Guys, I am really scared. I am not sure right now. This is not the man I know... He is being very mean and ugly. He did say that I have ruined two families now, and I calmly said I think it may have been you and OW that busted up 2 families, not me.

LORD give me strength to know what to do right now...

Alison, move forward and do not let him scare you into stopping. You are interfering in his affair and that is why is so mad. However, it is YOUR JOB to interfere in his affair. You will RUIN his affair if you call and expose it. MOVE FORWARD and do not let your fear stop you.

And of course you know its silly to say that you have "ruined 2 families." His AFFAIR has ruined 2 families. NOW, GO AND RUIN HIS AFFAIR!

Listen to us. Believe us.

Your WH is the TYPICAL WH...

He WILL NOT BE HIMSELF until he stops having contact with the OW..

He is panicking and raging because his affair is being exposed and busted...

YOU CAN DO THIS, ALLISON..

YOU ARE DOING GREAT...

TRY NOT TO LET HIM GET YOU OFF TRACK BY HIS BULLYING.....

My FWH did the exact same stuff...He will eventually calm down like the others are saying...

Alison -

Put on your HAT OF IMAGINATION for just a minute and pretend the doorbell just rang. Go to the door. Look! It's Fluke at your doorstep. He smiles and then pulls out a giant cartoon Mickey Mouse glove and slaps you. Little birds fly around your head. When you come back to your senses you realize you are now in complete control of your emotions and can once again breathe deeply and play a mean game of strategy. Then he leaves. His job well done. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

You have a choice. Get stressed and imobilized by each statement he makes or become someone to respect and fear. Yes, I said FEAR. He!! hath no fury like a spouse whose been manipultaed - once they wake up that is. Now you're awake. Plan your next move. Put your emotions in a little box in your mind each time they well up. Deal with them AFTER each confrontation - not before or during. I'm not being cold or insensitive to your situation - heck, we're a lot alike. I panicked at every turn. I had to learn the hard way not to. I want you to hopefully learn how to step outside your heart long enough to take care of business the right way during each confrontation.

That's why this board is so helpful. There are good people here to coach you who have walked your walk and who KNOW each mistake that cost them ground in this battle. Keep going girl. You're getting there. Practice putting away the emotions when you have to. When the situation has passed - go in your bedroom and scream and bawl in your pillow. Then get up - wash your face - and pray that Fluke doesn't come back with that 2000 lb. anvil he saw on Tom and Jerry last night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

You WILL be OK on the other side of this. This too shall pass.

Be well.

Just got this email from him, "Not sure if you already have, but please do not speak to my parents about this. I will tell them everything. "

What should I do???

FLUKE:

Were you at my house watching me right after D-Day...

YOU'VE GOT A MAJOR PART OF THE ANSWER for Alison right now...

Um...call them now so they can know the TRUTH. Start exposing. EXTERMINATE the affair. Burn off the fog. Kill the aliens that have taken over your husbands body. GO GET 'EM!

Haha - Listen to Flukeboy.

Alison - So I said he would say how could you hurt the OW and her family, and he actually said that you have ruined 2 families.

How do you think we all knew ahead of time what he would say? BECAUSE THEY ALL SAY AND DO THE SAME THINGS WHEN EXPOSED.

Like Mel said, now that he is mad, might as well finish the exposure.

The OW's husband has the transcript of the video. If it was innocent why wouldn't he let you know that? Because it wasn't innocent and he doesn't want you to be hurt more.

CALL HIS PARENTS LIKE WE TOLD YOU! NOW! Do it before he calls them up and spins the story with you starring as the paranoid jealous nut. Tell them that OWH has actual pictures at his attorneys office and plans to use them in a divorce action.

Alison, please stop with this indecision and call before you lose your leverage.

Courage, Alison, Courage.

You can do this.

Call his parents.

Call before he does.

Yes, call his parents before he does. You know he will try to make you look bad anyway...as if it's all your fault. Unlikely he will tell anything but lies or spin.

*Hello?
ACME Anvil Company?
Yes, do you deliver?
Good, I'd like to place a rush order.
Um...2000 lbs should do.
Can you expedite my order?
Fantastic. Thank you. I'll watch for the truck.*

Aaaalison.....get on the phone. CALL THEM. GO. BE STRONG!

My H doesn't know I know about the video. What in the world would I tell his parents...

Allison,

Obviously the idea of his parents finding out is scaring your WH.

Call them, go over to their house with your DD in tow, and tell them EVERYTHING; leave out no details. Take the charge/cel/txt records with you. Talk about the video. Emphasize that you want to save your M.

Do it right away before he gets the chance to smear you. He's working on it right now.

Tell them that the OWH is filing for divorce and naming your husband. Tell them OWH has video proof of the affair.

Tell them you are fighting for this marriage and want them in YOUR corner.

spoke to my attorney and she said not to do iy...

I think it's OK if he finds out you know about the video through his parents; I think it's better than if you tell him yourself. Let his mother tell him, while she's yelling her head off.

what is iy?

A word about attorneys:

They are experts at protecting your interests in a D; they care not at all about saving your M.

I am glad you went to the attorney; just understand you are only going to get advice on how to protect your assets/interest on D/custody/settlement matters.

On the matter of breaking up the Aand saving your M, you are far better off here, or counseling with the Harleys.

Okay, then do what your attorney says. Take a break.

I know you think that this is the end, but it probably isn't even close to it.

OW may scramble to get her marriage back and completely DUMP your husband. Her husband says he doesn't want the marriage, but things change.

It seems like you have caught this affair fairly early, and that is to your advantage. Since she has 2 children, OW will most likely try to hang onto her husband.

Now you will need to read up on Plan A. It is all about showing your husband what a great wife you can be. No angry outbursts, no disrespectful judgements.

Give yourself credit for being very strong. YOU are sticking up for your family.