that was a little creepy, wasn't it? I didn't realize it until I read this post after I responded to his.

Serene, I hope things go better for you.

What was too coincidental?

The mention of the new name kind of threw me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

MArshall posted a thread called its me and the first post only said Me. That was what she meant.

Serene,

I'm sorry. I must have some sort of issue with this. It seems that you are wanting preferential treatment.

I felt uncomfortable posting openly here, too.. but did it anyway...

I'm feeling controlled by your WH..

He's holding you back from getting what you are wanting from at least me..

Mimi-

I am sorry that you feel that I am asking for preferential treatment, that is not my intent. I would like to post openly and not worry about it, but that is not an option. I have posted here and there with different names, but it is not the same as you all knowing my story from start to finish and helping me along the way. Since MM likens this to a war/battle, it would be like telling the "enemy" my battle plan/strategy.

In the end, I want the same thing as everyone else- to save my M.

I'm sorry that it sounds like I'm being difficult about this..

I don't understand why you can't post your whole story again under a new name without giving too many details...

I've talked about myself extensively here yet I don't think that my H could come on here and DEFINITELY know that I am talking about us...

What did your WH do before when you posted here? Maybe I could understand better...

I just don't do E-mails..even with my own children...

If you would ask them, they E-mail me and it takes months for me to E-mail them back..

It's enough for me to come to this forum...takes alot of time out of my day..time I choose to take BUT...

Right now, I need to do some of my office work at home before getting ready to go out..

See what I mean?

Try to communicate with me here as much as you can..if you choose to do so..

If you don't, I understand...

We all make our choices...

Later...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Would you be willing to give me Plan A specifics of what you did when he lived with you and what you did when he did not? Ideas of how to do a separated Plan A?

LOL...Mimi, you are acting old here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Dang, Susan..you caught me..

I have been ACTING OLD ever since 51..I've got to work on this...

I don't FEEL OLD..

My OS even said I was "ACTING" OLD.. YUK...

No indication that my H thinks so though but HE IS 52 himself... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Serene:

I will be more than happy to give you specifics...

Won't have time today though...off to get ready to go out...

Later..

Thank you . I would be interested in knowing what you did when he was at home and once he left, especially.

One of the things I struggle with is how do I act? Do I still tell him I love him? Do I still initiate affection and conversations? Do I tell him I want the M, though he already knows?

Yes..to all of the above because these all meet EMOTIONAL NEEDS..

I know. I admit that I have OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE TENDENCIES..so I met ALL OF THE NEEDS THAT HE WOULD ALLOW ME TO MEET..Check out the EN list..At times, I was unsuccessful..he would brush me off, seeming to be hostile..a lot of time, though, he was receptive to me..

What I have learned since Recovery, was that HE NOTICED AND REMEMBERED ALL THAT I WAS DOING...

During PLAN B, he began to MISS THE MIMI THAT I WAS DURING PLAN A...

In your question, you are asking about ADMIRATION, AFFECTION, CONVERSATION....IMPORTANT ENs....

Later....for specifics....

Your WH sounds alot like mine in terms of his primary ENs.

In regards to ADMIRATION, I've learned that my H wants to feel like he is "important". I did not know this prior to his A. I had neglected this need BIG TIME and it continues to be of primary importance to him. During PLAN A and even up to now, I make sure to say "THANK-YOU" or "I appreciate you or what you are doing, etc." I would think that a person could say this too much. This was something that I used to not do on a regular basis. But I say this almost incessantly and he seems to continue to crave this. You probably will not find it hard to find actions of his to express appreciation for...helping with your son...things in the past that he has done for you..

If you feel uncomfortable doing this much face to face and/or your time with him is limited, send him cards or letters. Call him on his voicemail and tell him how much you appreciate this or that.

Same with AFFECTION...send cards..express your love for him. Call him on his voicemail and say "I LOVE YOU" or "I just wanted to hear your voice". Touch him when you are talking to him. Kiss him on the cheek when saying goodbye or hello. Show and say how happy you are to see him and that you miss him.

I did a lot of SEDUCTIONS, too..which WERE EFFECTIVE...

Hasn't been a popular idea lately on this site...

Inviting him over...candles lit...etc...

I know that folks are not going to like for me to recommend this to you...

But, to be honest, it was an essential and necessary part of MY PLAN...

H had to know that I would and could take care of this department..