You shouldn't accomodate his denials by avoiding the truth of his affair. You don't need his admission to accept what you both know is true. You don't have to even ASK him if he is having an affair, you should simply present it as a foregone conclusion.

And please - how do I respond when he denies denies denies - he gts so angry with me when I say anything about Traci being in his life..

OOPs - sorry Melody - typed at the same time I guess. Okay then I will just b kind, calm, and distant. Warm home, warm wife... And looking gorgious as always!!!

H is king of LB's.. All of them... Not annoying habits (execpt for the WH*ORE)... I guess My take on the Lb's after reading them was a bit diffrnt... I guess I feel H may see it as a direspectful judgement.. B/C I am judging him basd in his behavior - he gets so angry and annoyed with me about it...

No, he doesn't see it as a disrespectful judgement. It annoys him because it is a TRUE FACT. That is not a lovebuster. Again, you shouldn't accomodate his deceit.

OK - point wll taken. I guess I still hav a ton to learn about LB's... I will do my best and work him hard.

Do you think there is any way to get him back into our home??

I think there is if you fight the affair. But exposure has to be part of that fight. You can't fight it if you continue to help them by keeping their secret.

Allison:

The focus should be completely on YOUR BEHAVIORS.
YOU do not want to LB. He is a WS and will continue to be a WS with his LBs and worse.

Being DISTANT is not a part of PLAN A. It is important to focus on meeting HIS primary ENs. If one of his needs is AFFECTION, YOU DO WANT TO TOUCH HIM.....

At this point, you will not know that your actions are being affecting him. However, what you are doing is being imprinted in memory. He will want you to STOP BEING EFFECTIVE because he wants to continue with his A. He wants to continue his drug fix and get you off track.

There SHOULD NOT BE A LOT OF DISCUSSION ABOUT TRACI. This is not about TRACI. This is about YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM rignt now.

Mostly light conversation should be occurring... A lot of conversation about your history and your baby..

Face it..He will continue to deny the A..He will do a lot of disgusting things..

THE FOCUS IS ON YOU. THIS IS YOUR PLAN. HE HAS NO PLAN...

He is a FOGGY, CONFUSED, DRUGGY....

Ditto what Mimi said, this is not the time for DISTANCE. This is the time for ATTRACTION.

And she is right that there should not be alot of talk about Traci, but don't pretend like he is not having an affair or act like you accept his denials. That only reinforces his fogginess and you don't want to do that.

Agree with Mel.

When HE BRINGS UP TRACI, label her for what she is..don't deny her existence...

Then get back to being your ATTRACTIVE SELF....

Oh dear, okay. I can do this, I can do this... I am sure he will want to see DD tomorrow morinig, so I will be bright eyed and bushy tailed.

When he confronts me about the more xposre that I did, how should I respond?? Should I say that I am trying to get our friends to help save you and save our marriage???

Should I do things like take him lunch at work, or is that just going overboard?? I usd to make brownies for his employees - should I do that?? I do want him to remember what an amazing woman I truly am... And darn it - I am..

I am trying to remember all the nice and wonderful things I used to do for him - he did none for me, but that is not the point. Should I send him cards like I used to. Send him pictures of our DD... I know when I send him pics that he sends them to Traci....

I don't want to go ovrboard, but I do want him to remember what h is giving up...

OOOHHH - but all of this exposure is making him hate me and think that I am a nutbag - so would that take away his good memories of me???

YES! Definitely do the things you used to do.

Don't worry about going overboard.

Exposure will gain his RESPECT and show the UGLINESS of the A..bursting the FANTASY BUBBLE...

He will RECALL AND APPRECIATE the MEETING OF HIS EMOTIONAL NEEDS..that is the KEY to this..

Mimi

TJ - Can I get a little help on Heidi's thread?

back to your regular programming.

Mr. W

I'll check in on Heidi later..

Going out for awhile...

Okay - so he caught an earlir flight and came right over - Duhhh - but anyway. Great night. No Lb's and total meeting of En's all night. I am doing my best . He can see it.. I know he can...

Spoke about work. spoke about the wekend. He askd me if I was worrried - I said yes. He said please Ali - don't worry - no sarcastic afce, not thing from me, just sort of an okay - I trust you sort on Bullsh*it...


He kissed me - a bit forcefully on my part, but I don't care.

We set boundries for this week... I am going to trust him (whatever) to be honest with me, and he is going to trust me to not tell anyone else about what is going on (again - whatever)...

I was good - calm, smart, gorgious, totally let him know that we can do this and it is so worth it. Amazing marriage potential. I told him I will do what it takes to make the marriage work, but I also needed a commitment from him as well. He told me he would go to MC in one month. i had origionally said 2 weeks - he said a month - then I said 3 weeks, then I damn gave in to a month. I think maybe I will jsut make it 3 weeks - he probably won't even notice the difference...

How am I doing. I don't feel anything right now except that he doesn't give a crap about us... He faught me soooo hard when I tried to kiss him... I know I did NO LB's and I definitley met tons of EN's, but why do I feel like everything is worse???

"We set boundries for this week... I am going to trust him (whatever) to be honest with me, and he is going to trust me to not tell anyone else about what is going on"

YIKES!

Yeah... I wouldn't have agreed to that. The boundary you're talking about just protects the affair.

I know - neither one of us trusts each other, but can we try to start somewhere?? He told me that he has a happy our with Traci's offic on Friday - thats cool... Nice of him to tell me... but what am I supposed to think about that?? Why is he telling me that??

I know - I didn't really know what to say... I don't need to tell anyone about anything, but I could have his [censored] followed on friday...

I did ask him out on a date on Saturday - he said yes... Should we do it??? I think so...

I want to make it very special... gotta think...

Am I being totally dumb??