Not the most expert here, but here's what I would do:

Let him ome over; he is YOUR husband, after all. He belongs with you. Do Plan A. Look your best. Consider how crazy it's driving ow to know he's back with you, even only for the evening.

Do find out if he was with the male friend, as he claims. What is the way? Are you sure it's for real? I like this, as it keeps the pressure on, exposing even to your H what a sleazy mess he's created.

How to act toward him? Stay calm, in control. No crying (I know, so hard). Let him initiate the discussions, but first, read up on the threads here on "Fog talk". You can do a search. It's good to know how to reply/respond.

Consider: If he's in the process of trying to break it off, EA or PA, he's going to start to be in WD.

You have to call OWH today. You have the strength. Do not let this go. It will make everything harder.

I just remembered. If he was hanging oug out and place #2 having drinks and dinner with his friend, then why weren't the drinks on his bill?? And if they got there at 8pm, why would he just be eating at 930? He is so busted and such a liar...

OKAY - that being said, What do I do with the info that I have. Do I just file it away and keep getting more?? It is going to kill me to keep this all inside, but I am going to do it...

I think for now, you file it away. It's good you thought of that.

You will know when it's time to let him have it with both barrels. For now, if he tries to make you feel unsure of things, just calmly say you KNOW he's having an A. And you can ask when, for the sake of your marriage, family, daughter, his reputation, his feeling of dignity and self worth is he going to end it?

Oh gosh, Do I call OWH today. I would like to call their home, but I cannot block my number. I think I can figure out his cell number based on her cell phone records.

I am going to call my source to see if she can help me confirm last nights dinner with guys friend...

Allison:

Why are you saying this? In order for you to RECOVER your marriage, which is definitely possible, it is ESSENTIAL for you to do PLAN A.



YES!! Invite him over for wine and continue with PLAN A!! No lovebusting, no demands, no whining and pleading. Tell him that you are FIGHTING for your marriage. Work on meeting his primary ENS. PLAN A!!!!

Also, it is essential to continue EXPOSURE which means calling the OWH's. Why not do this and do this today?

As we have said before, this is a FIGHT for your MARRIAGE. A FIGHT WHICH YOU ARE WINNING!! YOU HAVE A PLAN! HE DOES NOT!!!


I think you need to proceed with DEFINITE EXPOSURE, catching him in the act. You are onto him and need to proceed with this.

Affairs do not last long after being brought to the LIGHT OF DAY...

okay - well, I just had the nerve to call OWH, but he did not answer his cell phone, but at least I know that it is his... I am on my way...

Do you think at this point I should just call the guy he was supposed to be with last night? He may cover, but wouldn't that be part of my exposure??

My strength is lessening by the minute..

Stay strong. You are winning.

You indicated there was another way to verify; I would do that first. Then, as it would be incontrvertable, call the male friend. You will know if your H has included him in his little web of deceit.

Good for you for calling the owH. Keep trying.

Do not lose heart. You are going to vacillate; it's normal. Think of your pregnancy; for nine months you were focused on a goal - a healthy child. This time it's saving your marriage; give it all you've got without wavering for at least 2 years (that's how long the "experts" say Recovery takes). First step: busting the A wide open.

Now is not the time to start losing your strength. You did a great job last night. I could have predicted that he would be nice today. He knows he's been caught, just doesn't know what you will do next.

So run this by me. You do have evidence from the cell phone that the OW and your husband have been talking a lot, correct? You also probably broke up their plans for last night.

Do you have any other evidence?

The reason I ask, is all that you need is enough for you to know that their is an affair. Then you can let the OW's husband know. They might not even be seperated. That happens a lot around here.

I found out that WH had a secret cell phone, got copies of the hotel bills (they went during the day when he was supposed to be at work), and he STILL denied everything. He said he went to the hotel to "think". Haha.

I finally caught them at his house in bed boinking. He continued to lie and deny.

So you may not get the perfect evidence, and if you do, your husband may attempt to "explain" it.

Should I just go ahead and leave OWH a message on his phone to call me back or should I just keep trying to get him in person. I am not sure I want to have me recorded on anything...

Alison - We posted at the same time.

Try a few more times without leaving a message. I would hate for owH to ask ow why you left a message - giving away some of the element of surprise.

Is there any way you can find out where he works?

what does that mean?? Am I not going to see what you wrote??

I cannot find out where he works. It's at some liquor store and I do not know which one...

I think I messed up cuz I have called twice now and so that means he has 2 unknown calls from my home number.

He could ask his wife if she knows the number, she will ask my H, then I am busted - no element of surprise...

SHOOT!! What to do!!

I asked you some questions above. Just curious.

Okay, since you have done the calling, you need to leave a message. Tell him that you would appreciate a moment of his time, and a call. Let him know that you have concerns about his wife and your husband, and would like to discuss it.

What if he calls his wife right away???

I will go reply to your questions..

I know this may seem silly, but can you call some liquor stores? Within a few miles radius of their home?

Yes, I have evidence from the cells phones regarding many long phone calls and at wierd times.

Other evidence: a text message that I saw from him to her saying, "I miss you baby" - he said that was an inside joke. And then the evidence from last night.

I am sure I did mess up their plans, but I believe that when he left here, he went right back to her...