OH JL --- Thank you so much for replying. Your insight is priceless. I so wanted to hear from a man on this issue (no offense spin, I think he gave up on me, story of my life ). I do understand and agree with alot you have said.

I like to think that maybe now he is thinking with his "big" head and not the other. Makes sense. He does tell me that he loves me for what is on the inside and not the outside. Not to confuse it with that he doesn't think I am physically attractive. He does. It is just the sex with me he is not crazy about.

I also agree that he is probably in withdraw from OW. Recently on the truck (he drives OTR) I woke up to see him crying and this man does not cry easy that is for sure. I kindly asked what was wrong. He said - everything is fine (his pat response) it is just going to take some time!! Like he was crying over losing her. Nothing else was said.

Funny (you know) you should mention your W not lusting you. My best friend in RL, she is in her late 50's, told me recently that if she told her H that she lusted him - he would have a heart attack !!! I tell my WH this almost every other day.

I have been with WH for almost 10 yrs. I was married before that for over 25 yrs. And that M was the exact opposite of this M. In every way. I purposedly sought out someone opposite of my X. But, my X would stand on his head to please me in bed, he lusted me every single day. Me - could care less about him or his SF. I wonder if this has anything to do with my current problems. My WH knows all about my previous M and says I was spoiled.

Thanks so much for answering me. You have given me alot to think about. I really appreciate it.

Now I must go and watch the football game - geesh sex and football, I can't be all bad !!!

Thanks again JL.

Best regards - carnation

I guess all people are different.

My H and I have been married for 30 years and we lust after each other again.

I never stopped LUSTING after my H..just didn't show him how my heart was beating every time that he walked into the room.

HE HATED IT THAT I STARTED SEEING HIM AS A PAYCHECK and a HOUSEKEEPER, thinking I took him for granted...has been thankful that the passion is back...

It has really helped me feel better as a 50 plus year old woman to feel and act sexy again...

I WOULD SAY TO MAKE SURE TO GET RID OF THE FLANNEL PJs...much to hot in my house for those...

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Mimi - I feel exactly the same way about my WH. When he walks into the room I get butterflies inside. Always.

I only wish he felt the same way. I do not think you can start feeling something like that that you have never felt for that person. Hopefully I am wrong on this.

Is the butterfly feeling inside of me - lust, chemistry - in love - undescribable ??? I do feel all of those for my WH. Maybe I should not over analyze this and be happy for what I have.

Maybe I should just get some new lingerie and give it a go. thanks so much for replying.

Best regards - Carnation from Texas as in National Champions !!

Carnation;

Told you I'd take a look and I am following through. It seems you've gotten plenty of replies. I did read your initial post early in the week and did not reply. I did discuss it with my wife though on our ride back to Detroit.

My short take is ... one must believe themselves to be lustable before they become lusted. His words only have power over you if you believe yourself to be unlustable. Ask him the question again and again in bed...make him wait to "finish" until he tells you how much he lusts you.

Years ago I had a partner at the law firm I worked out tell me I should consider another field of work because he did not think I was a good attorney...I just smiled at him and thanked him for his opinion. I was a young, new attorney but fortunately had the confidence not to take his ONE opinion to heart.

I liked the posts above that talked about this being his problem. What husband tells his wife she's not lustable? His is being mean and keeping you at a distance. It might be he has serious intimacy issues - duh! 5 marriages.

In conclusion, do not accept nor allow his assertion that he does not lust you to have any effect on you and behave as if he does and he should. You only control yourself and your reaction to any situation in your marriage.

Your mantra - Act, Don't React

Mr. Wondering

Mr. Wondering - Thank you so very much for replying. And actually taking the time to talk with your W about my situation. So very nice of you.

I hate to beat a dead horse here, but just the way that he said it - It really hurts me but I do not lust you. I believe that that is how he really feels. He does not want to hurt me, this I know. Although his actions say another thing sometimes. And, his actions do say that he just does not lust me. Certainly as I lust him.

Yes, he is being mean by saying that and yes, he does or did seem to have intimacy issues. But, I thought his deep love for me could change all of that.

Wise of you to realize young in your career that you WERE going to be a good attorney. But, in your heart and mind, you knew you had what it would take to be a very good atty. Me ?? Not too confident. My experience presedes me. Oh, I have the drive, but just not the driver !! lol

Thanks again so very much in taking your valuable time to try to help me. I so appreciate it.

Best regards - carnation