I think saying I want my husband there not OW's boyfriend.

I would let your doctor and the nurse's know the situation too. The nurse's will honor your wishes.

OK, I'll give my shtick again, even though I've done so on previous threads.

The custom of having the father in the delivery room is a new-fangled one. It goes back to the sixties and seventies. In most cultures, men are barred from the delivery room. It's considered a women's thing.

My own father was in the waiting room for the delivery of all five of his kids. He didn't have any "bonding" problems with any of us. Many men nowadays are there for the delivery -- and still leave their wives and kids. These are issues of character -- not dependent on whether they were there or not for delivery.

That's for some historical context.

We've had a lot of posts where the WH was leaving the delivery room to call and reassure the OW. Or leaving the delivery room, after holding his newborn child, and then going to tell OW about it and spend the night with her.

On the "table," you will be very vulnerable and exposed -- more so than at any moment in your life, most probably. I wouldn't want anyone there I didn't trust.

What I'd like to see everyone move beyond is the idea that this is theatre, with you and baby having the starring role. It's not. It's a traumatic physical event that can end with a death, and often involves pain, screaming, and (in my case, anyway) vomiting. Sure, it's ecstatic when the baby is born. But it's not showtime. And it's not to be used as a trick to manipulate the WH into recommitting to the marriage -- although there are stories out there of that kind, and I applaud them.

Emotionally, you want this to be a joyful occasion, unmixed with the trauma of adultery and betrayal.


POSTSCRIPT: I wouldn't dangle this as a possibility for him, depending on whether he does or does not end the A, see OW afterwards, call to give her the news about how it all went. Be firm, be strong -- the only thing that matters, believe me, is the health and well-being of you and the baby.

{{{{{{InTexas}}}}}}}}}

Oh boy Texas that's a tough one. Let me give you my 2 thoughts on this for you to throw around and then throw out the window if you want to.

1. As this is very last minute, I am not prepared to have you in the delivery room with me. It is too stressful for me emotionally and I need all my strength and focus for the birth of our child.

Let the labor nurses know the situation and they can handle WH for you if you'd like.

2. Is there any chance you will change your mind and want him there? Maybe you could leave the door open for YOU to change your mind.

Has he given you any indication as to why he wants to be there? Is there any chance he is having second thoughts? Remember how he was asking you out about your mother? He was probably trying to figure out how she would feel if he was there for the birth.

Texas, I will be thinking of you tonight and sending you prayers and positive energy. After you have made your decision, release yourself from it. You will be okay and you have lots of people here supporting you. God bless you.

Maybe you can post a link on your thread for the newborn pictures! We'd love to see them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
S.

I seem to be a little behind or missed a page. I didn't see any responses when I was preparing my reply.

You have been given lots of good advice. Do what is best for YOU and don't worry about him.

Well thanks to everyone. I texted him back, saying
"Honestly WH, i would rather you weren't."

That was all and he did not reply.

I would never use this as a ploy or attempt to "get him back."
He told me once that if I was having a girl, he would have came back right away. See, everything is nonsense and I just want it to stop.

I think he is asking because he realizes how bad he looks. It has nothing to do with me. The sole fact that he is asking hours before I go in shows it is about him. He left when I was 17 weeks along. I've done all this pregnancy without him. He has offered no emotional support whatsoever--only guilt, manipulation, cruelty, betrayal, etc.

I have to see him in a few hours when he comes LATE to get the boys for the night, and I so don't want to. It is horrible to say, but he is no longer a source of comfort for me.

I will try to link a few photos of little man once I get back home. I might need some help from more computer savvy MB's.

Thanks again to everyone.

My goodness, intexas, I have to congratulate you on your good sense. Your 7-word note says it all, and doesn't offer any room for argument. (He can hardly write back and say, "Oh yes, you would!") Wish I had the same succinctness and dignity.

Intexas, you're in my thoughts and prayers right now. You're a heck of a woman. What a stupid man to not see what he's had.

love prayers and hugs to you in texas....

we love ya and are supportive!

am totally amazed at the audacity and crass of your wh...his excitement over getting a puppy? what a puppy? he's about to be a dad...and the ow being a vet? you're a mom. jeez louise this man is fogged out.

and it will crash down on him...when people, his friends, ask him "how was it? how big was the baby? is your w ok?" he will have NO answer at all b/c he was not present b/c he ws not a husband.

He will get it though. and it will just maybe break thru fog.

you need a harsh plan b for the man immediately after giving birth...please please please do not let ow around these dear babies of yours.

i am totally sickened a man can do this.

but here's mys tory...I had preeclampsia...and very very bad. was in hospital nine days. my xh stayed at hospital. went into the emergency csection with me. almost passed out. and I was very very sick...bp in stroke zone for several days before having ds.

and he still walked out on us.

and he was there for the birth...i still find it hard to refer to the man as a dad after this.

In texas,
My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight, as I think about you going into this alone. But after you've been hurt so much, alone is so much better than a traitor in your midst. Also, heidi and any other ladies who are expecting, you're not alone!! Wishing you all the best tmr, texas...

Well, hopefully I'll be a "heck of a woman" tomorrow when i am pushing little man out. My first labor was horrible b/c of the severe preeclampsia. My second delivery I had a 10lb 12oz baby, and had a shoulder displacia (sp?) and this one HAS to be easier!


Well, I am not letting him take the baby for awhile. THe D papers say not for 18months overnight. He has told me that he wants the kids to get to know her now, since they are so young and can bond easier. Mama bear came out of me at that moment--that is why I pray DAILY that they break up.

He did actually ask me to have the baby on a bottle by FRIDAY so he can take him for a little while. HECK NO! I will breastfeed anyway, so luckily I can limit long visits for a little while.

The D is supposed to be final Feb. 10. Looks like it is being delayed more cinve my lawyer did a general denial. SO we will see.

Wh will be here soon to get the boys for the night. UGh. I just keep telling myself to be strong.

Good grief! By FRIDAY???? Did you laugh?

Are you sure I can't come by there and shake a little sense into that alien?

Tell him no bottles. That would cause nipple ocnfusion. So, too dang bad.

We're all praying for you and your family.

AD:

Why don't you relieve yourself of some of the guilt of saying/thinking something so "wrong" and put it on me. I would be more than happy to take all the credit for thinking/saying this.

What I wouldn't do to have this man roll in my ED one night after a bar fight/DUI/etc....yeah, he'd get treated, but he's also get NO ANESTHESIA...he'd get a foley cathether placed (traumatically unfortunately <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />), a rectal tube (NO KY JELLY), an exploratory laporatomy (cutting open his gut) to make sure everything is "ok", and then for good measure we'd put him on a ventilator to let him "rest his lungs" and at the same time paralyze him pharmacologically WITHOUT sedating him.........maybe that will teach the little bugger.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, I am going to he**.....that's ok folks...I am more than happy to say what some of you are all thinking.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

intexas,
Godspeed...

MSA

You're in my prayers, intexas.

Give the baby a kiss from us MB'ers!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I'm with Lemonman. I can picture him doing the Las Vegas wave.
Lemon I used to see The Meadow quite often. Very nice guy.
It was kind of sad to hear he passed away.

Thinking about you tonight intexas with lots of prayers!

{{{{intexas}}}}}}}

I think pretty much all L&D departments these days are locked units. If you tell your nurse, during your admission questions, that you want him kept out, it then becomes the responsibility of the hospital staff to implement your wishes. He will be stopped at the door, if he shows up, and no unpleasantness will make it to your bedside. Whatever unpleasantness there is will be dealt with by the nurses, or security if necessary. You could also choose to be a DNP (do not publish), in which case the hospital won't admit to anyone that you're even there. If that sounds like it might be appealing, ask the admitting clerk for more details.

I did this just the other night when there were 2 people claiming to be the father of the baby. I had one in the room with the patient as she delivered, and another outside the locked door, with his family, making a ruckus. I never got involved in it at all, nor did it make it to the patient's room. I simply told the other nurses to call security and continued with my delivery. The people on the outside were irate--and VERY loud--but I didn't have to care because someone else took care of it and left my patient's room very peaceful. Well, as peaceful as it could get while someone is expelling a bowling ball from her personal body. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Let the hospital staff do the heavy lifting for you on this. It's one of the reasons they're there. Good luck.

t&l

When did he pass away? I thought he was still kicking away or should I say golfing away in his post Bball days.

Lem

Well, I'm off to bed everyone and will not be around for a day or two.
Thanks for ALL the encouragement and support.
Wh picked them up, and it went okay. An hour before, he called and tried to get me all emotional. I admit, I cried, but am glad it's over. Tomorrow, when he brings the boys AFTER baby is born, will be tough, too. But I can get through this.

Again, thanks.
Next post I'll have three boys. Oh my!

p.s. Lem and A.D and others...you sound JUST like my mom. (hehehe)