So sorry that you find yourself here. My heart goes out to you.

My question is this...why are you being restricted to staying in Texas as part of the D agreement?

You need your family around you.
It is obvious that staying in Texas will not guarantee involvement or help from WH with his sons. If you have been documenting everything, it should be clear enough to a judge that this is the case.

Please do not restrict yourself in this way. You may find yourself going back to court at some point to change this, so why not take care of it now.

I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but what does your lawyer say about this?

Good luck to you.

{{{{InTexas}}}}

I am just reading up on your post and I am speechless. Please do not accomodate your WH in any way to make his meeting this gift from God any "easier" on him. If he cannot put forth the effort to meet his newborn son because he is ashamed, then so be it. Enough about him.

Might I suggest that you tell your OBGYN what is going on with you. It is important for them to know so that they can provide you with what you need for yourself and your newborn. Please confide in a friend or coworker who can babysit your children and stock your freezer. I know it is hard to reach out, but please please please do so. Most people are really so kind and want to give, but they need to know how. Believe me, they would rush to your side to help.

Don't worry about anything right now. Give yourself a month to check out from the marital situation and just enjoy your new baby boy. You will be experiencing the miracle of life and I want you to feel good about it with all your heart and soul.

I want everyone that reads this to send you positive, loving energy. We will be with you when you have your baby.

{{{{inTexas}}}}

Texas,

Is there anything you need for this new baby?

Wow--thanks for all the kind thoughts everyone. Maybe I'm needy right now, but it sure is nice to feel cared for--even by strangers!

As for the residency restrictions, there isn't much way around it. It was supposed to be the county I live in now, but I got it changed to TX. I really wouldn't take the boys away from their dad. My prayer is that one day he will be the father he is supposed to be--and luckily they are so young--so he has some time to do some growing up.

Shattered--I really do have lots of support from friends. It's just not the same as having someone with you when you're about to give birth. My WH is truly the last person I want to see right now, but I wish there was someone "here" all the time. My mom will be here soon, but informed me she will be here for 2 weeks only! Ugh! The baby might not be born for that long if I go past due.
And thank you for asking if I need anything. I am on my third boy, and am well stocked with all the necessities of baby boy care. I feel like a pro! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

On a side note, my WH called today wanting to know if he can have the points we have saved up on the GM card to use toward the purchase of a new vehicle once the D is final. I think that's a gutsy request. He is thinking (again) only of himself--getting himself a new car, etc. If he had ANY second thoughts in the area of divorce, he wouldn't be making such future plans. He is calling around to dealerships and everything. Selfish. Selfish. Selfish!!!

Well, that's the way they are. Might as well get used to it. But I think you can see that he is feather-plucking out of his mind. The rest of us are CRINGING at his actions and lack of care.

I just love the wording of that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I might need to use that one someday!

I think I am getting used to it--I didn't say yes immediately. That's a big change for me!

Also, don't give up hope just because of his making plans and things he says. Yes, HE doesn't think he would come back to the marriage & family right now. If he DID, he wouldn't be rushing headlong into this idiocy!

My FWH leased a new car we couldn't afford at the height of his A, thinking OW would be taking care of all his financial needs etc... stupid with zeroes on the end as Dave Ramsey says... well, needless to say even though I disagreed with leasing the car at that time and we were separated, it's parked right next to my van in the garage right now and the payments come out of OUR joint checking account monthly.

You just can't take any indication from things he says or does right now about what he might be thinking or doing in 6 months from now...

MSA

she's right...they totally freak out during the A's.

are you registered anywhere for baby gifts? we'd like to know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

could have a virtual shower!

you need perking up...heck so do I for that matter.

when I get time I will post to yu about what darth did during early days of our divorce when he wanted a new vehicle and WHAT HE DID AND WHO HE SCREWED OVER TO GET IT...and ruined my credit in process...courts fought it...we did...judge signed...and still couldn't protect my credit from the wayward idiot!

a virtual shower is a great idea. Target, Toys r Us, and Walmsrt all have online shopping.

Hehe..thanks, but I really have EVERYTHING. Three boys, all close together, ya know! And, I have an Ebay business (well, I have taken the last four months off) where I would sell baby clothes, so this little man will be a stud for sure.
My other two are curly-headed blondies, so I am expecting this one to be the same. (Bald at birth, of course!) My WH is a flaring redhead, so I am really hoping Elliot doesn't have red hair.

I do need perking up, but just the suggestion has brought a smile to my face!

I go back to the doc on Thursday, and am SO hoping I dilated some Saturday during those 12 hours od pain, so she migh induce and let me give it a try without the C-section. My other boys were big (Oliver was 10.12) and she doesn't want me to have another one that big. I'm not a huge girl, just have big babies--she said it's in my genes!



I have always been in charge of the finances, so he will listen, I hope, when I advise him not to try and buy a car until after the D. He has a 67 mustang, mint, and he'll get the 99 paid off vehicle, and I'll get the Durango--with note, of course.

Well, this is off topic. But I saw the 67 Mustang thing. What does one run in Texas?

My WH and I bought his son a project car for his first. It was a 67 Mustang. We paid $2,000. for the car and various parts. My WH and son put it back together. It was FAR from mint condition.

Anyway, right after it was running, son got into a car accident. Another young man turned left in front of him and hit him head-on. The Mustang was totaled.

Imagine our surprise when the insurance company paid him $12,000. for the car!

I may have missed this part of your story, but what about your WH's parents. What must they think of his behavior? Are they supportive of you at all?

My WH's mom (his dad passed away) is supportive, but has never really been a warm woman to begin with. She hasn't spoken to him since he left me. (He says I took his family from him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> because I told them he left.) I think she is really embarrassed and shocked and blames herself. Honestly, I never liked her to begin with (not that anyone would know--I am very nonconfrontational) but am keeping in contact with her, and will continue to do so, for the boy's sake.

As for the Mustang, I am sure it is worth A LOT. It was originally his grandfather's, who passed away 2 years ago, and is really nice. I will not try to get it in the settlement out of respesct for the grandfather. My WH was always promised that car, and it means a great deal to him. I am not vicious, and can't do that to him.

Hi InTexas,

I really feel sorry for your situation.

I don't want to write anything unsupportive, but... I think you're been way too easy on your H.

Q : Which is more important to him, the Mustang, or his 3 boys?

Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your kids financially. You're a nice girl. You would never take advantage of anybody, but your H is not like that. He will take advangage of your "niceness". Get a lawyer, pay him one 67 Mustang for his efforts.

I'm curious why you never liked his Mom. Is she controlling, judgemental, a bore? Is she always giving you things with strings attached? Right now, it would be nice to like her - since she seems to be standing on the side of decency.

-AD

Excuse me for recalling this tidbit - WHY not let us pamper you with a virtual shower!!!

I LOVE that idea - and I know you say you have everything - but what about diapers (pampers, etc.). Or how about something for you? Are you going to breastfeed - maybe a new nursing gown, or some new fru-fru slippers for fun.

Let us do something for you - I think it would brighten the lives of many people here to do something!!!

OK - just my 2 cents - there is a lot of love here - I feel it everyday I log on.

Blessings - Jan

AD--I am not fond of her because she is just so cold. Never visits the kids when she is in town--only WH's sister's kids. She is just not a warm person--I am always doing, doing, doing for her--and not really getting the "love" reciprocated. Since my fam is so far away, I always tried to bond with them, but they, like WH, are so self-absorbed, it's hard to get in there and get them to be close to me.

I am nice to her--always have been and always will be. And I appreciate her on my side--just feel bad in a way that WH feels he has lost everyone. She won't even talk to him.

Jan--again, thanks for bringing it up. Like I said, just the idea peps me up. It is nice to feel cared for at a time like this. That is why I like this board. People don't know the power of their words on a total stranger.

Today was a hard day--darn it, they just never seem to be the same. I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment, but can't. UGH! Having a job everynight and the kids and the baby coming anyday and trying to get this house sold with realtors and repair men, etc..well, can I say what I am feeling? I want a break!!!!

Good news, though. The realtor called and is listing the house at 142,500! That is HUGE comapred to what we paid for it 7 months ago. (Like 40,000 more). We have improved it that much! Pray, pray, pray it sells quickly and for at least 135,000.
Financially, that will help with the debt we have. I'll still have a car note and studet loans (fun stuff), but will be better off. WH freakes--thought we should ask more. He has no idea about this stuff. (BTW, for people on either coasts and up north,this house is actually really nice. I know in other areas that much cash wouldn't get you as much home, but this place is 2140 sqft and really a charming home, walking distance from the lake--so if anyone wants to relocate--I'll give you a MB discount!!!) I LOVE this house, and am so saddened that I will never get to live in it, especially since it is so nice now. BUT, one day, i keep telling myself--God will give me another dream home.

Hey, I wanna buy that house. Here in Southern California you get a 900 sq. ft., 2 bdrm, 1 bath in the ghetto for $400,000.

I'll back you up on the fact that it must be a really nice house for that amount. I was stunned when I saw some on tv in CA and how much they cost - 10 times what we paid for ours and ours is bigger.

There are other houses, honey. One that will be a real home for your family.

You are going to be fine. You know, some have told you not to give up on the marriage. I think that is good advice. God is bigger than the OW and their illicit relationship.

Hang in there.

Come on to Texas, Believer.

400,000? B, make that more like 500 to 600,000. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Intexas, at the very least you can know that many strangers are praying for you and your family.