife=uncomfortable.}}

Knowing my H as I do, I think this is key and the way to handle it right now. Is it bad if I don't wnat to know details? Because I really don't want too many intimate details..they hurt too bad. When he brought up that it was over and I' can see from the phone records that his last call to her was no more than 5 minutes, I asked him what she said when he told her. He said she just said 'so it's over?', he said, yes it has to be, I need to work this out with my wife. and that was that. I'm sure there were a few words mixed in there that he left out. But we'll see about the length of that call when the bill comes. I don't think he'd lie about that because he knows I can see the call time.

{{You seem reasonable and I know you can handle it well, so long as you keep yourself under control. And your WH sounds like a fairly reasonable guy (right?) so he could also handle the talk well.}}
I think he'll be able to handle it well if I can stay calm...my tears seem to make him antsy..he's talked to me more about his feelings in the last couple of days than he ever really has...

He still insists that it never got to a PA although 'it could have' I didn't let it go there because I love you..I imagine that means they wanted to but he held back. I did ask him in our phone convo last night what she expected from the relationship if she didn't ask him to leave me...was she just out to get laid or what? He said, 'no I don't think she was like that'...ok, here is where you guys and your advice came in handy...I bit my tongue and didn't say what I thought about what she is 'like'...

Surviving an Affair is suppose to be in at B&N today, I hope to get a chance to pick it up and get started on it...I've been reading HIs Needs, Her Needs and hope I can utilize the info to help him understand that we both have needs that weren't being met, but we can fix that if we try.

Well, I'm going to go now and lay back down with him for a while, I took the day off work..I just couldn't leave now when he'll be going back out on the road tonite...Gonna try not to bring up any A talk today unless he does...I want him to leave tonight feeling good about being here and about us...Tomorrow will be another day...

Thanks so much again...I'll let you all know how it goes...

((This_Hurts))

It sounds like you two had a great night, I am so glad he seems to be responding well to you. You did great, it sounds like, the right mix of A stuff, but alot of feel good stuff too.

Great job biting your tongue about the OW. Remember, if you attack her he will perceive it as an attack on his choices.

The fact that he says it could have gone PA-Hmmm, that means that there was opportunity. So, him staying away from the terminal sounds important.

If things start get hairy today, make a quick run to the grocery store or something.

I liked what the previous poster said about maybe getting a general overiew of the relationship. I understand you not needing all the nitty gritty details. How would you feel about saying something like "I am already dealing with the shock of this, please give me the big picture so I will not be hit with another bomb if you withhold info". But, don't back him into a corner. If you say, I can handle the truth, and then fly off the handle, you show him that he does need to lie to you.

But it all sounds like you are doing very well right now.

I hope you have a good day.

This_hurts: Wow! Well done! Taking the day off work really sends a message about your love for him. You keep lathering on the good feelings, let him soak up the warm sunshine of your care. He'll carry that feeling with him when he goes on the road. Maybe you could get him a small gift that he can carry in his vehicle as a reminder?

Again I agree with Jean36. Right on target IMHO.

Sorry to be repetitive, but again I think you should tell him gently and firmly of your expectations. He probably already knows them, but there is power in saying them out loud. Really. Here's the proof; after I discovered my WW's secret boyfriend (she says purely platonic), she said 'well you never TOLD me I couldn't have a friend'. Gimme a break. Anyway I think you should clearly say your expectations and make sure they are understood. If you do it right, your WH will receive them well.

Given your feelings, I suggest you don't talk much about OW; maybe just have your WH write down basic data like name/address/phone#/workplace so you don't have to talk about her. If you feel the need for details about the A later - I think that's likely - then there's plenty of time later for those. If you do have those talks, make sure your H understands it's not to punish him but instead to help heal your M.

You go, Girl! I think you did a great job.

Liten, suggestions here. What about on the times he goes to that terminal you ride with him? Or is that allowed?

A friend of mine rode with her FWH for months after d-day.

Have to go, am meeting n laws in an hour an hour away. I just had to come by and check on you. I'll check in later.

blessings

Well, so far so good I think. Lay back down with him for a while and he held me and we talked a little...I didn't bring up any A talk. He did ask me if I was feeling better today, and I said yes, it's helped to have you here, it was real rough with you being away right after all of this. We came down and I made him breakfast, he said I was being too nice that he didn't deserve it. I thought, no you probably don't (didn't say that though), just kept quiet and finished what I was doing.

I did mention that I hope they didn't ask him to stop at that terminal on the way home from this run he's doing tonite. He said, Sam, you're going to have to get over that, because I may have to go there at some point. You don't have to worry because if I do go there it will only be to do what I have to do and then come back...hmmmm, I know today isn't the time to get into a struggle over that one, but I did say I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with that. We talked a little about him getting a different job and he doesn't really seem opposed to that. He just said that he didn't want to change jobs because our D will be going to college next fall and he didn't want to cause any trouble with her getting loans. (he's changed jobs quite a bit and when we applied for a student loan for my S, we had problems because of that.) We had hoped he could stay with this place long enough so it wouldn't be an issue with D's loans. Well, I don't really care about any of that now, I really think I need him to leave that company asap. I will make that a priority when we talk tomorrow.

He just left to take care of some things at the terminal. Not the one she is at, that is like 4 hours from here. Believe it or not, he left his phone here...wow, he hasn't been separated from that phone for months. He said he'd be back in a short while and asked if I'd lay down with him for a nap when he gets back before he has to get ready to leave...I think if things keep going the way they are today, he will definately leave here with a smile.

I am so grateful I knew about this board before this all happened. It's been hard, but I truly believe the advice and guidance I've gotten has saved my sanity, not to mention saved me from making big mistakes with my reaction to him. I know some of you thought I should be more aggressive at first, but I know my H and I know he doesn't react well to that type of thing...I will get more information on this 'person' ick, in case things hit a snag and I need to be more aggressive, I don't think he'll be wanting to tell me her last name in case I decide to go after her and beat the crap out of her, but if he won't, I'll find it out another way. I also want to know if she is married and how old she is..I will ask him that...but I get the impression she's not married since he seemed to be able to call her at any time.

Hope she stays away and finds her own man soon, because like I told H, I won't live with any back and forth contacting her, if I find out about any contact at all, all bets are off. Back to the possiblity of his going to that terminal again..I really have to find a way to keep that from happening, I know I won't be able to stay cool about it if it happens...

Thanks for checking on me movingforward.

I did mention that if he does have to go there, I' just might have to go with him. It is allowed. He said well you'd have to go to Jersey with me first..I said fine, I have a whole new batch of vacation days coming up in January...it could happen. The only thing I'd be afraid of is going ballistic on her skank self if I saw her. I have to admit, it is killing me to know what she looks like. Hope she's fat and ugly...toothless would be good too... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

{How would you feel about saying something like "I am already dealing with the shock of this, please give me the big picture so I will not be hit with another bomb if you withhold info". But, don't back him into a corner..}

This is a great suggestion, and I will make it part of our talk tomorrow night. I'd like to get everything said that needs to be said at once...I don't want to leave something that I will have to bring up later...he's said that he's afraid I'll never get over this and bring it up contantly and forever....we've already covered a lot of what I had planned on bringing up tomorrow, so maybe it will be good that I won't have to overload him with too much when we do our talk...

this_hrts can I just add that your WH should tell you her contact details including last name/address etc? It's wrong of him to leave any ambiguity. If he isn't willing to do that, it means he's not done with her. You should be more important to him than she is. If you ask and he declines, you definitely have a more serious problem than you thought.

Also don't make him any promises, they will come back to haunt you. He may say "I'll tell you only if you promise not to contact her" or something like that. I would not make any promises like that. You don't have to, the onus is on your WH to do the right thing and he shouldn't be asking you for anything, including promises.

This was one of our big D-day issues. My WH gave me a name, that is all. He would not tell me where she worked. He would tell me everywhere he was, but not where she was.

My WH made it very clear that he would jepordize his marriage to protect his mistress.

On Dday WW gave me a fake 1st name only, no last name. Took 2 months to realize she'd misled me about his 1st name. It came out eventually, but her misleading me and giving incomplete information was an indication that the A was not over. Same message Jean36 got: WW was willing to jeopardize the M to protect the lover.

This_Hurts:

Don't underestimate the value of your husband telling you facts to help him clear his own conscious. It will help you too but it is important to know how serious the relationship was. It is hard to fix what you don't know what is brokern, etc.

Some affairs are ended immediately on DD. The person caught gets scared and doesn't want to lose their spouse this way. They simply got caught up into something almost accidental, and when busted they stop immediately.

On the other hand, some are in love with the other person and they have become addicted to them. If this is the case, he can't go back to that terminal. Seeing her will renew his feelings.

I know you don't want this, but I think it is crucual to recovery for you to know what you are up against. Ho deep in was he with this OW. I am bothered by the fact that he made the comment, I didn't leave you because of the kids. That is a telling statement by itself. It says to me he became connected to her more than he might want to admit to.

I know you are afraid to push too hard for fear of losing him but if you don't push or pursue some, he could continue to live a dual life. Keep us informed and good luck to you. This is a tough thing for any man or woman to take.

TooSoon

Hey there,
It sounds like a good day so far.

I know you want details. I did, too. I didn't get them all at once. That upset me until I read several posts by Uzzah, a FWS on the recovery forum. I guess he posts here, too. Anyway, He said that in his mind he was protecting his spouse by not giving her the details. That was exactly what my husband told me.

Uzzah went on to say that as he gave the details, it helped him, too.

That gave me patience to not push so hard.

Mine would tell me it would hurt me. What I finally got across to him was the fact that in my mind I had already imagined the worst: their SF was like something amazing out of a porn video, she was built like Mrs. America, he declared his undying love to her in a most romantic fashion, etc. When he tells me the detail it is usually so much more mundane, ho-hum, blah, that it is almost a relief.

At first, we talked about the A every day. Several times a day. It has dwindled. Alot. Gosh, there were 3 days in December I didn't even think of her.

When I have a question that has to be answered, I will sit on it for a day or two and see if it is really something I need to know or if it doesn't really matter. If it matters, I ask and he answers. Sometimes, I think of something that really doesn't matter. One of the first things I asked, now this is going to sound stupid, was does she buy her panties at Walmart or VS? Now, that was day one and I asked. If it had come to me now, I probably would wait a day to ask and probably realize it doesn't really matter.

Somethings are big like did you know they were swingers before? I didn't now that til a few weeks ago, but I asked that right away when I found out

Anyway, take it slow. It may be hard to wait, but it might be easier in the long run on both of you.

take care

This Hurts:
This was borrowed from Shattered on another thread and it was borrowed from her form a different forum. There may be some points of interest to consider:

These are borrowed from divorcebusting.com. Don't know if this is what you are looking for.

MANDATORY DO'S WHEN DIVORCE BUSTING
1. Be patient. Time is an assest even when it seems to be killing you.
2. Listen carefully to what your spouse is REALLY saying to you.
3. Learn quickly that anger is your enemy
4. Learn quickly to backoff, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.
5. Take care of yourself. Exercise, sleep, laugh, and focus on all the other chances in your life that are not in turmoil.
6. Be cool, strong, confident and speak softly.
7. Know that if you can do a 180, your smallest consistent actions will be noticed much more than ANY words you can say or write.
8. Read as much as you can on this subject

MANDATORY DON'T's WHEN DIVORCE BUSTING
1. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more then ever in your whole life and are desperate and needy.
2. Do not focus on your self when communicating with your spouse.
3. Do not believe any of what you hear and less then 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute neagatives because they are hurting and they are scared.
4. Do not fall into the "green eggs and ham" trap. (see Dr. Suess for clarity)
5. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
6. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.

These are the one's I've learned so far. I've also lived everyone of the Don't's so far. Some more then once. I encourage others to add to the list.

=========

You are in the early stages of determining what you are up against. It may be more or less than you expect but just a few thoughts for you to consider. Keep the Faith and don't give up hope.

TooSoon

Well the day turned out mostly good I believe...just hung out together ..had a glass of wine and ended up with me going to lay down with him for a nap...which turned into more SF...I told him I was surprised at my reation that way, I should hate him right now, but all I wanted to do was make love with him..weird...


He's gone again now and I'm back to feeling panicy and sick to my stomach...When he was about to leave I could tell he really didn't want to go and he knew that I wasn't feeling good about it either. He said, I'm sorry I have to leave again. I just said, well, I'm glad you got to come home for the day anyway. He said he'd be back early tomorrow and promised to call if he got there before it was too late...

Now the bad...we were talking about his job and how I in no way could handle him going back to that terminal...apparently he thought I hadn't already figured out that she worked there and was playing dumb...I said H, I know she works at the terminal and it wouldn't be hard for me to find out for certain...he said, I just don't want you stressing about her because it's over. I asked him if she was married and he said no. He said, why do you want to know about her...it just hurts you to hear that stuff...I'm trying to protect you...hearing things about her just hurts you so much, I can see it...and I don't want you calling her or something and stirring things up more. It's over and it will just make things worse.

I don't know...I'm thinking there was at least some physical contact ..maybe not sex, but something...and I don't think he'll ever tell me if there was because he knows it will hurt me so much...I don't even know if I want to know...I do know that he hasn't been in that area much for the last two months that they've been talking so often...how the ****** am I suppose to believe anything he says to me ever again..?

I think that he's feeling very good about us right now, and I thought I was too, till he left..now I'm back on the rollercoaster...I just know that if he gets sent for a load at that terminal I'm going to freak...I think he knows that too and won't tell me if he does get sent there...I really need to stress to him that he can't lie to me about that, because if I find out after the fact it will just make me feel like he's sneaking around again...

I hate this

You know, when I read here before, I always felt bad for the BS and what they were going through...always thought, what a terrible feeling that must be...I had NO CLUE how bad it hurts though..it's so painful on so many levels...loss of trust, loss of respect, loss of everything you thought was real in your life...

{I know you want details. I did, too. I didn't get them all at once. That upset me until I read several posts by Uzzah, a FWS on the recovery forum. I guess he posts here, too. Anyway, He said that in his mind he was protecting his spouse by not giving her the details. That was exactly what my husband told me.}

Well it looks like mine is of the same mind-set. I didn't want to push too hard for any details today because we were doing so well and he was leaving again..I have to decide how much I really want to know actually. He is right that it hurts to hear things and maybe I would rather just picture her in my mind as 'not so hot' than know the truth..I mean, he apparently found her attractive or he wouldn't have pursued this relationship with her..I dont' know..

TooSoon... thanks for that list, i copied it and will keep it handy..I think I've done pretty well on most of the DO's so far, except for #5. I haven't participated much in life since Monday...I've barely left the house except to go to the store. And when I left yesterday to take my D to Wal Mart, I got in the car and realized I had forgotton to finish putting make-up on. I remember starting it, but don't for the life of me remember what made me forget to finish..scary..

I think the only one of the 'don'ts' that I've messed up on is #1, I think I was way too needy that first day especially...I screwed that one up a few times at first, but I think I'm getting better at controlling it...

It's just so overwhelming when I let myself think that this feeling, this situation, isn't going to go away anytime soon, I hope I have the strength to see it through...and I hope he has the strength to keep his promise to have NC with her...scary that I have to depend on the very one who hurt me so much to help make the hurt go away..don't know if I trust him enough to believe he can do that yet...

{On Dday WW gave me a fake 1st name only, no last name. Took 2 months to realize she'd misled me about his 1st name. It came out eventually, but her misleading me and giving incomplete information was an indication that the A was not over. Same message Jean36 got: WW was willing to jeopardize the M to protect the lover.}

I can't decide if he's protecting her or me or himself by not wanting to give details..he says it's to protect me, but now that I know he's a liar, I don't know if it's true.

You are so right about the roller coaster.

And the SF thing, I know exactly what you mean. For me, I think it was a way to feel close and a desire to drive all thoughts of her away.

As for him going to the terminal, you will have to set guidelines or boundries I guess you might say. Decide what will make it easier for you- riding with him, having him call you and leave the phone on the whole time he is there, etc.

Call him often. Have him call you often.

As for the details, tell him you will not call her as long as he continues no contact, but that it is important for him to give you the information you need.

Stoptheworldpls posted this on another thread. It is her list of questions for her WS. I thought you might be able to adjust them for you.

1. When did you first realize that you were attracted to OW and how did that change how you acted in our marriage?
2. What did you see in OW that made her attractive to you?
3. What did you experience about yourself with her that you would like to experience in our marriage?
4. Fully explain what you have shared about our marriage and me.
5. What did you say to yourself that made it ok to get involved?
6. Detail the level of personal contact you had (i.e. Touching, kissing, etc.) If you had intercourse, was it unprotected? Also detail when and where.
7. Did you feel guilty after the first time you had contact?
8. Do you love her?
9. Did you make plans for the future together?
11. When you planned the two trips together that I know of, what did you tell her about us? What did you say to yourself that made it ok?
12. Detail what went on during the two trips that I know of (where you went, what you did, how you felt, what you talked about)
13. Have you introduced her to any of your family? If so, when?
14. Did you make music CD’s for each other? Do you still have them if yes?
15. How often did you miss work to be together? Give dates.
17. Have there been any other women besides OW since we’ve been together? If so, who and when?
18. How has this experience changed you?
19. How would you have felt if it were me instead of you?
20. What are your plans and hopes for the future with OW?
21. What are your plans and hopes for the future with our marriage and me?
22. How often do you go anyplace with OW alone and why do you choose this instead of going separately?
23. Have you bought or made any gifts for her? If so, what?

You might want to give him a printed list, or give him 5 at a time. I don’t know what will work for the two of you. You have a much better idea about it.

Here is something called Joseph’s Letter. It may help you, too.
To Whomever,

I know you are feeling the pain of guilt and confusion. I understand that you wish all this never happened and that you wish it would just go away. I can even believe that you truly love me and that your indiscretion hurts you emotionally much the same way it hurts me. I understand your apprehension to me discovering little by little, everything that led up to your indiscretion, everything that happened that night, and everything that happened afterwards. I understand. No one wants to have a mistake or misjudgment thrown in his or her face repeatedly. No one wants to be forced to 'look' at the thing that caused all their pain over and over again. I can actually see, that through your eyes, you are viewing this whole thing as something that just needs to go away, something that is over, that he/she doesn’t mean anything to you, so why is it such a big issue? I can understand you wondering why I torture myself with this continuously, and thinking, doesn’t he/she know by now that I love him/her? I can see how you can feel this way and how frustrating it must be. But for the remainder of this letter I’m going to ask you to view my reality through my eyes.

You were there. There is no detail left out from your point of view. Like a puzzle, you have all the pieces and you are able to reconstruct them and be able to understand the whole picture, the whole message, or the whole meaning. You know exactly what that picture is and what it means to you and if it can effect your life and whether or not it continues to stir your feelings. You have the pieces, the tools, and the knowledge. You can move through your life with 100% of the picture you compiled. If you have any doubts, then at least you’re carrying all the information in your mind and you can use it to derive conclusions or answers to your doubts or question. You carry all the 'STUFF' to figure out OUR reality. There isn’t really any information, or pieces to the puzzle that you don’t have.

Now let’s enter my reality. Let’s both agree that this affects our lives equally. The outcome no matter what it is well affect us both. Our future and our present circumstances are every bit as important to me as it is to you. So, why then is it okay for me to be left in the dark? Do I not deserve to know as much about the night that nearly destroyed our relationship as you do? Just like you, I am also able to discern the meaning of certain particulars and innuendoes of that night and just like you, I deserve to be given the opportunity to understand what nearly brought our relationship down. To assume that I can move forward and accept everything at face value is unrealistic and unless we stop thinking unrealistically I doubt our lives well ever 'feel' complete. You have given me a puzzle. It is a 1000 piece puzzle and 400 random pieces are missing. You expect me to assemble the puzzle without the benefit of looking at the picture on the box. You expect me to be able to discern what I am looking at and to appreciate it in the same context as you. You want me to be as comfortable with what I see in the picture as you are. When I ask if there was a tree in such and such area of the picture you tell me don’t worry about it, it’s not important. When I ask whether there were any animals in my puzzle you say don’t worry about it, it’s not important. When I ask if there was a lake in that big empty spot in my puzzle you say, what’s the difference, it’s not important. Then later when I’m expected to understand the picture in my puzzle you fail to understand my disorientation and confusion. You expect me to feel the same way about the picture as you do but deny me the same view as you. When I express this problem you feel compelled to admonish me for not understanding it, for not seeing it the way you see it. You wonder why I can’t just accept whatever you chose to describe to me about the picture and then be able to feel the same way you feel about it.

So, you want me to be okay with everything. You think you deserve to know and I deserve to wonder. You may honestly feel that the whole picture, everything that happened is insignificant because in your heart you know it was a mistake and wish it never happened. But how can I know that? Faith? Because you told me so? Would you have faith if the tables were turned? Don’t you understand that I want to believe you completely? But how can I? I can never know what is truly in your mind and heart. I can only observe you actions, and what information I have acquired and slowly, over time rebuild my faith in your feelings. I truly wish it were easier.

So, there it is, as best as I can put it. That is why I ask questions. That is where my need to know is derived from. And that is why it is unfair for you to think that we can effectively move forward and unfair for you to accuse me of dwelling on the past. My need to know stems from my desire to hold our world together. It doesn’t come from jealousy, it doesn’t come from spitefulness, and it doesn’t come from a desire to make you suffer. It comes from the fact that I love you. Why else would I put myself through this? Wouldn’t it be easier for me to walk away? Wouldn’t it be easier to consider our relationship a bad mistake in my life and to move on to better horizons? Of course it would, but I can’t and the reason I can’t is because I love you and that reason in itself makes all the difference in the world.

Joseph


this_hrts, would you like to swap emails? PMs are not allowed, but we can post an email then do an edit if you want. I think this is ok. If not, it won't hurt my feelings.
blessings

moveforward,
Great list of questions...some of them I don't want the answers to, and some of them I already asked, but I'm going to save some other to ask tomorrow night..That letter is great too, I don't think H has the attention span to read something that long, but he's going to be home earlier than I will tomorrow and I'm going to copy a paragraph or two and leave it here for him to read, maybe that will get him prepared to answer me honestly when we talk tomorrow night.

And it would be great to exchange emails, I need all the support I can get. I haven't told anyone about this yet, just can't even begin to think of how to get those words out of my mouth.

Thanks for being here for me everyone, I hate to think what a mess I would be without all of your help and support..

I got it. You can edit it off now.
I'll email you.
thanks