Well...he's going to know tomorrow morning (or whenever he goes back to work) that you did not expose at work, right? I'm not sure what you're trying to say about just saying you did expose. Is a threat of value if you don't follow through?

Hubby will get a job somewhere. There are only a couple of jobs in the world that have no equivalents in other companies, localities. I don't think your mom should be that concerned but maybe there's something I don't know.

You should not trust your H! On the other hand, the OWH is not a known liar. And yes, you should call him!

When your husband finds out at work tomorrow that you did not expose, he will think all you are doing is bluffing. You are going to lose the momentum and the upper hand in this.

Alison, your mother is giving you bad advice that is going to harm your position, I hate to say. You have the advantage right now, but will lose this leverage - and credibility - if you don't expose it at work. It will give them time to regroup once again.

OWH offered to have his attorney send tape to attorney, right? Take him up on that, get it reviewed, and go from there.

Okay, bottom line. He did not mention divorce this evening at all. He was just defending his affair. I understood that and just played it cool So, I think he may be beginning to realize what he has to lose...

Alison,
Okay, play it out for us. What EXACTLY about exposing at work are you not wanting to do, or feeling led to do?

I mean, it's not tattling, and you can't INSIST that they DO anything about it. You can call their mutual boss,and/or the HR dept, and say, "This is Alison, WH's wife. I'm fine how are you? Well actually, the reason for my call is that it has come to light that my H and Skanky-lady (you don't really call her that) are involved in an affair. I am trying to save my marriage. I have already discussed the matter with Skanky-lady's husband. She is married, he is married. Are there any company policies regarding this behavior? This affair isn't appropriate in the workplace (here's where you plug in any conflict of interest or anything that could pose a legal issue for the employer) and I need to know what you are going to do about it."

Being in HR myself, I would recommend that you have an idea of what you WANT done about it... many times the employer feels their hands are tied. YOU may need to provide them the solution, depending on the size of the company and the company policies. Many companies will not fire anyone for this type of behavior unless it is a forbidden boss/subordinate situation. BUT YOU WON'T KNOW UNLESS YOU ASK.

How am I doing here, MelodyLane?

Longhorn, OWH was actually very hesitant to tell me anything about the tape but I manged to pull out of him that they were in his car at his office and that the attorney said there was enough to "covnict" - Whatever - you know what I mean..

Not mentioning a divorce does not mean he is considering ending the affair.

Use your head, Alison. Think back over this.

He will not agree to no contact. He was stil defending her tonight by saying that her H thinks you are nuts.

Will you be happy with him beig married to you and having a girlfriend?

Would you rather have an unemployed husband or a cake eater with a hefty paycheck?

You decide.

I am a little confused right now, so I am not sure what I want. I know I want the truth, but nothing has lead me there so far - I don't even feel like I got it from OWH. Should I believe what my H tells me about the tape or should I believe OWH?? Seriouly - I know a lot has gone in in the last 24 hours, but who do I believe, and what do I do??

Ok and as far as the work thing, I am just struggling with it...I just don't feel good about it and I have to go with my gut - that is what lead me here in the first place...

I think you should shut the computer off and go get some sleep. A lot has happened today and you deserve a good night's rest.

Hmmmm, let's see . . . your husband has lied to you for months, right?

You think tonight he decided to be honest with you?

Come on, Alison, you are smarter than that. We have seen that today.

Mel is right about the job. If she is going to keep working there, your husband needs to find another job anyway. Do a search on here for people whose WS still works with the OP. See how hard that is.

Longhorn is right. Get some rest. Tomorrow you may wake up feeling much more confident one way or another.

Good night, Alison.

I know, but like someone said earlier, it is like a tornado with all this crap coming at me and I just am twisting and not sure what is coming at me.

Yeah, but also remember that I said your WH is in the tornado, you are the ONLOOKER. Don't get pulled into it!

I'm sorry Alison for sounding so tough on you. You have had a lot thrown at you. You really are doing a good job. We just do not want you to lose the ground you have conquered today.


The game is going into another overtime. Guess we are staying up a while longer.

IAM SORRY - He just called to tell me that he spoke to OW , BLAH BLAH BLAH. And I said, that's fine - I knew you would. He said I divuldged all this info to OWH and now after all this OW knows more about H's and my situation than she evr new before...

Conversation started to get Very heated and I just said, "I am going to argue with you, goodnight." I hung up. I cannot deal with it right now.

BTW - I did tell him that i was trying to do this because I still believe in us and that I wanted to be him #1 woman, blah blah blah - all Plan A stuff - so please know I am trying...

Sorry for the overtime... I am not so sleepy..

Alison, I think moveforward is talking about the football game! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sorry he called back, he didn't get the response he wanted when you were being a cucumber. He's just got to keep trying to egg you on.

Hey, maybe she is thinking your husband is not such a good catch anymore since she and her husband know so much about ya'll.



Darn, the game is going into triple overtime. I may be up with you for a while Alison.


You are going to make it Alison.

Do you have some wonderful bubble bath? Go fill up the tub and soak away the stresses of the day.

OOOhhh - I think I am tired and I think I am going to bed, I will let you all know if anything transpires.

Thank you ALL again for your support and your guidance...

God will lead me on the right path, I know he will. I am praying, I know you are too, and I thank you!!