Harmonie,

Glad to hear from you today ,but sorry you are home with a sick kid, and you are coming down with it too. it never fails. We have been having a very strange winter here in CT and the Northeast. It was bitter cold last week, and now it is in the high 40s, sunny, and will be 55 tomorrow. So of course my kids will be sick due to the change in the weather. I almost wish it would just get cold and stay cold. No, not really. I hate winter too.

Hey, good going on the sexy thong!! I was also a thong virgin until after DDay (well, I had a few, but they got relegated to the back of the drawer). I'm sure your H will appreciate the effort and will be surprised...that is what we are going for here, right? I haven't gone shopping yet, but will buy something that he would not expect me to buy, so I'll let you know what I find....

While we are on the thong topic, I have worn them now around the house under sweats/pajamas/etc (You know, it's hard to wear sexy pjs w/ kids in the house). He has noticed and commented. I even found some of them to be comfortable once you get used to it. But haven't worn them out of the house--I'd feel too self conscious, I think...

Really good to hear about your H approaching you with concern and asking you how you were feeling. I think your talk on the weekend helped him and you are now building a bridge to the future. That is a great sign.

Have a good day and make sure you rest too.

Hey girls,
Just got back from shopping>wanted something new to wear tonite.

Mamafish,good luck tonight.I know the question may seem dumb,but if they help you who cares.I too would come up with dumb things too.Things that did'nt even matter.As long as they put your mind to ease and let you move on then ask.

Harmonie, Hope you feel better and your little kiddo.I too hardly ever wore thongs.Don't like them.I like when my H comes to me to ask if i'm okay,and most of the time when i'm not he trys to figure out if i' just tired,or if i'm sad.I know we does'nt like to go this route,because he does'nt want to know i'm feel sad.At times i can hide it other times i can't.

Well girls, i have alot of cleaning to do.Then i have to dress up for my concert.I hope i look pretty enough for him.

I'll try to ck back in later.If not have a great night.I'll be back tomorrow.

#1mom

Numberonemom,

OF COURSE YOU WILL LOOK PRETTY ENOUGH FOR HIM!!!!!

{Please don't think that way....You are the one he wants to be with and he is attracted to you....it's all in the attitude).

Have a SUPER time tonight!

Good morning Gals,

Number1Mom, How was the concert?? I was thinking of you last night, and I hope you had a good time. We did not go to MC. My H has a bad cold and cancelled it. Not rescheduled as of yet. I have some work to do myself with my questions list. Loy has suggested that I make a timeline of what I know about the A and let him fill in the blanks. This is going to take some time to do but I think it will help.

Will check back later to see if you come on line. If we miss each other, have a good weekend!

Well, Moms, I just thought I'd bump this up a bit. These boards are very BUSY today...

I am planning to do alot of MB and talking with H this weekend. I have printed out a quiz for Midlife Crisis, because I really think that it describes him to a tee, along with that whole Rescue syndrome thing. It's all in that same post.

Wish me luck, and some quiet time with H. We will be going to church on Sunday for sure. We missed last week and definitely had ups and downs this week.

Have a great weekend!

Hey Mamafish,

How are you? Sorry i missed you Friday.I was waiting for all sorts of calls.Could'nt keep the line busy.
Anyway the concert was OMG AWSOME.He had such a great time.We sang every song.The two singers even went around to all the tables.AWSOME AWSOME AWSOME.

How was your weekend?Did you get to church?I hope so.I keep saying i'm gonna go.I think i just like staying in bed with hubbie.

How about those MB questions.Sorry to hear your H was sick.Is he better.Hopefully no one else caught it.

I had a nice weekend too.We did'nt do much.Which was nice.My H worked on the bathroom some more while i cleaned.He helped with dinner and the dishes.This just makes me so happy.

I am on day nine with no tears.I think this is the longest.I really hope i am getting there.I hope i jumped off this fence for good.I know i will still have bad days.I just hope they are months apart.I am so proud of me.My H is too.It makes him happy to see me happy.

I am in the process of printing are posts.It is taking forever.So many pages.I'm trying to delete the top half of the pages.You know the stuff we don't bother to look at.Theres just so much here.I really hope he reads it.I think talking to you and Harmonie has helped.I told him it really just the two of us with Harmonie being so busy.I hope she finds more time so we can help her.

Have things started getting easier yet?I know they will.I wished it did'nt take so darn long.

Well i will go for now but i will ck back around ten or so.

#1mom

Hi Girl,

I am so glad that you had a great time at the concert. I knew you would. That is awesome!

Well I have some good news...My H got that job that he wanted!! He went for the interview Friday afternoon and thought he got it. He had a good feeling about it. Well the agency called him later and said that he got it and can start next Monday Jan 30th....We are soooo happy! So that was a good start to our weekend. This is such a load off of us financially, and also emotionally, because he wants to provide for us and show me that he is committed to it.

So, we did not do MB because we were just busy with other stuff, and keeping the good feelings going from the job. We did go to church yesterday and were early, which was nice. We have been late the last few times. Our son was able to start in the childrens' program (they had a break while they were redoing the room) so that was good. And the pastor started a program called In the Zone, which is all about making plans for your life. The next few weeks, he is going to talk about this. It was basically about how you can talk all day long about things, but you need a plan to do it. We almost did MB last night but then just relaxed instead. I am going to approach this again along the lines of creating a plan, as the pastor said so that we can move on with it.

I know what you mean about staying in bed with H on Sundays. Believe me it is hard to get up and out for 9:30 with 3 kids. But it is worth it. We have met a lot of very nice people and I really feel that God is working for us now. They are even having a Men's Breakfast in a couple weeks and the topic is how to be a better husband / father, and how to have the best Valentines Day ever. I told H that I wanted him to go and he said he would like to if he doesn't have to work that Sat.

Congrats on your Day 9...that is wonderful...I didn't cry all weekend. I am just so glad about the job. Now we can move on a bit, I know that was preoccupying his mind. I know that talking to you and Harmonie has helped me alot. We are all in different stages, but have good advice to offer. Sometimes I know what I should do, but it takes someone else to make it sink in. It's like you can't see it for yourself, but when you are trying to help someone else, it's very clear.

Printing this all out will take a lot of time. I tried to copy and paste some threads on Friday but the background printed too. I wish they had a Print button on here. I ended up just printing it all out. Waste of paper and ink, but oh well.

I printed out a Midlife Crisis test for H and left that for him today. I think he was going through one last year and that is what contributed to the A. I read on the website for it that if your H tells you that she meant nothing to him , believe him. So, that helped me to realize that there may not be anymore to it.

I am working on my questions and timeline w/ Loy (have to check to see if she posted since Friday_). She has told me that my H may not be ready to share everything yet, but that I need to make him feel safe with what he does share, so he is not afraid that I am going to explode on him. I am doing pretty well on this aspect. We were in the car yesterday and talking about opening up a new bank account at a new bank, and which bank should we go to. I mentioned one (Bank of America) that he said that he didn't want to go to because he didn't want to deal w/ them. We mentioned some others and I came back to the Bank of America. He said, well, She banks there, so I didn't want to go there...I said, oh in that case, never mind. We won't bank there again. I told him thanks for letting me know the reason why (otherwise I may push on BOA and not realize why he didn't want to go there). So I think that helped reinforce the idea that he can talk about it.

Well, I gotta get to work. I'm glad that you had a good weekend at home, that's the nicest thing I think, just a quiet weekend. No drama. we have had enough drama in our lives....

Will check back later, hey did you get any snow? We got rain here but a bit north they got a few inches of snow.

Oh, another thing, have you been getting those Good Morning emails? How do you like them?

helo Mama,

I did it again,had a page and lost it.That drives me crazy.
Congrats on hubbies new job.I am so happy for you.Now which job is this one?Hopefully close to home and with day hours.I hope you two can find the time to get those questions done before he starts.Even if you have to take a day off.This might be nice to do.No children.It could be the last chance for a while.I know you want to take time when your son is home.Right now this could be more important.Think about it.

I do not get a e-mail once a day.I must of signed up for the wrong thing.I get something once a week.I think i would like the one you get better.Sounds inspring to get something everyday.

Glad to hear you won't be banking at Bank of America.It sucks anyway.I was glad to hear your H opened up and said why he did'nt want to go there.That was a step.Just keep up the communication.

I did have a easy weekend.I usually bus tables with a friend Thurs-Sat only a few hrs a night.The money is nice so i have been doing it for a while.Hopefully not to much longer.Anyway,i missed Thurs because of the concert.Then on Fri i had such a flare up with my RA that the Dr put me on a high dose of predisone for a week.My H talked me into staying home.He said we did'nt need the money that bad.We ended up in bed at 6:30.Just lying there watching tv.It was so nice.The kids watched there own things.They left us alone for the most part.It was so nice.Later he turned to me and said he was greedy and just wanted me home for himself.It was a great night.

I'm glad you had no tears to shed this weekend.I hope thats a plus for you.I hope you realize alot sooner than i did.that we can move on and be happy.To stop letting stupid things hold us back.Maybe as long as i took is normal.I see people heal alot sooner and then i see people that it takes years.Then when they look back they probally realize they could of been happier alot sooner.For me i knew months ago that i would be happy for the rest of my life.I just had to let it happen.Why did i dwell on the past for so long.Try not to do this.Please don't let the past waste anymore time on the future you so longed for.

It's funny giving advice,advice you wished you followed so long ago.I see myself telling people what to do, how to handle things.Yet i did'nt listen myself.

So what are your plans for tonite?I have none what so ever.Stay home.Stay warm.Yes we did get snow.Only about two inches.To much in my book.

Well i will ck back later.
#1mom

Hi #1mom,

Sorry to hear that you had an RA flareup. The good part is that your H wanted you home to take care of you (think Knight in Shining Armor--LOL). It must be nice that the kids are old enough to be on their own for a while so you can be alone together. Let him take care of you and he will feel needed.

This job is the one in RI. It's about an hour's drive BUT it is days (7:30 - 3:30) and is more money than the casino. There may be Overtime, but only till about 5 pm, and maybe a Sat morning. I can live with that. We will both be getting home at about the same time if he works late. If he works regular hours, he will be home before us and will make dinner. He will be leaving early in the morning, but that is OK. I just am used to him being home at nights now and so are the kids. He does not want to go to work at any casino--I mentioned applying at the other casino nearby last week, and he said he didn't want to work at a casino anymore, regardless of the hours, due to the whole environment. That is a good thing...

He is really excited about the job. This is the one he wanted, right up his alley. the other job would have been an hours drive too only with lots of traffic. This is going the other way so no traffic. Even though it sounds far away when you think that he is going out of the state. He said that the people are much nicer there than in CT(remember how I told you he doesn't like CT people?).

I think that you are doing just fine in your recovery after just hitting one year not long ago. What I read in the Harley stuff is 2 years is the average. I think what you are going through is normal. There will be bad days, but it will be longer periods in between them. Some people heal faster than others. Sometimes I think that if H had a true ONS (someone he didn't know and never saw again ever), I could heal faster. But, then again, I would be more afraid that it could happen again because it was so anonymous, if you know what I mean.

I try to think of this as a blessing in disguise, that now we realize what we could have lost, so we are in a better place in our marriage as a result. Sometimes I think about what I would say to OW if I met her. I used to think that I would tell her that she could have had him to herself if she had contacted me while it was going on. Now, I think that would be the wrong thing to say. I would say something like, Thank you for showing my H that he truly loves me and wants to be with me and our children for the rest of his life. Thank you for showing him that he would not be able to be happy without us, and that he now realizes what a fool he was to ever be with you.

My plan for tonight is to go over our EN answers. If we do that, I will be happy. I like your idea about taking a day off this week. Maybe I could do that. I will mention it to H tonight. You're right, we may not get a chance for a while now that he is working.

I never really make plans to do anything during the week, other than stay home. Even though the weather hasn't been bad. You didn't have that much snow--north of Hartford, they got about 8 inches, so I thought you would have gotten alot more.

Will check back before I leave for the day.

Mama,

If only i could run into this IT.Gee what would i say.I don't think i would have to much.Believe me i could come up with alot.I right now am better than that.Therefore i would say nothing.Just let her see us together,see how beautiful i am compared to her.Let her think to herself what was he thinking with a wife like that,so pretty,so skinney.Thats it he was'nt thinking.Let her think she was a loser.low life,scum.Should i go on.I would'nt have to say a thing.Just let her think it.

I hope your H thinks its a good idea to take a day off.It would be so nice.I hope you do some questions tonight also.Get those answers you must be dying to know.It has to be hard knowing there right there.I think i would of caved in and looked for them already.

I'm glad your H has good hrs.This way even with overtime,you two will still be home around the same time.If possible try to get up with him.I get up with my H everyday.I make his lunch.I also make him cocco for the ride in.I want to do for him as much as he does for me.Even when the kids are off i get up to do this too.

Well i will be back in a bit.
#1mom

You're right. To say nothing at all to OW would be the best. What is that old saying, "living well is the best revenge"? That would be the ultimate, to totally ignore her....yes, we are definitely above that, aren't we? We are not in high school. Gotta take the high road and not stoop to her level.

That is really nice that you get up and make lunch, etc for your husband. I'm sure that he appreciates it. I will get up with him in the morning. I get up early because that is the only time I have to myself. At night, I am too tired to stay up too late. It's the little things that we do for each other that mean alot, I think. My H has taken control of making the coffee. He will ask me at night if I want coffee. That means, we will be staying up later to talk or whatever or SF....I always say yes to that...LOL. We have to relearn how to do these things for each other, even though it seems so simple. You forget things when you haven't done them in so long. Like, how does he take his coffee? How does she take her coffee? We are getting there. I have to keep reminding him that it has been a long time, and we have changed.

For tonight, I just want us to review our EN test answers with each other. That's it. Nothing too difficult. We did them over a week ago, and I want to get that over with. I have asked a couple questions here and there, but nothing too earth-shattering. I am moving slowly on the list of questions. I am kind of putting that on the backburner for right now, maybe we can get to that if I take a day off, or on the weekend.

Mamafish,

Well i did'nt make it thru day 9.We watched the movie (THE NOTEBOOK).We watched this movie about 10 months ago and it made us both cry.This past month my H bought me the book.I read it these past couple of days.When i was finished i was excited.I wanted to watch the movie.We tryed at times to watch it but always turned it off within minutes.This time we watched it all the way thru,i muct of been in tears almost the whole time.When it ended i went to the bathroom,dried my tears and went back in to the bedroom.My H was at the end of the bed in tears.We both laid there and cried.He knew i was upset thru out the movie.This is a very powerful movie.We just talked about growing old together and having this great power of love between us.

Now i'm back to day one.I think i will get back up there again.I hope to go past day nine.I am going to get stickers for the calender.Nobody but my H and I will know what there for.

How was your night?I hope well.Did you get any questions answered?I bet you can't wait for this new job.What will he be doing?My H is a collection supervisor.He likes to take peoples cars,and there houses.Well he really don't like it.It's his job so he has to do it.He gets to have people arrested too.For writing back cks.He works at a bank.

Well i will go for now.I have to put clothes in the dryer.
#1mom

Hi There,

Well, sorry to hear about your being back to Day one, but I think you have a good reason. I Know that I could not handle watching the notebook, or reading the book. I also think that you probably would have cried anyway, as I know that is tearjerker...but the sticker idea is a good one. I used to like romantic/romantic comedies. Just can't watch them right now. I know what you mean about growing old together. My H says he wants to grow old with me and tell our kids when they get older, how they should never cheat and what a big mistake he made when he did it.

My night was okay. We ended up going to get our taxes done because we got his W2 in the mail, so we didn't get home until 8. It was too late, and I was too tired to even think about the questions. But we did talk about making some plans and me taking a day off this week, like you suggested. He liked the idea of me taking it off and then working on our marriage questions. It's going to be a tough thing to do though because he has to watch our son on Friday afternoon (my mother can't because she has a dr's appt). Thursday morning, he is going to our son's school to do "centers" (work in the class at activities for an hour) so I think I will take Thursday off, he can still go to the school, and then come back. And my mother can watch our son in the afternoon. That is really the only day we can do it because he has a dentist appt tomorrow.

My H is an electronic technician--he will be wiring control panels and machines. At the casino, he was a slot technician--fixed the slot machines when they jammed, installed machines, etc. He is very experienced in working on any kind of machines. He is really excited about starting at this company. A fresh new start. I'm glad, but it is bringing back alot of feelings for me. I always was the type of wife that didn't mind if he would go out with people from work and even encouraged him to be friends w/ his coworkers. No more. I do not want him going out anywhere after work without me. He never used to do this often pre=A (go out w/ friends to watch a game at a bar,etc). Only very occasionally. But starting last year, he would do this more often (so I thought). He would always ask if I minded, but he knew that I wouldn't mind, and that I would say okay. That is not the case anymore.

I know that the A started one year ago this month, right about this time, and it is going to be rough for me. He had been invited to a Super Bowl party then, and now I keep hearing about the Super Bowl and it brings me right back to thinking about the A. So today I am not doing too well. I'm going to close now and get some work done so I can focus on something else.

But I will check with you later this afternoon.

Have a good day!

hey girl,
That is so funny.I ck back here quickley while i was waiting for something to download.I read you did your taxes last night.Thats what i'm trying to do right now on the computer.It just takes forever.

It sounds like your H is very handie.Glad he got to stay with something he liked.

My H was never the type to want to go out with co-w.He did this once and it was three days before his A came out.Now he will never do it again.Even going to parties for woek will be hard.

Thursday sounds like a great day to take off.Maybe you can make a nice lunch.So when he gets back from the school you can enjoy it together.

Well i want to go back to my taxes.I have a feeling i might have to do it on myy moms computer.This one is way to slow.

Be back later.
#1mom

Hi there,
I'm checking in now. My H was also not one to go out w/ coworkers. He always kept work and home separate,until he worked at the casino. I also never go out w/ coworkers after work. I think once about 2 years ago right before a holiday, we got let out at 4:30 instead of 5 and we went to a restaurant for a drink right then. I left at 5 to get the kids. I don't think H will be asking to go out anyway, but I am going to explain to him how I feel about it beforehand, so there are no misunderstandings. I never was jealous and never wanted to be the kind of wife that would not let their H go anywhere without them. Now I know why some women are like that. They have a reason behind it. I have my reasons now. I think alot of the times he said that he was out w/ coworkers, it was just an excuse to be with her. But he says that sometimes it was true. At this point, I can't go back through every time, I just accept it that it wasn't always with her. But it was because of her enough times.

I am having a rough day now. He called me and was LB'ing me big time. We needed a form for our taxes that I had to look up online. He started being very sarcastic w/ me when I said that I was busy and working with my boss, and hadn't had the chance to do it yet (I think it was about 10:30-11). I had to hang up on him. I just couldn't listen to his comments. I haven't called him back and he hasn't called me.

I am going to post a thread asking how do you handle the FWS's LBs when they don't realize they are LBs. or something like that. I started to write a letter but then it just goes off the track to the A. And I don't want that. He was going to go to a prayer meeting at church tonight and I hope he does. He just does not realize that I am not the same person that I was pre-DDay, and that I am not going to tolerate the way he talks to me sometimes, just because he is used to it, or he is upset about something.

I am still going to take Thursday off, even though my stubborn side is telling me not to. I am going to take it off anyway.

So, if you have any advice on this, let me know. I want to be calm and maybe just give him the section on Love Busters since he hasn't read any of that yet. I just feel like he is going back to the way he treated me before the A, and even during the A. I think during the A he would talk to me like that to justify the A, and why he was not home (typical fog babble that I know about now). I am just not going to tolerate that now. Not after everything we have been through.

Will check in again. Going to post this now.

Hi again,
Just wanted to let you know that my H just called to apologize. I guess he is learning, slowly but surely. He is running low on his antidepressants and is trying to space them out until we get on my insurance. So I feel better now. Glad that I'm taking Thursday off.

I posted that question I told you about. And I changed my signature--too hard to keep up with DD's age by month!

hi there,

Maybe he does'nt realize what he is saying,or how it is coming across.Maybe we as BS take things the wrong way.Its hard to tell at times.Have you called him back yet?Maybe this is something you should do.I know its hard.I just think maybe he feels dumb now for getting upset.Its hard when we are in this situration and having a bad day all at once.It's like you have to think before you speak.

I don't have to much advice to give.I have to go back and read the part on LB.I have been very careful and i think my H has been more careful than me.If i think about it we never hardly fought before his A.I mean never.This could of been are problem.Since we did'nt fight we never knew if something was wrong.We never fight still.Now i will every now and then ask questions.Like have i done anything that could be done differently.Am i doing this right or that right.I was even afraid to try to tell him how to cook.I wanted to tell him overtime.I did'nt want him to think i was attacking him,or putting him down.I just wanted him to be better at it.He did listen.I did realize he would'nt take it the wrong way.

I hope you day gets better.I know how that works a bad day means a bad night.I'm glad you hav'nt changed your mind about thrusday.It's sounds like you need the day off.Things will come together.

I will ck back soon
#`mom

Mama,
Glad that he called you back and said he was sorry.I know how it is to spread out meds.I do this cause they are just so much.The anti-ds are important.I know when i ran out a while back i did horrilble.I'm glad i did'nt have to go back on them.

That is another hard part.Who will call who first.We know it does'nt matter.We just wait and see who will give in.When we got into our talks about his A,things sometimes would go all quiet we both would stay still until someone gave in.Silly Huh

I also have to change my signature to.I will someday.
I will ck back later.
#1mom

Yes, we are all stubborn, I guess. I have been the one giving in alot of times. Pre-A, we would go through alot of times arguing and then not talking. I try not to slip into that pattern. I tell him I'm sorry and give him a hug.

as for the signature, I meant to change to FWH. Will have to go back and do that.

I have to reread LBs too. I know we need to take that test. When he called, I asked him if he was going to Prayer tonight and he said that he might. I ask him questions about what he would like, or if I should do something differently, and he feels like I ask too many questions (sometimes). I tell him that I'm not a mindreader.

Well I hope that I get some answers from the vets. Even though it is not so critical, it will be good for me to be prepared with a response.

Good Morning,

Hey Harmonie,where are you?Hope your doing well.
Keep us posted.We miss you.

#1mom

Mama,

How are you on this lovly Wednesday.Me so far great.I'm going on day two.I even bought stickers last night.I went back and put them on the other eight days.Something to inspire me.

Did'nt do much last night.Took DD to dance and had to go and get a few things at the store.After wards we read and had a private night.It was wonderful.I think back to all those years we missed out on.Where was the passion.Maybe we were just too young to understand it.

We were talking about trying to save so we could go to disney maybe at the end of next yr.Our DD would be nine and our DS would be fourteen.I was like OMG we met at his age.Pretty scarey.

Did you guys talk at all last night?Tomorrow is Thursday.Are you excited?Did you two make plans once he gets home from the school?I just hope you have a great day.I will miss talking to you tho.I expect big news on Friday.

Hey i have to go.I will ck back later.
Have a great morning
#1mom