Don't believe that he is stronger than you...

He is a DRUG ADDICT, panicking over the fear of losing his drug source...

You are the sane one here....

He is IN A PANIC...A SHEEP IN WOLF'S CLOTHING!!!

Now we're on familiar territory again. When exposed they all say that this is the last straw, they are filing for divorce, they were going to try to work on the marriage, but now they're not, how could you, it's none of your business, why are you trying to hurt the other person and their family, you are crazy, they will never trust you again, blah, blah, blah.

You hold all of the cards now. OW and her husband may still stay married. It happens all of the time.

The affair is DOOMED.

Now try to calm down and relax. Let's get a plan for you.

I wouldn't give him any money right now. Tell him you are too shaken by news of the video tape to talk sensibly right now.

I agree with Believer:

Do not give him any money right now. Change the passwords on the account. This is so upsetting to you, but be strong.

On the way to the bank will tell you what lawyer said when I get back!!!

My goodness. Alison is sure keeping busy. I have a lot of confidence in her. Maybe while she's at the bank, we can develop a plan.

Well, for one thing, she needs to be firm that she is only interested in talking about saving the marriage. No D talk.

I think it is good that she checks with her attorney and protects herself and her daughter. But I agree, no D talk.

I also think she might as well expose to his parents that his, ahem, "friendship" with the OW is breaking up her family and the OW's family. Her husband is angry anyway, so might as well.

Then I would like to see her sit back and wait for a bit, to see if any heads roll.

Of course, they work together too. So that needs to change.

Gag order...good grief...I haven't heard the phrase "gag order" since the OJ trial. That's laughable. Makes ME want to gag!

She also needs to expose to their employer.

so, should she expose to their employer? I am asking because I don't know. I never had to expose.

oh, jph, sorry. Just saw your post that said to expose to employer.

My XH exposed himself!...Wait, that didn't sound right!

Well, you know what I mean!

I'm sure he did that, too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Yeah...Infact, I KNOW he did!!

Wow, what a breakneck speed thread! I just went through it.
I'm not clear about the gag order either.
Is your H threatening you with a gag order?
I really don't believe a judge would issue one if so.
Nor do I believe your H "is filing" for divorce.
He's spewing, spouting and venting. And running scared.

You are a defenseless abandoned wife and mother of a baby. Never mind what the law says about your joint funds. Possession is 9/10 of the law, and you have to be responsible for the welfare of both you and the baby. The money can be sorted out later ... the money is for your "war chest". You need to lay in provisions and protect your assets because your WH is pretty insane right now.

You're doing great. You are defending and fighting for your family, with formidable advice and allies here on MB.

Oh, and when your H calls you dirty names? Neutral, gentle tone say "thank you" as if it is a compliment. Completely flummoxes them.

Yep - breakneck speed. Alison doesn't sit around and stew about things too long. She's a woman of action.

Ok _ am back. Took him the check. he wasn't wearing his ring - shocker...

He told me that he did file for D. I said that is fine. But I can't discuss it with you, you will have to talk to my lawyer.

Guys he still said he NEVER cheated on me. OWH told her everything I said and I told him nothing of what OWH said. That is not fair - what should I do??

So he just emailed me this...

"I will only have my attorney send a copy directly to yours and if she wishes to give you a copy, that's her choice.
Our communication from now on will only be in matters regarding DD"


Guys - help. not sure what to do and gosh darn it, did anyone ever feel like, "why and I wanting to save my marriage with this man who betrays us and lies to us?"

Standard line...


My FWH said he wasn't cheating when I caught him at the motel in his boxers....



I understand you saying this BUT..why did you say this?

You can undo that statement by letting him know that YOU DO NOT WANT A DIVORCE...because there's a good chance that he HAS NOT FILED for divorce..

Alison, he is trying to stop you from exposing the affair by scaring you. Your only hope is to bust up the affair by exposing it. WE have told you this. You must move forward and get this done NOW. Get it done while he is still angry about the OMW so you won't just make him mad all over again next weekk. Call the OWH back and see if he will give you the evidence. Then call your H's parents and employers and expose the affair.

Your H will be furious, but that is ok. Exposure will kill or hasten the death of the affair. And that is your job. To kill the affair. That is the only hope for your marriage.

Yep, tell his parents what the OWH said to you. Ask your lawyer to contact OWH's lawyaer for the copy of the videotape that they have-- the OW will realize she's going to be named in court by YOU and oooo boy, that will rock her world.

Don't listen to a single word your wayward husband is saying- its all stupidity and hatefulness. He's hoping to keep you in your place with threats because I bet its worked before!