Maybe, but I guess I feel like I also have something to prove to him because of the way I acted in Mexico I do feel like I betrayed his trust a bit and that only I have the power to prove that I can be trusted. He says he doesn't trust me, so I figure if I leave his dang phone alone, it should prove something to him

I know he has a lot more to prove to me, but he says he has got to get all the anger out of him before he can do anything.

God Gosh - what in the world am I doing?

Alison, there is nothing I or anyone can do if you CHOOSE to allow your emotions to run riot. Your emotions are your own worst enemy and they ARE NOT HELPING YOU. You must calm down and be strategic if you want to help yourself.

Don't tell me you can't control them either. If the Prime Minister of England were in your living room, would you be bouncing off the walls? You CHOOSE to act on your emotions.

huh?? He is having an affair and YOU can't be trusted? Alison? Please.

Alison, you need to just hire a PI or follow him yourself and get the goods on his affair. That will put an end to all this. I think your lack of evidence has allowed him to exploit your uncertainty and you are allowing him to use that uncertainity as a weapon against you.


But in the meantime, you have to stop reacting to your emotions. Something is going on here and your instincts are giving you RED FLAGS and driving you crazy. And not getting the goods is only making you think you are crazy.

Okay - that makes sense. It is not that I get angry any more when I speak to him about my concerns. I am very calm and to the point. I want to be heard and I will not be holding anything back. I don't mean that I will lose it and scream (I am finished screaming).

He got upset, not me. He got emotional, not me. I was stating the facts and he got defensive.

Maybe I don't get the whole controlling emotions thing. Does that mean I can't say what I feel? Or does that mean I can say it with dignity and grace?? Seriously confused..

Melody - does you H come onto MB at all? I wonder what his opinion would be since he was in my H's shoes??

Then why did you tell me you couldn't control your emotions? What you did was perfectly ok. Just because he doesn't like what you ask does not mean it is wrong. You were perfectly correct.

Are you snooping on him in every way you can? Because I sure hope that you are. You NEED TO BE.

Melody - first of all thank you for taking your time to try to help a woman who is stubborn as heck and confused as heL*...

What you say makes so much darn sense. Do you know of a good PI for a reasonable price. The one I used to get her cell phone bill charges 600.00 for 5 hours, but this is difficult because I really do not know when I could catch him.

My H doesn't come here and he was never in these shoes. When I found out about the affair, I kicked him out because I was not interested in keeping him. We are back together, though.

Please tell me what else I can do? I would love to put the voice recorder system into his car, but I am scared that he will find it. I only have access to his car on the weekends so that leaves 5 days for him to find it and kill me.

Figure out the most likely time that he would be with her. Perhaps on a weekend night she is spending the night? Ask the PI to stake him out on a high potential night.,

You really do need to get ahold of the OWH and compare notes. He may have more information that could be helpful. And stop letting your H use your guilt at accusing him as a weapon against you. He has you right where he wants you, where you feel like a nut for not trusting him and are scared to check up on him. He is manipulating you.

Melody, May I ask why/how/when he came back?

I feel like I should just throw up my arms and say - "I am finished letting myself be treated this way". Because truthfully, I am not 100% sure I want to be with him. I think I am fighting so hard is because of DD. If she weren't in the picture I would kick his as* to the curb - no one, especially his wife and mother of his DD should be treated this way.

You can stop being scared. You have every right to snoop on him. You have every reason to suspect an affair and have an obligation to protect yourself. Just hide it well.

Does he have a computer at home that he might communicate on>?

My situation is completely different from yours. I had been married for 4 months and had no children with him. You DO. If he was a good man before this all happened, then you should strongly consider trying to save it. Especially for your baby.

Mine asked to come back and go to counseling with me. I decided to go to counseling with him a couple of times so I could say ":I tried" when I dumped him. And here we are 5 years later in a wonderful marriage.

He doesn't have internet at his apartment. Plus he changed all his passwords.

I could stake him out this Wednesday, he has a dinner meeting with his work and I think she will be there. I can find out more info, but I feel like this would be wasting my money since she has to go home to her kids. I know he has no one to go home to, but she does.

I really do know that he is manipulating me. I have tried to scare him by asking him that if he was having and A with a coworker, would it jeopardise their careers? He asked me if I was threatening him. I said no, but I was just wondering.

I asked if I could call Traci and speak to her about all this and he said why would you want to bring in another person into our problems. again - he says he tells her nothing of our situation. Supposedly she doesn't even know he has an apartment.??

I wouldn't stake out a dinner meeting, that can easily be explained. Pick another night that he is most likely to go out and she might get a babysitter.

Don't ask him this stuff anymore, Alison. Don't even ACT suspicious. Just get the goods and then launch the exposure nuke.

Put a wire in his car and search the car for another cell phone. He is not using his own cell anymore to call her, so he probably has a secret phone hidden somewhere. Don't get caught!

Can you get into his apartment and tap his phone? Does he have a phone?

He doesn't have another cell phone. He is too much of an idiot for that. He has already been caught. He told me that if I looked at his phone I would see that he called her on friday and I believe that.
I do know this woman talks a lot and that literally everyone knows of her marital problems. She even told me about them when I met her 2 days before. I just want to ask her to leave my H alone and work on her own sh*t. I want to soeak to this woman. I want to go to her office and calmly speak to her, I don't care about the consequences any more - what do I have to lose - an As*whole H...

No phone or internet at his place yet. Wish I could tap that evil cell phone..

Don't be your own worst enemy, Alison. You can cause her much more harm by being calm and strategic. If you go off half cocked they can dismiss you as a jealous nut. Is that what you want?

Get the goods on them, that is your mission. And then we launch the exposure nuke.

Oh No - they already think I am a nut anyway because of what I did in Mexico. But I would go in there being crazy. i would seriously very calmly go in there and just ask her what is going on between her and my H.

I have a right to know as his wife and she has a obligation to tell me as a woman. But she is a cold hearted B*tch, I know that... If she truly wants him, I think i could be willing to give him to her, but I have just got to now the truth.